2 Years Ago

< Rebooting > or at least.. that's what it feels like. I didn't exist… Now I do. The screaming, of who.. Or what? The last thing I heard, it gets louder and louder so close, it's inside my ears.

…

Oh I'm back.. Wait, the screaming is actually.. Beeping? Constant and throbbing next to my head, god my head, it hurts so bad, please turn IT OFF!

…

My hand is really wet. Am I still in the octagon?.. Feeling my head, the blood dripping off, staining the mat. I can't hear screaming, it can't be the ring. Instead it's the constant and growing faster beeping, and these are definitely sheets on my back.. The hospital?.. How long has it been??

There's something else apart from the beeping.. there's sobbing, I try to open my eyes, but the light burns!

I feel movement, shuffling of feet and the light is no longer as bright, “...--!!”, the voice tries again but before I can hear anything it goes dark.

…

“.. you hear me?..” a soft voice hits me like a truck pulling my consciousness out of the dark depths. I try to use my throat but all that seems to come out is raspy noises.

“That's okay .. don't talk, I’ll get some water” I feel a hand in my own, my lifeline, I tense as it starts to leave me, “okay okay, I’m here I’m not going anywhere I’ll call a nurse”, I feel someone pour water into my mouth and I drink it as well as I can, I can't move my body, why can't I move my body?! I slip into darkness.

…

It's been a month now since I ‘woke up’ although it feels like I've been here for years, just feels like I'm letting Zel down by being here. I started rehabilitation a few weeks ago, it's been.. bad.. to say the least, from a mixed martial artist about to hit it big on the scene to… nothing. Barely being able to walk, starting off from being an infant again.

Zelia is sitting quietly by my side having just got off class, I wasn't allowing her to skip for me. The nurses and AI do enough for me, just her support and being by my side when she can is enough. Thankfully I've been able to at least do some reading even with not being able to move.

It hasn't made me any smarter, but reading about the history and the dissolution of international lines was really interesting. The fact that it took so much just to move to another country was horrible, people should have been allowed to live where and with who they want, at least things are different now.

Dozing off, I keep imagining countries with laws that hurt the people would suddenly lose their population and have nothing to keep the economy running. They would see that the people have all the power, it won't happen nowadays with the ability to move around and with Sci-Axium in control, nothing bad has happened. Working if you want to get anywhere in life, free healthcare, a place to stay.. If only it was that easy when I needed it before..

…

Zelia is sitting here reading, enjoying the silence of being together, a hard knock on the door filters through the wood. The nurses shouldn’t be here for the next hour? A short man closely resembling a rat and a larger man built like a truck in dark glasses slide open the door, stepping through.They look like walking, talking, caricatures, a lawyer and hired muscle..

“Mr. Dawson I presume? Great, great, We are From MAA and have been tasked with taking care of business with you”, I nod my head to Zelia that it's okay, I was expecting this.

“Let me guess.. It was reported by the hospital that I was drugged and the MAA found my helmet sabotaged. Now the MAA wants to sweep it under the rug, just cause of some rich fuck kid thats desperate to get to the olympics so that their daddy can be proud.. money still talks even in this changed world huh..”

I grimace thinking of the hatred on my betrayers face, their need to win at any cost, that cost being my life. I hope it's eating them up inside what they had to do just to be the ‘best’.

They look at each other stone faced and push over a contract for me to read, I look it over and pass it to Zelia to read as well.

“In reparations for my injuries that occurred due to ‘accidently’ taking something before the match and gear not being checked properly you want to offer me 50k credits in damages and all my hospital and rehabilitation fees fully paid for, that means your going to be on account for anything that needs to be done until im able to live a mostly normal life..”

And for such ‘generosity’ I would never talk about this situation again, the news just reporting it as a sad accident, bad timing, an end of one life and the start of a fucked up one.

This doesn't seem to include gene therapy although that would be the cost of basically a new body at this point so no surprise there, They would rather sweep this under the rug but know its bad publicity even though they would win.. I can't prove anything.. It's my word against the silver spoon.

I ask Zelia, as my legal guardian, to sign the document due to my inability to write at this point and give them my bank details to transfer the credits. I just want them out of my life and done.

They leave, their jobs done, and I’m never to talk about this part of my life again, sealed away with only money and a fucked body to show for it.

I move my hand and look at Zelia and they hold it, they were trying to hold in their anger the whole time, the absolute furious look in her eyes showed me that what she thought happened was monstrous. Having someone like that in my life was all that I needed.

…

Another day of recovering, my thoughts turning downcast, I hear a knock on the door and it's opened by a person wearing a white shirt and black pants, their hair just brushing their shoulders, looking very soft.

“Hey beautiful I think you've got the wrong room, I'm waiting for my friend to get here but you're more than welcome to hang out”, I smile and stick my tongue out at the blushing person, they go to sit down and take a deep breath.

“Gods I would hit you if you weren't so goddamn injured!” They pout and open their bag taking out some fruit and a bar of vegan jerky.

“It's the only time I get the privilege, gotta have some perks to the whole ‘disabled’ thing, besides you are looking more amazing every time I see you, so I'm not telling any lies” I smile softly and she smiles back shaking her head.

Zelia starts cutting up the fruit and getting it ready to feed it to me, the nurses take the morning shift and she takes the afternoon/dinner shift while we talk and catch up and just exist together.

After a while I start dozing off and thinking about things, where it all started, about.. Lilia, about who I could have been and wanted to be and well.. Who I really am.

“Hey Zel.. how does it feel.. Being you.. You know?..” She stops pulling apart an orange and turns her body over to me looking concerned, reaches out for my hand and feels my trembling, trembling with what movement I have.

“It feels like I’m allowed to feel the way I want, I don't have to be that tough person again, I’m allowed to cry when my body wants to, when I've had enough, my body is more becoming my own, and soon I'll be able to feel like I can dress how I really feel.. Are you thinking about yourself?..” she holds my hand tighter with a hopeful look in her eyes that I can't fully face.

“Do you think I could be happy?.. That I could be..” The name catches in my throat, the last time I told anyone the name, my name, my whole life changed, the whole world changed.. “Her?..” I feel like a coward.

I can't even say a name to my best friend, who is going through the same thing, but it feels like the world is ending whenever I try to utter it.

“I've had too much time to think here, I always tried to drown it out, but I thought.. Since I'm already here and recovering, I had a chance.. A time when I didn't have to keep pushing myself.. I'm never going to be able to do martial arts again, that life is over, gods I don't want it to be but it’s not like I could afford millions of credits for basically a new body” the tears falling slowly as I sob, forcing out the words, getting softer and softer as I rant.

Zel pulls out one of her dad’s handkerchiefs and starts wiping my cheeks, her tears falling against my already wet hospital gown, as she leans over and gently kisses me on the forehead, the tears mingle before she wipes them up.

“Maybe it is time for a change.. I can talk to Dr. Wilson and they can see if they can work out the best way for you to be on hormones and not interfere with any of the other medications and what not they have you on?.. “

“Just say the word, just nod, I wish I could do more for you, always, you’re my best friend, honestly it would be pretty cute going through this together, being able to see each other grow and change side by side, don't be jealous though, with how big my mums tits are mine are going to be huge!”

A laugh escapes my throat through the sobbing for all the support I'm getting, she deserves the world, and here I am just a mess of a human being.

“I can't hug back but.. Please.. Hug?” I plead, she gently wraps her arms around my sides pulling me up a little and I rest my face in her hair, why does she smell so good.. I nod a few times into her shoulder blade.

“Is that a yes?” she asks softly, I nod again a few more times tears building up against her hair.

“A few more minutes and then I'll be right back, the doctor should still be here and I want you to be able to know something is going to change, that you have a future.”

After a few minutes she gets up, cracks her back from the weird position of having to not squish me but also to give the best hug possible, squeezes my hand and rushes off down the corridor.

She had full control over my medical responsibilities, and she was a woman on a mission.

I Started the long journey of transitioning the very next day.

Lillyloude

The start of a bunch of backstory chapters! its going to be a godamn ride moo!