It was almost better to hear them arguing. After I made them stop, somehow, they replaced all the bickering with more fucking. And Mom's a howler, apparently. She swapped all the abuse and vitriol with dirty talk and roleplay acting. Mainly because if I was awake to hear any mean talk, I pummeled her bladder and kidneys like a Muay-Thai kickboxer training up shins and forearms.

By Adriavastalenourion's itchy anus, there's a baby in here, trying to get some sleep. Get a room! Or rather, get me a room. With a nice, soundproofed crib in it. Then keep fucking as many times a day as you people need, so you don't kill each other. I want two live parents, thank you very much.

"Gammon! Attend me!"

"Diagnosis: Internal Scan! Asteria, it says you're in genuine labor this time."

"I don't need a fucking Diagnosis to know that! You've been pumping me so full of jizz, I'm surprised Baby isn't early. Just fucking help me! Aaaaaagh!"

Yow. That was some kind of a squeeze, right there. I sort of felt like I needed to turn over. Which was some kind of a workout with my little baby muscles. I had no idea if I was doing it correctly. It's not like I could remember it from Earth. Or any of the four times before that, apparently.

I could guess, though. Today was going to suck. And it would be the first day of the rest of this life.

Mom kept squeezing me, making me move. I lost track of time, and place. I was getting shoved around, and squeezed, and everything aches, and I am so miserably exhausted, and cold, and wet, and... fuck all of it!  "Waaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaa!"

"Asteria, it's a boy! No. Wait. Not a boy? A dual? She's dual!"

"What goblin nonsense is this? Let me see. An amphisbaen! She's an amphisbaen! Dear gods, she's huge! That came out of me?"

What are they talking about? Clearly, I have a penis, and that makes me a boy.  Why are they using girl pronouns? Unless...

Godsdamnit. I'm in a fucking futanari isekai. Of course they have futas in this world. Magic. Girl dicks. Probably some kind of stat system, too.

"Inspect! Gammon. It's not... try Diagnosis."

"Diagnosis: Status! She's still invisible. I can't see anything. It just says, 'Anomaly detected.' and that's it."

Ha ha. Suck it, Adriavastalenourion. I'm not a part of your system!

"Look at her colors. She's... so... fuck, I'm so tired. I just need... Gammon..."

"Asteria? Diagnosis: Status. Diagnosis: Internal Scan. Fuckfuckfuck!  Asteria!"

Dad looked scared. What was going on? Mom? I just want a nap, but this doesn't feel right. Mom. Mom! Wake up! I need you! Don't leave me!  "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

It felt like my brain exploded right then. Like it squirted right out of my soft baby skull. It was too much. I passed out.

I woke up with a face full of boob. Now that's what I'm talking about. Nom!

"She's awake."

"And you're alive."

"You didn't kill me after all, with your rape baby."

"Asteria. Could you... not? Is it so hard to just... well... she might not understand. We should probably put that on pause for a while."

"You mean just my non-consent kink, right? I still... though maybe not for a few weeks. Days. A few days."

"You want to get pregnant again, don't you, you slut?"

None of that, now. I gummed down as hard as I could, and slapped with my weak baby hand.

"She bit me! Gummed me."

"Is is because I said 'slut'?"

I spit out nipple and yelled at Dad. You're godsdamned right! "Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Can she actually understand us? No. It has to be the emotional context, if it's anything, right? Darling, is Daddy Gammon a brutish little rape beast?"

You get another bite for that, Mom. And another slap. I can't kick your bladder any more, so it'll have to be titty spanking.

"She knows! What a little empath we have!"

"So. Yeah. Definitely pause."

"Gammon. You officially have my consent to fuck me. Any time. Any place."

"Three a day is a bit much."

"At least three times a week!"

"Deal."

"And you have to cook for me."

"I already do the cooking."

"You have to want to do it. For me."

"But I alre-fine, yes, okay. I will do the cooking. For you. And washing up. This is... I won't say this is an elf thing. I think it's just you."

Mom laid back on the bed and actually, I-shit-you-not, started purring. Like a cat. I could see her ear points twitching, even with my crappy baby eyes.

"Names. We discussed boy names and girl names. Clearly, we have to start over. My family hasn't had an amphisbaen in over a hundred years. It has to be special. For my special baby."

"Goblins don't, really. We sort of leave it to the kid to pick their adult name when they feel like they earned it. So baby names are sort of disposable."

"We're not doing that. My darling will have a wonderful, lovely, and thoughtful name, right from the start. Like Lineantrias."

Nope! Slap.

"Or Sheladriel?"

Try again, Mommy. Slap.

"How about... Callichaun?"

No! Slap.

"Those are all super elfy, Asteria. She's goblin, too."

"Fine. But she won't like this one, either. Ravenna."

Oh! I could live with that one. Good job, Mommy.

"She didn't hit me. I guess that means it's okay? All right, my enormous variegated goblin-elf child. You'll be Ravenna until you want to be someone else. And break your poor mother's heart by throwing her beautiful name-gift in the garbage. Welcome to Panalex Diamachtin, my Ravenna."

That might be another spanking. Nah. I'll let that one slide. Just keep that purr going, okay?