Being at fault...

 

Andrea

 

After signing off, she walked to her car, unable to help but feel she couldn't wait to get out of there.

Sitting down, Andrea remembered the feeling of being lost. How can her life turn upside down in the space of a week or two?

Closing her eyes, Andrea scouted through her mind, from when things were normal, to now.

Blanking her mind, Andrea counted to ten, thinking of flowers and a light summer breeze near a beach.

Smiling, she opened her eyes and nearly screamed when she saw Piet walking towards her from the doors of the hospital.

Quickly putting herself together, she winded her window down and prepared herself for a conversation. "Hi Piet, did you find anything today?"

Piet came to a stop in front of her window and leaned against her car, "Ah, not sure, I may need another day or two. Actually, I was wondering…" Piet smiled and breathed in, "If you'd like to go to dinner with me?"

Andrea was stunned, her hand fell down from the steering wheel and accidentally hit the windscreen wipers on.

Piet's laughter put Andrea in a foul mood as she turned them off. "Well thanks for that, but I'm pretty busy these days."

Turning on the car, Andrea smiled at Piet and started to put the window up again.

Piet quickly said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Business then, I will call you when I know of some news…Have a nice weekend, Andrea."

Andrea smiled, nodded and left, wishing she had learnt to speed off when she was younger and more reckless.

Man, she thought, what is it with men noticing me lately. Andrea wasn't sure what it was, but she didn't want it anymore, nothing in her opinion has changed. She was not interested, and single was going to be it!

 

Deciding that it was time to have some pattern extreme time, Andrea headed towards an exit on the highway, that she had only taken once before. Thinking she could have handled that day better, Andrea suddenly curved, just missing a car cutting her off.

Ok, she thought, it’s not worth thinking of today if It's going to kill me!

Turning into one street and then another, Andrea found herself on a road that she wasn't even sure of the suburb. It was a T intersection, houses on one side and a park on the other. There was a fence around the park, with only two people in it, a young female pushing a toddler on a swing.

Andrea pulled up along the curve and put her car windows down, it seemed windy enough to get a breeze and that made Andrea feel quite refreshed.

Watching the people inside of the park was quite nerving, Andrea knew she wanted kids at one stage, but she'd been so busy and hadn't really thought about it till now.

Argh, she thought, what the hell is happening to me! I am not going to get clucky!

Andrea didn't understand how going to a park would get her thinking about kids, when normally it doesn't. All she would normally see is patterns, it’s like she was emotionless when being in a park, just seeing things instead. Why today of all days would I be thinking differently? She thought, while searching her car for a something to munch on.

 

Andrea found one of the cheap home brand muesli bars, that were one month over the used by date, and tried to remember when it was put there.

Searching her mind, Andrea remembered her niece but thought it would have nothing to do with her and thought otherwise.

Ah, the trip to Stradbroke Island, she had taken some things, it must have somehow fallen out of my bag. 

Andrea remembered the day, she had gotten off the big boat that took an hour from the bay, and she had gone off to some bit of the island that was high above the water and it was so lovely there.

Wind going through my hair, waves crashing over the rocks, birds somewhere nearby in the woods and a few other people talking.

Opening her eyes, she saw that the young lady was looking at her, Andrea doubted her frown was seen, but a wave might be, as she waved. Andrea rolled her eyes, knowing pretty well what she may be feeling, worried, as though Andrea may all of a sudden pull out a gun or take her child. Andrea smiled then and tried to picture herself in the young lady's eyes, thinking that if she was her, she would get the child and go home, hoping not to bring too much attention to herself.

 

After another ten minutes, Andrea was wondering why she hadn't come up with anything yet, her mind was blank. Her memories gave her nothing...The park with the people, who are gone now, gave her nothing and being in a place she had not ever been to before, gave her nothing...This hadn't really happened to her before...

Andrea got frustrated and after another twenty minutes, started the car.

No use hanging round here, she thought.

The car was idling, her feet were ready to use the accelerator and clutch, but she was stuck. Her gut was telling and showing her a place that she did not want to go, a place that was a favorite between her and her sister, but a place she had not gone to since. Roma Street Parklands, situated in the middle of Brisbane City, a place quite like a sanctuary and like hell all at once…

The last time Andrea had been there, was the last time her sister was out of the hospital, her sister having only wanted one thing. To go to their special place, to look over the city up high on the grassland where the fireworks could be seen. To see so many people go to places in their cars, people playing cricket or with a Frisbee, kids rolling down the hill, making her and her sister laugh.

That place held a memory of her sister, the one with the cancer, holding her as Andrea cried, knowing that time was near, and time was coming to an end, as the cancer had become terminal. Andrea had cried, putting wet splotches on her sister's shoulder, also making her sweater get wrinkles, by Andrea holding her clothes.

Shaking her head, Andrea tried to get rid of the images from her past, on how had her sister had just sat there, happy to just cuddle her other half, to wait till the tears had come to an end…

Silence had filled the air between them then, silence of acceptance, silence of tears and silence of Andrea making any kind of deal about herself. Andrea had realized that things had been too much about her, about losing her two-minute older sister, that Andrea was not going to have a normal life after she was gone. So, after that day, Andrea started to make things more about her sister instead, about the one that wasn't going to experience life anymore, that she wasn't going to have more time to take on a partner, have kids and she wasn't going to live a life with her loved ones.

 

Andrea scrapped a tear from her cheek and returned her hand back to the stirring wheel, only just now realizing that she was going up the road towards Roma Street Parklands.

How did I get here? Andrea asked herself, how had I just lost the last half an hour of my life?

A minute later, Andrea pulled up at the cliff, near where her and her sister's favorite spot was, and turned the engine off. Locking the car and only taking the keys with her, Andrea walked to the grassy lands where there were some trees and random spots on the hill, and that's where, for some reason, Cameron was playing with some kind of string, as though waiting for her.

 

Andrea walked towards Cameron and found herself crying. Sitting on the park bench, Andrea just let the whole story of her sister out, from when they were kids, playing in sprinklers, to the cancer that had killed her sole. And, like her sister, Cameron let Andrea cry it all out, she knew that if he could have held her, he would have.

The moon was out with stars filling up the black sky, when Andrea finally fell silent. The silence was different this time, the place was also different. Andrea looked around, feeling like she had woken from a deep sleep, seeing a few people walking and cars waiting at the nearby traffic lights.

Turning to Cameron, Andrea took a breath in, feeling the freshness of cold night air. "I think I should go home now."

Cameron was looking back at her, he put his hand up to touch her face, and making his hands stop only millimeters from her skin. "I feel your pain Andrea, it hurts, and you need to release it. I would dislike seeing you as a transper, as you would not belong there. And in my world…That is what you would be."

Andrea shrugged her shoulders, "I guess I've been holding on to the past too much, my sister was my life, but by the looks of it, I need to make my life be exactly that, mine. Ahh…I feel all cried out!"

Cameron smiled, "Yes I believe you accomplished a good deal today, I see you have taken quite a load of your shoulders and your aura seems to have changed color. I am proud of you Andrea."

Andrea sighed and smiled, "Thank you, I appreciate the total 'letting me cry' thing, I didn't expect to see you here and with the thoughts I was thinking…" Trailing off in her sentence, Andrea realized she didn't want to go there again, that she did feel good and that change was going to happen.

Andrea looked up and put her hand close to his hand, that was still near her face, their eyes were locked, watching the other's face. She was going to do something, but the sudden electricity made time stop and thinking was out of the question. Cameron's other hand came up to her mouth, touching nothing, but giving off sensational feelings to her.

Andrea breathed in and closed her eyes, there was only a slight niggle in her head, saying the usual, that this was not what she wanted. But she didn't move, it was like she was supposed to be there, at that moment, to experience the unbelievable.

Andrea opened her eyes to Cameron, who was doing the same. He pulled his hands away, which to her astonishment, she wasn't ready for.

Cameron looked up and started to glow, making Andrea move back a bit, out of fright.

He said, without any distress, "Do not be scared Andrea, it is a calling. This is very normal, I have to go…"

Cameron tried to touch her cheek again, "I will see you soon."

 

With that, Cameron vanished, it reminded her of movies, of how people were just there and then they weren't, like teleportation.

After a minute, Andrea was just about to leave, when Cameron popped right back up again, just a few meters away, checking a see-through pad.

Andrea was just about to announce her being there, when she saw something out the corner of her eye.

There was a see through being there, looking more like a ghostly figure, just moving around slightly reckless, giving Andrea the feeling that it was hurt, or in pain. Cameron put on something to his ears and Andrea could actually hear something, as though someone else was there with them.

Standing up, not sure where to go, but having curiosity have the best of her, Andrea leaned forward to try and make out what was going on. Then, she heard crying and a voice similar to her own, then heard another voice that sounded like her mother.

With that, Andrea moved closer again and found herself hearing her sister's voice and hers, reminding her of the last moments that they had together.

Cameron finally spotted Andrea, he looked a bit worried and off guard, giving her the impression, he did not want her there in the least, but Andrea continued to go closer.

She heard more and more, giving her more memories, Andrea could not take it anymore and said a name she had not spoken in two years, "Amie?"

 

Cameron was mortified, Andrea could hear it in his voice when he said, "Andrea, you must leave. You should not be here."

Andrea kept hearing her sister's voice with her own, with her mother's and brother's, even the doctor's and again she found herself repeating her sister's name, "Amie?"

A familiar voice was heard over the herd of others, "Andy?"

Andrea looked at Cameron then back at a black see through figure, falling to her knees with more tears in her eyes, Andrea said, "Amie, what are you doing here?"

Cameron sighed and sat down next to Andrea, "I have been looking for faces such as yours in the spirit world, I only found one. I came to believe that was your sister, but I wasn't certain, now I am sure it is your mother."

Andrea stammered, "…My mum?"

"Yes, and I believed there was more to find, when I was last called to help a transper, I looked for more faces like yours, and I found this one…"

Andrea interrupted, "My sister Amillia. Why is she here?"

"I have read up a lot about our history, I was quite taken by the fact that you were real, just not here. A subject who questions, is not looked upon well, there was little in the way of information, but I just had to find out. Asking questions is not our way. I believe somehow, your people are connected to ours. She is residing here, Andrea, because she has not transitioned, there is something keeping her in turmoil. And I believe, with the brief contact I've had with her, that it is you." Cameron stopped, seeing something she wasn't through his eyes, "She wants to talk to you."

 

Andrea moved her head to the' nothingness' that held something, and said again, "Amie?"

"Andy, you were holding onto too much, I knew somehow that you were trying to, for so long, to let it go. But it was recent that it really worked. I feel like I may not worry about you anymore. I love you."

Her sister's words were over whelming, how could she have let Amillia down? Not only does her sister want her to have a life, but now, also Andrea herself does too.

Simply, Andrea said, "I love you too Amie." A tear fell onto her cheek and she sniffed.

Putting herself together was going to take awhile, but Andrea knew she was going to try her damned hardest now, she was going to make up for all that turmoil her sister went through because of her.

Cameron looked at her and smiled, "She is gone. Amillia has transitioned."

Andrea nodded, slowly at first and then faster, knowing that's what was best for her. "Thank you, Cameron, I think I needed that. Get my life back in order. Still sort of unbelievable, but hey definitely something good."

Cameron smiled, "It is good to see you like this Andrea, a huge event occurred, extra ordinary even, but you keep together and seemed to understand what transpired. You are quite amazing."

Andrea looked up at Cameron and smiled, "I'll see you soon ok, there's something I gotta do…And Cameron…Thanks"

With that Andrea left and got in her car, looking back only once more, to see Cameron glow and disappear.

 

***