The story is good but the grammar makes it go down the drain, 

1: for writing an impactful scene always write in third person that is as an author you are an imaginary god who is looking not experiencing so you narrate the story from your side not from the point of view of the protagonist.

2: only add dialogues for characters that are intense, impactful , romantic or helpful for plot development. E.g-The wind picked it's speed, people all ran to  home with their family only a little boy remaining alone on streets , the body of his mother was cold with no life but he was too young to understand, he huddled with her to keep her warm it was just too cold, he started to freeze just like her mother did last night to protect him. " Don't be afraid mother".

3:stop using "as" too much also use conjunctions only when really necessary too much makes the story immature and boring

Okay, I'll try my best comrade👌