"You know it's been a thousand years since you've come out right? Don't you think it's time to do something else?"

Looking at the deep blue sky, nothing in particular came to mind. As long as I sat on this cliff and watched the scenery of the horizon, I didn’t need anything, nor do I need to be anywhere else.

No, I'm fine as I am.

"Is that so? Then so be it."

All I did was stare at the scenery in front of me for who knew how long? But, not thinking about anything of the sorts and just being there was more than enough for me. This was fine.

***

Of course, that was merely a dream. I’ve been having the same dream so often, I’d begun to wonder if I was meant to be living there. Obviously, I’m not that crazy. Dreams are simply that…Dreams. So, I knew not to take them seriously, although, I can’t deny the saying that dreams can sometimes reflect your daily life and if so, what was the meaning of me, a high school girl, mindlessly watching the scenery on top of a cliff?

I had no friends, that’s true and I knew that for a long time, but something was missing.

Suddenly, my mom barged into my tiny castle, probably to wake me up as always but since I woke up earlier, which happened rarely, she simply told me to get ready and eat breakfast. 

As she left, a weird question just popped itself in my mind.

What is the meaning of life?

After I finished breakfast, mom urged me and my two sisters to leave quickly or we’d miss the school bus, but she was exaggerating as always. Clearly, we had a few minutes before it would arrive, but she continued saying it anyway. 

Stepping a foot out of the house, a blast of cold air hit my entire body. I wanted to go back inside but at the same time, it loosened up my brain fog. 

I found myself looking at the sky. Since it was winter and early in the morning, the sky was much darker than previous seasons or does it depend on the location? Meanwhile, my eyes spotted the school bus around the corner. My little sister waved at the bus and my big sister was busy using her phone. 

We were the only students in the bus when we entered since we were the first to be picked up. Because of that, the three of us always had to wake up at 5 in the morning every time it was a school day. And we had to get ready by 6 or we’d be late. Other than that, I believed the pros weighed the cons. It meant I could sleep for an additional hour on the bus! So, I did just that.

Walking to my class felt worse than usual, since I’d just woken up, my brain fog had settled in again and that made the cool air more intense throughout my body. 

I pulled the door open and saw all my classmates. No one really noticed. In fact, I don’t really remember anyone’s name here even though it’s been a few months since school started. Just thinking about it made me cringe but I’ve already learned to live with it.

Communicating with people was never one of my good qualities. I don’t think I have either.  Wasn’t I pretty worse off than the average joe?  If I remembered correctly, my parents once said that I turned a full 180 in a blink of an eye. Really? I don’t remember such a thing. I think they must be mistaking me for someone else that wasn’t their daughter.

Putting that aside, as a student, I copied down notes, studied for tests and got average grades live everybody else. Nothing special about me unless you considered my utter lack of social skills as one…

Why am I even here? Should I worry about it? I don't know. 

Recess flew by and just like that school ended. A normal day. 

Throughout the day, my classmates talked about comparing test scores, going out, love relationships with their peers. I could not understand it. It was just so foreign to me. Am I really missing out that much? Was it really that great?

Ultimately, that was how it was for me on a daily basis.

***

After eating dinner and taking a bath, I wore my pajamas and went back into my tiny castle.

Looking up at the ceiling, another weird question popped in my head.

Will my life really be like this for the rest of my life? Boring? Empty? 

These weird questions have really started to become frequent.

Annoyed, I shut my eyes until the only thing I could hear was the sound of the air conditioner. Everything else was pitch black.

Is this really living? Am I really living at all? 

I don’t know.

I thought of any dreams I might have and simply had forgotten them, then I quickly realized that I had nothing I was good at. Nor did I have any hobbies to turn into a dream, so the idea was instantly shut down.

Even if I could feel something empty forming in my chest. I sighed and ignored it. 

I could see the empty shapes slowly forming into that dream again.

The smell of fresh air and the sounds of waves crashing came after.

There was no point in anything else.

I didn’t have anything I could be proud of about myself. 

I’ve been living like this for as long as I remember.

I’m used to it.