Going to bed on Christmas Eve had always been hard for me, and as a kid I'd be too excited to sleep, so I'd spend hours trying to stay up to catch Santa Claus, only to pass out well before ten o'clock. 

A part of me still feels the anticipation of the big day, even though I'm well into my twenties now and don't actually have anyone to spend it with. My family had disowned me in my first year of college, my best friend Ian was going to spend time with his folks, and I was recently single for reasons I was still unclear on. 

I typically try to go to bed super late on Christmas Eve to counter my ingrained excitement of the big day, but I'd been more depressed than usual since the break-up with Jesse and had been sleeping during the day a lot. It was nearly one AM and I was still wide awake, so I lay in bed and dwelled on where my life had gone wrong.

Honestly, I wasn't sure why I still cared about Christmas; I hated just about everything about it, from the heartless commercials, the cheesy movies, the obnoxious music -- just about everything surrounding it reeked of the consumerism and reminded me of the system that's slowly destroying everything worth living for and life itself.

All Christmas had going for it was 'the spirit of Christmas,' the idea that people should be kind and generous and memories of days long past when I wasn't a bitter mess. 

Suddenly my phone rang, startling me badly. When my heart decided pumping me full of adrenaline was unnecessary to fend off the mortal threat of my custom ringtone for Ian, I reluctantly picked it up.

"Hey, Seth, sorry to call at this hour, but you need to come over, like right now," Ian pleaded.

"Are you joking? It's past midnight," I mumbled dazedly.

"Yeah yeah, I know; look, Ian -- err, Jesse is here and we need your help badly."

Jesse, my ex-girlfriend who’d dumped me after months of her becoming increasingly depressed. I'd tried to help as best I could, but you can't help someone who doesn't want it. 

Not to say I didn't get it, I had my own problems, but she was actually worth helping, so it was difficult to watch her deal with… whatever was wrong.

"What the hell is Jesse doing there? Are you two okay?"

"Kinda, not really. Look, we really need your help. Come over and we'll try to explain."

"Fuck… alright, gimme a few," I sighed.

"Thanks man, you're a lifesaver."

"Could you get some coffee ready, please. I feel like I'm going to need it."

"Yeah, yeah, we'll get you your bean juice. See ya in a few," he said before hanging up.

I dropped my phone next to me on the bed, then groaned loudly while rubbing my eyes. Whatever this was, I wasn't thrilled to have to deal with at all, let alone in the asscrack of the night, but I got myself vaguely presentable.

What in the fresh hell is going on? Are they in trouble? Are they in legal trouble? Fuck, wish he'd just told me on the phone. 

After a short panic-ridden drive along a few empty streets, I arrived at Ian's place and knocked on the door; it immediately opened and both Ian and Jesse were there to greet me.

They both looked nervous; Ian stood pensively and seemed unsure of what to do, but Jesse was jittery as all hell. I'd never seen her like this in the couple years we'd been together, so whatever was going on had to be serious. 

Ian wasn't necessarily traditionally attractive, although there's a large subset of people who are into slightly effeminate guys with long hair and legs that are worth being jealous of. He was in the same type of outfit he wears year-round; a thick baggy hoodie, skinny jeans, and sneakers. 

Jesse, on the other hand, was what I'd once heard described as a soft butch. She had a well-maintained undercut and hid her ample curves in a lighter-weight oversized hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. Totally different style, honest. Luckily for her, it was freezing outside, so it was significantly less sweltering than it was in the summer.

This was the first time since Jesse had broken up with me that we'd seen each other. I'd thought about this moment for weeks and what I would say, letting my frustration and resentment at her ripping my heart out come to bear, but now that I was there, it all seemed vindictive and pointless.

"Hey, Seth, you want to come in out of the cold?" Ian asked, pulling me back to the now. 

"Yeah, sorry," I said and entered. Whatever Jesse and I had to say to each other could wait; I didn't want to drag Ian into it.

"I'll meet you in the living room," Jesse mumbled and scurried off to the kitchen. 

What in the world is up with her? I wondered to myself.

We'd barely sat down on the couch before Jesse returned and offered me a mug of steaming coffee, spilling a little from her nerves. 

"Here you go," she offered.

"Did you make this?" I asked.

"Y-yeah, why?"

"You used to refuse to make me coffee since I'm kinda picky about it."

"Kinda picky, he says," Ian muttered with an amused smirk.

That was a bit rich coming from him. I'm just picky enough that I’ve learned to make a decent cup; he's basically an expert and has such a fancy setup it looks like some kind of chemistry set.

I didn't have the energy to go into it with him, so I just raised an eyebrow at Ian while taking a sip; it was incredible, almost better than when Ian makes us both coffee.

"Damn, when did you get so good at brewing?" I asked Jesse.

"Ohh, uhh…" she began.

"I showed her how," Ian answered. 

He showed her how? I know they hang out sometimes, but… they haven't gotten together or something… right? Is that why they called me here, to break the news to me? I pondered silently to myself, before forcing myself to not jump to conclusions. They wouldn't do that without making sure I was okay with it first. Plus they wouldn't just decide to tell me about it in the middle of the night.

"Can you two please tell me what's going on?" I asked before I could overthink myself in a panic. 

They remained silent as I looked back and forth at them while they looked back and forth at each other as if trying to convey meaning solely through their eyes.

The tension was starting to get to the point I was beginning to worry I was going to have to help dispose of a body, but Ian spoke up and dashed all thoughts that I knew what was going on.

"There's no real way to ease into this, but something weird happened and we swapped bodies; I'm Jesse," said Ian.

"Huh?" I said, going slack jawed in confusion, then took advantage of my mouth being open and took a big gulp of coffee.

"Something woke me up a couple of hours ago and I was at Ian's place, in his body! Same with him, but vice versa," Ian claimed. Jesse nodded along, but remained quiet.

Once the information actually reached my brain anger began to bellow up within me. "You called me at two in the morning to prank me? I was worrying my ass off that something really bad had happened. Fuck y'all, I'm going home." I stormed towards the door.

"We're not lying!" Jesse promised.

"No, wait, please!" Ian called.

"You call me in the middle of the night, on Christmas of all days, and you start pretending magic or whatever the fuck is real! The fuck did you expect?!"

"Please give us a minute to prove it!" Ian pleaded. 

"You have until I finish this cup," I said, then promptly started chugging the rest of my coffee.

"Remember that time we got really drunk in freshman year of college?" Jesse asked.

"We didn't meet until we were seniors, Jesse. Goodnight, assholes." I set down the empty coffee mug and opened the front door to leave.

"We made out before getting caught when we were about to… well," Jesse trailed off.

After a brief stunned silence I closed the door slowly and turned to Ian. "We swore never to speak of that again and you told her?! That already ruined my life once without you advertising it to people!"

Lots of alcohol was involved, of course, along with a slightly less legal substance. We were hanging out in my dorm room and I can't remember how it happened, but at some point Ian admitted he was bi-curious. I was definitely straight, but I was too far gone to think clearly, and one thing led to another, and well…

It was Ian's roommate who caught us. Walked in on us on top of each other on Ian's bed. He thought it'd be funny to tell everyone he could. 

Eventually my parents found out and they took the news… poorly. I'd known we'd drifted apart politically over the years, but never thought I'd hear such a torrent of slurs from them, much less have it aimed at me. 

I'd only spoken to them a couple times since then and never more than a few short sentences. I'd say I missed them, but they’d disowned me at the drop of a hat, so good riddance.

"You two almost had sex?" Ian sputtered, staring back and forth between Jesse and me. 

"We were completely wasted! It doesn't mean anything, just a couple of friends messing around!" Jesse shrilled as her face turned crimson.

Those reactions gave me pause, Jesse was notoriously bad at lying, so I'd chalked up her behavior as further proof she was lying, but that reaction sure seemed genuine to me. Ian was better at it, but not by much.

"Ian?" I asked softly. 

"Yeah…" Jesse's body replied. She looked at me like a kicked puppy, an emotion alien to Jesse's typically stoic nature, but it would be right at home on Ian's face. 

"Holy shit," I breathed and slid down the door until I was sitting against it.

Thankfully they gave me a minute to gather my thoughts and it took half that time to start having coherent ones.

This shouldn't be possible. Does this mean magic is real? Or sufficiently advanced technology? Oh, what the fuck, does the fact this happened comfirm the existence of the soul? It at least puts a dent in nihilistic theories of consciousness. What about--

"Hey, you good there? Your expression is the one you get when you're waxing philosophical," Jesse in Ian's body asked me.

"I… How dare you be right," I grumbled. 

We all had a good laugh at that, but the gravity of the situation quickly jumped right back into the spotlight.

"Sorry I blew up on you," I apologized.

"Don't blame you, might've acted the same if it wasn't happening to me," Jesse said.

"I'm still not sure I believe it," Ian in Jesse's body added.

"No kidding. What do we do now?" Jesse asked me.

"How should I know? I'm not exactly an expert in things that are completely impossible."

"Well, clearly it isn't," Jesse said.

"Fuck, I don't know. You two do anything that would even vaguely hint at this being a possibility?"

"Umm, well… we independently wrote letters to Santa," Ian admitted, Jesse nodding in confirmation. 

"You're both in your mid-twenties, please tell me you two know Santa's not--" I started, but realized the absurdity of using facts in a situation as surreal as this, "You know what? Nevermind. What did you write?"

"I've been feeling shitty about myself and life in general and wished for something to fix that," Ian said.

"I asked for basically the same thing," Jesse added.

"How's swapping bodies supposed to fix depression?" I asked.

Jesse and Ian glanced at each other pensively. "Go ahead and tell him," Jesse said.

"What?! You were supposed to tell him!" Ian protested.

"Me? I called him, you tell him!" Jesse retorted.

"Gah, fine… okay so you know how a lot of people have self-esteem issues about their bodies?"

"Yes? But that's normal, everyone hates how they look," I replied. 

"Yeaaaaah, so I'm not exactly hating how I look right now," Ian admitted, averting his gaze from me.

"Honestly, I don't really mind the whole androgynous guy thing Ian had going," Jesse added.

"What, so you like being Ian?"

"I'm not Ian, Seth. The body I'm in is irrelevant to who I am."

"I guess, but you can't exactly stay like this. So how are we going to fix this?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"F-fix this?" Ian stuttered. "You mean switch bodies again?"

"Of course, what else would I mean?"

"Where would we even start? Search 'Santa swapped our bodies' and cross our fingers?" Jesse asked.

"I don't know… I need more coffee," I sighed and went to manifest my dreams of being awake enough for this shit.

It wasn't just the caffeine alone I was after; the whole ritual of preparing a decent cup of coffee was relaxing and helped me focus on something other than whatever the situation of any given day was. From having to go to work to trying to cope with the fact my worldview was going to collapse the instant I started thinking about the fact body swapping was apparently possible, taking the time to brew a proper cup of coffee was a great distraction.

Thing is, I don't even like the taste of coffee. It's way too bitter most of the time, but I have to make do since I don't like soda or energy drinks and tea is kinda a girly drink so I cope by making the best of the bitter bean juice.

By the time I was done doting over my coffee enough to make it palatable, I'd come up with an admittedly bare-bones plan.

"Only thing I could think of is sending Santa another letter, but who knows how long that would take, if it will work at all," I said.

"W-wouldn't it be considered rude to return a gift? I mean I don't want to piss off Santa or whatever responded to the letters," Ian sputtered.

"Assuming it was the letters or even a gift for that matter; could be a curse for all we know," I pointed out.

"I guess… but Santa's literally the only lead we have, so maybe we should try to contact him," Ian said. 

"What a fucking sentence," I mused and sipped my coffee.

"Yeah, seriously, imagine having to explain this to anyone else Seth," Ian laughed.

"No kidding, no one else knows us well enough," Jesse nodded.

There was a sudden loud ding and Ian jumped up excitedly. "That's the gingerbread cookies!"

"What…? It's almost two AM, why the hell are you making cookies?"

"Was going to make them today anyway, but now I could really go for a couple, plus making them is a nice distraction!" he beamed and practically skipped to the kitchen and out of earshot leaving Jesse and me by ourselves.

There are few things more awkward than suddenly being alone with an ex you haven't spoken with in a while. We sat there in an ear-splitting silence before Jesse broke the ice.

"We should probably talk." 

"That would be the mature thing to do," I agreed.

Naturally we sat there for an uncomfortable amount of time before I got the courage to speak again.

"I know I wasn't always a joy to be around and I'm sorry about that. I could try and explain my thought process in the moment, but that would just be making excuses."

"I'm not exactly proud of everything I've done, either; breaking up over text was an asshole move."

"Why'd you even break up with me in the first place? I know depression has been riding both of us hard, but we could've fixed it! We could've… done something." My voice hitched and I was on the verge of tears.

"I… I didn't want to bring you down with me." She looked away and continued. "I'd given up, Seth. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, let alone do something about it. I hated everything about my life and how helpless I was to change it. I broke up with you because I didn't want you around to have to see me fall apart and because–" 

She'd stopped talking suddenly, but it gave me much needed time to process all that. She'd never gone into what was going on with her before the break-up. I'd been fretting about every interaction we'd had in the weeks leading up to it and wondered if I could've done something differently to avoid all this. To have part of it be that she was far more depressed than I'd known or was able to help with was devastating. 

"Jesse… you know I still… care deeply about you, right?" I asked softly. As much as there was a better word for how I felt, I couldn't bring myself to say it for fear I'd start crying on the spot.

"Yeah… I know. My feelings haven't really changed either."

"Then why?" 

After several painful seconds she replied quietly. "I don't know… I can't really understand what the hell's going on in my head, but being your girlfriend felt wrong somehow."

"Was it something I did?" I said tears welling up in my eyes.

"No! Fuck no, you were great for the most part," she sighed, then admitted, "This isn't the first time this has happened. That's how most of my relationships have ended. I think I'm just broken."

"You're not broken, Jesse. You're a good person with some kind of deep-seated issues, issues I know you can get through. Whatever is going on with you, you don't have to deal with it alone. Whether or not we're partners, I'm still here for you."

"You mean after all this… you still want to date me?"

"You're the one who broke up with me," I reminded her. 

"I don't know if I can do it, Seth. Maybe after I figure myself out… although I'm nervous that might not take long."

"Huh? Why would you be--" I started, but Ian called out.

“Cookies are done!” Ian announced happily as he carried three plates of picturesque iced gingerbread cookies into the room and handed Jesse and me a plate. He was wearing a really cute apron with a teddy bear in a Santa hat on it that I hadn't seen before, but it looked great on him.

The previous discussion went by the wayside as we ate the gingerbread cookies in relative silence, only pausing to praise Ian's baking skills. They were as delicious as they looked, and before we knew it the whole tray was empty and there were no further distractions from the absurd circumstances we found ourselves in. 

"What if we're stuck like this? I don't want to have to take over Jesse's life," Ian asked.

"Ditto. No offense, Ian, but I'd rather be my own man."

"I don't think being stuck in a man's body makes you a man," I pointed out. 

"You know what I mean," Jesse said dismissively.

Honestly I didn't; I'd probably lose it if I were stuck in her position, but it was far too late at night to think straight, so I just shrugged.

"Don't worry, we'll find a way to reverse this," I assured them, although neither of them seemed particularly convinced.

"Just saying, if we can't find a way. It's not like I'm okay with this or anything like that," Ian said with an uneasy laugh.

"Annnyway, I say we should lay some ground rules. First and foremost, we don't pretend to be each other any more than absolutely necessary. Meaning cancel anything you have planned for at least the rest of the week," Jesse said. 

"My parents won't be happy with me flaking on Christmas dinner, but I wouldn't want to inflict those assholes on you just to keep up appearances," Ian agreed.

"Much appreciated, Ian."

Ian tried to hide a grimace with a smile, but it really made him look even sadder. 

“Are you okay there?” I asked Ian.

“Y-yeah, don't worry about it, it's nothing.”

“Alrighty, since we’ve got a plan, I’m going to head home unless you need anything else. I've got to get some more sleep, but I'll write a letter and drop it in the mail before I conk out,” I sighed. 

“You d-don't need to worry about it, I can do it,” Ian said. 

"Nah, I got it, you two just take it easy. You've got enough to deal with what with all that,” I yawned loudly, “stuff.”

“Umm… well, thanks for coming over to help us out,” Ian said dejectedly.

“Yeah, thank you, Seth!” Jesse added.

“No problem! I know you two would do the same for me,” I grinned and made my way outside. 

As I left the apartment behind me, the smile slowly dropped from my face. Something felt off about all this, more than just the whole thing being impossible. Ian and Jesse were way calmer than made any sense.

If I were suddenly turned into a girl, I'd look for a way back immediately! I thought to myself. I wouldn't even stop to admire my new body!

Unlocking my car and revving the engine I couldn't stop my mind from wandering.

What if it were me who'd swapped with Jesse, or some other woman? Well, not any woman; I wouldn't want to be a tomboy like her. Think I'd be a hot goth chick and maybe a bit punk. Black skinny jeans, fishnets covering a crop top, and some boots. The kind of woman who is intimidating to strangers, but a real sweetheart when you get to know her.

With a jolt I came back to reality, then squeezed my eyes shut tight and breathed deeply. Where did that come from? Hell, I need to get back to bed. I must be loopy from lack of sleep or something. 

Despite myself, I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like if it had happened to me instead.

BrieIsCheese

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