Everything.

Must.

Go.

I am having a yard sale, getting rid of anything and everything. It’s not really a “yard sale” because everyone’s houses are so far apart. I just put posters in the middle of town, set up a few tables outside of the grocery store, and went to work.

Charlie is sitting with me, haggling prices whenever someone comes by and playing poker with me whenever it gets slow. We bet on candy instead of money and thank goodness for that or else I’d be broke by how many times he’s won by now.

I don’t know how it happened, but we’re talking again.

Maybe it was the funeral. He was there for me, and my grandma left, and even when he was angry with me, he came to my rescue when my mama ambushed me.

After I lost three chocolate bars I ask him his secret to winning.

“You’re really obvious about your emotions, Anne,” he said. “You do and say what you mean. Great for honesty in life, horrible for poker.”

He takes a slow bite out of my chocolate bar and chews slowly, savoring the victory.

“I’d rather be honest than good at poker,” I replied.

“Shame.”

He takes another bite out of the chocolate bar and tries not to choke while laughing. He’s teasing me and it’s working too well. I try to snatch it from him, and while I begin a losing fight, another customer arrives.

It’s Nick.

He looks like he’s eaten a lemon when he sees the two of us together.

“G-good morning,” he said. “Nice to see you two…together….”

“Oh no, this isn’t friendship. This is about stealing everything from her,” Charlie laughs.

He shows off his pile of winnings on the table, but Nicholas is hardly blinking, like a confused pigeon. He seems sweatier than usual. Like the heat of Hell itself is sweating out his sins.

Is he alright?

“Oh yeah, Nick,” Charlie said. “When are you leaving?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I figured I’d ask since I’m leaving town too,” Charlie said.

“Since when,” I shouted. “You never told me!”

“I decided just now. ‘Gonna be the world’s best poker player.”

Nick gives a small smile and I can’t help but grin as well.

“I know nothing about poker but I don’t think you’ll become the best,” Nick said.

“Oh you miss me already. Don’t worry Nick, you can always visit me any time,” Charlie said. “Sadly, I think I can only afford one bedroom for now.”

I slam my hand on the table and stop Charlie from whatever he’s doing. He’s gotten so bold lately. I’m weirdly happy for him for being himself but I want him to be himself with any other man.

They both jump a little bit and I quickly lie.

“Uh, it was a bug.”

When did I ever become so jealous?

“Charlie, can you get me a big ‘ol jug of sweet tea,” I asked. “Please? It’s horrid out here.”

“Sure,” he grunts.

I’m surprised he said yes and he goes inside the grocery store, leaving the two of us to finally say the unspoken. I’m scared but If I never ask, when will I ever?

I am unsure if I want him to come with me. I’ve known him for about five weeks now, and I question myself a lot around him.  

But lately he’s been avoiding me.

Instead of me asking him, he speaks first.

“I spoke to Charlie the other day,” Nick said. “Are you using me to get to Charlie?”

That was not what I expected him to say. I bite the inside of my cheek and think about karma.  I really want to say anything but how I feel. A part of me still thinks grandma died because I acted…not the best the other night, but I know I’m being silly.

But lying made this whole stupid thing worse to begin with.

“Sort of,” I said softly. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t  know?”

“I, I was angry with you! Charlie wanted you and I was jealous….so I took you outside of the bar last night to talk about it.”

Nick squints his eyes because he’s searching for the truth in my words, and it’s hard to see.

“Wait. So you were angry with me? I thought you were interested in me!”

“I was really angry that night! What gave you that idea,” I replied.

“I mean, Charlie seemed really angry before he uh….”

Nick goes a little red and doesn’t finish his sentence.

“Yes. I thought that maybe I was getting anger and attraction confused again,” he said.

He laughed nervously, and then I laughed a little, snorting through my nose.

“Ain’t never heard of a man who can’t tell the difference between hatred and horny,” I said.

“Hey, hey, hey, you didn’t mind that night. And the few nights after that,” Nick said.

It was now my turn to make a very good impression of a tomato.

“You’re the one who is Chief of Miscommunications,” I said. “I thought you were…  you know. Until your hands wanted to find a new home between my thighs.”

We go back and forth, flirting with each other until Charlie returns. He has three bottles of sweet tea in his arms and sets them on the table.

“Couldn’t find the jugs so I just bought…these,” Charlie said.

Nick mumbles something about groceries, takes a bottle and quickly goes inside. Charlie looks somewhat pleased again, with the same smug face he made all day while winning poker.

Charlie thinks he’s won another game, doesn’t he?

“I think he’s avoiding me,” I said.

“No he ain’t, he’s probably just busy,” Charlie replied.

He drank from his bottled sweet tea and looked away to the side, and I knew he was guilty.

“What did you do Charles?”

“Drink tea.”

“Charlie!”

“All I did was tell him the truth. That you weren’t interested in him until it became convenient.”

“That’s not true,” I replied.

I try to calm down because I sound kind of like I’m whining. I worry that this is all getting a little immature.

“I just never knew he could be so sweet until I gave him the chance,” I said.

Charlie sighs and takes another sip of his drink.

“Can’t I have this,” he asked.

“Have what?”

He scoots his chair a little closer to mine, speaks low so no one can hear him.

“You got every boy I ever wanted,” Charlie said.

I giggle nervously until I notice he’s serious.

“You’re lying. All of them,” I asked.

“Almost of all them.”

“Even Bobby?”

He nodded his head yes and looked annoyed.

“Bobby became friends with me, and then y’all started dating in middle school…guess who stopped being friends when y’all broke up?”

“What about James?”

“He traded Pokemon cards with me sometimes but always asked about you.”

“Nathan?”

“Fuck Nathan.”

I laughed and Charlie ain’t so sad no more but then I start to feel guilty. Have I really never noticed that boys been using him to get close to me for years?

“Am I dumb, Charlie,” I asked.

Without a moment of thinking he told me.

“Yes.”

“Shut the heck up!”

“Don’t worry, you’re like, not smart but not stupid. You’re cute,” he assured me.

“Complimenting me won’t make me forget this. But it will get you a long way,” I laughed.

“No, I’m serious. Guys like that. You can’t be too smart,” he advised.

“Charlie?”

“Yes?”

“We are not having girl talk outside this grocery store.”

“Good, ‘cause I ain’t a woman.”

Nick walks out of the grocery store with a few bags in his shopping cart and waves. As he puts his bags in the trunk of his car, I come up to him and tell him what I should have said all along.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” I said.

“Sorry about what,” he asked.

“About the way I treated you and Charlie.”

He took me in for a hug and my entire body relaxed. Like two pieces we fit together just fine. The smell of his sweat made me want him more, and it made it even harder to let go.

But I did.

“Can this be more,” Nick asked.

“No.”

The look of hurt on his face is crushing, pushing me down into the hot parking lot asphalt.

“Why? Were you really using me like he said?”

“No. No, not ever. It’s just that Charlie loves me,” I said. “I hurt him, and he still loves me. He always will. I can’t hurt him again over a man. I done it before without even realizing.”

His hurt is no longer crushing but a sad acceptance.

“You saved my life Nick and now I understand that every day is a blessing. You also made me understand what’s most important to me. I don’t wanna lose him.”

Nick turned to look across the parking lot at Charlie who was selling some old DVDs at the table set up. When he looked at Charlie it was as if Nick went through the different stages of grief, all at once.

“You’re right. There are different kinds of soulmates out there, after all. You two definitely are,” he said.

I gently took his hand and promise him I’ll come to visit. I promise that I’ll always care for him. He nods but doesn’t say much of anything.

I wave goodbye when he drives off and wonder if I made the right choice.