Today is my last day at the Esscent Mist Sect. I should be excited. I've been waiting for this day since the moment I stepped foot here. Harmonic Wave is where I can finally spread my wings. And yet, I feel a sense of dread. Emptiness that I can't explain. Actually, I can. It's that I long to be near Julian. 

I don't know what it is about him that draws me in. Maybe it's the way he looks at me, makes me feel like he sees me. And rather than horror or disgust, I find curiosity and fondness. 

Maybe it's because he's the promise of the warmth I've so desperately missed ever since I lost my family. 

"Do you have a question for me?" Julian asks.

I jerk up and realize the classroom is empty save for us two. Everyone else has trickled out, the Sprouts in my cohort have said their goodbyes. It's my turn now. But I feel reluctant. 

"Isn't it frustrating to keep having to repeat yourself?" I've always wondered if Julian ever loses patience. I've seen the other Elder Sages get exasperated by the idiocy of their students before, but never Julian. Even today, when we had a big circle discussion, and he got asked the same questions over and over again, he only ever showed a gentle smile and answered as if he was gratified this question was asked.

Julian looks thoughtful. "Isn't it lonely to be by yourself all the time?" His eyes twinkle.

"I'm not..." I pause as I realize my creathures hardly count, since they're all fragments of my own soul. Admitting that I'm only friends with myself makes me sound crazy. "Okay, I guess I am by myself... But I'd rather be alone than fraternize with idiots." I mumble. I'm fighting a blush that's threatening to claw its way up my face. My words aren't coming out right and I'm not sure why I'm being so honest in the first place. I grab my bags to leave so I stop making a fool of myself, but Julian resonance strides over and takes a seat in front of me, leveling his eyes with mine.

We're so close now I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to. 

"You'd be surprised. Maybe not everyone is an... idiot." The way he hesitates, I have a feeling he's never said that word in his life. "But you'll never know unless you give them a chance," he winks.

He stands, to leave. But I don't want him to go just yet. My hand seems to move on its own as it reaches out and clutches his sleeve.

"Yes?" He turns around, his eyes gentle and attentive. As if I'm the only person in the world. It draws me in and pulls out the question that has been echoing in my thoughts for days. The one I'd been determined to purge. 

"Can I be your disciple?"

Julian briefly tenses. He didn't expect this question. He's going to say no. I feel a rush of shame and the silence is deafening. I drop my gaze, waiting for the axe to drop.

"Sure."

I whip my gaze back up. I can't believe I asked him to be my master and I can't believe he said yes. Julian. My master. My heart is tremoring like a bee caught between my hands, buzzing and bumping against my ribcage. "Really?" My eyes are flitting around his face, probing if I've misheard or misinterpreted.

His eyes curve into crescents, as he steps closer so I have to look up at him, and he pats my hair. 

I close my eyes, savoring the touch, almost hungry for it. Moisture collects at the seams and drips. I'm horrified. Crying is for children. Actual children, with delicate little hearts, who have someone they can cry to. Someone who will dry their tears and hug them. Not me. 

I twist away to hide my offensive tears.

I’m both disappointed and relieved to feel Julian’s hand leave my head.

After I’ve destroyed all the evidence of crying, the enormity of what I just did slams into me. Hellfire. Was it too late to call back my words?

I really really really should not have asked an Esscent Whisper Guardian to be my master. Not only does this supremely thwart my plans for revenge, but this has gotta be the literal worst place for me to stay long term if I want to keep secrets. This was such a bad idea, and what makes it worse was I knew it, but my stupid brain had to be impulsive. I definitely blame Julian’s affect on me.

I look around and find him on the other side of the classroom, writing something on a parchment with that unreadable, calm as a lake expression of his. My regret soars to even greater heights.

This was a life quaking, monumental moment that routes the rest of my life for me. But for him? He’s the most popular and loved Sage in the realm. Or at least top five. He probably gets asked to be a master everyday. And given that he’s centuries old, he probably has thousands of disciples, if not tens of thousands…

I’m imagining myself squeezed within a crowd of talent, begging for a drop of attention and I’m kicking myself internally. Idiot Kai! Where is your brain? If you’re going to be brainlessly impulsive, why can’t you wait one more day and do it at the Harmonic Wave Sect where you’re actually supposed to be?

“Kai?”

I refocus and find that Julian is looking at me with an odd look in his eyes.

My limbs feel heavy like lead as I shoulder my bag and drag my feet to him. My head is hanging because I don’t know how to face Julian or what expression I should be making.

He hands me an envelope, sealed with his insignia. “Hand this to Sage Jean for me.”

I nod, then shuffle out of the classroom. His order gives me a task to latch onto, because I’m lost at sea, drowning. But at least for the next five minutes, I can focus on getting to the Registrar. It keeps my meltdown from the horror I’ve committed at bay.

**ask chatgpt what the administrative building looks like

The Registrar desk is empty, but I hear talking and laughing behind the divider. I rap my knuckles onto the redwood to get their attention. Sage Jean pokes her head out from behind the divider, with a residual smile on her face. "How can I help you, dear?"

"Message from the Grand Elder Sage." I wave the envelope.

Sage Jean immediately scurries over, her face serious, eyes eager as she takes the envelope and opens it. 

I watch with interest as her eyes widen and she bolts up, to run behind the divider. I can hear excited murmurs as whoever else is whispering excitedly.

"Um Sage Jean?" I call out.

"Yes, yes, you may go now. Congratulations, Sapling Kai. Welcome to the Essence Whisper Sect. Feel free to pack tonight to move into the Grand Elder Sage's residence tomorrow morning." She then disappears behind the divider and I hear squeals, and then someone running out excitedly, a Sapling by the looks of their clothes. 

I'm a little confused by everyone's reactions but I turn around and trudge towards my rooms. I don't really have any packing to do since I was already packed to leave for the Harmonic Wave sect, but I guess the destination has now changed. I'll just head to a secluded spot to draw.. Drawing always clears my head.

I'm trudging along, soulless and empty, when I am bumped so hard I'm nearly knocked off my feet.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorr---" It's a Harmonic Wave Sapling, with wavy brown hair and eyes and I can see the friendly smile sidle off his face when he sees me, my clothes and where I'm coming from and his eyes widen and he suddenly drops his head into a respectful bow. "Please forgive my folly, Grand Elder Sapling. I had no idea you were there and---"

"Stop right there."

The Sapling visibly jumps at my question. "Y-yes?" 

Maybe I sounded too harsh, but I'm really fucking confused. "What's the big deal?"

His head is still lowered, patiently waiting for me to continue.

"Why is everyone making such a fuss that Julian took me as his disciple?"

The Sapling whips his head up and gulps before lowering his head again.

"Ahem, I mean, Grand Elder Sage Julian." Whoops, that was a slip of the tongue.. "He's pretty popular as far as I can see. Surely I'm just one of many disciples."

An awkward silence ensues. I'm wondering if I need to repeat myself again.

"I beg your pardon but... you're the first one he's taken in over 200 years."

The silence is so complete it feels loud. "What? I thought everyone would be clamoring to be his disciple..." I'm talking more to myself than to him at this point, feeling swallowed up by the magnitude of it all.

"We are... he just always politely declines."

I feel faint and like the world is growing distant as my confusion swirls around me in nauseating circles. Why? I must know why Julian said yes. "Thanks" I manage to eek out before I'm running, breathlessly back to the classroom, hoping he's still there.

He is. In the exact position I left him, writing behind his desk. 

"Why?" I pant out, my voice sounds distant and small even to my ears.

Julian doesn't look up, continuing to write. "Why what?"

His nonchallance, his calm demeanor is soothing and I feel myself slowly coming back down to earth, to my body, to this moment. I slow my breathing as I formulate the question. "Why did you say yes? You didn't have to--"

"Why do you watch me all the time?"

I think he means in the classroom, but then I realize he means even before then. Did he always know? An angry ashamed blush is creeping up my cheeks. "I don't--" I stop myself, and take a deep breath. I sound like an idiot trying to deny something we both know to be true. "I'm intrigued by you. I want to know more about you." And you're beautiful. I don't say the last part aloud though. It just hangs by my lips as words unsaid.

"Well, there's my answer." Julian seems calm as he continues to write, but his ears look a little red. It makes me want to touch them. But I lock my hands behind me as I bow in respect. "Then, please take care of me from now on, Master."

Julian finally puts his pen down. I peek up at him and see him smiling. "Welcome to Essence Whisper, Sapling Kai," and he pats my head.