miyakolily

This short TG story is mostly unrelated, but I wrote it in the voice of Claire from Songs, and it's the kind of thing that might happen to her. Please make sure to read to the end, and also subscribe to my author page if you'd like to see when the next story comes out.

No vegans were harmed in the making of this story.

So, I'm vegan. It's not a big counterculture lifestyle or anything; I just saw those illegal leaked vids of the inside of a meatpacking plant, and I was like, boom, vegan. Simple as that. I don't want my food coming from rape factories.

Most vegans are like me, I think. Pretty chill. We don't go around trying to attack people for doing what's normal for their culture, especially when we know some people just cannot thrive on a vegan diet. Even if I were trying to change society, bullying people is not how you do it.

But like. Some vegans are, well, batshit.

Which is not vegan, by the way.

You see, according to them I'm committing a terrible sin against everything good and holy.

What is that sin?

I enjoy vegan burgers.

There. I said it.

These are stuff like Beyond or Gardein or whatever, where it's made out of tofu, wheat gluten, or peas. Basically, it fries like a burger, it looks like a burger, and to me it even tastes like a burger. I eat one occasionally, as a treat, since they're kind of expensive compared to regular burgers.

According to batshit vegans, they are a crime against nature.

Why?

Because they look and taste like burgers.

You see, *puts on glasses* being vegan is not just about eating a plant-based diet. It's about global awareness and consciousness. You cannot purchase and consume meat "alternatives" without promoting the eating of meat itself, which is what they resemble. So by eating that vegan burger, *takes off glasses* I'm just as bad as if I'd gone out and shot your dog.

Sometimes I get flak from carnivores for eating vegan burgers, if they're able to tell. They're all like "hurr hurr soy boy, how does it feel getting cucked by a sandwich, give me some good old Alberta beef any day." And so on and so forth.

But like, that's gentle ribbing compared to the flak that I get from these vegan drama queens. They're practically Shakespearean, the way they can go on and on about how they could never condone eating the flesh of a living animal, or glorifying the act. How gross it is that some people want to pretend to put animal mucus (vegan milk or egg substitutes) into their bodies, how even talking or thinking about it promotes animal suffering, and how everyone who's ever wanted to do that should just fucking die.

My crime that day? Instagramming my dinner.

What makes it even worse is that they're also super racist.

Like. Partly they have no respect for indigenous cultures or diets. The plains dwellers here have a long history of eating bison sustainably, using every part of the animal, and I respect that (and also think it's delicious). Batshit vegans, naturally, think it's great that the residential schools have all but wiped these cultures out.

But then there's also the Japanese.

See, Japanese people put meat in everything, the way Americans put high-fructose corn syrup in everything. They will literally serve you "vegetarian" udon topped with dried fish or bacon shavings. Most of them don't even get the meaning of the word. "Oh, but you can eat fish, right? You can eat chicken, right?"

Batshit vegans hate Japanese people.

No joke, I have seen them go on about how "this is why we shouldn't have stopped with Nagasaki." Or saying all Japanese food should be banned, or calling for bringing back the internment camps.

Or just calling Japanese vegans the J-slur.

One time during this subtweet circlejerk about how Japanese people are scum, I tried to tell Twitter vegans about my favourite vegan Japanese cookbook, and how the author even runs a creamery in San Francisco that makes vegan butter and cheese. And they were all *flips table* HOW COULD'ST THOU, WHAT HATH MAN WROUGHT IN THE SIGHT OF HEAVEN, PRAY RID ME OF THIS TROUBLESOME WENCH, and I'm pretty sure they sent her death threats.

For vegan butter.

I've had some time to reflect on that here, and I think I understand why they act like this.

See, for me being vegan is about not wanting to be complicit in the stuff that goes on in ranches and meatpacking plants. Vegan burgers and cheese don't hurt any humans or animals, therefore it's okay to eat them.

For batshit vegans, morality has nothing to do with harm and consent. Those things don't matter. What matters is that you look good to your followers on Twitter and Instagram, and that someone else looks bad. That way they get all the abuse, and you don't get any of it.

Now, by "someone else" I mean "an easy target." Attacking Tyson, Purdue, or Alberta ranchers? That'll get you police investigations, and men with enormous belt buckles showing up at your door. Maybe even your boss.

But attacking random vegans on Twitter? Especially women, children, or POC? They can't do anything to stop you, so go right ahead. Also Japanese people in general, since it's not like they're going to do anything about it lol.

This mindset makes sense when you realize some of them have been playing these authoritarian games their entire lives. Like, they come from families where if you're not the golden child, you're the scapegoat. They come from churches where half the sermons consist of tearing people down, for stuff that everyone does. And they go to work in places where the best way to advance is to kiss up to the boss, and make sure she thinks someone else is the reason you're losing money. Only to stab her in the back, as soon as you get the chance.

This is just how the world works to them.

Whatever it is that they do, whether they're vegans, furries, evangelical Christians, or fandom moms. They are always the Moral Guardians. They are the only virtuous ones, while all of you heathens support killing babies and kicking puppies. How could anyone want to kick an innocent puppy, while chowing down on an infant? Can you imagine? It's so gross and disgusting, and also evil! We need to get rid of these people!

This sounds over-the-top, right? But like, it's why for some people, everyone they dislike is a groomer or pedophile. They make the accusations as scary and life-destroying as possible, and they go all out on making them, never mind what any of it has to do with the truth. That's how they get power.

Everyone enjoys being morally superior to someone else.

Everyone enjoys having a reason, a mission from God even, to destroy someone else's life with no consequences. Someone weaker than them, socially disadvantaged, so there's no way they can fight back.

When someone becomes really powerful, due to taking advantage of these natural impulses that people have, they make cruel and inhumane rules which are never applied to them. This causes lots of innocent people to get hurt.

That's why I'm here, by the way. I tried to post pics of myself after I woke up this morning as an anime girl, but my nightshirt was really big on me and it slipped down and showed a nipple. Google flagged that pic and locked my account, then the police showed up and took me in for questioning, and now I'm stuck here overnight since my lawyer's on holiday. I don't even know how old I am now, but Google thinks they do, and I'm not looking forward to persuading a judge that I'm over 18.

So what're you in here for?