“Waaaaahhhh! Sayaka-chan told me to stop talking to her! How did this backfire so drastically!?” I pouted like a child who lost their favorite toy.

Sato-san calmly snacked on the fries I bought him in exchange for meeting me after school. He didn’t seem overly concerned about my predicament, which didn’t make me feel any better.

“Ooof, I did not see that one coming. You thought dating me would allow you to talk to her without suspicion, instead she’s ghosting you.”

“But whhhhhyyy? We were getting along fine yesterday, what changed!?” Admittedly, I sounded like a whining baby, but I couldn’t help it. Her mother gave me her blessing, but I never even had a chance to act on it.

“Who knows? She’s always been like that, keeping things to herself and keeping people at a distance. There are things about her that not even Aoi-chan knows. Her mom let slip that something happened when she was in junior high that was really traumatic, but Tanaka-chan yelled at her to not tell me.”

He sounded bored to be around me, like I was a bother for even asking him to listen to me. The ideal perfect guy I once saw was thoroughly debunked by his apathetic reaction to my distressed state.

“That doesn’t make anything better! She told me not to talk to her, how am I supposed to learn about something that happened to her when she was a child!? I love her so much, what did I do wrong?”

“Maybe she just got tired of you? You can be a bit much, especially for someone as plain as Tanaka-chan. You should just give up and find someone else to fall in love with.”

“Ugh, you’re useless. How did I ever have a crush on you?”

He rolled his eyes at me and then grabbed another fry. “It’s not my fault you thought I was a better person than I actually am. What do you want me to say? We did your plan and it backfired. How exactly do you think complaining to me is going to make anything better? She probably just needs time to think things through. Let’s give her a couple weeks and then we’ll break up to see if that makes her change her mind.”

“What if she hates me though!? It won’t matter how long I wait if she loathes the sight of me! I’m totally helpless without her! Who’s going to cook for me and clean my apartment?”

“What is she, your maid? Sasaki-san, you really need to learn how to live on your own and not rely on her anymore. Think about it, her family is struggling to pay the bills and you’re constantly over at their place eating their food. Did you ever think that you might be a burden on them? Seriously, it’s a wonder she didn’t cut you off sooner.”

Sato-san had a point, I had been terribly selfish and was taking everything for granted. Her mom told me that the kind of person who could be with her daughter would be someone who could be patient with her. Yet all I did was try to rush things so that I could be with her when it was convenient for me.

The important thing wasn’t making her fall for me or for her to change her views of love, I just needed to be there for her. Clinging to her all the time, inviting myself over every day, and making her spend all day with me, those weren’t things that she needed from me. Why did I go through all that effort, planning how to get her to love me, if all I was doing was ignoring her feelings?

Perhaps some time apart would be best for us. There was so much about her that I didn’t know, and I wasn’t going to get anywhere by annoying her. If she truly wanted me to stop talking to her, there wasn’t much I could do to change her mind.

“So, you think I should listen to her and stop talking to her?”

Sato-san stood up in an annoyed huff, sick of our cyclical concentration. “Yes, leave her alone. I need to go to practice, see ya.”

“Yeah, see ya…”

Time seemed to move faster whenever I was lost in thought. The next time I looked at my phone it was nearly eight at night and the employees of the MacD’s were staring at me with worry in their eyes. The sight of a teenage gyaru sitting alone for hours must have been an unusual sight to behold considering most gyaru were rambunctious extroverts.

The walk back to my apartment was quiet, the only thing I could hear were cicadas and the last of the birds going back to their nests for the night. The early summer air was warm despite the sun being hidden by the horizon.

For my life to be so affected by someone I had only known for a couple months was a testament to how much she meant to me. She was the first person to not have any preconceived notions of what kind of person I was and didn’t let what other people said about me affect how she saw me. Her annoyance of me was rooted in my flaws, which she didn’t view as things that defined me.

For her to feel the need to cut me off meant that she was dealing with something that she couldn’t show me. Either I was the cause of her distress, or I was making her life more difficult to deal with. Sayaka-chan wouldn’t cut me off because of rumors or solely because she believed I was dating her friend. No, she had to have had another reason that she couldn’t tell me.

At least, that’s what I wanted to believe. Thoughts of her swirled through my mind like a whirlpool on a tumultuous sea. Waves of regret crashed upon the rocks of my consciousness, filling my head with an ever-present mist that made it hard to breathe.

Salty residue ran down my cheeks the moment I walked into my apartment. My chest ached, as if something was ripped out of my body the moment Sayaka-chan told me to leave her alone. The feeling was unlike anything I ever felt before. When I had a crush on Sato-san, I would be filled with joy whenever I heard him laugh and my heart skipped when he smiled.

How I felt about Sayaka-chan was completely different. Just thinking about her hurt, my body would go numb whenever she was around, and I dreaded having to leave every night, even if it was just to go next door. Instead of waiting to hear her laugh, I desperately wanted to be the reason she smiled. She was a relatively expressionless person, but she would brighten up the entire room whenever she was with her mom. Maybe it was wrong of me, but I envied how much she adored her mother. My jealousy extended to Aoi-chan, because she saw the sides of Sayaka-chan that I didn’t even know she had.

That night, as I cried myself to sleep, I replayed the advice Sayaka-chan’s mother gave me. If I truly wanted to be with Sayaka-chan, I needed to prove that I would be there for her forever and not just for the short-term. How I was going to do that wasn’t clear, but I knew I wanted to work hard to make her realize that I wasn’t going anywhere.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Finals were a slog to get through, but it was almost summer vacation and that made everything better. It had been over a month since Sayaka-chan cut me off and I was working harder than ever. To prove to her that I would always be there for her, I was going to get into a local college that I could commute to from my apartment.

Two weeks after Sayaka-chan stopped talking to me, her mother came over to talk to me. She didn’t go into detail, but she told me not to give up on Sayaka-chan. However, I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since then. Instead, I dedicated all my free time, which I had a lot of, to my studies.

As someone who never took my education seriously, I had a hard time catching up to where I was supposed to be. By the time exams rolled around, I was confident I could pass them with flying colors. A part of me hoped that Sayaka-chan would see how well I performed and realize that I was doing it for her, but it was a longshot.

Since Sato-san and I were never actually dating, we never got around to faking our breakup. On the contrary, we didn’t speak since I cried in front of him at a fast-food restaurant. Somehow, I was back to where I was before I became a third-year: friendless. The only difference was that I had a goal I was working towards.

The day came that the school posted the test scores, and I was eager to learn just how well I did. Summer vacation was around the corner, and I would be spending it studying and working part-time at my aunt’s ice cream store by the beach. In order to make my goal a reality, I would need to do everything in my power to prove myself.

As soon as the scores were posted, the class gathered around to find their names. It was a strange ritual, especially since most things were digital and they could’ve easily been posted online. However, there was a charm to the old-fashioned posters of names next to scores.

A murmur spread through the crowd as they saw for themselves who made the top of the list.

“...Sasaki-san got third!?” Someone exclaimed in a rude show of surprise. Like, I got it, but it was still rude.

“This must be a typo, or they made an error in their calculations!”

In fact, I was only behind Sayaka-chan, who was first with a near perfect score, and Sato-san, who scored one point higher than me. All those weeks of hard work paid off and I was well on my way to getting into the local beauty school. Granted, they didn’t require entrance exams, but I needed to demonstrate that I was a good student all the same.

“Sasaki-san, since when are you smart?” Some asshole from my class asked condescendingly.

“I have something to prove to someone, that’s all.” I replied curtly, not willing to give them any more fodder to use against me.

“She probably slept with one of the teachers.”

“Definitely. There’s no way she actually did that well. She’s that kind of girl, y’know.

My heart immediately sank as I felt all my hard work become a casualty of my reputation. Endless nights of studying and correcting old quizzes were dismissed without a thought and my success was attributed to the one thing about me that people thought had value. No matter how hard I tried, people would always assume I took the easy way to reach any level of success.

Just as I was about to walk away in shame, the verbal barrage began.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean!? Do you honestly believe Sasaki-san is incapable of studying because she’s attractive!? You just want to make yourself feel better about doing worse than the girl you all chose to dislike for no reason beyond some silly rumors! What do you know about her!? None of you have even tried talking to her, let alone get to know her! Stop talking out of your-”

Sayaka-chan instantly calmed down the moment she felt my arms wrapped around her. She came to my defense when she didn’t have to, which, to me, meant that she cared about me deep down.

“It’s okay, Sayaka-chan, there’s no need to yell. You aren’t going to change their minds by shouting, so just let it go.” My best attempt at impersonating her mother was cringy, especially since we were surrounded by our classmates, but it did the job.

“Fine, I’ll stop shouting. Please let go of me, Sasaki-san.” She still sounded pissed but at least she wasn’t taking it out on the rest of the class.

I withdrew my arms and calmly went back to my desk. It was the first time we had spoken in a month, but I didn’t want her to talk to me because no one else would. While I was grateful for her standing up for me, it would have been presumptuous of me to assume that she wanted to be friends again.

The rest of the day went by like nothing happened, as did the next few days. Before I knew it, we were on summer vacation, having not spoken to Sayaka-chan in the days that followed.

Her not talking to me wasn’t enough to make me give up on my goal. On the first day of summer vacation, I headed to the library to study. My weakest subject was English, so I wanted to focus on improving that first and foremost. People stared at me with confusion, taken aback by the sight of a studious gyaru spending time alone at the library.

After four hours of studying, I decided to take a break and walk around. Even though it was the middle of summer, it wasn’t overly hot outside and there was a pleasant breeze that cooled the sweat that developed on my brow. Local restaurants were packed with office workers out to lunch and cafes were filled with students that were finished with classes for the summer.

As I was window shopping along the main street, I noticed a familiar face working at a flower shop. Since I hadn’t talked to her in nearly two months, I forgot that Tanaka-san worked at a florist during the day. After a short internal debate, I decided to enter the shop. They weren’t busy since most people were most interested in the places that sold food, so I felt like I wouldn’t be too much of a bother.

“Welcome! Can I help- oh! Rina-chan! It’s so nice to see you!” Tanaka-san embraced me like I was a relative she hadn’t seen in years. No matter how old she was, she was still a gyaru.

“Nice to see you too! I was just taking a break from studying and I noticed you, so I decided to stop by. How’ve things been?” Asking about Sayaka-chan right away would’ve given me away too fast, and I preferred not to discuss someone who refused to talk to me.

“Oh dear, you know that daughter of mine, she’s always scolding me for something. It’s been too quiet since you stopped coming by, I think she’s getting lonely.”

“Ehhh, I highly doubt that. She tends to prefer being alone, plus I think I annoy her too much. Actually, I haven’t talked to her in a month.”

“...What!? That dumb girl, I told her not to ignore you, but she did it anyway. Oh! But aren’t you on summer break, why are you studying?”

“Oh, umm… Promise not to tell Sayaka-chan, but I’m working on getting into a local beauty school, so I won’t have to move.”

Tanaka-san chuckled at my embarrassing admission and patted me on the shoulder. She didn’t seem surprised by the news, but it was hard to tell how she felt in general because she was always cheerful.

“You haven’t given up on her despite her ignoring you, just as I expected.”

“Actually, she came to my defense the other day and started yelling at some classmates who were badmouthing me. Unfortunately, I did what you usually do to calm her down and I don’t think she liked me hugging her.”

“Oh, so that’s why…” She trailed off, stopping before she shared too much information. “Keep doing your best, Rina-chan. I’m sure she’ll open up to you again.”

We chatted for a couple more minutes before I had to resume my studying. After a quick snack, I went back to the library and buried my head in my books.

Another six hours of endless studying passed before I learned how late it was from the ding that signaled that the library was closing. I packed up my materials and thought about what I should do for dinner during the walk home. Since I couldn’t eat Sayaka-chan’s food anymore, I decided to actually learn how to cook. The basics were about all I could do, but I rarely burned anything, and most things were tasty.

My laziness led me to make gyoza for dinner. In an attempt to not be a total bum, I made them myself instead of using the frozen kind, which I considered to be impressive. Cooking was fun, but I wasn’t that picky to begin with, so I never considered learning anything beyond the easiest meals.

As I waited for the gyoza to finish cooking, there was a knock at the door. It was unusual for anyone to visit me, pretty much only food delivery people ever came around. Since our complex was a bit confusing, delivery people would often get lost and knock on the wrong door, so I figured that was the case once again.

Cooking chopsticks still in hand, I went to the door to quickly point them in the right direction.

“I think you have the wrong- Sayaka-chan!?”

Sayaka-chan stood in front of me holding a container, she looked unmoved but that was how she always looked. “I made too many cookies so I figured I should give them to someone instead of throwing them away.”

“Err, okay. You can come in, I’m in the middle of making dinner and I would rather not burn anything.”

She hesitantly entered my apartment, probably expecting it to be a mess like it was before. To her surprise (probably) my apartment was clean and free of convenience store food wrappers.

“You cleaned?” She sounded surprised at my ability to throw away trash.

“Hmm? Yeah, of course. Do you want some gyoza? They’re homemade.” I called from the kitchen, trying my best not to get too excited that she was actually talking to me.

“Uh, are they actually edible?” She was justified in her skepticism since the last time we spoke I was utterly hopeless at almost everything.

“You tell me.” I held one out for her to try as I removed them from the pan.

She tentatively accepted the food and chewed very gingerly, as if preparing to spit it out.

“Oh, this is actually good.”

“I’m glad you think so! I figured I better learn how to cook so I wouldn’t have to keep going out to the convenience store. Would you like something to drink?”

My nerves were going crazy. I really wanted to impress Sayaka-chan and show her that she didn’t need to do everything for me anymore. As uncomfortable as I was, there was no way I was going to blow my first chance to talk to her in a month.

“Here you go.” I placed a plate in front of her and a glass of water before doing the same for myself.

“Thanks… Umm, congrats on your test scores.” She sounded nervous and shy, like she was ashamed to be talking to me.

“Thank you! I studied so much; I would have been really disappointed if I wasn’t in the top ten at least.”

“Oh, nice… What’s gotten into you lately? Cooking, cleaning, taking your studies seriously, you never cared about those things before. Did… Did you do all of that to make Sato-san happy?” Her cheeks were so red I was worried that she was ill. Why was she so anxious?

“Huh? We aren’t dating, you know? That was just something I came up with so I could learn more about you. I didn’t expect it to backfire as badly as it did.” There was no point in hiding it, it would only mean lying to her more and I didn’t want to keep deceiving her.

“Yeah, I figured since you never talked at school…… Umm, just so you know, I wasn’t ignoring you because I thought you two were dating.”

“Uh-huh. So why have you been ignoring me?”

“Because I was scared, and I needed to keep my distance until I stopped being afraid. It wasn’t anything you did; I just couldn’t be around you.”

Her explanation only raised more questions than it answered. What was she talking about? How could she be scared of me, and it not be my fault?

“I don’t really understand, but alright. Changing the subject, do you have plans for the summer?”

It was better to move past the awkward topics that had a chance of making her bolt from embarrassment. She never acted so awkward before, so I didn’t want to take the chance.

“Not really, just studying and such. What about you?”

“I plan on studying everyday and I have a part-time job that I’m starting next week. It’s just for a few weeks in the summer, but it’ll be nice to have some extra cash. Plus, it’s by the beach so I can go there when I’m not working.”

“I wish I could get a part-time job, but Mom keeps pushing me to take entrance exams. Even if I do get into college, I would choose one nearby so I could stay with her.”

Sayaka-chan didn’t seem like a mommy's girl but she was absolutely devoted to her. There must have been a reason beyond them being together for so long, but I couldn’t ask if there was. Regardless, her plight gave me an idea that would be a win-win for everyone.

“Hey, I’ll need to ask permission first, but maybe you can work at my aunt’s store with me. We would be able to make some money, study, and have some fun on the beach. Oh, but only if you’re interested, of course.”

“Work together with you? Would we be staying there, or could we commute?”

That was her only question!? Nothing about my motives behind asking someone I hadn’t talked to in months to work with me. She wasn’t at all curious why I was able to come up with such an idea so quickly?

“They have a beach house we could stay in, but it’s only an hour by train to get back here. I’ll probably stay there since it’ll be more convenient, but you don’t have to.” I said, trying to cover my ass a bit.

“...I’ll think about it. I doubt Mom will approve but I’ll ask her regardless…… You never answered my question from earlier; what motivated you to work so hard at improving yourself?”

“Oh! Err… Let’s just say that I wanted to prove that I’m not worthless. Y’know, like how I relied on you to clean and cook for me and how I never cared for my grades? If I didn’t change, I would just continue to be a burden to people so I wanted to show that I could do anything if I put my mind to it.”

While it wasn’t a lie, it also wasn’t the whole truth. In fact, I wanted to be someone who could stay by Sayaka-chan’s side and not drag her down. The things that annoyed her were things I could work on, and she believed that I could improve my flaws without changing myself. In the end, the reasons were all the same; I did it for Sayaka-chan.

“You were never worthless, Sasaki-san, and you weren’t a bother. I told you that you shouldn’t feel the need to change yourself to make other people happy or make their lives more convenient.”

“So you say, but I didn’t change who I was, I just polished out some of my flaws that you repeatedly pointed out. I’m still myself, just less unreliable and lazy than before. Maybe I did it for someone else, but it gave me the motivation to make myself better so I can be happier in the future! You can’t seriously think I was better off being a slob who couldn’t cook and didn’t study.”

“I didn’t care about that stuff, you idiot!”

Before she could continue on her tirade, I jumped up and hugged her. “Yes! You finally called me an idiot! I missed your insults, Sayaka-chan.”

“Would you stop groping me!?” She pushed me off in an exasperated huff. “Geez, why do you keep hugging me!?”

“Oh. Well, your mom told me it’s a good way to calm you down when you start yelling. It came in handy when you started yelling at our classmates.”

“Grrrr! That interfering gal! I couldn’t just stand there and listen to people belittling your obvious hard work just because of some dumb rumors! People saying things like you being a slut or sleeping around, really pisses me off! They-”

The only other way to shut her up was by making it impossible for her to shout. In this case, it was achieved by stuffing a cookie in her mouth.

“Now, now, there’s no need to yell about it. It’s fine, I don’t care what they think about me. To be honest, it made me really happy when you stood up for me. It showed me that you still care about me, even if it’s a little bit.”

Her face turned red, once again showing how embarrassed she was. “Dummy! Getting happy over something like that!? You really are a stupid gyaru!”

“Mhm, but you love stupid gyaru girls.” This was my attempt to make her more flustered and to cause a misunderstanding. She was bound to get defensive and share too much!

“I love my mom, not you, idiot. Sheesh, I knew I shouldn’t have come over. You haven’t changed at all.”

“Oh? But didn’t you tell me that I shouldn’t change who I am? Tell me, Sayaka-chan…” I crawled over to her and moved my face closer to hers. “Why exactly were you ignoring me?”

It was fun to tease her after over a month of no interaction. I honestly had no motivation other than to make her blush, but I may have crossed a line.

“Ehhh? Umm… It’s complicated…”

“Then how about you make it uncomplicated.” I retorted playfully as her face turned an ever-brighter shade of red.

“Uhhhh… C-can you back off?”

“I’ll back off as soon as you tell me why you ignored me for a month.” A sly grin spread across my lips as I felt her beginning to crack under the pressure of my repeated questioning.

“I-”

Before she could answer, there was another knock at my door. Whoever it was, chose the worst possible time for me and the best for the tomato that used to be Sayaka-chan.

“Huh? Who else do I know?”

The moment I opened the door, I was in the grasp of a deceptively strong Aoi-chan. She grabbed my arm and pushed me against the wall, bending my arm back behind me to pin me down.

“Where is she!?” She was obviously pissed but I couldn’t understand why she was mad at me!

“Why are you barging into my apartment just to hurt me!? What did I ever do to you!?”

“Shut up, dumbass! Where’s Sayaka!?”

Before I could respond, an angel from heaven took mercy on me. Or rather, Sayaka-chan spoke up to announce her presence.

“I’m literally right here.” She said, the crimson color was still draining from her cheeks.

“Oh… Dumbass!” Aoi-chan slammed my head against the wall once and then let me go.

“What was that for!? Why are you assaulting me, I didn’t do anything!?”

“You just piss me off! Come on, Sayaka, let’s go.” Aoi-chan really hated me for some unknown reason. I barely talked to her, let alone did anything worthy of her vitriol.

“Y-yeah, I better go.” Sayaka-chan rushed past me with Aoi-chan, leaving me in a state of supreme confusion.

“...What was that all about?”