This is probably the last screw up that I make. It will be the one that leads to my own oblivion.
All due to a misunderstanding, mixed with my inability to make normal initial decisions.
I think I may have lost the only relationship that matters.
My mental capacity to do anything about it is nonexistent.
Meaning it should end: the remains of the relationship. I'm to unwilling to go back.

Maybe it's better so she will never know my crazy philosophy. 
I told someone once. It was Jo, and he knew just as I do, it's the only answer that would settle everything in a generation. It was the only way. Whether anyone could do it, is not a question I'm willing to answer. But with her our relationship was different.

I could never tell her about fucked up things like that.

It was the only friendship I had retained. It's the truth.
Me and Jo, we were always friends, but I always saw him as a brother. Even though I'm damned, he still hadn't let go.
The rest were perpetually adjourned. I never know what to say at a certain point.
No matter the memories, it seems to wither with my inaction.  

She's the only human I could call my best friend.
But in the end, I neglected her too. It wasn't even the first time. Even if things were to get fixed, the pattern would just repeat.

I am one of the worst humans on this planet.
Not even cause of that, I let certain evils continue to kill those who pass through youth.
It's a surface level overstatement. A lot of people could still fit that sentence for a lot of different reasons.

She could never be like me, and she should never be around me again.

I've thought about it everyday.

I've fucked up, yet without a doubt while she is the most important person in my life, I still can't maintain a sensible relationship with her.

With Jo, he's been exposed to my hellish ramblings. He knew my life was cursed.

Jo's a stubborn human, but extremely collected on anything he's put time into something. I wasn't sure if he'd grow up, but he outgrew me, if not before the moment I switched schools.

They both are alike and dissimilar.

She's honestly unbound. Though if I could think of anything negative about her, it would be that I've seen her doubt herself. Still, I don't think it matters when there will always be a future for her, if she can see it.

A while ago, I almost set them up together.

Existence is very complicated and intricate.
But what's not complicated, is that they should both be kept far away from me. Permanently.

Even if it's true that I love them. I never said it to them.
It's still funny.
An evil scumbag can have feelings.
But they must become mute.

I still want to return to Shin.

Before I met her, while I was not in contact with Jo. I found something. Someone.
It led to something humanly crazy. An insane concept that hell is the only thing that could fix hell.
The world can't be fixed by normal methods anymore. People are still aware of the hell going on, but don't have the time or the will. No one has time to go into the depths of what goes on. It could take decades for things to be found naturally. Then when the people in charge finally decide take initiative, they are far too late. There is no solution other than to wait.

But I know the thing that could give me the edge. The brim to a solution. A tiny fragment that could lead to something: one hell of a solution.

I don't want them to live in this type of world, where so many things are obscure. Even if the world had just a little less hell, everyone would be better off.

Anyone I can think of has already accepted it, this world filled with hell.

My mentor and I, we've both seen the hell scape of this world. I know because he sent it too me.
There is only one last thing I could envision my master showing me, the last thing that I asked him. If there was a way to end the cycle?
But there is a way, up close and personal, to convey the only way to end in the hell we live in.

Show me, the end of my life.