"Lily, are you ready?”
“Y-yes master.”
Lily lied on a bed, trembling a little. It was a couple of days after the wedding, and Julia was currently preparing for a ritual she had already done once before. And she was not expecting to ever perform it again. After all, it was a ritual that could be performed only once in a lifetime.
“Kana, are you sure it will work?”
“Yes, master.”
Kana said in her emotionless voice while placing various items mostly made of gold. She then channeled her mana into each of them. Once that was done, she stepped back from the bed.
“Here goes nothing.”
Julia took a deep breath and began chanting. Her crimson mana was manifesting between her hands. fully concentrating on Lily laying in front of her. With each passing second that passed, Julia got more and more nervous. What if it doesn’t work?
“You can do it.”
Nemi and slightly anemic-looking Olia placed their hands on Julia’s shoulder reassuringly. Both of them knew what this ritual meant for Julia, so they earnestly wished for it to go well.
Once Julia accumulated enough mana in her hand, she used it to draw several runes on Lily’s body. drawing a few last into a magic circle she draws on Lily’s neck.
“This might hurt a little. But try to bear with it.”
Lily nodded as she prepared for what was to come. Julia took another deep breath and bared her fangs. biting Lily in the neck.
…
The gentle, cold autumn wind carried the last few leaves off the trees. carrying them far through the air. People did their best to escape the wind, which, despite blowing so softly, could only be a nuisance to them. And so, people hauled wood in preparation for the upcoming winter, which seemed to be going to be the coldest in the century.
Other than that, it was all a peaceful, quiet morning. only occasionally disrupted by the footsteps of the city guard, who had doted winter clothes in advance. But that was it. The world was peaceful.
“Give it back, or I will tell mom!”
“No, it’s mine now!”
“I said give it back!”
The tranquility of the world, however, didn’t seem to reach the royal palace.
In a room decorated with a variety of luxury items, two silver-haired girls were having an argument over a toy. The two looked almost completely the same. However, one was hovering above the ground and was see-through.
The two argued over an hour about a doll they found. One of the girls, the hovering one, claimed it to be her old doll. while the younger of the girls insisted that it was hers since she found it.
Each of them was convinced of their own right. So neither wanted to step back. And even though the older one threatened to tell their mother, She didn’t do so far. mainly because she had suspicions that her younger sister would get her way if she did.
Their argument dragged on and on…
…
“Oh, my. Is it really so bothersome to make some time for your poor old mother?”
In different parts of the palace, a silver-haired vampire lady said with a sigh as she put down a teacup. On a chair opposite her sat a lady closely resembling the first one. Except for her hair, which had a slight shade of blond in it.
“May I remind you that you are the one who duped the burden of ruling on me?”
With an annoyed smile, the current ruler of vampires, Julia Leranpe, addressed her mother.
Just like any other day, today they too argued about the lack of time they had spent together. which Julia considered ridiculous as they lived in the same place and were “accidentally” meeting all the time. And yet her mother was complaining.
“I already had the crown for two centuries. Now is your turn.”
“I had it for the tree, so take it back.”
“Previous lives don’t count.”
This woman. Julia clicked her tongue as her mother nonchalantly continued to drink her tea.
“Really, I made all the time for you when you were a baby. I even played with you while working, and I managed just fine.”
Loriam smiled sweetly, like a little girl hiding a prank. Julia merely sighed as she took a biscuit to snack on.
“I already spend most of my time with you when I am not working. And besides, are you not planning to be a grandmother?”
Now it was Julia’s turn to smile as if she pulled out a prank. Contrary to her smiley expression, Loriam’s looked like she had sucked a dozen lemons.
“Now that’s dirty... You know she dislikes me.”
“Maybe it’s a natural disgust to a person participating in a slave auction?”
Julia’s words seemed to cut straight into Loriam’s heart. which made Julia grin. If her mother was going to behave as if Julia was a bad daughter and try to guilt-trip her into spending even more time with her, Then Julia will just bring up Loriam’s failed duty as a grandmother.
“Mommy, Lily is taking my stuff!”
And here comes trouble. Julia sighed for who knows how many times at this point and looked up. There, through the ceiling, an almost transparent girl is sticking through.
"Sure, honey, I will be there in a minute.”
As Julia said so, the girl retracted back through the ceiling.
“No matter how many times I see that, I will most likely never get used to it like you.”
Loriam stared blankly at the ceiling as she muttered. Julia paid her no mind and got up from her seat.
“A mother should love her daughter, no matter what. That’s a lesson from my past.”
Waving her hand, Julia walked out of the room. Loriam shook her head and finished her tea.
“I never said you shouldn’t.”
She murmured silently and looked out the window. Observing the brown leaves being toyed by the cold wind How the time flies.
Walking through the familiar corridor, Julia arrived at the stairs and went to the upper floor. I wondered what exactly those two were fighting over this time. Something stupid, I bet. Julia mentally readied herself and steadied her mind as she placed her hand on the door handle.
Opening the door, she got to see utter chaos. Toys and bed sheets were tossed everywhere. Lily and Mia were arguing next to a messy bed. Suppressing a massive headache, Julia massaged her temples.
“Can the two of you not make a mess every day?”
“But mom!”
“No buts, young lady. Clean it up, this instant.”
Lily got off the floor. And poutingly began cleaning up the mess. Julia would have preferred if Lily had not made such a mess almost every day. She saw Lily clean up the mess she had made. Julia started to wonder why she had changed so much.
Mia didn’t change as much… Shaking her head, Julia crossed her arms and addressed her daughters.
“So why are you arguing about this time?"
“Lily is stealing my doll.”
“No, I found her, so it’s mine.”
And they argue again. Julia let them in for a bit before stopping in.
“Lily, it's your sister’s old doll. And if she doesn’t want you to have it, then you can’t just take it.”
“But-“
Mia was smiling victoriously. While Lily looked like she was going to really cry. Really, when did she get like this? Well, perhaps going from slave to princess would have such an effect?
“If you want a doll, I will buy you one.”
“You don’t have to. We already did.”
From the entrance comes the tired voice of Nemi. Turning to face her, Julia also saw Olia standing there with a doll that looked just like the one Mia and Lily were arguing over. just less old-looking.
“They were arguing for a long time; how did you not hear them?”
Julia scratched her head awkwardly. watching as Olia handed over the doll to Lily. who smiled happily in response.
“Since we had to go outside in this horrible weather, why don’t you make it up to us?”
Nemi smiled suggestively as she pulled Julia into a kiss. Olia, seeing it, got slightly red in the face. Once Nemi pulled out of the kiss, she turned to look at Lily with a soft smile.
“Sweety, could you go to your grandma for a bit? I think she is lonely.”
“I don’t want to.”
Nemi smiled menacingly at Lily, hinting that “no” wasn’t the correct response.
“Come on, sis.”
Luckily for Lily, Mia decided to take on the role of older sister and dragged Lily out of the room. All the while, Lily was trying to free her hand while complaining loudly.
“Now, we have some time for ourselves.”
“Hey! Not fair.”
Olia joined Nemi and linked her arms with Julia’s, kissing her passionately.
Julia was enjoying the moment. She felt like she could have been more with them lately. So, since she had an opportunity now, she decided to make it up to them now.
“Girls, let's go to our room. We shouldn’t be doing it in the kid’s room.”
“Oh, right.”
“My, really, all the sudden.”
Nemi blushed happily. While Olia looked embarrassed. Kissing both of them, Julia led them to their room. dedicated to make up for the lack of time she spends with them. She was going to make sure they all enjoyed the whole night.
Julia hadn’t really thought about it before. But, glancing at her wives and thinking about her two daughters, she was sure that now she would be happy.
Well, that was a trip. It feels strange to have such an abrupt ending, especially because it's so sudden, and you're jumping from one thing to the next. Throughout the entire story it feels like there really was no goal, and what little was being built was completely obsolete at the end. As you said, it is a mistake to write something without thinking it properly. It happened to me too. The best thing is to think about what you want to do with an idea, where all of this is going to go, what weight the protagonist will have, and then write.
My advice? Make a list. It's what I've started doing with every idea I have. A list of how the story will progress. What happens at the beginning, what events follow and that contribute to the plot you want to build, what characters do you know and of those, which ones are relevant, etc. And of course, write down all the ideas you have, no matter how silly they may sound at first, because they are ALL useful. Even if you don't use them, they may lead you to a better idea that works better.
Anyway, thanks for putting an end to it. Many stories don't have it, so it feels good to see a conclusion.
Thanks.
Thx for the chapter and thx for the nice story! @Hiyuuki
As you said yourself it was a story full of problems at times but so what. I and many others enjoyed it and that is what matters in the end i think. I agree with other comments that there are still story arcs that can be written even if it is "complete" but most of all do what your heart desires. If you want to tie up loose ends of the story then go for it and we'll be there to read it most likely .
If not that is also allright. It was a loong journey but one that we will remember fondly. Do you plan to continue writing? Either tie the loose ends of this story or make a new one? You...eh... kinda have a knack for writing obsessive girls and as long as they are the "fluffy" and not the "bloody" kind of obsessive/yandere girls I am all for it (also your descriptions were pretty good so you were good at details just the overall picture/longterm story was a bit hard to keep track of). There are not enough of such stories around and personally I would wish for more.
Thank you again for the story and everything
Sincerely a Avid Reader
(Oh and if you want to do some storyarc unrelated chapters you could try your hand on a few smut chapters)
Thanks. But i dont think smut is something i could wrote properly.
I must say, despite the fact that some of the plot points not being touched upon after a certain point, I am happy to know that you were able to finish your story. Thank you.
thank you for taking the time to read it. i appreciate it
@Hiyuuki You are welcome.
I haven't read through all of the comments so sorry if I repeat anything.
Overall I really enjoy this story. My biggest criticism is that you set up a lot of plots that just got completely forgotten or ignored. You had several chapters that mentioned and followed the progress of an ancient and magical android like character that just abruptly stopped being mentioned after a lot of build up. Then you have the dragon that makes an appearance in a two part chapter who helps restore Julian's memory and she's never seen or heard of again.
Combined with the abrupt ending it leaves a lot of plot holes that have become completely unnecessary threads to the story if it is truly going to end here. You have pointed out a very good fix for avoiding such issues in the future, however.
If you ever get the motivation to work on this story again, but can't think of a way to advance it from here in a way you are happy with I would suggest a rewrite. That way you can flesh out anything you may think needed more focus or detail, add things you think will help, or remove things you feel were unnecessary.
I've seen rewrites where the author has easily double or tripled their story because they found ways to put things in that they couldn't figure out before and made the story even better. On the same coin some have ended up shortening their stories by removing unnecessary sections that ended up making the story more understandable and thus more enjoyable.
As said before though I find this story to be overall enjoyable.
You didnt really repeated anything, so dont worry.
also thanks for the advice. a lot of things were "forgotten" by me because i was only relying on my memory when writing this story. So i usually thought of a way to incorporate some of them but then forgot when I got to writing.
i might try to tie some of the treads, in the near future. though i am not sure.
The text stays black in dark mode (on mobile).
I Wish i knew what to do about it
Ty for the update
And finish the story
tnx
Aww...this was a great journey, sad it had to come to an conclusion at least it's a happy one. Thanks @Hiyuuki
i am glad.
thanks for the chapter and the story, it's is pretty good, there some spelling mistakes here and there but nothing to bad, the story itself was fun to read and it was good yuri. Do you plan on doing extra chapters ?
Thank you. i am not sure if i would do any extra chapters though. mainly because i dont know what they would be about.
@Hiyuuki Fair
@Hiyuuki aren't there still those ancient android Maids that the dwarves unearthed and woke up by accident?
@MoonlightSymphony well yes... do you think i should make an extra chapter featuring them?
they were awakened in chapter 38 and then had another mention in chapter 52 and 65 but were otherwise just forgotten about without any conclusion as to what happened with them. would certainly be a good starting point for another story arc.
@MoonlightSymphony as you say it would made a good starting point for another story arc. Though, given their lore i dont think any story arc featuring Julia would be interesting with them.
if you don't want to start a whole new story arc you could maybe make them a slight problem for the dwarves that woke them up or any other group those Maids might encounter, causing the news of those androids to reach Julia and nika who then might decide to deal with them because they turn out to be something from one of julias previous lives, which could end with Julia having her castle staffed by those android Maids for example or maybe jukia could use them for other things. theres a lot of things you can do with a bunch of battle ready android Maids
@MoonlightSymphony good point. But if i end up writing it, do you think i should mark this story as continuing?
@Hiyuuki dunno that's your decision. you could mark it as complete for now and still add extras later on if you feel like writing more that way you can take your time thinking about everything and write without pressure.
those Maids could also simply have run out of energy if you want to end it with a single extra chapter since I think it was mentioned that the monsters now are too weak and thus have weak cores compared to when the Maids were build, though that could also cause them to search for other energy sources? maybe they start turning people into batteries or just suck their magic out of them? ....weren't elves said to have a lot of magic power? XD
thats all hours stuff that came to my mind just now because it reminded me of a subplot of a game I played once.
a civilization built robots but got wiped out by their robots because the robots turned them into magic gummies because the energy source for those robots were naturally occurring magic gummies but the robots used more than what naturally grew so they had to make artificial magic gummies and it turned out mages were the perfect core for those ^^
@MoonlightSymphony Okay, i will give it a though and see if i come up with something. thank you for this conversation, I apriciate it.
Btw, if you could tell me the name of that game....
@Hiyuuki np ^^ and the game is called Magical Starsign and was for the Nintendo DS https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magical_Starsign
@MoonlightSymphony thnx