Chapter 18: Smoke Tricks

Stormy wasn't home. I took this as a perfect opportunity to try smoking some of the new stuff. Sniffing it was an entirely different beast. I only liked to do small bumps throughout the day. Smoking was the real fun and it seemed to make the high last even longer, while sniffing was stronger but the high was gone quicker. I set up my pipe, lighter and baggie dress-right-dress on the bathroom counter.

These two baggies will be the last ones, then I'll take a break… I said that about the last bag, and the one before that. But this time I meant it. I took a hit, filling the bathroom with that disgusting scent. My eyes were freshly dilated. I checked out my muscles that were deteriorating from my lack of eating. I must've lost 10 to 20 pounds this month. I liked how skinny I looked. Whatever little muscle I had was clearly visible.

I wanted to hang out with Jocelyn, but she was out of town with her mom, apparently on a trip to Suffern, New York. "Suffering in Suffern," she said. I decided to skate to Ariel's house to hang out with Gordo, about a 40 minute cruise. First I called Ariel to see if it was okay…

Gordo picked up. "Ay foo, why you callin my wife?"

I stuttered like I got caught in the act. "Uh, I was just—"

"Ahh! I got you huh?! I'm just messin. Me and my wife sharin' the phone now."

"Ah, ok. You at home?"

"Yup."

"Can I come over?"

"Shiii you ain't gotta ask, ese. You welcome any time."

"For sure. Thanks."

I skated shirtless while smoking a cigarette, thinking I was so damn cool, like a dogtown Z boy. The pipe was in my pocket, so I didn't skate as fast as I could. Imagine shattering a pipe full of fresh residue, oh fuck, I'd probably cry.

I felt weightless in the moonlight, like it was a familiar friend, a goddess that bestowed powers upon me… I knew better than to knock on the front door. I made my way to the backyard, letting myself in through the fence. My stomach forced a burp of stomach acid that I spit on the dirt. How long since I last ate? I couldn't remember. I was never hungry anymore; only that first minute after waking up until I took the first hit of the day…

Gordo was working on something in the backyard. He greeted me with our handshake. The firepit wasn't activated; we were illuminated only by the moon and the yellow lights inside the house.

"You working in the dark?" I said to Gordo with a smile.

"Shit, I'm like a cat, ese."

I was beginning to feel sick.. "Uh huh. Can I get some water?" My voice quivered.

"Ayy, you alright holmes?"

"Yeah, yeah… Just feeling like shit…"

"When's the last time you slept?"

I had to think hard about it. "Since the day I smoked with you."

Gordo laughed. "Ok, so two days?"

"No, the time before that."

"God damn homie! That's four days!" Gordo's smile disappeared and he shook his head. "You ain't eat nothing either, huh?"

I shook my head, increasing Gordo's disappointment.

"I remember when I first started. I did the same shit. You gotta take care of yourself, dog!" Gordo slapped my chest with the back of his hand, making my feeble body take a step back. I really needed that water. I started to think about the trip I just made with my skateboard in hand, the fact I haven't eaten in days, the sleep deprivation, all the jib in my body… Gordo was right. I needed to take a step back.

"Don't smoke no more until you sleep. And go get yo water."

I nodded and thanked him. I put my hand to the sliding door but Gordo straightened his arm across my chest and began to whisper. "Kiera's inside, probably listening to our conversation... Be careful with her."

I had no idea what Gordo meant and almost found it offensive. Kiera was cool! I weakly laughed it off and went inside.

I went inside and saw Kiera was in the kitchen. My eyes were drawn to her milky legs. Her hands went past her jean shorts. Her toes matched her fingers; a pretty pink color like peony flowers. She must have recently got them done.

"Hey you," she smiled. We hugged.

"How you been?" I said as I grabbed a water bottle. I took a light sip. Gordo was waiting for me outside and I didn't want to leave him hanging, plus his warning made me feel like perhaps I should wait to talk to Kiera. "Actually, I gotta—"

"Leaving so soon?" Kiera said.

"Yeah, Gordo's waiting for me outside."

Kiera nodded. "When you're done, come to my room. There's something I want to show you."

I felt my face flush with blood. What could she possibly mean by that? I smiled, but internally, I was already telling myself to not let anything happen between us… Maybe it's not a good idea,

"Um… I don't know…"

Kiera flashed a knowing smile… "Why not? Did Ariel tell you to stay away from me?"

She was almost right, but my face told her it was true.

"I knew it. My sister is fucking crazy. She thinks that I'm going to ruin… Hey, are you okay?"

I was not.

"Hey, come here, sit down…"

Kiera guided me by the hand to the couch. She watched me sip some water with a stern glare until I finished the bottle…

"When's the last time you slept?"

"4 days ago," I said without looking her in the eye. I was lost in my own little world. I needed to lay down.

Kiera gasped for air. "I bet you haven't ate anything either, right?... I knew it. You're a noobie. It's ok. I was the same way… Hey, don't fall asleep here. Let's take you to the guest bedroom, yeah?"

I barely kept it together as I wobbled in whichever direction she guided me. The room was filled with halloween decorations and colored lights, which I thought was odd since it wasn't even close to October. Kiera shut the door behind me and locked it. I plopped down on some cushions and felt a heavy blanket settle on top of me…

"You should probably eat something… But you probably can't. Tomorrow I'll make you something you don't have to chew. Applesauce diet is what I call it…"

I couldn't fathom intaking any food. My jaws were too sore and my throat felt tight and my stomach had shrunk to the size of a quarter. There was nothing I could do except lay there, my mind orbiting around the sun every second.

Kiera rubbed my damp forehead, liquid drugs seeping out my pores.

"My first time I stayed up for…" she counted on her fingers. "7 days? Well, not my first time, but around the first month or so. I get it, really. It's hard to find a balance. Your equilibrium is fucked. Maybe…"

Kiera left the room and came back with a beer. My eyes opened to the sound of the can cracking open. I had deja vu from my night with Jocelyn as Kiera put the cold can to my lips and lifted my head up slightly. I sipped a little bit, just to appease her.

"This is good because it has calories and carbohydrates, and you don't have to chew." Kiera took a sip herself, then stood up and took a hit from her pipe, blowing it all over her hanging clothes in the closet.

She looked at me with sympathy. "None for you. Not until tomorrow."

I felt something stirring in my stomach and I let out a burp. I can't even begin to describe how good it felt on my stomach and throat.

"Nice," Kiera said like it was a good sign.

"So, how long have you and Jocelyn been together?"

I struggled to sit up. I leaned against her bed frame. I sipped the beer again. It was making me feel a little better. "About a month. Why?"

Kiera opened her drawer and pulled out a sack of weed, grinder and rolling papers. "Just wondering." Her grinder made a metallic screech as she ground up the weed back and forth. She took a finger-full of the tiny nugs and rolled up a fatty, licked and sealed it like a pro. She sparked it and blew some perfectly symmetrical O rings. They expanded as they traveled across the room, eventually breaking apart against the wall.

"Here, take some of this. It should help relax your nervous system."

I took a hit and tried to blow smoke rings but simply puffed tiny clouds. Kiera giggled at me.

"Here, like this." She made a big O with her mouth and poked her sunken cheeks. I imitated the expression, feeling a little embarrassed doing so. She touched my cheeks, poking them with just a bit of pressure.

"Tighter. Hold your breath, and puff out the rings."

I attempted and failed and failed and finally made a tiny circle! It broke apart almost instantly.

"Nice! You're a natural," Kiera said as she grabbed the joint from me. She took another hit and did a 'french inhale', releasing the smoke from her mouth and sucking it in through her nose, making the smoke look like a waterfall. She blew out the hit.

"Are you in love with her?"

I blushed. "Um…"

"Sorry. I'm just curious. I only saw you two together that first night. Now you come here separately…"

"Well we're usually together, but yeah, ever since we started smoking jib… Life has gotten busy. She's with her parents right now in New York."

Kiera stabbed the joint into a blue ceramic ashtray. "I see…"

I was starting to feel more settled and realized this was definitely not the guest bedroom. I totally blanked on it, but I was laying in her bed, in her room, with the door shut…

"I'm gonna go see what Gordo's doing," I said, trying to mask my panic.

Kiera raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh? Leaving so soon?" She looked at me with disappointment.

"Fine… Go ahead…" she said sadly, her eyes averted away from me.

I paused at the door. "I'm sorry… Thank you for everything." I walked away and heard her door click shut behind me.

I turned the corner and BAM, Gordo was looking out the window blinds.

"What's up holmes?" he said, still looking outside.

"Nothing. Kiera just smoked me out."

Gordo turned his head toward me, an intense look…

"Just weed!" I added. "Not jib."

He started to laugh condescendingly. "Jib, huh? Ayy she gotchu good man, huh? Just don't tell Jocelyn, okay? I won't tell my wife." He patted me on the chest. I did not understand what the hell he was talking about or why he was being this way. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and simply laughed along with him.

"Come on," Gordo said, walking toward the backyard. I was honestly a little annoyed with him. I wanted to hang out with Kiera, but felt a responsibility to hang out with Gordo instead.