I woke up the next morning shivering, and clinging to my girlfriend Kaminari's pillow.

I was in her bed. She wasn't there.

My inner child had had a nightmare last night. About my parents somehow finding my email address, even though I'd been so careful to conceal my internet presence from them. And not tie it to my real name in any way.

It was horrible.

"It's okay ... " I told her, and stroked the top of the pillow as though it were her hair. "It's okay. You're safe now ... we're safe now. No one can get us here."

I wasn't literally talking to another person. This wasn't a multiple system thing. There was just ... part of me had never grown up. The rest of me had grown up too quickly, but deep inside there was someone very small, and frail, and fragile. That I tried to protect with tough words and concealing emotion.

Every now and then I regressed. To the point where spoken and written language didn't even make sense anymore, and I was just a frightened animal? who needed to hide and be held.

This was one of those times. The fear and hurt were overwhelming, because the nightmare had felt so real. But I tried to stay calm and comfort myself, because right now if I didn't, no one would.

I started singing a song to myself, while still clutching the pillow. Soft and quiet, almost like a lullaby. Imagining the harps that would play for it.

Dreaming of the stars on high
That speak to me in secret sighs
Drifting on a breeze
Only I can feel and hear

This was the part where the song would pick up tempo, in whatever retro game it was from. Maybe Kaminari had shown me the Switch remake? I wasn't sure. Either way, I still sang it softly, remembering the woman's voice from the song.

Could it be the sacred wind
That's calling me to now begin
To walk into the dark
Carrying the light of tomorrow

I was walking into the dark, wasn't I? Taking steps into the unknown.

It was strange, because I'd always thought of myself as the dark. The rebellious, ungrateful, unworthy child, who made her mom cry and her dad hit her. Who just couldn't resist her icky, slimy emotions, when they had made her into a lesbian.

I'd failed them, I thought. I'd failed everyone. I'd killed the person my parents had wanted from me. The one who had made them smile, and be proud, and didn't get-

I took a deep breath, and started singing again.

Need to walk the wings on high
Beyond the earth, beyond the sky
Come on, don't hesitate
Don't look back, we've got to go now

Don't fear
You'll be safe from now on
Morning sky watching over all

I shivered, feeling the tension start to leave my body and my inner child, and then sang the chorus.

Deep inside so silently
My heart will speak
Deep inside of me
Memories flickering and shimmering on
Endlessly

Why was I crying, all of a sudden?

I realized it was partly the thought that I was wrong ... that maybe I wasn't a killer, or a monster, but a person who had escaped from someplace scary. And there was a long journey ahead of me, but I'd be okay. I would be safe from now on.

But then, why had the thought of memories "deep inside of me" made me cry too? Was this about my inner child? Was it some kind of repressed memory thing? What was it?

And why ...

Why had I sang all that in English?

The basement door creaked open.

I froze, as my eyes darted around me. My thoughts were something like "Adult. Dangerous! Hide! Oh shit, I'm not wearing any clothes!"

Slow footsteps came down the stairs, as I sprang out of bed and threw on some clothes, struggling a bit with my bra's fastener. I still needed to wash up and tie my hair and shave and wait, what? Where had that come from?

I ran a hand over my leg. It was fuzzy, but this was still winter so ...

I jumped up and gasped, as someone knocked on the bedroom door. "Riria-chan?" Mrs. Inoue asked. "I've made breakfast for you."

I was still frozen in place, standing on one leg with my arms shielding me from the dangerous adult. I wasn't breathing, or even blinking.

A few seconds passed.

"Riria-chan?"

You'll be safe from now on.

I took a deep breath, and slowly relaxed and untensed. "Okay," I said. "I will be there in a minute. Thank you very much."

"No problem at all!" There was a smile in her voice.

I waited until I heard the footsteps go all the way across the downstairs living room's carpet and back up the stairs. Then I flopped onto the bed and squeezed a pillow to me, taking deep breaths.

"It's okay," I told my inner child. "It's okay. It's okay."

I squeezed the pillow tightly.

Then I got up on shaky legs, and opened the door.

---

Inoue-san had made miso soup, egg on rice, and a small dish of pickled vegetables for me, with a set of chopsticks resting gently beside them.

I wasn't sure what to make of this. I was used to just skipping breakfast. I wasn't used to anyone cooking for me, let alone an adult. Not without wanting something from me in return.

I glanced over at her to make sure that it was okay, then sat down and mumbled an "itadakimasu" before carefully trying it all.

It was ... pretty good. I mean it was just normal breakfast food, but it was hot and sweet and savoury, and the rice was so fluffy and everything. I wasn't sure I'd need lunch after this.

"Is it okay if I sit down for a moment?" Inoue-san asked.

"Oh, um, go ahead!" I stole another glance, at the person I was trying to pretend wasn't there.

She had silver hair, and a gentle face that had been creased by decades of smiles. Her jeans and sweater fit her nicely, and showed off her-

No. No, I was not getting a boner for my 60-year-old adoptive mom. Back off, adolescent hormones. Back the hell off.

... also she was holding a book to her chest.

I managed another glance up at her, over the bowl I was holding and eating rice from, just to see the book's cover (and not what happened to be behind it). All I could make out, in that split-second, was an illustration of two normally-dressed girls who looked happy. Pretty standard, I guessed.

"I didn't know you read manga ... "

... is what I wanted to say, but politeness held me back. I waited for her to speak first.

"Do you like it?" Inoue-san asked me.

I nodded eagerly, as I finished drinking the soup. "It's very good. Thank you."

She chuckled. "I meant the book. Is this the sort of thing you like to read?"

She held it out to me, and I nervously took it, reading over the back cover to Kase-san and Morning Glories.

I saw the words "yuri love story" and immediately blushed hard, looking away. "I, um ... "

"I found it cute and heartwarming," Inoue-san went on. "I do so enjoy a good love story. Don't you?"

"I ... "

I wasn't sure which to be more embarrassed about. The topic that she'd just brought up, or the fact that the kind of "love story" I was most interested in was the one that I technically wasn't allowed to read yet.

But either way, I remembered Kaminari saying she wasn't out to the Inoues yet. That they didn't know she was dating me or Reiko, and that she wasn't sure how they felt about girls liking girls. Was this Inoue-san's way of letting us know it was okay ... ?

I took a deep breath.

"I, um, I do too," I said, unconsciously holding the book in front of the lower half of my face as I looked at the fridge. "Yaoi, yuri, boy meets girl, it's all the same, isn't it?"

"It is!" She beamed. "And I think it's all beautiful."

... okay, I guess that confirmed it.

"Thank you for talking with me," she said, getting up from the table. "And good luck with school tomorrow!"

"Oh, uh, here ... " I held out the book for her.

She just smiled at me. "You can keep it. Let me know when you finish reading it; I have the other volumes in the shop."

I just stared after her, speechless, as she left.

---

Kaminari stared out the window in one of the school's hallways, her hands pressed to the cold glass. She'd finished cleaning, and her pet should be walking through the snow out there any time now, headed to band practice now that school was-

She jumped, as her phone vibrated in her pocket. "Ran Mitake" sang loudly in English through its mono speaker.

Now I face out, I hold out
I reach out to the truth-

Kaminari swiped her finger across the screen to answer. "Did you find out anything?" she asked.

"Her parents forwarded her an email, just a few minutes before she started acting strangely. It was something about a disciplinary council held by her church, for a person named what I presume to be her deadname."

Kaminari swallowed.

"It was in her spam folder, so I imagine that either 'Claire' or Riria got rid of it."

"Okay ... " She thought it was weird how alien the name Claire seemed to her, when that must have been the name she'd called out in bed so many times.

"I contacted both email addresses, explaining that I was a licensed transformation specialist and asking how they had gotten ahold of my client's confidential medical records."

"What did they say?"

Reiko paused before answering.

"Claire's parents denied ever contacting her," she said. "I showed them the email, and they claimed to have never written it. I asked them about K-"

Reiko took a deep breath.

"I asked them about Riria's birth name, and they said they did not have a son by that name, and to never contact them again."

Kaminari sighed. "So we don't know if they're gaslighting us, or if this affected their memories too."

"With narcissists, it's hard to tell."

"What about her church?" Kami asked.

"They stonewalled me until I threatened them with legal action, based on Canadian medical privacy laws."

"Do those apply if she got TSed by one of your songs?"

"I have no idea."

Kaminari giggled nervously.

"They said that the 'court of love' was not being held for anything related to TS, and that they were not aware of 'him' having TSed at all. Instead, they claimed, it was because 'he' had been confirmed to be in a same-gender relationship."

Kami facepalmed. "Did they find her Twitter or something?"

"I do not know, Mistress. I would think they would be more put off by the TSF porn, if they had."

Another nervous giggle. Kaminari fidgeted with her school bag, digging a fray into one of the straps with her fingernails.

"So again, we do not know if they're lying to us, or if Riria retroactively altered history or their memories somehow."

"If Riri did-" Kaminari stood up straight, and glared out the window at wherever she thought Reiko was. "You think she did this on purpose?!"

"I did not say that, Mistress. Please calm down."

Kaminari huffed, and the window turned white in front of her.

"My gut feeling is that this was a nervous reflex, just like switching languages seemed to be for her."

Kami perked up. "Do you think I could get her to speak English without realizing it?"

"Possibly, if she still has that reflex. I do not recommend causing her cognitive dissonance, though."

"Huh? How come?"

"Because she forgot her past life for a reason. If something causes her to remember it, or to question her current existence, she may react in the same way again."

"I see ... " Kaminari watched as the window fog shrank into nothing.

"Even I thought my sister was Riria-née, when you first showed me her iPad. I remembered when you told me what happened, but there's no guarantee that either of us would have if she hadn't asked you to read her journal."

"I ... see." She began to feel dizzy.

"I was beginning to suspect it when she told us how she could switch languages, and how unusual her TS was for her. But I think at this point it is safe to say that Riria herself is a magical phenomenon, separate from human TS."

"Separate from ... " Kaminari often had trouble parsing what Reiko said, but this time she took extra care to make sure she understood correctly. "Are you saying that Riri's not human?"

"I did not say that, Mistress. But now that you mention it, it is possible."

Kaminari wanted to scream.

"There are a number of gods and legendary spirits who are said to be capable of affecting the human mind. I do not know if any of these spirits exist in real life, because the agency only saw fit to keep me informed about human TS. But if any such spirits did, they would fall under the agency's purview."

"So you're saying we need to turn her in to your fucking agency?!"

Kaminari had slumped against the wall beneath the window, and was starting to cry.

"No, Mistress. That is the opposite of how I feel. Please let me explain, for a moment."

"Okay ... " Kami sniffled. "I'm sorry, pet. Go ahead."

Reiko took a deep breath.

"First, they are not 'my' agency. What they are is the reason we use secure VOIP to make phone calls. They cannot keep me in a cage for having been TSed, anymore. But given how many people my band has transformed outside of their control, I suspect that they are looking for another reason to do so."

"Okay ... "

"I brought them up, along with Riria's reflex, because all three of us are in danger and we need to construct a threat model.

"Threat one: Riria becomes traumatized and alters our memories again, without meaning to. Perhaps in a way no one likes."

"You mean like, she makes up a world where none of us know each other?" Kaminari asked.

"That would be the worst-case scenario, yes. I have no idea whether, or how, that could happen."

"Oh goddess ... "

"In any case, she has a built-in defence. Our memories were altered specifically to prevent causing her cognitive dissonance."

"But my memories of her contradicted each other!" Kaminari gestured and flailed with her free hand. "I thought I remembered Riri being homeschooled, and she didn't!"

"You also said she dismissed the possibility out of hand, though. It may be that her mind filters out things like that to protect her, the same way yours keeps you from being fooled by obvious internet April Fools' pranks."

Kaminari winced. "My mind sucks at that."

"My apologies, Mistress. I was not aware.

"In any event, the second threat is the agency. If they learn about Riria-née, and believe her to be a magical phenomenon worthy of study or containment, they could come after her."

"Wouldn't she just alter history to make them think she's not magical?" Kaminari asked. "Or something."

"That would be the rational response, if she had full knowledge of and control over this ability. Given how scared and confused Claire-née was, about what she could do that we couldn't, I do not think that's the case. I also don't think she expects them, or would have any more idea of what to do if they came for her than I did."

"But if they take her in and traumatize her badly enough ... " Kami's voice trailed off.

"Exactly, Mistress. That is what we need to prevent. Not because we are a cold and unfeeling Foundation which needs to contain her ... "

"But because we're her partners, and we love her." Kaminari sat up straight, still against the wall.

"We do."

Reiko's voice cracked as she said that. Kaminari heard her sniffle, on the other end of the line.

It filled her with determination.

"What should we do, Mistress?"

Kaminari stood up, and squeezed her free hand into a fist at her side. "Our memories are the least important thing, here. If she changes them, she changes them. It's not her fault, and I forgive her in advance. Besides, she's affected by this too."

"Yeah."

"Maybe Riri is really the goddess of trauma survivors. Who knows? What matters is, she's a trauma survivor herself. She's trying to protect herself, the same way she tried to protect us. And we have to help her."

"The same as always."

"So tell me, 'Ran-chan.' What can your songs do for someone who's already TSed?"

It was subtle, but there was a smile in "Ran's" voice. "I was hoping you'd ask."

---

I'd given my new school's website a once-over, and was now sprawled out on the futon browsing Twitter while Kaminari did homework (and Reiko probably made out with Moca-chan at her house). "Huh, you were right about real-life TS ... "

"What?" She looked up, startled. She'd seemed really nervous, this evening.

"I mean, there are still people selling manga and stuff, but it looks like the TSF Cluster is mostly talking about real life TS. Or fantasies based on real life, or how their IRL TS was different from what they expected."

I couldn't read the look she was giving me. Was I making her even more nervous?

"So, uh, it's not like I was doubting you or anything, I just ... " I coughed. "You know that I'm into this stuff, and ... uh ... "

Sirens were going off in my head, telling me it was time for a change of subject.

"So, er, what'd they say at the Apple Store?"

"Huh?" Kaminari blinked.

"About my tablet."

There was a long, awkward silence.

"You took it in to have them look at it, right? Because it was syncing with someone else's accounts."

"Oh, um, yes!" Kaminari was rubbing the back of her head, and looking far away from me. "Yes, we, uh, Reiko and I, they uh ... " She swallowed. "They said it'll be a couple of days ... "

"It's okay, it's okay!" I held up both hands. "It's completely okay, Kami-sama. I'm not upset or anything."

"Okay ... "

"It's just kind of funny that I'd have two tablets die on me in a row, you know?" I giggled nervously.

"D-do you remember what happened to the first one?" She glanced over at me from the kotatsu.

"Oh, geeze, don't remind me ... "

Did Kaminari shiver, just now?

Something was definitely wrong.

I sat up on the futon and clasped my hands, and my phone, together. "It locked up while I was watching Reiko's music video. Remember? Then my parents-"

I stopped, as I realized I wasn't exactly clear on what had happened. I knew my parents had been involved somehow, and there had been running and angry shouting and yelling. And falling down the stairs ... ? But everything was a blur.

Actually, a lot of things were a blur. Both involving my parents, and the circumstances under which I'd moved out.

Was this what it was like to have repressed memories?

I looked over at Kami-sama. She still seemed nervous, but was waiting for me to finish.

"I don't actually ... " I took a deep breath. "Um, the last couple weeks have been really challenging for all of us, haven't they?"

She nodded quickly, and stared down at her homework without touching it.

"I'm ... I, um ... " I took more deep breaths to steady myself, squeezing my phone like a worry stone. "I don't actually remember much of what happened. I remember my parents hurt me badly and kicked me out ... I remember the fear and the loss. But I feel like whatever happened, it was so bad that my brain didn't want to form memories of it. I think."

I heard a drip, drip sound, of water on paper. I looked over at her again to see her crying silently onto the pages, squeezing her eyes shut.

It made me want to cry too.

"Did I ... " I swallowed. "Did I forget something about you?"

Kaminari pouncehugged me for the second time in as many days, sobbing openly and nodding as she cried into my shoulder. I couldn't help it anymore, and cried too as I squeezed her tight.

That's when she told me the truth.

First, that things were even worse than I thought, between me and my parents. That they had done extremely bad things to me, and been okay with others doing even worse. And that I should try not to think of them at all, or anything that reminded me of them, because it would just hurt me.

I had apparently told her about this, at some point, and forgotten about the specifics. I guess that it was a defence mechanism? To keep me from realizing how dangerous the people I depended on were, up to the point that they kicked me out. But Kaminari remembered it all, and whatever it was, it had hurt her very badly just to hear about.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, my voice cracking.

She shook her head, sending tears flying. "Not your fault."

The second thing she told me was ...

This is going to sound hard to believe. Okay? But apparently, Reiko was the first person to get TSed, into a 90's anime character, before becoming her new self. Her songs could TS other people. And Kaminari herself was a TS daughter, who had been changed by Reiko.

I wasn't sure what to make of this. Had Kami's TS affected my memories, somehow? Was that why I remembered her as always having been a Japanese girl? Or had I just assumed that the person on the other end of our long-distance relationship looked like me, so long as she spoke Japanese?

Either way, I thought it was extremely brave of her to come out to me about this, and told her so. (I also made sure she had Reiko's permission to out her.) But more importantly ...

"What was it like?" I grabbed her shoulders and shook them, in my excitement. "Tell me everything!"

"B-bwuh?" She brushed her hair out of her eyes, and blinked at me.

"I live for this stuff! Remember? I almost want to ask if Reiko can turn me into a boy, just so I can feel what it's like to get feminized afterwards." I grinned sheepishly.

"Y-yeah ... I know that's something you always wanted. To enjoy." She looked away. Did she feel guilty that she'd gotten to do this, and I hadn't?

"It's okay." I wiped the tears from her cheek. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I'm ... sorry for getting excited, there. I know this stuff's really personal. But like, if you ever do want to talk about it-"

"It was really hot." Kaminari looked down at her hands as she fidgeted with them, smiling and blushing intensely.

"Oh?"

She told me everything. How the TS affected every part of her body, and mind. And when she saw the effect that it had on my body, she took me willingly back to her room.

And we had sex.

---

I was exhausted after that, physically and emotionally. Whatever had happened in the last few weeks, it'd really taken its toll on me. So after getting cleaned up I just laid there in bed, while Kaminari finished her homework out in the other room.

There was so much to think about, and I had so little energy with which to do it. But the obvious did occur to me:

I might have been TSed, and forgotten about it.

It would explain so much, wouldn't it? Kaminari's nervousness. My missing memories. The "sync errors" on my tablet. The emails I'd gotten, in English. As well as, er, how enthusiastic I was about an 18+ fandom online.

The only reason I didn't do anything about this train of thought is because, well ...

I couldn't.

From what Kaminari was saying, it sounded like my past was so bad that my mind wouldn't let me remember it. Or would let me remember only bits and pieces of it, at best.

I wasn't sure if I trusted my mind, at this point. But I trusted Kaminari and Reiko, and if they said I should try not to think about it, I believed them. I got the impression that they'd had to deal with my sanity breakage already, and I remembered leaning on them both and crying a lot. So whatever it was that I was forgetting, it was probably for the best.

I just ...

I felt like my forgetting whatever it was, had hurt them even more. And that made me feel sick to think about.

One thing at a time, I told myself. One thing at a time. For now, the best thing I could do for them was to take care of myself, and do my best to survive school. If I was ever going to become strong enough to deal with my repressed feelings and memories, that was how I would do it.

So. It was time to go to sleep, and then tomorrow would be my first day at school. I pulled up the covers, and closed my eyes.

Then I squirmed, at the thought of maybe having been TSed.

If so, I wished I could at least remember that.

It would've felt so good.

---

Number of pieces of toast in my mouth as I ran to school: 0.

Amount of time I spent squeezing Kaminari's hand nervously on the walk there: 100%.

Number of times I made a mistake and had to rewrite my name on the board during my introduction: 7, because I just couldn't remember the characters for some reason.

Number of people I recognized in class: Not enough.

Number of times I squeezed my hands into fists because I was nervous: Too many.

Amount of material I had trouble with: Felt like too much.

My best class: English, surprisingly enough. I could probably sleep through that class if I wanted to.

And yet, when the girls who heard that I'd 'moved here from Canada' asked me to say something in English, I still couldn't think of anything.

Number of girls I sat with at lunchtime: Two, because Kaminari was busy, Reiko took pity on me, and Moca-chan apparently didn't mind.

Number of girls I traded food with at lunchtime: Does it count if Moca-chan fell asleep in the middle of it?

(Reiko has major sensory issues with food, so that was a no-go.)

Number of times it occurred to me that I was probably living out someone's TSF fantasy of becoming a schoolgirl, and that just made me even more self-conscious: ∞

---

What kind of pervert fantasized about that, anyway? I asked myself, as I shouldered my school bag on the way out of the restroom. Probably some filthy otaku who masturbated to panties and figurines.

I looked at my reflection in the hallway window, and sighed.

I guessed I couldn't be too hard on them, whoever they were. Or had been. I'd probably just want to hug them, if I remembered what they'd been through. So long as they didn't make some dirty comment about it turning them on.

Anyway, school was out for the day. I'd gotten my homework and I didn't have cleaning duty, plus it was too late to sign up for clubs. So I guessed there was nothing to do but go home ...

... is what I thought, when I caught sight of Reiko rounding the corner, wearing her guitar case as a backpack.

I ran up to her as fast as I could. "Reiko! I've been thinking about this all day, and I need you to tell me the truth. Am I a TS daughter?"

Reiko actually looked surprised. I guessed I would be too, under the circumstances.

Finally, she gave a slight nod. "Mm."

"Okay." My heart hadn't stopped pounding from the run, and picked up as soon as she said that. "Are you the one who TSed me?"

"Yes."

"Okay ... " I leaned against the wall to steady myself, and took a couple of deep breaths. "Thank you for being honest with me."

"Are you alright, Riria-née?"

"No ... but I will be. Thank you again."

I gave myself another second to catch my breath, and then went past her around the corner-

-only to see that the rest of Afterglow had been following her, and jump and cover my face. "Holy sh-"

My swear turned into a squeak.

Tomoe-san, the taller redhead, gave me what looked like a sympathetic, grown-up kind of smile, while the shorter girls with her mostly just looked embarrassed. (For me, or of me?) Moca-chan walked up and sort of flopped her hand on my shoulder a couple of times. "Pat pat."

I just winced. Dear goddess, what a nightmare.

"Afterglow is a TS rock band, sis. No one is going to look down on you."

"Some of us are TS daughters ourseeeeelves ~ " Moca-chan put a finger to her chin and looked up at the ceiling.

"Mm." Reiko nodded.

She looked very ... leader-ly, somehow. It was kind of hot.

Of course, the last thing I wanted to do was add to my embarrassment by tenting my skirt in front of them. "I, uh, guess I'll be going now! Nice to meet you all!" I bowed, and whirled around on my heels.

"Sis?"

"Eh?"

"I was going to ask, would you like to join us for practice? You can watch, and tell us what you think."

Thoughts swirled in my brain. Was this one of those invitations you're supposed to decline? I didn't want to sit there having everyone resent me for however long.

Reiko didn't seem like the kind of person to make those, though, especially not to her "big sis." So was this some kind of ... like, was she going to turn me back, or something?! That didn't seem likely either, but I was still coming to terms with TS being real and her being a TS daughter and "TS rock band" being a thing that exists and I'm a TS daughter too and and and-

"Panic attack detected ~ "

"Understood, Moca." Reiko ran up and hugged me from behind. "It's okay, sis. Breathe."

I squeezed my eyes shut and my hands into fists, took a deep, shuddering breath, then held it for a few seconds before letting it out.

I took a few more breaths, forcing myself to relax, before turning around and having Reiko let go of me. "Alright ... if everyone is okay with it, I would be honoured to watch you perform." I did my best to bow again with Reiko right next to me.

"Hm hm ~ no one can resist the great Moca-chan ~ "

I did my best not to facepalm.

---

Remember how I said that sometimes I'll just forget how to Japanese? It happened to me again, while I was watching Afterglow practice.

I mean, it was partly because I was basically the only one there. There was someone else off way in the corner, wearing a casual hoodie and jeans and hunched over a drawing tablet. But aside from them, it was just me. And I was a little self-conscious about that.

Of course, there were other things I was self-consious about too. Like how hot Reiko looked in her rocker outfit. All the band members had changed clothes before playing their sets, and it was hard for me to look at them ... in more ways than one. Plus Reiko's voice is almost a whisper most of the time, but when she sings she does it loud and proud, and that turned me on even when I was looking down at the floor.

And at the growing tent in my skirt.

That's what made me disassociate. It brought back all the shame my parents had heaped on me for being a lesbian, and reminded me that this part of me wasn't under my control. That my sexual feelings were shameful, and having a girlfriend was not allowed.

Except that got me to asking myself, how much of that actually happened? Because the TS had rewritten my memories of my own life somehow, just like how Kaminari's TS had apparently rewritten my memories of hers. So was the "Japanese schoolgirl" squirming in my seat ... really just someone who was turned on by schoolgirls? So much that they wanted to be one theirself?

That made me even more ashamed of feeling attracted to Reiko. (And her band, but mostly Reiko.) I mean, I'd known her and Kaminari forever, but Kami just seemed so grown-up! Reiko called herself my little sister, and she ... um ...

She looked the part.

Which wouldn't be shameful if I were really a sixteen-year-old schoolgirl, but like, she knew who I used to be. She remembered that I'd been TSed. And she would know how inappropriate it was for someone like me to feel the way that I did for her.

I knew that she was a TS daughter herself, and the lead singer of a TS rock band. It's just, shame doesn't respond to logic. It always finds a new reason why I'm scum.

What it did respond to was, well ...

The words kind of washed over me like a wave, but it's like, the song they were practicing. Even with them stopping in the middle sometimes to go back over a particular phrase, or making other mistakes. It just ...

It felt good.

It felt like a reminder that I and my inner child would be okay. That my feelings were scary and difficult, but I needed to confront and accept them as part of me. And that maybe ... maybe it was okay for me to go to school, and have a girlfriend and crushes, and also be a TS daughter.

That maybe that's what TS was for, in real life, was helping people become the person they longed to be. And not just sexual fantasies about becoming hot and horny and getting fucked.

(Not that there was anything wrong with those.)

I don't know how I was getting all that from the song. Like I said, I'd regressed so far that I couldn't make out the words. I think at one point I was holding my knees to my chest on the folding chair, trying to squeeze myself into a ball with my skirt tucked between my legs. But like, Reiko's singing voice somehow brought back all the reassurance she'd ever given me ... maybe even stuff that I couldn't remember right now.

It felt like she was singing for me.

It made me feel warm, in a good way.

I'd uncurled myself slightly and was taking deep breaths to calm down as Afterglow took a break, when the person in back who'd been drawing came up beside me. Which I didn't realize until they said in a female voice "Sumimasen ga ... daijoubu desu ka?"

I gasped a little, then gave them a confused look, shrinking into myself even more. What was a Westerner doing here? my inner child asked herself. And why was she trying to talk to me when I couldn't understand language?

"Ah, sorry!" She rubbed the back of her neck. "I mean, gomen!"

"Sorry for what?" I asked her, before realizing that I understood that.

"Oh!" She blinked. "You speak English?"

"I ... " Something in me recoiled. But another part of me, the one that'd been listening to the song, felt like maybe this was okay. "I guess so?"

"Um, okay!" She gave a quick bow. "It just looked like you were having a hard time-"

I quickly rearranged my skirt, and made sure I was holding my school bag on my lap.

"-and I wanted to see if you were okay."

Were all Westerners this forward? Is what I wanted to ask her, but didn't because it sounded like she actually cared, and I kind of needed that right now. So instead, I nodded. "Yeah, I guess," I said without thinking about it. "Thanks. And you are?"

She smiled. "Call me Tama."

"Riria. Nice to meet you." I nodded to her, then looked at her drawing tablet. "Uh, out of curiosity, is that ... "

"Ah! It's one of the new ones. I'm sorry about that." She blushed.

Huh? "No, I mean, are you one of the artists who works on Afterglow's music videos?"

"Oh right!" She nodded. "Yeah, we're trying to do one that's mostly hand-drawn this time. It's a challenge, but I think we're up to it? The last one had five confirmed TSes." She blushed more, and grinned.

"I ... " I looked away and gripped the hem of my skirt. "I think I might be one of them."

"You don't remember?"

I shook my head.

"Aw, I'm sorry! I hope it comes back to you soon." She made this gesture with her hand like she was patting someone consolingly, but instead only patted the air.

Something about that seemed familiar. "Where are you from?" I asked her, without realizing how rude it was.

She gave me a nervous smile and a practiced response. "The Federation of Windurst."

I grinned. "I started in Bastok."

"Really? I wonder if we've met! I played Final Fantasy XI on Lakshmi server. Although back then my character was a guy."

"So that's where I recognized the gesture from ... "

"Forward slash comfort!" She grinned, and patted the air again.

After that incredibly nerdy introduction, she showed me some of the sketches she was working on, and I asked her to send them to me and gave her my email address. N-not that I was attracted to Tama-san or anything! I just ... felt at home talking to her.

In English. For some reason.

Was this what I'd been like before being TSed? Is what I was wondering. Maybe pre-TS me hadn't been too bad after all, I thought, just as Reiko showed up.

"Riria-née." She nodded to me. "Daijoubu desu?"

"Uh ... hai." I nodded, pretty sure I knew what she was saying.

"Ah, Mitake-san! Oekaki ha ... " And then she and Tama started speaking to each other in Japanese, and they lost me.

This should have alarmed me, but for some reason it didn't. For some reason, this felt like something I could control.

I can do this, I told myself. I knew I could.

I closed my eyes and made my mind go blank, and when it refocused I could understand what they were saying.

"Yeah." Reiko smiled at Tama-san. "Keep up the good work."

"Same as always." Tama-san grinned and gave her the peace sign, before going back to her corner and drawing tablet.

"Riria-née. We've decided to stop practicing for now, since I still need to work out a couple of phrases. Shall we head home, sis?"

"Yeah." I nodded and stood up, holding my shoulderbag at my side.

---

When we got back home, Kaminari was doing her homework on the dining room table.

Reiko yawned, as she took off her shoes and coat. "Long day," she said.

"It sure was," Kaminari said from the other room.

"Going to bed now."

"Have fun!"

I was trying to figure out what Kami meant by that, when Reiko took me by the hand and started leading me downstairs.

What.

What.

"I, uh ... " I swallowed but didn't resist, as we got to the foot of the stairs. "I can sleep on the futon tonight, if you want to share your Mistress' bed? And like, if you want to spend time with her before bed, I can give you some space."

"Why do you think Mistress is upstairs, sis?" Reiko gave me a soft smile, before leaning in close and-

"Oh my goddess!" I backed up into the wall, covering my mouth with both hands. Taking deep breaths as my skirt tented between us.

Reiko didn't look startled or anything. She just tilted her head to one side, with a subtle look of concern. "You're visibly aroused, but you act like you are afraid of me. What's wrong, sis?"

I was trying not to hyperventilate.

"Are hugs okay?"

I nodded quickly, then squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself.

Still in her tight outfit, Afterglow's lead singer held me tight and rubbed her forehead against my shoulder. She could feel my cock pressed between us, but didn't react to it at all. She was just ... there for me.

The same as always.

I hugged her back after a few seconds. My heart rate didn't go down, but the anxiety that had gripped it was turning into a warm feeling that I wasn't sure I was supposed to be having right now.

"Can you talk, sis?" She pulled back just enough to look up at me. Goddess, she was so hot.

"I, uh ... " I was trying to, in between stealing quick glances down at her. "I don't know what I did to deserve this ... ?"

I mean, I was her big sister and biggest fan, but that didn't explain what was happening right now!

"Where by 'this' you mean?"

Oh my goddess, she was making me spell it out. "You s-sleeping with me?" I had to cover part of my face with one hand, I was blushing so hard as I said that.

"I see." Reiko took a second to process that. "Mistress said that you are aware that some of your memories are repressed right now. Correct?"

I nodded, looking away from her.

"Such as the fact that she is a TS daughter."

I winced, and nodded again.

"Ran" took a deep breath. "Is it possible that you have also forgotten the nature of our relationship?"

"The nature of-" I froze.

And stayed frozen.

Reiko stood on tiptoes and held me even tighter. "It's okay, sis," she whispered into my ear. "It's okay."

No, it wasn't.

"I love you."

She couldn't.

"I forgive you."

She couldn't!

I broke down into a sobbing mess, slumping against the wall and burying my face in my hands.

I felt like I'd done the most awful thing you could do to another person. And it didn't matter if it wasn't my fault, because Reiko was hurt either way.

"Sis, it's okay," she repeated, as she sat down next to me. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Liar.

"You haven't hurt me."

Liar!

"I'm actually looking forward to this even more, now." I glanced up at her face, through my tears, and saw a shy smile. "My first time with you, you were star-struck. Everything I did or said pleasured you. Now I can make you mine all over again ... if you'll let me."

I took deep breaths, trying not to choke on my tears. Letting her words sink in.

My breaths turned into full-body shudders, as I fought the sobs back down into my throat. Reiko leaned over and hugged me from the side, and her hand started gently massaging my back.

"H-how can you be okay with this?" I whispered to her.

"How can I not?" She kept rubbing me, tracing her fingers down either side of my spine. "Neither of us have a choice. And besides ... I don't doubt your love for me, sis. It's why you broke down just now, is it not?"

I shivered, and tried to force a loud sob back down. It came out as a pained moan.

I did love her. I loved her so much. As a sister, a friend, and a ... a ...

I wanted to be her lover so bad.

And it was painfully obvious from the state of my skirt.

"No, I mean ... " I had to just breathe for a few seconds, before I was okay to talk. "Why would you want me?! I'm an absolute wreck, and I'm not even a real ... "

My voice trailed off, as I realized who I was saying that to.

"Yes, you are." She squeezed my arm to her, and rubbed up against my shoulder. "That's exactly what my music is for."

"Goddess ... " I leaned back against the wall, and stared up at the ceiling.

"It's okay, sis. It's okay to be a TS daughter. And it's okay to be an absolute wreck."

I squeezed my eyes shut again, as she put one hand on my leg.

"I've been a wreck before, sis. We all have. And the more times it happens, the more you anticipate it happening, and the worse it gets. Trauma changes your body and mind, until it has you jumping at shadows and hiding from anything that reminds you of it.

"Just like I was, when you found me and brought me in from the cold."

Bad girl.

I didn't say that to myself. I just remembered those words, without the full context. Someone had whispered them to me. Someone who didn't look like Reiko, but was her all the same, and believed those words about herself.

Someone I'd desperately wanted to help.

I'd done that?

"You're such a good girl." She leaned closer and held me tight with one arm, while working her other hand up my leg. "You've done so much for me and Mistress. You held so much back, to protect us and focus on our needs. But it's okay to let it out now ... "

Her hand reached a certain spot.

"It's okay to let it all out."

That night, she made me hers all over again, for the first time.

---

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"Mmph ... " I'd been sleeping, wrapped up in a ball in the beddings, but voices out in the next room had woken me up. Sort of.

Kaminari was speaking.

"She couldn't remember that you're her fiancée? Pet, are you okay?!"

It felt like those words were important, but I was so tired the whole world felt like a dream. So I didn't see what was important about them.

"I don't know why I didn't mind, but I didn't." Now it was Reiko's voice. "I just didn't take it personally, I guess, and I could see how horrified she was that she had forgotten. We're all still learning what's going on, and the extent of her ... "

I lost focus on her words, as I closed my eyes and let the sounds lull me.

"Did the song have any ... " Kaminari.

"I think she was speaking in ... " Reiko.

"What are you going to do for the ... "

"Tama-chan and the Afterglow Cluster are ... "

I fell back asleep with a smile, feeling like I was holding my inner child protectively.