“What?” I asked. Nothing would be more ridiculous than the fact that a cop fostered a son who was a gangster.

"Why don't you resemble one another?” I said.

" He is my stepfather! My natural father died before I was ten. He was a good man, raised me as his son, so my mother loved him very much and always told me to be a good man like him, not like my natural father, who indulged in gambling and drinking every day,” Jonathan told me.

"Is that the reason that you dreamt of being a cop?” I asked him.

"You couldn’t imagine that I used to be a very obedient child, studied hard, got good grades. It would have been a piece of cake for me to become an officer,” he said.

I sat down beside him and listened to him quietly. "I might have been a cop if I hadn't met my elder brother and was attacked by others on the way home after evening classes. Sometimes one could not go the wrong way, because one wrong step meant there was no going back,” he said.

"Does anyone know your background, that your stepfather is a cop?" I asked curiously.

"My elder brother asked my family. I said my father was a gambler and was beaten to death by others, and my mother remarried and that. I didn’t get on well with my stepfather. He didn’t enquire about the details because he trusted me. But when he knew my stepfather was a police officer, he was so angry that he almost shot me,” Jonathan said.

I understood. It seemed that both versions of the story were true. " I heard that you no longer speak to him because of this. Is it true?" I bugged him for more answers.

"Yes! He let me disappear in front of him, he would kill me if I went back! I tried to explain to him many times and he didn't give me a chance at all. Finally, one day he called me to see him. And he said if I want to continue being brothers, I should meet him without weapons or bodyguards and have a drink.

“It was risky, but I went. I didn't even tell Troy! Whether Harvey wanted to kill me or reconcile with me, I didn’t know. I assured him that I regarded him as my brother. I did lie to him, but I never betrayed him." That is how Jonathan explained it to me.

He adjusted his posture a bit and felt in his empty pockets, then sighed, “It turned out that he thought I had betrayed him. I wanted to explain that I had never betrayed him, I would rather show him my loyalty and risk being beaten to death than be misunderstood by him. He risked his life for me, so could I. He thought I trapped him before he died,” he said and before he continued I took the cigarette out of the drawer and handed it to him. He rubbed his brow and shook his head.

Boss Harvey must have cared about him, or he would not have wanted to have a drink with Jonathan. It was a concern that he had caused resentment and grievance when he was beaten to death. He was unwilling to accept the fact that the person he trusted most betrayed him.

But for Jonathan, how regretful and guilty he must feel.

"Did you find out who did it?” I asked.

"Harvey had been a gangster for so long that he wouldn't tell anyone about it except those close to him,” Jonathan said.

My head, hurt, almost blowing up. I was panting hard, to suppress my mixed feelings: "Did you really kill his family?" I asked Jonathan.

"Except for his daughter. I intended to kill them all, but she was so young and innocent that I could not bear killing her. It was said that she had a mental disorder and lived in a welfare home.

I was chopping an apple for him and clenched the knife tightly as I listened. The blade thrust into the palm of my hand, the sharp pain spreading from my palm to the whole body.

"Why did you kill his family?" I said and raised my arm, seeing him looking at me with no reaction, I was willing to stab him. But it was useless because he would have prevented himself from the attack even if I did.

I put my hand down and lowered my head to hide my miserable expression. “Maybe he had his difficulties, couldn’t you let him go?” I asked.

"Difficulties? He paused and took a breath, "Desiree, you are a kind girl, do you think he should not die. However, I have to punish him!"

"Have you ever thought that your life would not end well if you killed so many people?" I asked him, wondering what he would say.

Jonathan sneered, “It is the reason why Troy and I haven’t married until now. We would have been killed sooner or later, I wouldn't be surprised if someone rushed in to kill me now.”

“Was there good or evil in the world? Right or wrong” I thought. My father did betray them, causing the death of Harvey. Jonathan would have been killed if he was not arrested by the police. Jonathan did offer him chances, but, after all, he was my father! And my family was innocent.

I covered my face with my hands, unwilling to contemplate who was right or wrong. "Desiree!” he grabbed my hand and looked at my wound nervously, "Why are you so careless? Is it painful?” he asked.

"Yes, extremely painful!” I said, but the place it hurt was not my hand, but my heart.

"Do I frighten you? " He asked and put my hand on his lips, sucking out the blood gently and said, "If you don't like what I've done, I won't kill people later. Right?"

"Really?” I asked.

“Yes!” he stared at me affectionately, with unwavering love in his eyes and said, "As long as no one hurts you."

When he said that, my hand on his lips, his hot breath flowed from my fingers to my lonely soul. "I'm sorry,” I said and pulled my hands away, trying to escape the situation where I couldn't control myself, but he pulled me back.

"You do love me. Why do you pull away from me?" he asked

"I do not love you!” I said.

"If you don't love me, leave me now,” Jonathan said. I didn't want to leave, but if I didn't do it, it would mean that I loved him.

"Well! I will leave. Do you think I want to take care of you?” I shouted and ran out of the room. He did not take my hand again. If he did, I might have thrown myself into his arms and told him,” I love you.” I didn't expect to be with him forever because we were enemies. “I could live a better life without him!” I said to myself.