APPROXIMATELY 18 HOURS EARLIER…

 

“Well Gobtta, why don’t you come in for a minute and you can tell us all about this tournament.” I said, inviting him into our room.

  I felt especially devious as I coaxed our new friend into being an information source, something we were sorely lacking.

  “Um… yes of course, don’t mind if I do.” He stuttered nervously as he entered our room. He played with his hands which he kept in front of his chest and he looked around like a meerkat on sentry duty.

  “So, how does this work?” I asked. “Can we field as many people as we like or does each clan only get one?”

  “Each clan can nominate one warrior to fight in the tournament. Usually they go with their strongest since they want to win.

  “The winner gets the crown and will become the next goblin king. Naturally, the clan who takes victory gets pride of place in the new regime. So it’s quite a big deal.” Gobtta responded.

  “I’ll do it.” Sally said immediately.

  It did make sense to send her. If we could only choose one person then she was the natural choice. I didn’t like the idea of being sat on the side lines for it though. It was my first proper, Adventure Society sanctioned quest and I wanted to be the one to complete it.

  “How does this arena place actually work?” Panda asked, lighting up his pipe. Just as he pulled it to his lips Sally slapped it out his hand and gave him a stern look. “Obviously, I know what an arena is, but this is a safe zone.”

  “The system has ways around combat in safe zones. In this case, you’d be signing your name on a sanctioned contract which basically says that whilst in the arena, your safety is temporarily revoked.” Gobtta answered, looking between the three of us nervously.

  “Revoked?” I asked. “As in, completely gone, so hypothetically an audience member could harm one of the fighters?”

  “There’s nothing hypothetical about it. Anyone can harm someone who’s safety has been revoked, though they’ll then be subjected to the punishment.”

  We talked for a bit longer after that but eventually settled on Sally soloing the arena and taking the crown. Much to my dismay.

 

***

 

 

Back in the present, time seemed to stop as I crouched over Sally. I could look around, but I couldn’t move a muscle.

  Rocks were frozen mid throw, the goblins seemed to be frozen too. The entire arena was silent all of a sudden.

  It had happened as soon as I’d checked my notifications as Panda had demanded. I was being punished, but why was the world frozen?

 

*WARNING*

You have broken the safe zone rules.

It’s punishment time bitches!

 

*WARNING*

Your safety has been revoked. You can now take damage whilst in the safe zone.

 

*WARNING*

You cannot damage others within the safe zone and their safety will not be revoked if they damage you.

 

Good luck twinkle toes. I warned you not to break the rules.

 

  Oh shit. I thought, still frozen in time.

  This was really bad. I could take damage but I couldn’t fight back. That was a worst-case scenario if ever I’d heard one. I was trapped in the middle of an arena, surrounded by thousands of angry goblins who hated me because I’d just killed their soon-to-be king.

  I looked around the room urgently, I had no idea when time would unfreeze but I’d use every spare second I had to formulate a plan.

  I would not die here and I wouldn’t lose Sally either.

  Loot the corpse and take the crown. That same familiar voice from my dream said, startling me as it appeared randomly in my mind.

  “Who are you?” I asked out loud.

  There was no reply. I looked towards the corpse of Geralt. He was right in front of me, if I could move my arms I could touch him.

  I focused on him for a moment and the loot notification popped up.

 

Do you want to loot Geralt the Great?

 

Y/N

 

  I mentally asserted yes, then looked towards the crown. I was just out of reach, but I could probably grab it as soon as the world unfroze.

  Good, now get the crown. The eery voice whispered into my mind.

  Time unfroze and a lot of things happened all at once. I span on my heels and reached out to grab the crown. The second my fingertips brushed it’s golden, shiny surface, I pulled it into my inventory.

  “For fuck’s sake Kaleb let’s go!” Panda screamed as he sprint-waddled towards us.

  I span back just in time to see the goblins around us start throwing dynamite. Hissing fuses spat sparks that lit up the air like bonfire night as the red cylinders of death rained all around us.

  I grabbed Sally under the arms and pulled her onto my back. She was surprisingly easy to lift with my upgraded strength stat. Still, she was a lot bigger than me, so it wasn’t that easy.

  The dynamite began landing at our feet. It fizzed and sizzled as the already short fuses got shorter. By my best estimate we had less than a second to get clear of the blast.

  There were hundreds of sticks of dynamite being thrown though, so where exactly were we supposed to go to escape it?

  Then it clicked and I dived forward, pushing the ground away with all the strength my legs could muster, just as the first stick of dynamite exploded.

  We flew through the Sally shaped hole in the wall that had been created when Geralt kicked her into it during the fight.

  Behind us, dynamite sticks exploded one after the other like firecrackers. Panda stumbled through the minefield of explosions, completely unscathed.

  “I feel like some kind of super panda, I’m impervious to bombs!” He shouted with the gusto and innocence of a child.

  Of course he was ok though, his safety hadn’t been revoked. It was also likely that Sally’s had been turned back on now we’d left the arena, since it was only disabled temporarily.

  I turned towards the stairs, with the unconscious catonid still on my back. I needed to get out of this place. I couldn’t win if I couldn’t do damage so there was no point in trying to kill the goblins.

  The only thing to do would be to run like hell and try to get back to the ship. Hopefully, Sally would wake up in time to fly the thing, but we’d deal with that later.

  For now I needed to get back outside.

  I began sprinting up the stairs with Sally on my back and Panda following at his own pace. I noticed my stamina drain, annoyingly fast as I moved with Sally.

  She weighed a lot more than me so I guess that was why it was so taxing. Still, I could barely feel the difficulty. Something I was sure to regret later. The DOMS would be mad.

  I reached the top of the stairs and found myself back in the hall. I began moving towards the exit when an unassuming goblin in priest robes jumped out in front of me.

  “You used me!” Gobtta shouted in a squeaky, sad voice. “You weren’t even goblins. You should never have been allowed in the tournament!” He shouted as tears began forming in the corner of his eyes.

  He was shaking, obviously terrified. I respected that, but I didn’t have time to waste on him.

  “I don’t have time for this Gobtta, sorry.” I said, moving around him and continuing to head for the exit.

  “F-f-f-fuck you, human scum!” He stuttered. Then he took a horn out from beneath his robes and pressed it to his lips. Flipping me off with his free hand as he blew into it.

  A loud, deep sound reverberated around the hall and as it stopped, I felt a rumbling. The floor began to shake and shouts of anger and profanity started coming from the passageway leading to the arena.

  Oh shit. They’re coming. Gobtta you wanker!

  I didn’t stay long enough to see them pour out of the passage like a burst water pipe. I simply turned and ran as fast and as hard I could towards the exit.

  Before I’d even gotten halfway across the hall I knew they’d entered it. Partly because of the very audible insults being thrown my way, and partly because of the very tangible spears being thrown my way.

  In a nutshell, things were thrown.

  I continued running, opting for a zig zag rather than a straight line in a desperate attempt to avoid the thrown objects.

  I was pretty sure that Sally was immune to their attacks now that we’d left the arena, which should have made her the perfect human shield. But I didn’t want to risk it, so I tried to protect her from incoming fire as much as I did myself.

  Panda waddled a few meters behind us, right in front of the goblins who were gaining ground. I wasn’t worried about him though; he was definitely immune to damage.

  Most of the goblins ignored him anyway, it was me they were after.

  I reached the large door at the end of the hall and threw myself up the spiral staircase. I was starting to feel the exhaustion of carrying Sally whilst I ran for my life.

  My breathing was laboured and my muscles screamed at me to stop. On my HUD I could see that my stamina was running dangerously low.

  I only had a single inferior potion left though and I needed to save it for the optimum moment. I had no doubt that I’d need it.

  I burst onto the second floor with the goblins hot on my heels and ran towards the exit. As I ran through the archway, the receptionist goblin barely looked up from her nails as she preened them.

  How much cuticle care could one person need? I thought as she boredly said: “Thank you for your patronage.”

  She didn’t even realise what had happened. Though her attitude quickly changed as an entire goblin hoard charged after me.

  Panda was lost in the fray; I had no idea where he was. The goblins had longer legs and had likely overtaken him. I knew he was immune to damage currently, but I still hoped he was ok.

  I reached the cave quickly and sprinted through the jagged tunnels which led back outside. I dug deep as my legs protested. I didn’t need to get much further, I was nearly there.

  I pushed and pushed with the goblins barely a meter behind me and screaming bloody murder. Then I saw it, the massive doors that marked the entrance to the mountain and my exit to the jungle.

  I ran straight towards the still open doors and practically dived outside. I’d made it! Now I just had a jungle to cross.

 

You are now leaving the safe zone.

 

  I took my stamina potion and carried Sally towards the edge of the cliff.

  The edge of the cliff? Fuck.

  It was then that I remembered how we’d originally reached the plateau by Sally jumping an impossible distance into the air.

  We were trapped between a sheer drop and a hoard of goblins. Some rescue this turned out to be.