Strange voices say strange things.
It's hard to understand how someone could be unhappy when they're told they have everything.
"Your parents are amazing for paying for your college."
"Your girlfriend is sooo cute man!"
"I wish I could be you sometimes."
Amari laid on his back in his room, his head echoing with the voices of countless numbers. He had heard all of this before, and would continue to hear it. The persona he had carefully built over years was working as intended, at least. He was turning 20 in the next few months, how many exactly he had forgotten. Light peered through the slits between blinds, filling his room with feint light that bothered his eyes. He covered his face with a hand, blocking out the outside world. How long had he been laying there? He'd all but forgotten, letting his mind sink into the darkest recesses.
Home, work, Rose's house, work, home. When did I last go outside? Is that why I keep feeling sick?
Keeping a coherent thought was a challenge. The blankets rubbed against his skin wrong, making him flinch away from it. The noise of machines through the wall opposite his bed made him cringe whenever it sporadically changed from consistent humming to a loud CLANK. He'd long since missed dinner when the thought of hunger first arose. He stumbled out of bed, his short brown hair feeling as though it stuck out at awkward angles.
He walked into the bathroom, flicking the light on to see himself. The creature staring back was hideous. Chubby in uncomfortable places, dark circles under it's eyes, bad posture. It blinked back at him as it grabbed it's hairbrush and fixed it's hair partially. It turned to leave, but glanced back at him. Fat, ugly, hairy, tired, messy, gross, monster. It had to eat dinner, same as him.
Walking up the stairs carefully to not cause them to creak, which sent shocks of pain through his head. Amari's phone buzzed in his pocket, a message from his mother. "Dinner ready." Over an hour late. He liked eating alone though, it was better that way.
He sat at the window, peering out across the snow covered street to his neighbors yard. A young boy played in the snow, little orc tusks peeking out from his face covering. His father stood nearby, having set up some lights for the two of them to play outside at night. They both had bundled up for the fierce winter, clearly used to the warmer south. Despite this, they both laughed in silence. A thread connected them, pulling them close together through their actions with one another.
Amari smiled, picking at his plate of pasta watching the two. It had no taste, just food for him to keep on keeping on. The living room lights had been turned off, leaving him alone in the dark once again. He was starting college next month, a year having gone by since he originally intended. Rose was going to be attending it with him, fulfilling her dream of being high school sweethearts for life. Her dream, her wants, her desires. They had always taken priority, and he was okay with that, he didn't have any of his own.
The two outside retreated in, the mother holding two cups of a steaming drink on their porch. His smile faded, and he turned back to face the pasta. A silly thought like that wasn't worth entertaining for too long, it would always leave eventually. Finishing his plate and placing it in the dishwasher, he returned back to his room.
It felt empty. Boxes lined the floor, stacked waist high full of his things. Shelves had been emptied in the days before, removing all of his personality from the cramped room. He laid back down, clutching his pillow in his arms and curling up on his side. His fingers kneaded the curled fluff on the pillowcase, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. When he first met Rose, he used to rub her shirt hem between his fingers, helping the overwhelming anxiety of being in a crowd. Amari hadn't felt that way in quite some time, the comfort and safety he felt in her had slowly waned.
As he closed his eyes, his phone buzzed for the second time. It was Rose, "You coming tonight? I'm outside."
