This is less an Analysis about myself and more about Authors as a whole. I only use myself as reference for the experiences a person can go through while attaining what some people call 'An Artistic Vision'.

But what is an artistic vision? I have gone through many stages as a writer, and the first step I took understanding why I love fiction was what made me less invested in a story filled with great themes but more entertained when events unfolding were simple.

My first work was a mess of a story that, when I look back to, didn't make any coherent sense except within the boundaries of my own mind. This is what taught me that writing with the thought of having another reading and giving feedback on my work was essentially a form of entertaining someone else with fiction.

So as a writer, was I supposed to be an entertainer catering to the masses? This opinion was cut down when I started to write a story that had every right to be able to catch people's eyes with how 'fresh and entertaining' it was, but suddenly found MYSELF not being invested by my story.

It was a strange paradox where what I was passionate about writing wasn't entertaining while the things that were more appealing and mainstream made what I thought to be a hobby more like self-imposed homework… and what everyone here can understand is that doing work is something a regular person would avoid if they were able to.

"I get no pay for becoming an 'entertainer', so why should I?" These were my thoughts as I continued to be on the line between writing for my audience and writing for my own amusement. Eventually, I came to a conclusion. 

"Why do I even write at all? Instead of writing something that definitely won't be a masterpiece, why don't I just read the well-known works of famous authors for my own amusement?" This thought became a unconscious thought, a worm burrowing into my mind without even realising it. I didn't even notice that I had already lost my qualification as an Author.

To write for oneself is to write a diary no one else would ever read. Although many unique ideas can come from writing this way, it ultimately lacks the understanding of readers that an Author shouldn't lack. 

To write for another is also not the right path to becoming one, as being too influenced by the opinions of others can make one fickle. A scene in your story you were proud of today could be something you want to delete tomorrow because it doesn't reach the perfection you are aiming for. If someone criticises some part of your work, then such thoughts will lead to an endless repetition of deleting and redoing pages.

The only way to overcome this paradoxical thought process is by having an artistic vision, and though I may be explaining it like it's an easy thing to achieve or something I fully grasp… In actuality, I don't…

The first artistic vision as a Author was to seek perfection in my storytelling, but the more I learnt about fiction, the more I learned of the purposeful imperfections in works that made them more memorable. To put it simply, even if an painter wants to add every colour of the world to a painting, it will only become jumbled mess if there isn't purpose behind what is being written into a story.

As an 'artist', I realised that I couldn't draw without inspiration to guide me. For I couldn't trust myself that the ideas I came up with by myself would even appeal to a wider audience. I experimented, and found that small touches made a story more worthwhile for my readers.

There was I time I wrote a story about reincartion and yet purposely left out key details about the character's past life like their name or age, even going so far as only including the parts the character was specifically affected by… The results were that a lot more people became invested in the main character's current life because there weren't two names distracting them for who the character currently was. 

They only knew the name of the character after reincarnation, and were therefore more closer to that character than any of the more 'perfected' characters I made before with literally their entire backstory spelled out for the reader.

It was then I remembered something that had truly become forgotten in my brain in the time I had been analysing tropes and what made story's appealing, I had forgotten that fiction wasn't 'art', but storytelling.

Subtext is created when the reader wants to know more about the characters themselves and looks for clues to figure out things that aren't explicitly 'told' to them. When a character is first introduced and they stutter in their interactions, it makes the reader unconsciously think that they aren't used to talking or are scared of something. When writing videos talk about 'show and not tell', it was THIS that they were referring to.

However, a story is essentially the Author 'telling' a reader a story through narration anyway, so how could I leave out information about a character's backstory in their introduction. The answer I found is that no real-life person is 'introduced' this way, most people I meet in real-life are those I can say I 'know' but only when talking about what I have found out about them at present.

It is through interacting that people know more about each other, but how can fictional characters inside my head form meaningful conversations when the entire point of them are to relay exposition that the narrator hasn't yet spoke of. It was hard to get past this problem as an artist, but as a storyteller, I found that the solution to this was changing who 'I' was interacting with.

I wasn't interacting with my characters, nor was I interacting with the fictional world I made. The true person I was interacting with was the individual I was narrating to… The person, who isn't me, that would read the text I was writing down to form a story.

Since I realised I was interacting with my readers through my narrations, I decided to switch things up and make them more lively. Instead of writing a summary of the events unfolding, I changed those events to fit the short attention span of new readers who wanted explosions every second, but as I followed along this path I realised that the 'narrations' I have became less genuine over time as story beats started feeling out of place and my own desire to write waned.

To become a storyteller isn't an easy thing, as I was still bound by the opinions of my audience. I became a comedian that tried to make my readers laugh, but found that my own laughter had died out in the process.

What was I supposed to do when becoming a storyteller was so much similar to becoming an entertainer? My answer was to go back to my roots and find out: What was I before an 'artist'?

I thought long and hard about it, then in a stroke of epiphany I had came to a conclusion: Was I not a kind of 'musician' that sought my own entertainment rather than the acceptance of others? Wasn't story's something I wrote purely for my own enjoyment?

And now, my artistic vision had matured. Rather than trying to 'entertain' an audience, I wanted the future me who had forgotten about my story to look back and enjoy it just as I have enjoyed the works of others.

Whether it be sci-fi, mystery, fantasy, or comedy… I want to look back on the story I told and see something that can make me feel emotions I had forgotten in the years that went by. If it's a Greek Tragedy, then I want to feel the helpless in knowing the flawed perspectives of the world that could caused the tragedy to happen.

Similar things could be said for mystery or fantasy. If I had a purpose when writing a story, then I don't want a glossary which either outright tells me about the world I built. Instead, I want to be entertained, moved, and more intrigued by the story anyone else!

After all, once I've finished writing the story, I am no longer the 'musician' or storyteller. I am the reader!

But even with this realisation, there was a chance I'd relapse if I didn't keep my previous lessons I learned in mind. If I was to chase 'perfection' again and think too hard about whether I'm talented or not, there wouldn't be any stories written to prove that I can overcome those who are only a tiny bit more talented than me but put in less effort.

If I sought too much for recognition and inspiration from outside sources, then I'd might as well send my work to a publisher rather than keeping my work a hobby.

And if I truly wanted to write a story that isn't going to be dropped, then I must plan a consistent story in mind that has a beginning and end. I could only choose to write for my future self rather than the readers that might or may not be interested in my work.

Thank you for reading any be sure to comment if you want to request your own Analysis blog. Peace out~!