Volume Two: Rush

Momma knocks on the door and then walks in while I'm packing to go back to Las Estrellas. 

Why knock but then enter before I say anything?

I try to be patient with her, Anne says I should, but she makes it so hard sometimes. Momma sits on my bed and she looks a little sad.

"What happened," I ask.

"Well my son is leaving before the end of the year, and I'm a little lonely is all," she says.

"You got Daddy and the dog."

"Can't you stay," she asks.

"I'm sorry Momma, I got work."

She accepts this as an answer because she is sure I am going to be the next big thing. I didn't really care that much about being famous or whatever, I just wanted to leave town. At best I thought I'd join some cover band and make side cash on the weekends. Now I have actual money and I don't know what to do with it.

"Just make sure to finish in time so you can eat breakfast with us," she says.

"Yes'm."

I double-check my backpack for my airplane tickets and run down the stairs. Daddy's reading the newspaper as he does every morning, and Juno is under the table, ready for whatever I accidentally "drop". Momma's making something that will clog my arteries, and I feel a little guilty that I'm going back to Las Estrellas early, but it's not for work.

It's for a party.

I try to have a conversation with her, but I can't because I'm nervous. I have to be careful about what I tell her. I hate that I can't talk about my life around her. I could never tell her that I was seeing a woman and a man. Maybe she'd come around if I was seeing only a man, but this seems like something she'd never understand.

So I talk about the gigs I worked, and how I'm trying to write another song to sell, because it's easy, and it's bad to start a fight right before I'm leaving again until her birthday.

When I'm done I feel like I can't leave the house fast enough. I call Nick and he comes to pick me up. I tell him to meet me further up the road so my parents don't see and I feel embarrassed.

I ain't in high school anymore, yet I feel like I'm still sneaking out.

When he comes to pick me up he has that cute small smile of his and is excited. I put my stuff in the trunk, get in, and he takes me to meet up with Anne at the diner.

She already has a table for us, but Nicole is our waiter, and I think it's pretty funny because Anne doesn't like her, and for no good reason. Since I already ate I just get myself a coffee, but Anne and Nick ordered themselves what looked like the Last Supper. When the food arrived, I finally decided to pop the question because no one can be upset with pancakes in their mouth.

At least I hope so.

"I've been thinking about a lot the past three days," I say. "I was thinking, maybe you should come with me to Las Estrellas, Anne."

Anne looks completely surprised and puts her knife and fork down.

"You serious," she asks.

"Dead serious."

"What about Nick," she asks.

Nick looks a little sad, cocks his head to the side, and tells us it's okay.

"It would feel wrong to leave you behind," Anne says. " I missed you so much in Austere."

"I don't know what I'd do Las Estrellas," he says. "I can't write anymore."

"You will. You just gotta get better."

"Do you want to come too," I ask. "What would you do in Edelweiss if you can't write for now?"

"I don't know," he says. "Besides, isn't that moving too fast? Give me some time to think about it."

He drink some coffee and looks out the window, and he's doing the thing again where he crawls inside himself, gets too much into his head. I look at his hand underneath the table, and I want to hold it, but instead I latch my pinkie finger with his. Nick's head snaps away from the window and his eyes go wide. He gives me serious bedroom eyes and I have to look away because I worry we are being too obvious.

"I'm going," Anne said. "But where would we live? Isn't the rent ridiculous over there?"

"Oh, I moved in with a friend right before I came down here to visit," I say. "His house is huge. There's plenty of room!"

Anne and I make plans and Nick pretends he is not listening, but I know he is. He and Anne put on these airs, and it's strange as hell. I don't know why I let them do it but I'm starting to think I have a type.

When we're done eating, Nick pays for everything and leaves Nicole a huge tip. She thanks him several times, takes our plates, and runs off to the back.

"Where were you when I was a waitress," Anne said.

"I caught the guy who robbed you," Nick replied.

"Huh. Yeah, thanks for that."

"It was alright of you to save us, I guess," I say.

Anne and I laugh and it's fun to tease him. He's just too easy.

When we're done, we all go back to Nick's place, and we try to spend as much time as we can together, but it's not enough. I know we shouldn't go over, we'll get up to no good, but I just want one more time with them.

Nick's room is filled with books and stacks of notebooks. The bookcases cover every side of the wall, and there's a lava lamp right next to his huge bed.  He's a huge nerd, and above the desk are a bunch of posters from movies, but on the back of his door are a bunch of notecards with his author's notes all over it.

I'm busy looking around, and Anne hugs me from behind and drags me to the bed. I try to get up and Nick pushes me back onto it, giving me the same look from the diner.

"Take off your clothes," he commands me.

"You're so shy in public, but all alone you're the loudest in the room, aren't ya," I reply.

He pushes me down and gets on top of me, and now everything is a blur. My head is empty while Anne and Nick take off my clothes. I don't worry about money or fame when I touch Anne's chest and smell her hair. I forget about all the problems with my family when Nick kisses me. 

When two mouths are wrapped around my lower half an alarm sounds. My phone, still in the pocket of my jeans, reminds me that I have a plane to catch.

"Ignore it," I tell them.

They don't listen to me and I'm upset because my head is still empty, so the other head is now in charge. Anne and Nick make me get dressed and get into the car against my will. I've been trying to leave as fast as possible since I woke up but now I want to stay. 

I sulk in the backseat and Anne leans on me while the radio plays Need You Now. It feels so strange whenever a song plays that knows how I'm feeling. It's like a sign. Of what I ain't sure.

At the airport, we make it early, because for some reason you always have to be two hours early for a plane that is meant to leave late. Before I go to the security check section, I give them one last goodbye.

Without hesitation, I kiss Anne and tell her I'll miss her. Nick looks jealous and then I make a split-second decision.

"I'll miss you too," I say.

I bring him close, lean slightly, and kiss him. A few people in the waiting area had strange looks on their faces because I kissed two people goodbye, but I didn't care. I don't know them from Adam.

Nick is flustered and doesn't know what to do and Anne takes his hand. They wave goodbye and I look back for one last time.

On the plane, I'm lucky enough to have a window seat, and no one next to me, but it just makes me feel lonely.