I had some time to kill before Reiko and Kaminari came home from school, and the idea of going outside on my own felt weird. Besides that, it was cold out there, and they had a freaking kotatsu in their downstairs living room.

So I sat on one of the cushions next to it, curled up my legs under the kotatsu's blanket and heater, and made sure that I was as calm as possible before trying out an experiment.

I turned on my tablet, went into Settings -> General -> Language and Region, and changed its language from English to Japanese. While it processed that, I closed my eyes and cleared my mind, pretending that it was the solstice and everything was quiet and still. Thinking about nothing.

I opened my eyes, looked down at my tablet, and chose to see nothing weird about it. It was just a normal Settings page, in Japanese. Which I could read instantly, without struggling to remember a character or wondering what a word was.

Okay, so far so good. I mean, I was seeing evidence that I'd been changed on the inside in ways that I didn't understand, and not just with the whole futa thing. But this helped me understand it a little better, and maybe feel like I had some control over it.

I'm just an ordinary Japanese schoolgirl, I told myself, and let myself believe it. Of course I could read Japanese at my grade level. Especially on my own tablet.

Okay ... now for the moment of truth. I changed the language back from Japanese to English, and closed my eyes again while it processed that. This time, though, I didn't meditate or clear my head. Instead I thought, be the schoolgirl! Remember how you felt when you woke up like this for the first time, and thought you were late for class. Isn't it weird that you're staying home like this, and not at school with Kaminari and Reiko?

I opened my eyes, and looked down at my tablet again.

I couldn't make out any of the English words.

Holy shit.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Screw this.

"I am Claire!" I said out loud, and had trouble pronouncing the word. "JK ja nai. Daigakusei desu! Eigo no neitibu supiikaa desu!"

...

"FUCK!"

Okay, that snapped me out of it. The words came back into focus and became legible again.

My heart was pounding, and I was sweating all over and gasping for breath. I was having a mild panic attack and trying to fight it back down, clutching the sides of the kotatsu.

Dear goddess.

"Okay," I told myself in between gasps. "Okay, calm down. You got what you were looking for. Right? Maybe? A little?!"

I wasn't even sure what I was trying to figure out. I just ... the idea that I could lose track of what language I'm speaking in scared me.

Was this what my inner schoolgirl was like? A mentally ill nervous wreck, just like Claire? Was that the form TS gave me? Is what I was asking myself. And could I trust anything that my senses were telling me?

Was ... was I still dreaming?

Was I in the Matrix?!

The one thing I knew was that this couldn't be someone's TG story. Because no one would write something as shitty and devoid of wish-fulfillment as this.

---

"That's actually not too unusual," Reiko said, in between spoonfuls of curry rice. "There's even a name for it."

I stared at her. "Huh?!"

We were in the kitchen-slash-dining-room, upstairs. The Inoues were still at work, but they'd left plates of curry rice covered in plastic wrap out on the table.

As soon as I saw those, I was like ... is that even safe? Is it sanitary? That food had to be cold by now, right? How long had it even been-

"Itadakimasu!" Kaminari nommed hers with glee.

I sighed, and sat down in front of one of the plates. It actually looked pretty good. Although it could stand to go in the microwave.

Reiko swallowed, and looked back up at me. "It's called code-switching, sis. It's what bilingual people do, and people raised in between cultures."

"Okay ... "

"You were raised Mormon, right? As part of an insular religious subculture, you must have felt isolated from your peers."

I winced. "Don't remind me."

"Sorry, sis. But did you talk to people outside of your church differently from the way you talked to people inside it?"

It was still weird to hear people call it "your church" instead of "The Church." But I guessed that was an example of what she was talking about?

I nodded. "Yeah ... definitely."

Kaminari raised her hand. "Same! Although my parents thought Mormons were going to hell." She grinned sheepishly.

Reiko nodded. "Claire, the 'inner schoolgirl' you describe may not be a separate person. She may just be the 'code' for speaking in Japanese, and functioning in Japanese society. You already had some of that, but in order to make you a culturally Japanese girl the TS gave you the rest. Which is also where your memories of things like IC cards come from."

"Okay ... " I picked at the plastic wrap over my plate, trying to peel it off without touching the table. "And there are other TS daughters like this?"

"Not that I know of."

I facepalmed.

"But what you described sounds like the experience of being in between cultures, sis. Believe me when I say that I know about it." She put her hand on my arm.

Given her backstory, I definitely believed her. Or at least, I wasn't going to question her on that. "Okay ... so like, Kaminari forgot how to speak English when she got TSed."

"I'm learning fast!" Kaminari protested.

"Did you forget English when you turned into Rei?" I asked Reiko.

"Hm." She looked down at her plate. "I would say my proficiency levels switched places. I went from knowing the basics of Japanese and being fluent in English, to being fluent in Japanese and knowing only the basics of English. It took me years to relearn the language."

Kaminari patted her head. "You did very well, pet!"

"Thank you, Mistress." Reiko nodded, once she stopped petting her. "You are learning much faster, though. I've wondered why that is, just as Claire-née is wondering why she can switch between English and Japanese so easily."

"I'm just that awesome ~ " Kaminari beamed, and flashed a peace sign at us.

I groaned. "I wouldn't call it 'easy,' Reiko. More like 'scary and frustrating.' I can't even tell what language I'm speaking right now."

"It's Japanese," they both said.

"Okay, sure, but like, that only works if I don't think about it?" I finally got the plastic wrap off and took a bite of the curry and rice. It wasn't as spicy as I liked, but oh well.

"That's how code-switching works for most people, sis. You don't consciously decide 'I'm going to speak German to my mom,' or 'I'm going to speak English to this store clerk,' any more than you consciously breathe. Your brain just loads up the 'code' as needed."

"Mmph." I swallowed, and took a sip of water. "Okay? So how come I can like, make the words not make sense?"

"Because you're making the words not make sense."

Kaminari giggled, and I facepalmed again.

"In all honesty, sis, I don't know. But I think that speaking a language is sort of like riding a bicycle, in that if you stop to think about what you're doing you can lose your balance."

"Or the other way around! I have to consciously focus on English," Kaminari said, "the way I used to have to focus on Japanese words. If I want, I can do the mental equivalent of crossing my eyes, and suddenly everything goes out of focus and I don't understand English anymore! You know what that's like, right?"

I remembered the hours I'd spent struggling to read TSF Cluster reactions to Japan's immigration program, and nodded. "Yeah ... after awhile mental fatigue kicks in, and even simple words are just a jumble of kana and radicals."

"Or Roman letters." Kaminari grinned nervously.

"Or that." I nodded.

Reiko took a deep breath. "Finally, you may have noticed that I show signs of being on the autism spectrum. I have a sensory processing issue, where sometimes I have to ask someone to repeat theirself multiple times even when they are speaking clear Japanese or English. The part of my brain that processes spoken language just can't make out what they're saying, even if I say it out loud back to them."

"She really does." Kaminari nodded.

"So the TS made me autistic?" I gave Reiko a confused look.

"I don't know, Claire-née. And if it's made you uncomfortable, I'm very sorry it was my song that changed you. I just want you to feel less alone, and know that there's at least some precedent for what you're experiencing."

"Real-life TS is so new! And poorly understood." Kaminari looked at me while headpatting Reiko. "If it can make her into an anime character, who knows what it can do?"

"Okay ... " I took a deep breath, and looked down at my food again. "What happened to my body and mind still feels scary and strange, and I'm still not sure how to process it. But I guess that's just part of being a schoolgirl and growing up ... " I looked up at them. "Right?"

"If you want to look at it that way." Reiko nodded.

"I think I do. It helps." I ate some more of the curry rice. "It's better than panicking, anyway. There's just one thing that still weirds me out."

"Besides being a futa?" Kaminari offered helpfully.

I winced. "Yes. Besides that."

"What is it, sis?"

I took a deep breath. "You saw how I reacted right after my change. And like, I told you how I freaked out and buried my tablet under the snow."

Reiko nodded slowly.

"But you both agree that it's been positive for me. Right? That this is something I deserve, and that I've always wanted, even if I couldn't admit that to myself."

"Sounds about right," Kami said.

"Okay. So why the hell did I freak out like that?" I threw my arms up in confusion. "Why did I react like a murderer had broken into my room? Because it always felt like the natural reaction, to me, but literally no one else seems to agree."

Reiko took a deep breath, and two sets of eyes turned to her.

"Did I tell you what my reaction was like?" she asked. "The first time I TSed, I mean."

Kaminari put a hand to her shoulder.

I was nervous, but I accepted the challenge. "If you became Rei Ayanami -- if you always were her to begin with -- you would've just sat there, compliant, as your parents and the government decided what to do with you."

Reiko nodded. "Why didn't I react like you did, sis? I think panicking and trying to escape would've been a sensible response, in hindsight."

I looked down and closed my eyes. "Okay ... point taken."

"I was not trying to make a point there, Claire-née, or shut down your concerns. I was trying to help you think about this."

I looked back up at her, wary.

Kaminari began stroking Reiko's hair as she spoke. "I responded that way because Rei would have, yes. But Rei did because she had learned helplessness. She believed that having free will was pointless, because nothing she did of her own choice could have any effect on the world around her. For most of the series, anyway."

"Most of it, yeah."

"On top of that, I had no experience with TS at all. I didn't know what had happened, and had no basis on which to decide what to do. But you, sis ... you've been involved in that fandom for years. Would I be right in guessing that you'd read TS stories before you even left the Mormon church?"

I winced. "Oh geeze, yeah. It was my secret shame."

"What would have happened to you, if you had TSed while you still went to that church and lived with your parents? What would they have done to you?"

Just like that, everything clicked into place.

I'd reacted like an axe murderer had just broken into my room, because if I'd TSed while I lived with my family they would've literally tried to kill me.

"Oh goddess." I stared down at my curry rice, as my vision started to blur.

The next thing I knew, both of my girlfriends were hugging me, one on each side. And I cried into one of their shoulders, squeezing both of them tightly.

When I finally caught my breath, I whispered "I should have enjoyed it ... "

"I know, Claire-née. I know."

Kaminari stroked the back of my neck.

I didn't care that I'd lost my old body. The language confusion was manageable. But this ... this hurt. All those years reading stories like this, and my own had started off as a nightmare.

I swore to myself that it would not end as one. Not as long as Kami and Reiko were with me.

---

Did you know Reiko sings in the bath? And that it's usually songs her stage persona, "Ran Mitake," covered or wrote.

"That's ... really beautiful," I remarked to Kaminari. She was sitting on the other side of the kotatsu, peeling a mandarin orange.

"Sometimes I wish she'd sing something different." Kaminari grinned sheepishly. I guessed she'd heard this a bunch of times, living with her.

"It's still beautiful, though." I eyed the bowl of oranges warily, weighing them against needing to go upstairs to rinse sticky orange juice off of my hand.

"You're beautiful, dear ~ "

"Oh my goddess, so are you." I blushed and looked away from my girlfriend.

"You know, I kind of missed this ... "

"Oh?" I looked up.

"Talking normally like this." She finished peeling the mandarin orange and started pulling bits of white fibre off of its sections. "We used to do it all the time, remember? Maybe not so much when I was depressed." She blushed. "But when I'd TSed and you hadn't, it just felt like ... "

"Like you were dealing with a different person?"

Kaminari blushed even harder. "Something like that."

I looked down at my tablet. "You didn't sound anything like I was used to. You used simpler words, you spoke more slowly ... you kind of had an accent."

"English is hard!" Kaminari pouted. "It has so many sounds that aren't in Japanese. And you have to make them so quickly."

"She sells seashells by the seashore," I recited.

"You said that in Japanese, dear ~ "

Crap! I held up a hand to cover my facial reaction. This part of the TS was really going to take some getting used to.

"I guess it was hard talking to me in your second language," I finally offered. "Especially when I didn't know enough Japanese to reciprocate."

"But it was worth it!" Kaminari pumped her fist triumphantly in the air, and took a big bite of her orange. "And not just so I could have sex with my 'glamorous foreign boyfriend.' So I could reconnect with you, and build a family with you together like we'd always wanted."

" ... I was your glamorous foreign boyfriend?"

Kaminari licked some orange juice off her lip, and grinned sheepishly. "I may have told the girls in my class I was dating someone from Canada."

"I'm not even blonde!"

"That didn't matter, once I showed off how you'd taught me to speak English ~ "

I blinked. "Isn't Reiko the one who tutored you?"

"Yes, but you helped me practice!"

I was starting to get uncomfortable here. I knew Japanese society had this thing that was like Asian fetishization in reverse, but actually hearing about it just reminded me of how it'd felt to be the "exotic" Japanese girl in Canada. And get hit on by racist assholes.

Kaminari sensed my discomfort, and put her (non-messy) hand over mine. "I'm sorry, Eclair. I shouldn't have brought up how you used to be a guy."

I covered the lower half of my face with my other hand, looking away and trying to gather my thoughts. "It's not that ... it's just the reminder that I'm trading one messed-up society for another."

She squeezed my hand, and smiled faintly. "At least now you have a real, live Japanese schoolgirl as your girlfriend. Right?"

I squeezed back, and lowered my guard a bit so she could see my smile. "I always did."

Kaminari smiled and blushed hard. "Then so did I."

---

A few minutes later, Reiko walked into the bedroom wrapped in a towel, digging through shelves for her clothes.

"Mmm ~ " Kaminari moaned from right next to my ear. "Hi, pet!"

I nibbled Kami-sama's neck, blushing hard and doing other things harder.

"Hey," Reiko said, without looking at us. "Have you seen my old jeans anywhere?"

"I don't see any clothes right now." Kaminari squeezed me tight, in all sorts of places.

"Ah, okay. Have fun, Mistress." Reiko bowed, and took something with her from the closet before leaving and shutting the door.

Kaminari waited a second, before whispering in my ear.

"Babiessss ~ "

---

After we'd finished and gotten dressed and cleaned up, we went out and joined Reiko in the downstairs living room. She had headphones on and was doing something on her PC, but she turned around to face us and then stood up when we arrived, taking off her headphones and bowing to Kaminari.

"Welcome back, Mistress. I hope you and Claire-née enjoyed yourselves."

"Of course!" Kaminari gave her headpats.

Reiko pulled her chair over to the kotatsu, and we all sat down around it as she clasped her hands in front of her. "I did promise to tell you my idea for how you could stay in Japan, sis. I'm sorry for the delay."

"Huh? Oh, right." I'd kind of gotten caught up in other stuff since I read Reiko's note. Like Kaminari's-

"I did have one question, though, and I apologize since this is personal."

"Um, go ahead?"

"I assume you have not had a period since you TSed, Claire-née. But did you not notice the other kind of vaginal discharge, at all?"

"Other kind? Eeeh?"

Kaminari giggled at the shocked expression on my face.

"I see." Reiko nodded. "Perhaps you're just dry down there. Still, it doesn't hurt to be prepared. The pads are on the shelf in the bathroom, and you should keep one in your bag at all times."

I was trying so hard not to cringe, and failing miserably. Being religiously homeschooled, and then dating a girl with a cock, hadn't prepared me for this anatomy lesson. Plus I was used to this kind of "girl stuff" being gross and mysterious ... you know, in a way morning wood and wet dreams somehow aren't.

"I did wonder why you weren't using one." Kaminari put a finger to her chin. "When I took off your panties, they were-"

"I'll be right back," I said, my face burning, as I got up from the kotatsu.

One trip to the bathroom later, I sat back down with my girlfriends, still blushing and looking away from them.

"Welcome back," Reiko said.

Kaminari giggled again, and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, Reiko. What was your idea for letting me stay in the country, without getting pregnant or marrying a stranger? Because if it's you turning into a guy and then marrying me, I'm not okay with that. Not if you have to deal with gender dysphoria afterwards."

"It's actually a lot simpler than that." Reiko set a card down on the table.

I took it and squinted at the text. It was Reiko's high school ID; the portrait was clearly her. But it had a name that I didn't recognize, and the gender marker was "male."

I looked up and stared at her, open-mouthed.

She looked calm, and had her hands clasped in front of her again. "You may not be aware, sis, but Japanese law places a burden on people who want to change their gender marker and birth name."

"They have to ask their parents," Kaminari explained.

"I have had no contact with my parents since they turned me over to the government, nor have I wished to or needed to. As 'Rei Ayanami,' everyone called me that and gendered me correctly."

"I see ... "

"I considered taking a chance on contacting my birth parents and sorting things out, after transforming into Reiko. But I postponed doing so, on the off chance that you could not get Mistress pregnant."

I blushed even harder than when she'd mentioned pads, staring down at the kotatsu and trying to sink into the floor.

"After you TSed, I realized my old gender marker might still be useful. And/or my cock."

How could she say all this with a straight face?!

"But I did not bring it up until now, because I felt it was more important to help you adjust to your new body and social role. I'm sorry for waiting so long, sis. You might not have done what you did last night, had you known."

"L-let's not get into what happened last night. Okay? It's just ... " I covered my mouth with the side of my hand again, looking away. "How come you're okay with this? Doesn't it bother you at all?"

"A little. But in the end, it's just paper. Most people know me by my stage name anyway, Claire-née. So if it means you can stay in the country, it's worth it."

It took me a second to process all this.

Maybe more than a second.

Finally, I looked up. "So does this mean you're asking if I'll marry you?"

"It does." Reiko smiled.

"Oh my goddess yes!" I climbed over the kotatsu and hugged Reiko tightly, bunching up the quilt cover and knocking over the bowl of mandarin oranges. I didn't realize until I looked up that Kaminari had caught it.

Reiko was blushing so hard, and smiling.

I'd made Reiko smile!

I was going to marry a rock star!

I was going to marry Reiko.

"Can I have a kiss, Claire-née?" She grinned shyly.

"You sure can." I gave her one.

We stayed like that even after Kaminari put the bowl of oranges up on my back.

---

Sorting out the immigration stuff turned out to be easier than I'd thought. Reiko emailed her senpai in the TS program, explaining our situation and asking if we could meet with someone to get me enrolled ... in the program, and in high school. She emailed her back in five minutes, and just like that we had an appointment set up, for tomorrow right after band practice.

"Isn't that, like, outside of normal business hours?" I asked.

"My senpai is in the band, Claire-née."

"O-oh. Okay."

Reiko grinned, and looked up at me from her computer chair. "It won't be long before you join us at school, sis. I'll ask mom to order your uniforms. Mistress, can you take Claire-née shopping for the essentials tomorrow?"

"Yep!" She gave us the peace sign from over at the kotatsu, where she was doing homework.

"By 'mom' you mean Inoue-san. Right?" I kneeled down beside Reiko.

"Of course." She nodded.

"Does 'uniforms' include a swimsuit? Because I'm, uh, going to have problems with that."

"Our school is one of the more progressive ones in Japan, Claire-née. You can wear the boys' or girls' uniforms as you like, including for physical education, and there are shields provided for when you are changing clothes. Individual rooms are also available."

I squirmed. "I don't want to broadcast to everyone that I'm a futa."

"I personally do not mind. But then, fan speculation does help fuel my brand." Reiko closed the email she was looking at. "At any rate, since everyone has the option, even cis boys and girls have been taking it." She smiled a little. "Some of the boys look very good in a skirt."

I blushed, and tried to straighten mine out.

"I'm sorry that being a futanari is causing you discomfort, sis." Reiko gave me what I knew was a look of concern. "I can do my best to change you into a cis girl, if you want."

"Um." I blushed even harder. "Let's at least wait until Kami-sama gets pregnant. Okay?"

"Okay." Reiko nodded.

"How hard is it, anyway?"

"Your cock?" She said that with a straight face.

Kaminari burst into a giggle fit, and I blushed even harder. "No, I mean changing somebody's genitals!"

"I don't know, sis. Everyone's different. If I had to guess, though, your repressed desires made you very easy to change into a girl. So if you strongly want to be cis, giving you that might be simple. Replacing your cock, should you want it back, might be very difficult."

I put a hand to my face, considering this. "Okay ... let's wait until she gives birth, then. Or is she okay with you giving her kids?"

"She'd really like to have yours first ~ " Kaminari chimed in from behind.

"There you have it, sis."

"Until she gives birth it is, then." I blushed, and squirmed again.

Having this thing in between my legs was starting to feel really weird. I mean, I was learning how icky vaginas can be, but this? I'd never even liked it that much to begin with. I just wanted to be a normal girl! I hoped it wouldn't be too difficult to hide ... and that it could give my girlfriend what she wanted.

---

I slept with Kaminari that night, because she insisted. (And, of course, because babies.) But I ended up laying there awake, staring up at the ceiling and listening to her snore ... partly because of jet lag, and partly because I had a lot on my mind.

I held my hand up and looked at its outline, since it was too dark to use a mirror.

This was the body of a Japanese schoolgirl.

More than that, this was the mind of a Japanese schoolgirl.

Apparently.

Kaminari and Reiko had tried to comfort me, and bring up things that they knew about that were close to my experience. The idea that my inner schoolgirl was the "code" for Japanese society had sort of helped ... which, I guess, meant that I had been the schoolgirl all along? Just like Kaminari had said. Just like I'd said in my dream.

Part of me liked that explanation. It validated me, it helped me deal with all this, and it maybe helped to explain why I hadn't forgotten how to speak English.

But part of me couldn't stop worrying about that. Because from Kaminari and Reiko's accounts, it sounded like your proficiencies with English and Japanese were supposed to trade places. So what did it mean that mine hadn't? Was it because I couldn't let go of my past, or something? Was there some lesson that I was supposed to learn?

N-not that I wanted to forget how to English, or anything.

I just envied Kaminari and Reiko, for apparently being changed enough on the inside that their past traumas no longer affected them.

I really ...

I really hadn't wanted to become a mirror universe version of myself, who still got flashbacks and panic attacks.

I'd wanted the TS to kill me. I'd wanted it to be an axe murderer, chasing me down the stairs to my apartment and hacking me to pieces on the front lawn. Then replacing me with a well-adjusted Japanese schoolgirl, who was confused about being in Canada but was ready to do her best.

Sort of like how my parents wanted me to die and be replaced by a good Mormon boy, I guess.

Maybe the schoolgirl I was just felt like that, too? Maybe if I'd been born in Japan, I still would've gotten yelled at and hit. Or locked in my room as a young child until I defecated on the floor.

Maybe I still would've hated myself.

Maybe that was why I kinda still did.

Maybe the lesson I had to learn, if there was one, was to love and accept myself unconditionally? The way Kaminari and Reiko apparently did.

Maybe that was the only way.