“Is done? Waste of time, yes?” said Chrysanthemum, her antennae twitching in irritation.
Vicky’s gaze flicked to Jakira and Mera. Both of their faces were streaked with tears, and when she reached up, she found her own cheeks wet too.
“Oh no! The face leakings!” Chrysanthemum lurched forward, her many limbs clattering nervously against the floor as she cupped Vicky’s cheeks, then darted to Mera, then to Jakira, trying to wipe at their tears with fumbling gentleness. “What is wrong? Why crying? Did this one hurt you?”
Jakira caught one of her hands and pressed it firmly to her chest. “No, love. You didn’t hurt us. We’re crying because… because of what you’ve lost.”
“This one… lost?” Chrysanthemum tilted her head, mandibles clicking in confusion. “But swarm thrives! Duty fulfilled! No losing here!”
Mera let out a shaky breath, her voice breaking. “You gave up everything. Your name, your home, your body, your future. You carried the weight of the whole world on your back for centuries… and you don’t even remember why you cared in the first place.” She buried her face into Chrys’s chest. “It isn’t fair.”
The swarm queen froze, her antennae curling low. For a moment her multifaceted eyes glittered with something uncertain, some flicker of awareness trying to push through instinct and ritual. She hugged them both, awkward but tight, as if afraid they might slip away.
“This one… not like seeing the beloveds in pain. Not like at all.” She looked at Vicky with desperate intensity. “Tell this one what to do. How to fix. Swarm can crush enemies, topple mountains, but cannot stop face leakings. Please.”
Vicky froze, her mind grinding to a halt. She wasn’t sure what to do—what could she do? Alesha had died, or perhaps not died at all, just buried beneath centuries of duty and sacrifice. If Edward really could bring her back… would that mean Chrys would have to vanish?
Her stomach twisted. The swarm queen wasn’t just some hollow shell left behind. She was here. She was so gentle with them, despite her jagged edges and monstrous form. So tender and earnest, endlessly throwing herself into their strange, tangled relationship, making sure they were comfortable, content, fulfilled. She loved them without hesitation, with every part of herself, as though her devotion was the most natural thing in the universe.
How could Vicky not love her back?
She glanced toward Chrys. The great queen’s antennae still twitched with worry, her strange multifaceted eyes fixed on her beloveds as though they were the only things worth noticing in the world. That’s who she is. That’s who I fell for. That’s who holds me when I’m scared, who cares so fiercely it nearly breaks her apart.
Alesha was a hero. A martyr. A woman who had sacrificed everything to protect a world that was never even hers. But the woman who had crawled out of that sacrifice was Chrysanthemum—the one who laughed in broken speech, who carried them all in her many arms, who tried so hard to understand what love meant and gave it back tenfold once she did.
If Edward thought he could bring Alesha back… would that even work? And if it did, would it be right?
Her throat tightened. The answer was simple, even if it tore at her. It wasn’t her choice to make. It wasn’t Edward’s either.
It was Chrysanthemum’s. Always Chrysanthemum’s.
Vicky reached out, brushing her claws gently against the warm, chitinous curve of her lover’s hand, and whispered inwardly, Whatever you choose, my queen… I’ll stand with you.
“Chrys,” Vicky said quietly, her voice trembling at the edges.
“Yes, belovedses?” Chrysanthemum’s antennae perked, her vast frame leaning closer with immediate attention, as though every syllable that left Vicky’s mouth was sacred.
Vicky swallowed hard. She could feel the weight of Jakira’s and Mera’s eyes on her, but it was Chrys’s gaze that pinned her in place. “Edward… he wants you to go into the gene therapy chambers. He thinks he can bring back Alesha—the woman you were before, the one buried inside you.”
She hesitated, the words sticking like barbs in her throat. “Would you… would you let him do that?”
Chrysanthemum’s mandibles twitched. For a long moment she just stared, head cocked slightly to the side, antennae drifting in slow, thoughtful sweeps. Her four eyes blinked one after another. “This one does not understand,” she said at last. “Bring… back? But this one is here. With you. Loving you. Why would belovedses wish this one gone?”
The question landed like a stone in Vicky’s chest.
Both Mera and Jakira watched in rapt attention, their breathing all but halted. Neither dared to move, as if even the smallest sound might shatter the fragile moment. They couldn’t seem to find words—how could they? Every word Vicky spoke felt like spitting out glass, sharp and painful, but impossible to keep down.
“Edward?” Vicky asked at last, her throat raw, her stomach coiled like it wanted to heave again.
“I don’t think you would be gone, Chrysanthemum,” the AI replied, his voice unusually gentle, like he was afraid of frightening her. “Whole would be more like it. Complete. Not fragmented.”
Chrysanthemum’s mandibles flexed. She turned her four eyes slowly toward the others.
Mera’s gaze rose to meet hers, pained but unwavering. “I’ll go with whatever you decide,” she said, voice trembling but steady enough to carry the truth. “I love you as you are—more than I ever thought I could love anyone, anything.”
Jakira looked away, jaw tight, her lip caught between her teeth until it nearly bled. “I feel the same, or… whatever,” she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper. “It’s your body. Your mind. Your choice. I don’t know what else I could say that wouldn’t sound stupid.”
Chrysanthemum turned back toward the blank wall ahead, her antennae twitching in restless patterns, soft insectoid trills slipping from her throat without her seeming to notice. Her body was utterly still, but the quiet noises betrayed the storm inside. The silence in the room grew thick, smothering, as if all of them were waiting for a verdict that might never come.
Her antennae stilled. For a long, dragging moment, she said nothing at all, and Vicky’s chest ached with the pressure of waiting. Then, at last, the swarm queen’s mandibles parted and her voice came, softer than usual, almost fragile.
“This one… does not know what to think. To be two, to be one—this one is afraid.” Her claws flexed against her thighs, clicking faintly. “But this one trusts. Trusts beloveds. Trusts… spirit. If becoming whole means not losing the love… then maybe… maybe this one should try.”
She glanced back at them, eyes glittering wetly in the dim light. “Even if this one forgets some pieces… even if Alesha wakes and Chrys sleeps… will you still stay? Still love whatever comes out?”
Her voice cracked on the last word, a strange, warbling chitter at the edges, as though she wasn’t sure if she was speaking as Chrysanthemum or Alesha anymore.
“Of course!” shouted Mera, the words bursting out of her before she could even think. Her hands were trembling in her lap.
“Uh, yeah. Of course,” said Jakira, her voice smaller, steadier, but her eyes were wet.
“No shit,” said Vicky with a shaky smile, tears streaming down her face. “No fucking shit.” She reached out and brushed the back of her claws against Chrysanthemum’s arm, a small gesture of comfort that felt almost absurd against all that chitin.
The swarm queen blinked her four eyes, antennae curling close. “Then… this one will… finally listen to spirit. Only mind? Not body? Yes? Make whole?”
“Yes, Miss Retania,” said Edward, his voice unusually soft. “I can keep the body as it is. It would take a very long time to undo what has been done otherwise. And should you wish to go back to… how you once were, you could choose that after the process. Nothing is final without your consent.”
Chrysanthemum’s claws tapped nervously against her knees, the sound like distant rain. She looked from Vicky to Mera to Jakira, then back to the AI’s little speaker grille.
“Your choice, Chrys,” said Vicky. Her voice was raw, stripped of everything but love.
A long chittering sigh left the swarm queen. “Okay,” she said at last, her mandibles trembling slightly. “This one accepts.”
She reached out then, pulling Vicky, Mera, and Jakira against her enormous frame in an awkward, clumsy hug of limbs and antennae. Her voice, when it came again, was barely above a whisper. “This one… trusts.”
This one is having many trust <3
TFTC
Gosh I hope things goes well.
SHE'S SO GOOD ;-;
The green lady is a green flag :P
“It’s your body. Your mind. Your choice. I don’t know what else I could say that wouldn’t sound stupid.”
Consent sounds so easy if you put it like this. How are there still so many people who insist they know better than you or me what's best for you and best for me?
Scratch another tally mark on your computer: this one got me crying.
What a point to catch up at, too.
Well, the last two chapters are nearly out! The last one will be posted on the 26th (25th for most of the world)