Chloe
When I’d thought I didn’t want to disrupt the status quo, what I hadn’t considered was that things could get even better. I’d already thought this vacation was going to be the best time of my life, and now, at the prospect of the best time of my life getting even better, I was coming to terms with the new idea that I could have more.

I’d always done what felt natural with Irene, and when she didn’t reciprocate my touches much, I’d accepted it and assumed that's the way our relationship was going to be. Now though, she’d opened Pandora’s box and I considered for the first time in years how much I wanted to be closer to her.

One of my least favorite things about college was missing her. I never found anyone that felt like being around her again. I’d talked about it with one of my friends, and she told me what I wanted was a boyfriend.

I didn’t though, I didn’t understand what people meant when they said they found boys attractive. Like I could look at a boy and say if he was conventionally attractive or not, but I never felt anything.

And it wasn’t like I was gay, either. I’d considered it when I thought through my lack of attraction to boys, but I ended up having the same problem with girls. Like, yeah sure, celebrity actresses are pretty. But they didn’t make me feel anything, and the thought of touching them intimately made me uncomfortable. Why would I want to touch a complete stranger?

Maybe I was broken. I sighed, looking over at Irene.

Seeing her instantly brightened my mood. I couldn’t wait to get out of the car so I could hug her, I really needed a hug right now. I was glad we were growing closer again, she had been kind of distant previously.

I reached into the backseat and pulled out a bag of the cookies I’d made. These would have to do for now instead of a hug.

I watched her drive for a few hours, we stopped for lunch, and I finally got my hug. As soon as we got out of the car I rushed over and threw myself into her neck. She caught me, hardly getting pushed back at all, and I breathed in her scent, woody and fresh. Now I was ready to continue.

We had an unremarkable lunch, made much better by the company. We caught each other up on some of the things going on in our lives, the minor details we hadn't bothered to say over the phone.

She told me about a disastrous relationship of hers, a woman she’d dated for a few weeks. They’d gotten along alright but the way Irene told it, “She mentioned she was straight on our third date, and I’m just like what, aren’t we dating?” she punctuated the question with a frustrated gesture, “And she told me, yea I date women, my boyfriend lets me because he says it doesn’t count,” she finished with her head in her hands.

I didn’t know how to respond, so I patted her on the head, “There, there.”

In return, I told her about some of my misadventures with the baking club, an informal group of students in my dorm that regularly met up to exchange baked goods. I loved sharing all of my favorite recipes with them and learning new ones, but there had been a few times we’d tried to experiment a bit and it didn’t work out.

I considered talking to Irene about my sexuality, which was probably what I would have done 4 years ago. It made sense to do so, given she had opened up to me about hers, but I felt good about the way our relationship was progressing, and I didn’t want to rock the boat with my weirdness.

I also didn’t like talking about something before I’d decided how I felt about it, which was usually a quick process; I was definitely the kind of person who always knew what my favorite of any category was. In the rare cases I didn’t know, I usually stuffed it under the rug, tried to never think about it again, and called it a day.

I stole one more hug from Irene before we got back into the car, to tide me over until we got to the hotel.

We set off again, still many hours left to travel before we got to our hotel, leaving a shorter drive remaining for the next day.

While I watched the road pass by, sneaking occasional glances at Irene, I thought about my quest to get her more comfortable touching me. I wondered what the issue was. The first potential explanation I could see was she didn’t want to and she was just forcing it to make me happy. The thought of that made my stomach turn, and it didn’t sound like Irene in the first place. If she didn’t want to she wouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.

That must mean she wanted to, but she was shy about showing affection. That thought, unlike the other, made me giddy. I thought about how I could help her with that; maybe I could keep offering physical affection and give her whatever she would take, being a bit more proactive than usual. That should work.

I was interrupted from my contemplation by Irene clearing her throat, “Hey pumpkin pie?”

“Yes?” I looked at her curiously.

“You remember that conversation we were having?”

My thoughts immediately went to the one I’d already been thinking about. “Yeah, of course.”

She sighed in relief, “Ok well there was something else I wanted to tell you, it’s kind of important.”

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me, given that she was watching the road. I made an affirmative noise to get her to continue, biting my tongue instinctually to get rid of the smile coming to my face as I started to get nervous.

“Well, you know what I was saying about our friendship and everything? I have these feelings for you, and I don’t think you feel the same way, and that’s okay, but I just don’t know what to do with them and I just wanted you to know,” she rambled, her cheeks gaining a slight pink tint, “I really like you, and I have feelings for you, and nothing needs to change because of that.”

I started coughing at the same time that I started laughing, releasing all the tension I’d been feeling. “Oh my gosh, you need to get better at this before you kill me,” I choked. Did she really need to make a big deal out of this? I already knew we had a lot of big important feelings for each other, we were best friends, and I’d already told her I loved her like a bajillion times. I shook my head. This was important to her.

“Thank you for telling me,” I told her, thinking of what to say as I said it, “I’ve loved you for a long time, so it's not a surprise to me you feel a similar way,” I finish, smiling. ‘I handled that pretty well,’ I thought, feeling proud of myself. Irene used to always tell me I was better at talking to plants than people, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t the case anymore.

She let out a huge sigh, “Really?” she asked, disbelieving.

“Yup,” I emphasized the ‘p’, popping my lips.

She grinned, “Well this vacation just got a lot more interesting huh?” she shook her head, “I can’t wait.”

I was pretty sure I had already figured out this was going to be great and was looking forward to it immensely before she even picked me up, but it was okay if she was a little slow on the uptake, I loved her anyway.

Irene
I stared at the road, disbelieving I was in reality. I’d been in a trance since yesterday, when Chloe dropped an ‘I love you’ in the middle of the confession I’d been building up courage for for eight years.

Here, now, in the monotony that was a third day straight of driving, I finally reached sobriety. And it all came crashing down.

There was no way she had any clue what I’d meant was there? I mean it was kind of ridiculous at this point, but it was Chloe, so I should have expected it. At this point I wasn’t really sure what else I could’ve said to make it more clear. I brought up being a lesbian and said I was into her. How could that mean literally anything else? But it was Chloe.

I stole a look over to the passenger seat where Chloe was asleep and drooling on her shirt, her head lolled to one side. She was so cute it hurt, but I couldn’t figure out how to communicate with her, sometimes I felt like my words and her words sounded the same but meant different things.

I sighed, readjusting my posture in my seat. I was back to operation ‘express my love for my best friend though physical affection’, aka complete disaster town, population: me.

Maybe I could just propose to her. The worst part was I actually considered it for a minute. We’d known each other forever, and I knew I’d love to spend the rest of my life with her, we were going on a scenic vacation together, honestly the main reason to the contrary was I didn’t have a ring prepared.

I might’ve been getting desperate.

I sighed again, already a common theme with this vacation. I knew proposing wasn’t actually a good idea, but it was fun to daydream about Chloe being my wife. Not that much would actually change. I’d get to introduce her as my wife… and that would be about it, at least for now. My stomach turned at the idea of us separating again soon; I really was hopeless.

I pulled into the driveway of the address my mom had sent me feeling relief at not having to drive for the next while.

Chloe stirred, straightening before wiping her mouth and stretching, arms up to the roof of the car.

She looked to me, “Good morning my love, are you ready to see where we’ll be spending the next three weeks?”

I smiled, letting myself enjoy her affection for a moment, “Hmm. Yea I guess. I’m going to be really sleepy for the first few days though, traveling always takes a lot out of me.”

She gave me a look, “Uh yea, I’m your bestest friend, I already know that,” she finished in a faux smug tone.

And there was the reality check I needed. I bit back an incoming sigh. This was going to be torture.

We both stumbled out of the car, me feeling bleary-eyed and ready to crash. While I was too exhausted for a complete exploration, I was still curious to see the details of what I could already tell was a beautiful place. The outside of the small house was painted a light foamy blue, only slightly faded. We could clearly see a small patio in the front and I caught a glimpse of a massive deck out the back, facing the ocean.

We went inside, each carrying a suitcase. I saw there was a decently sized living room with well-worn furniture and tacky nautical decor, attached to a clean, modern kitchen. I found the master bedroom, a large room at the back of the house with an ensuite bathroom and large French doors showing an impressive view of the ocean past the back porch. Chloe informed me there was another smaller bedroom upstairs, and I offered to take that one. I hoped to use having my own space to physically distance myself from Chloe, at least till I could catch my bearings.

She protested, seeming more upset about me being in a different room than actually caring about who got which room. She ended up letting me go without much argument, realizing I was ready to sleep, and I took a quick shower before falling over onto my bed, immediately falling asleep.