Pain…

Everyone experiences emotions in various ways, and pain is no different. Be it physical or mental, the tolerance of another person might be greater than or less than another's. And because of this, I was floored by Okabe-san’s response as I sat there with my mouth open. I imagined that we were on the same wavelength of emotions and that she'd jump to be helped… but that wasn't the case. With everyone around her ready and willing to aid her, she accepted the pain and brushed aside her would-be saviors. Her only lifeline to change things around… Okabe-san threw it away…

And it was obvious why…

Likely because she couldn’t bring herself to trust anyone…

And the thought of another person helping her was weakness… To put one’s faith in another person is like standing on the ledge of a building while someone holds a rope, promising not to let the other go. One has to be willing to let go of their own insecurities and allow another person to take care of their vulnerabilities.

Okabe Kasumi… would have rather experienced the abuse than open her heart to another.  

Because the people she was supposed to trust most in the world are the ones that are hurting her, that rope was all but let go a long time ago. Any inkling of trust had all been destroyed long before I met her. Okabe-san fell, and nobody was there to catch her. Okabe Kasumi finally came into view. I was on a different plane of existence than her. My thoughts of help, friends, and companionship… were nothing like hers.

In Okabe Kasumi-san’s world… there was no such thing as trust.

And that hurts me to know that’s how she lives. It hurt so much that I felt like my chest was being torn apart as I watched everything play out. It was as if I was stuck in a pane of glass, witnessing the world torment Okabe-san. At the same time, I stayed safely inside, unaffected by what terrors were happening in front of me. My brow furrowed, and my lips twisted in disgust. Okabe-san and Nagumi-chan had been suffering greatly at the hands of… her mom and dad.

“I see…”

 

 

I mumbled to Linda as the realization set it. I couldn’t understand the level of pain that Okabe-san was dealing with, and that's why I wasn’t getting through to her. That’s why my methods weren’t helping her. Honestly, I was probably more of a nuisance than anything in her eyes. My sorry attempts to help her were causing her more harm than good, causing my stomach to twist as I punished myself. I would have to reevaluate everything I've known and touch this problem delicately. As if hot coal was set on my skin, I felt the heat on my face as tears formed in my eyes…

“Mado-chan…”

Linda whispered as she touched my shoulder. I lifted my head, and thanks to her, I drew back my tears as I shook my head. I needed to focus and stay strong at a time like this. Thankfully, Linda gave me a little bit of her strength, which only strengthened my resolve.

“Can’t we do anything, Taylor-sensei? Y-You know what Okabe-san is saying… isn’t true, right?”

I whispered to Linda, almost pleading with her by this point. I didn’t know how else to express myself but with desperation. Knowing the problem in the situation and not being able to do anything about it made me want to scream in frustration. This wasn’t an emotional event like the trials I'd faced. Someone was being hurt, and the thought of not doing anything to help was twisting my world apart as I watched her get lower and lower in despair. My hands were shaking as I lifted them across my chest. As if someone took a wrench and cranked my heart, the pain echoed through my body.

I… didn’t know what to do…

I didn't know how to help… someone suffering this much. This was a problem I couldn’t face alone… and might not be able to face with a shotgun approach like I used when helping Sophia-san and the nurse in front of me.

"The best thing to do as of now is keeping her company, Mado-chan.”

Linda suggested as she placed her hand on my shoulder. I looked at her, a tad confused. That gentle smile of hers eased my mind just a bit. Linda’s always been good at… easing my worries.

“Okabe-san is scared and likely fears the repercussions of going back home to her mother. So, for the time being, I think it's best you keep her company, and maybe she'll tell you how she’s truly feeling.”

As if a pathway was being shown to me in a dark forest, Linda suggested a way for me to… open Okabe-san up. A pathway to guide me to a better outcome. It was clear that this abuse wouldn't stop anytime soon… unless Okabe Kasumi-san opened up and asked for it. The last time she expressed her feelings to me was out of rage and frustration because I backed her into a corner. Okabe Kasumi-san was different and is like a hard shell that refuses to let others in…

To be able to go through this kind of torment, Okabe Kasumi had to be strong. However, she was vulnerable and needed someone to open up to, despite what she may say. And that’s what Linda is referring to.

I… have to do my best to earn the trust of a girl who has vowed to never trust anyone. That colossal task would be the only way to stop this abuse.

“Right…”

I was doubtful that I could get through to her, but it was the only thing I could do. How would I get into the good graces of someone whose heart is as frozen as a glacier? Would it even be possible to thaw her feelings enough for her to approach me in that way? I pondered these questions until someone interrupted my thoughts.  

“Linda, would you come in here for a moment?”

I heard the head nurse call out to my partner. Linda turned around and called back to her.

“Yes, I’ll be right there.”

Linda replied and turned back to me. She grabbed my hand and wrapped them in hers. She lifted my spirits with a determined nod and a powerful gaze with her fierce outlook.

"Stay here for a moment; I'll be right back. We'll figure something out. I'm sure of it, Mado-chan.”

She let go, but the fire she drew in me was lit because of her reassurance. I did just that as she walked back into the room. With my back against the wall, I sighed deeply. I crossed my arms and began searching the hallway. It was the lunch hour, so there were plenty of students walking about, hanging around and chatting as if nothing was wrong with the world... and that was fine. They were doing all the normal things like high school girls should be. Again, it gave me a wake-up call to how much Okabe-san… is missing out on and the simplicities she deserves.

“You don’t deserve this… nobody does.”

I… began to think of a way that she’d be able to at least experience this level of normality. There had to be a way for Okabe-san to be a high school girl and not worry about things like feeding her sister or making sure she’s being properly watched after…

And that’s when it clicked…

“I think I got an idea.”

I touched my lip as my idea began to form in my heart. A simple way for Okabe Kasumi-san to be, if only for a little while, a high school girl with no worries. But the only way it would be possible was if… she decided to accept my offer. The idea of being rejected by her as possible was something I should anticipate. But if I was going to follow the nurse's orders, my partner Linda, then I think my plan would be the best option.

“Okay… I think I know what to do.”

I waited there for far longer than I expected. The first bell rang, signaling that I had to be in class in the next five minutes. That initial panic started to set in as my moral compass wavered. Should I go back to class and come back when Linda asks me to? Or wait and be late to make sure Okabe-san sees me when they exit. Today wasn't a normal day, and my choices would have big consequences if I made a mistake.

Thankfully I didn't have to choose because Linda and Okabe-san both stepped out of the nurse’s office. When I met eyes with the ivy-haired girl, she seemed to have calmed down along with the swelling in her eye.

“You didn’t have to wait for me, Nakagawa-san.”

Despite how she sounded, the expression on her face looked exhausted. As if someone had put a bunch of weights on her back, she was slumped over. Her hair was a mess, and her clothes were wrinkled. It made me want to hug her, but I knew she'd take that as me looking down on her. So instead, I put my hand behind my back to avoid doing something I'd regret.

“Take her to class, Madoka-san. Thank you for helping us out.”

The nurse nudged me along. At that, we slowly made our way through the halls. Students were making their way to class alongside us as we briskly merged into the crowd. Occasionally, I would hear a few girls mention Okabe-san to each other.

“Someone finally hit her?”

A student said loudly to another.

“I bet she deserved it. Conway-san knocked her good a while back but whoever clocked her this time left a mark.”

Together, they laughed as they continued to mock someone who was clearly down. I looked over at Okabe-san, but she was stoic. I knew she could hear them mocking her… without knowing the truth of what happened to her.

“Ignore them, Okabe-san…”

I whispered to her, but she didn't look my way. I couldn't tell what was going through her mind, and that… scared me somehow.

It’s not like people didn’t know who Okabe Kasumi-san was by this point in the year. In the short amount of time in this school, her reputation was widespread. The majority had pretty much the same impressions of her.

Okabe Kasumi was a backstabbing jerk that nobody should associate with…

And at one point, I wouldn't have defended that because she did the same to me. Okabe-san went behind Mae-chan’s back and taunted me about it. But knowing why she was the way she was… made me angry at myself and those around us who didn't know the truth. The truth is that the girl with the ivy hair and a bad temper was a loving older sister that would do anything to protect her…

Even to the point of putting her body in harm’s way. Okabe-san chose to deal with the physical abuse… so her little sister could be sparred and instead neglected by her father…

“Look at her… she looks like a raccoon.”

 

 

A girl behind us whispered to another, snaring at Okabe-san’s misfortune. I glanced behind us, then back at Okabe-san, only to see her looking at the floor. Clearly, she didn't have the energy to bite back like she normally did. Emotionally, Okabe-san was beaten, and hearing everyone around her gossip about the affairs they have no idea about… was making me upset. Enough was enough, and I straightened my back, ready to engage the girls behind us when…

“Will you girls shut up!”

Those words didn't come out of my mouth even if I wanted them to. Instead, they came from a mini shark that lingered behind them. Okabe-san and I turned around to see Sophia behind the gossiping girls. With one hand on her hip and the fangs of her teeth showing, she continued.

“Can’t you see Okabe-san isn’t doing well? Piss off and get to class before I beat the hell out of you two.”

 

One girl smirked.

“Conway-san defending Okabe-san? What the heck’s going on today?”

They both laughed as they scurried away, leaving the three of us in the hall alone. They were like little mice running from a cat with blonde hair. So-chan let out a long-drawn-out sigh. I eased up, and it only confirmed that I have… friends I can rely on.

“So-chan… thanks.”

I let out a sigh of relief too. Okabe-san still had her head towards the floor, but she stopped walking and stood there. After a bit of time, she lifted her head and turned to Sophia-chan with confusion. Her lips twisted as she crossed her arms and held her body.

“…”

She attempted to speak but instead looked away. It looked like she would rather hide underground and be cast away from the world than accept help from Sophia-san. That was expected, though, because they'd had a strained relationship for a while. So-chan made her way to class without saying anything else, leaving Okabe-san and me outside the door to our class. Sophia-san could read the mood and skillfully made her exit after saving the day.

That showed me… just how cool she can be at times.

“Hey, Okabe-san…”

I turned to her, who still looked out of place. It was like someone dropped her off in the middle of nowhere, and she was just going with the motions, acting like she belonged here in this school. After a moment, she turned to me and tilted her head like her brain had just registered that I called out to her.

“What is it, Nakagawa-san?”

She asked, voice a tad shaky.

“Later, after school, we’re going shopping for a Christmas party tomorrow…."

She gave me a milelong stare as if I was wearing two pairs of glasses on top of each other. After a bit, she seemed to have caught on to what she was doing and spoke up.

“So what?”

"Ah… well, many of us were going to head to the shopping district, and I'm not sure if you work tonight, so…."

“You and who else, Nakagawa-san?”

“Mae, Sophia, Yuko-chan, Hana-chan, and her friend, Sora-chan. You know, the one with the red hair from the cultural day? Takade-san and Saya-san are coming along too.”

After I laid out the list of people, I put my hands behind my back and asked as sweetly as possible, doing my best to open up to her.

“Ah… would you like to come with us, Okabe-san?”

“No… I don’t want to hang out with you or your friends.”

She replied coldly. However, I wasn't ready to give up as I put my hand behind my back, closed my eyes, and brought out the sweetest voice I could.

“I-I think Nagumi-chan might like it, though. Don't you think? We’re going to have lots of food too.”

I could see her eyes lower as I pressed on.

"Maybe… I thought that…."

“You thought wrong then, Nakagawa-san.”

It was like she plunged a knife into me. At first, it hurt being turned down so rudely, but I stopped my feelings and reminded myself of something important…

Okabe-san was doing this as a lone-wolf defense mechanism. At all costs, I needed to get her to stop seeing me as another enemy… and as someone she could trust. The abuse that she suffered today might not just be a black eye the next.

“Well…”

I attempted again. Okabe-san's face was stoic as she looked to the side. I could tell she was guarded by my kindness. In a world where one has to be shielded from her feeling to not be hurt, I could only imagine that she was constantly struggling.

“Okabe-san… I think you need a break. I-I…”

I sighed as I brought out the feelings rummaging in my heart. Despite Okabe-san not being the kindest of people to me… understanding the reasons for her hostility opened a new side to her that I needed to break out. As Linda mentioned, that’s the only way for me to… help her.

“I think it would be nice for us to act like high school girls every now and then, don’t you agree, Okabe-san?”

I faced her and looked her in the eyes. Instead of trying to sweetly speak to her, I straightened my back and faced her head-on. Those pained almond-shaped wonders stared back at me. It was then, despite the black eye and pain on her face… I noticed something that didn't strike me before about this first-year girl...

I could see her small and vulnerable side through her stoic look… and it struck me how striking she was. The cruel, rude, malicious Okabe-san looked honest. She showed what was in her heart and didn’t mince words. If she wasn’t dealing with this abuse at home and Okabe-san and Nagumi-chan had a normal family situation… I wouldn’t doubt that we’d be friends. Maybe even the kind that would share makeup and have sleepovers…

But that was still possible…

Something within me told me that if I fight hard enough… that might be the case in the future. After a bit, Okabe-san broke eye contact with me as I pleaded with her in a whisper. Students walked by us, and I didn’t want them to overhear us. However, the glaring black eye wasn’t easy to ignore as they looked our way.

“Please… Okabe-san? I… I want to get to know you better.”

I confessed to her. Her eyebrow raised slightly, and the ivy-haired girl bit her lower lip. She gripped her skirt and shook her head for a bit. I wasn't sure what was going through her mind until finally, she answered me.

“Fine… but we have to go pick up my little sister before we go wherever you guys are going.”

She clenched her fist and turned away. After inhaling loudly, she turned back to me.

“Ah… N-Nakagawa-san…”

A tear fell down her cheek, and it caused me to approach her to find out what was wrong.

“What’s wrong?”

I whispered to her. Okabe-san sighed, then struggled to tell me.

“M-My mom took my m-money this morning out of my room. S-So I don’t have any… money to feed Nagumi.”

She swallowed and tried to continue, but I stopped her before she could push herself further.

“Don’t worry about that. You don’t have to say anything. I'll ensure Nagumi-chan gets food while we're there.”

She shook her head in frustration.

“N-No, I don’t want her to get sp-spoiled... It's all stupid. I shouldn't have said anything, Nakagawa-san…."

Between sniffs and coughs, Okabe-san attempted to gather her composure. Slowly, I reached out my hand and touched hers. The coldness of her fingers woke me up to how much she's been through. I'm sure she wasn't actually cold, but the feelings around her made it seem that way. I couldn't understand the full story, but it sounded like her fight with her mom started with her mother… stealing from Okabe-san.

The money she makes at the Red Roses isn't for her… it's for Nagumi-chan. So effectively, her mother was stealing from Nagumi-chan, not Okabe-san.

That's cruel… especially when she works to feed her little sister. If Hana-chan was in that situation, I would be beyond upset, too, and there's no doubt that I would confront that person...

Even if it resulted in her being physically abused, Okabe-san would fight for her little sister until the bitter end.

“You’re a good sister.”

 

I reassured her. As we stood outside the classroom, the bell rang, and we were late. But I was sure under the circumstances, Takanaki-sensei wouldn’t mind.

And…

For the first time today…

Okabe-san gripped my hand, showing me that she still had the drive to fight back against this cruel world.

And I could say that she was indeed… warm.