I don't care!

 

Connor

 

A sore hip woke Connor up, and going to stretch, he nearly lost his balance to fell to the floor. With a mumble, he remembered he'd fallen asleep on the recliner again, then with another mumble, he then pushed with his legs to put the recliner down. Standing straight was a little difficult and he swayed a bit on his feet, and he started to remember the night before. The TV was still on, the PlayStation was still on, his esky had water in it and two beers were now warm.

Everything right where I left it, he thought smiling.

He took a step towards the toilet and felt something sloppy on the floor, a puddle, he let out a knowing mumble and he kept walking.

While waking up he was wondering in what way to look after his little mishap from last night, either the newspaper or the paper towel.

Lazy or the boring cleanliness? He thought, hard choice...

Kicking a bottle with his toe, made him jump around and he held back a few swear words, thinking cleanliness might be the way to go today…After a smoke.

Connor was out the front of his house, half way through his smoke, when he realized that people were looking at him. Looking down to see that he had only his boxers on, he laughed, he knew that he was still a little drunk.

Putting on some music, after he got back inside, he started rocking his head, but decided against it when it made him dizzy.

Connor decided that half an hour was enough work as the place was ok, good enough for him, and went for a shower. Just as he was getting dressed his alarm went off, only making him think that at least he wouldn't be late for work.

 

 

"G'day mate, thought you were ganna chuck a sicky?" Connor said to the guard out the front of the library building.

"Nah, need the money, the misses wants a new car."

"Then why doesn't she go to work then?" Connor asked, knowing he seemed to be one of those guys that were owned by his partner.

"Yeah yeah, you know how it is." The guard responded.

Connor nodded, a thought came to mind that matched the situation most perfectly, a whip cracking!

Walking into the library, he saw that his favourite receptionist was out the front and he leaned on the counter. "Hey sexy, how was ya weekend?"

The young female adult looked sideways at Connor, and said, "I'm busy Connor."

Connor turned to be in her line of vision and said, "I don't see any customers Sarah, come on, you can't expect me to go past and not at least try and act charming."

Sarah laughed, "Charming? Please…"

Connor knew this wasn't going anywhere, so instead he thought he'd try and turn the situation over, "Ok fair enough, I'll just have to take someone else clubbing then…" And Connor started to walk away.

"Clubbing, as in free drinks?" He heard her say, secretly smiling before turning around, then he nodded at her.

"I'll go...If I can take my friends with me."  Connor knew that she was trying to push her advantage of being sexy, even adding the lowered eyes and smile.

Connor laughed, turned and started walking, glad to have the advantage, "Sorry sweetheart, the deal was for one, see ya around."

 

Connor was sure people around here knew him as a sleaze bag, he was an arsehole, but he was so used to it. He had an athletic body, in which he used well with women, though, even one-night stands were becoming rare lately. Having dark brown, short hair that he rarely brushed, seemed to add to his appeal and women generally came up to him without him having to work hard at all...

Working at the library in Brisbane was easy, the only thing he was afraid of, was losing his job to some robotic thing that makes him mute. But while he had the easiest job, he was going to at least try and keep it. Anyone can put away books, sort them out, scan them and whatever else that he may have learnt in the last one and a half years. But the library did help him with something else too.

He did get the small chance to read poems and make his own on the spot.

Connor knew that being an arsehole was just a cover up for being a wuss inside, how many men out there liked writing poems? He thought. His weakness didn't disappear when he thought of other famous male poets...Instead, it made him dislike himself even more.

For quite some years now, he felt like he wasn't living the life that was given to him, feeling more so that he was denied the privilege to lead the 'real' one that he was supposed to live. He had the certain suspicion he wasn't very good in a previous life, but always laughed it off, telling himself that he didn't care afterwards. How nice it would be to be a normal man that was good at brick laying, he thought, it sucks that the only thing that comes natural to me is putting words on paper!

 

He kept his poems in his locker and they only came out during his lunch, sometimes, so he thought he was quite safe of not being caught with it.

He knew why he was like this, his father didn't like his mother doing them and told her to get another hobby and threw what she had in the loundroom fire. Connor didn't understand his father, he would boost about things that he was personally proud of...But anything that didn't qualify to his standards, had to be discarded. Poems weren't the only things that he deemed something to be discarded, of course.

He knew of his father's upbringing and it being more difficult than his own, but also knew because of himself, that people can change and that is why he didn't understand. His mother let him do it, no yelling at him, no hitting in anger, she just accepted that her work had just been burnt. His father was just another thing that Connor tried to laugh off and tell himself that he didn't care...

He had liked his mother's work, he also understood why she's locked up any others that she has made since.

Of course, poems didn't always come naturally to Connor, in fact, he could go months without writing a decent one...

Either way, he didn't want to think about poems anymore, he was a man for crying out loud! Connor put his head phones on and did his work, while rocking his head.

 

***

 

Finished for the day, Connor walked out the back to his car. The usual, he thought, takeaway, get some booze and then off home to get slaughtered!

His favorite drink wasn't on special, but, like always, a popular one was. Connor quickly tried to make a decision, and ended up with the popular one, saying he'll make it up to himself and get his favorite drink when he gets paid next. Stopping afterwards into the takeaway shop, he picked up a meal and went home.

Closing the garage door, Conner tripped over a shoe and nearly fell over. He got used to being clumsy back in high school, though, the other problem of being lazy is something newer.

Connor had decided, some time ago, that tripping wasn't his fault and things just spring up out of nowhere...He could have prevented tripping just now if he cared more, but he wasn't going to worry about that now, time for shooting games and some takeaway!

Swearing his ass off, putting crumbs on the floor, making the remote sticky and drinking himself silly...The night went as the usual for Connor and he fell asleep, again, on the recliner and holding the remote.

 

***

 

Waking to the alarm, Connor stretched and went to roll over, causing him to meet the floor. Laughing, he slowly got up, only to fall again a step away. These kind of days for Connor were getting more normal by the day.

Finally making it to work, just a little late, Connor walked straight passed Sarah.

"Not ganna ask me out today, Connor?"

Connor turned his head to smile at her, "Nope, only ya friends!"

A quick glance back, before he was out of her sight, he saw her shake her head and mutter, "Asshole!"

Running up the stairs, he got a cramp and nearly fell right back down them. Connor leaned against the wall and slowly breathed in and out. He knew he was driving himself into the dirt and that he had to stop, get back up again, like he had before...

Waiting for his cramp to dissipate he remembered a face, one that was just like his own. He tried to picture him say, 'What are you doing!? Get back on your feet!'

Connor only got more like an arsehole, then somebody with a life plan, and people seemed to leave him alone. Unable to declare the difference between wanting or needing to be alone, he just decided it was better.

 

Just as he clocked in, his phone rang.

Oh man, he thought, do I or don't I?

He ended up answering the phone, "Yeah, Sup."

"Connor?" The other line said.

Conner shock his head in agitation, "Who else?"

"Uh, yeah, I wanted to ask you if you'd be free tonight. Would it be ok to watch Bailey? I know It's short notice, but we had something come up…"

Connor didn't want to go into details with his sister, so he simply said, "Yeah sure, what time?"

"Six?"

Conner agreed and put an alarm in his phone to remind him, he'd probably forget before he finished work if he didn't, which only made him laugh.

Heavy metal was his music today and things seemed to have gone quicker. At his lunch break, Conner was feeling rather skittish in some kind of weird way, which he knew was for a strange poem.

After he had his lunch, out the back, he got his pad out and lit a smoke. Connor kept thinking the word ‘Goes’, so that's how it started.

 

After about twenty minutes, Connor quickly went back over his work.

 

For you there is a story, A long one, as it seems.

Lot's to describe, lots to count, or it won't come much of a dream.

Everything makes sense, and the right characters are set.

Only for the camera and lights, and action you will get.

 

Is it too long? It's hard to tell.

With an included song, to go with the special smell.

I suppose I must end now, I suppose I must go.

Because it goes on and on, but only as nice, long and slow.

 

Connor nearly tore the piece of paper apart, he had hardly any idea what it was about! Looking at it a third time though, he decided that he liked it and told it, "For now you've proven yourself worthy to stay in my book, be nasty...That's it, you're gone!"

 

Rushing to work, Connor didn't put his notebook back into his locker and it was still in his pocket when he went to see his nephew. His sister was out the door very quick, only asking if he was sure, before she left.

Connor didn't care, and shrugging had seemed enough for her as he walked into the loundroom, where the six-year-old was watching TV.

"Hey buddy, What's goin on?"

Bailey waved backwards at him, without taking his eyes from the TV.

Connor sat down, already wishing he was home, and at least there he could have a drink.

...But he wasn't.

Watching children's shows just didn't entertain Conner anymore, and he wondered how it did at some point. Sighing, he sat there and endured it...It seemed that loving his nephew came with a price, and he was sure that price would be repaid one day!

Connor did change his mind about kids shows though, he didn't realize how much jokes actually were made were they included adults. For a small moment, he wondered how much jokes he didn't understand when he had been little.

 

Eight came rather quickly and Conner had been told that was Bailey's bedtime, so he said to Bailey, "Ready for bed mate?"

Bailey just shook his head and continued watching TV, not giving any indication of moving.

Conner sat there, half an hour wasn't a problem and he could do that. So, he sat there, trying to get answers about school out of his nephew, even best friends or what he's been up to...It was officially the most boring babysit he's ever had...

Finally, eight thirty came along and Conner turned the TV off at the end of a show. "Time for bed buddy."

Bailey finally turned to look at him, he seemed uncertain, but still got up and started to walk slowly to the toilet.

Conner wondered whether he should ask or not? He decided to wait, just in case, he didn't want to be the over bearing uncle. Way too much work!

Conner gave him three minutes to finish in the bathroom and got up.  Bailey was so quiet, Conner didn't know where he was. "Bailey?"

He found him in his room, looking up from his bed at Conner. He looked scared and Conner felt absolutely sure he had to sit through this one. "What's wrong mate?"

"I'm scared."

"Nothing to be scared about mate, I'm right here."

Bailey pulled his sheets higher, "But there are monsters here when the lights are off."

Conner put his hand over Bailey's head, trying to comfort him, hoping it was working, "There's no such thing as monster’s mate."

"But there is!" Bailey seemed quite certain of that fact, so Conner tried a different angle.

"Ok well, maybe there is a monster, but he's not all bad…Maybe he is fun and wants to play with you, not scare you."

Bailey seemed to lighten up a bit, "You mean, he's friendly?"

Conner smiled, hoping to send out the idea that he knew what he was talking about, "He very well could be…You never know, he could be right there outside of your window trying to keep the bad monsters out!"

"Really?" Bailey smiled.

"Really mate, I wouldn't be surprised if nothing comes in tonight because of that nice, little monster."...What the hell am I saying!?

Bailey seemed quite content with that news and snuggled further into his bed. "Goodnight Uncle C"

"Night mate, I'm right here ok, no one will hurt you while I'm here, remember my karate chop?" Conner said.

Bailey smiled up at him, "Yes" and laughed.

Conner kissed his nephew and turned off the light. Time will tell if he falls asleep, might as well get that going, he thought.