When I woke up on Christmas day, it was to the wonderful smell of bacon. The sound of it sizzling filled the air, and gave my stomach a delightfully terrible feeling of emptiness. I almost shot off of the couch as soon as I heard it, and stopped as soon as I saw Ian tapping his foot to something playing in his headphones. 

He was still in his cotton pajama pants and plain white t-shirt, and looked about as put together this morning as I felt. “Mrrning,” I called out, ignoring the slight slur in my voice. Tired Ollie was not fun to be around.

Ian didn’t even turn around as he pulled out one of his headphones to talk. “Morning, Ollie! Merry Christmas.”

I stretched out my body as far as it could go before pulling myself fully off of the (surprisingly comfy) couch. “Thanks, you too.” I grumbled as more of my voice came to me. I was far from a fan of it, but it was necessary. I took several steps across our cold tile floor into the kitchen, and leaned against him as he continued messing around with the breakfast in the making.

“Ollie, if you’re awake enough to lean on me then I need you to please do me the favor of prepping our waffles, I’ve only got so many hands.”

I groaned, but obeyed his request. It did not take me long to begin the process of doing the easiest part of the breakfast cooking (I could already tell Ian would let me do nothing more serious for breakfast). Once I had the process all begun I rushed off to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, careful to avoid the mirror as I did. I wasn’t ready to deal with excessive amounts of dysphoria this morning.

Once I was finished and back in the kitchen, it was only a matter of working together to get everything finished and prepared for our breakfast. I set the table as Ian put the finishing touches on the delightful smelling meal. 

The two of us dug in as soon as we sat down, and it was delicious. As far as breakfasts went it wasn’t anything special, but Ian had a marvelous way with his cooking. Everything tasted better if he was involved, it was like his own special blend of magic.

“So,” he began as he finished his last strip of bacon. “Presents now or later? Later would give us time to get ready, but earlier would mean you seeing the gift I had in mind for you.”

I couldn’t help but bounce my leg in excitement. The pairing rings from the year before had been an absolutely splendid gift, one I increasingly fantasized about sharing with him. They even had their own place as a centerpiece of my hoard. I wasn’t sure what he got me that could compare, but I just knew I’d love it.

And, more importantly, I was positive he’d love what I had in store for him. It was the entire Star Wars movie collection, all as physical copies. I’d even managed to get the first three of the mainline movies on VHS and DVD. He always said he adored the original trilogy, so I couldn’t wait to see that he got two copies of the movies one, two, and three.

“Now. I need to see you unwrap my present.”

Ian raised an eyebrow at how obviously excited I was, and gave me a smile that could slay a dragon. “Cute,” he said simply, before taking both our plates to the sink. I tried to stop him, but he flicked my forehead.

I tried to argue, but that word rolled around in my head over and over, turning any prospective words I had into mush. Instead, all I could do was grumble at him handling both the cooking and the cleaning, that wasn’t remotely fair.

Well, if he insisted on handling the dishes, I was at least going to prep the living room. I rushed to the tree where our two presents sat, and moved both of our gifts right in front of where we normally sat. His gift to me was wrapped in an oddly small box, but that made my mind race with excitement at the idea of whatever jewelry he got for me.

I couldn’t contemplate too long, however, before Ian took his seat on the couch next to me. He gave me a look, and then looked at the mysterious treasure on the ground in front of me, and said, “I think I’ll go first, if that’s okay?”

If he hadn’t asked I would have offered, I went first the year before. “Of course!” I said with an enthusiasm filled with excitement.

He didn’t wait a moment before he gently pulled apart the wrapping paper surrounding the gift. “I never mentioned it,” he said before he finished, forcing me to wait even longer to see his reaction, “but I appreciated the wrapping paper. It was like a little piece of my childhood brought back into our home.” I could’ve been lost in his gentle eyes as he said his peace. 

“Don’t mention it,” I said after a moment of staring. I ignored the heat rising to my face and pushed those thoughts aside before speaking up again. “I… I just wanted to wrap it in something you loved.”

“Well you did,” he smiled again, before turning back to his gift. He was once again methodical as he disassembled my wrapping paper job, all without more than a slight rip or tear here or there. Once he reached the cardboard container within, the tension I felt was at an all time high.

And then, just like that, he opened the box. Staring right back at him was exactly what I’d worked so hard to collect for him, and the look of joy on his face was unbeatable. I let my smile match his as I explained myself. “I noticed what your hoard was. You’d collected so many movies in the past few months, so I thought I’d get you a series you said you loved.” 

“You noticed?” He asked as he pulled out the movies, one by one. 

“Of course I noticed, Ian. Even when you were avoiding me, it wasn’t hard to tell that our movie shelf had grown a ton in the past few months. I can’t imagine how many DVDs are sitting in your room right now.” I didn’t realize my error until after the words came out, and I instantly backtracked. “Not that I minded being avoided, I mean! After how I treated you, I deserved it.”

But Ian looked more confused than offended. “Avoided you?” he asked, before the calculations his brain made began to show on his face. “Oh. Oh. Ollie no, I wasn’t— I didn’t mean to stop spending so much time with you. I just needed the extra hours at work.”

“For what?” I couldn’t help but ask. I should’ve just accepted his answer, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I felt hurt, especially with him using the exact reason I gave. I just wanted his honest answer.

But Ian didn’t say a word. Instead, he gently took the tiny package sat down in front of me, and set it in my hands. Once he did, he gave me a nod.

My hands moved on their own as my mind raced. Nails turned into claws as I ripped through the packaging and box both, seeking my reward. When a claw met a metal chain, my eyebrows furrowed and I pulled it out of the box as gently as I could.

I gasped as soon as I saw it.

An absolutely gorgeous amethyst pendant wrapped in a familiar metal chain. The stone itself was glowing and crackling with the sheer amount of magic stored within it. I recognized what it was instantly, but I almost couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

“Is this..?”

“A Pendant of True Form,” Ian explained, even though we both knew the explanation wasn’t necessary. My hands were shaking so much that I could barely hold onto it, it was worth more to me than almost anything else ever could.

But there was something far more important I had to do before I could put it on. I needed to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I gently placed the necklace in my lap, before I looked my best friend in the eyes. In the back of my mind I begged and pleaded with him to please be good about this. To please accept who I was.

Just as I opened my mouth, Ian gently placed a finger in front of my lips. “Before you say anything, know that I will always trust and love you. No matter what you look like after you put that on, no matter who you turn out to be. The only thing that matters to me is that you’re no longer trapped in a body that isn’t your own.”

I couldn’t help but nod as I fought back tears. Of course he didn’t mind. I wanted to put the necklace on then and there, but I couldn’t. I needed to buy myself more time. “Is this why you’ve been working so hard for so long? For this?” 

The tears overwhelmed me the moment I saw him nod. “When you said you were jealous of me, I knew you wanted this just as much as I did, maybe more. But I also knew you’d never ask anyone for it, so I did everything I could to share the happiness you gave me.”

And of course, all of this was based on a lie. Ian didn’t even know the real reason I’d avoided him for so long, and only made the crying worse. “Ian, I—” I had to cut myself off to blow my nose. “This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten, but I need to tell you the truth.”

“I already told you, I would never—”

“Not about that. About you.” The words were beginning to tumble through me as the fire within began to grow hotter and hotter. My tears were evaporating almost as soon as they appeared. “I was avoiding you because I couldn’t handle the crush I had on you.”

For once he was on the back foot. Ian sputtered for a moment, while I continued. “Everything else I said was true, too. I was jealous of you. But what was really making me avoid you was the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking of you.”

I knew I’d gone too far when my admission was met with silence. I tightly gripped my necklace, a part of me terrified that some dark part of Ian would rear its ugly head and demand back his gift, but he didn’t. Instead, I just barely heard him whisper, “you too, huh?”

It was my turn to sputter as I tried to understand what he meant. Had other friends of his over the years done the same thing? Was this something he had worried about in the—

“Ollie, you know I wouldn’t go out of my way to buy a several thousand dollar magical necklace for just anyone, right?” his warm hands gently took hold of my own as I still tightly gripped the Pendant. “Ollie, I’ve had a crush on you for ages. What hurt most about you avoiding me wasn’t that I’d lost my friend, it was that I thought the person I had feelings for thought less of me.”

“I could never—”

“—I know,” Ian cut in. “But let’s be honest, we’re kind of terrible at communicating.”

There was no arguing with that. I nodded. “We kind of are, yeah.”

“More than anything, I would love to call you my partner.” Ian almost whispered those last words, but as he spoke he leaned in closer and closer. He didn’t push too far, or ignore my boundaries, but a part of me wanted him to even with this body.

But instead I gently bumped his forehead with my own. “I would love to be your…” I hesitated. This was the moment of truth, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready for it. I closed my eyes before I opened my mouth again. “Your girlfriend.”

There wasn’t even a second of silence for me to be anxious before he offered a response. “Well, girlfriend of mine, would you like the world to start seeing the version of you I’ve gotten to live with for the past two years?”

Without waiting a moment longer, I pulled the necklace around my neck, and opened my eyes. The last thing I saw before the stone shattered and my world was enveloped in brilliant white was my boyfriend, smiling at me with endless love in his eyes.