LUCA

My sweet Raven has been gone for three days now.

I don't know where she is and it's slowly eroded my sanity.

I do know who she's with—fucking Kermit.

The last time I saw her, we were at her club. She'd just discovered that I was once a cop. We were interrupted by a disturbance out on the street and I left her alone for ten minutes. I asked her to stay inside the building where I knew it was safe. Where I knew it would take some time and noise for anyone to get past the locked doors.

The disturbance on the street involved two regulars who'd gotten into a fist fight. It was nothing that a bit of yelling and threatening couldn't handle. Pretty much the moment they noticed me coming to settle the argument, they sobered up and wanted to leave.

However, by the time I'd come back inside, Raven was gone. She'd packed all the papers back into the manila envelope, but she was not there.

We searched every alley, every darkened corner, every single location locally for her. But deep down, I knew we wouldn't find her.

Eventually, I demanded all the footage from the cameras that night.

I watched as she packed away the papers and then headed back to her office. She grabbed the garbage—I can only assume the cleaning staff missed it—and went to take it outside.

I've driven myself mad trying to figure out why she did it. I don't know why she left the building. I had warned her not to because I figured whoever had sent the papers were likely after us, but she defied what I requested.

I'm not mad at her. I don't care why she did it. It doesn't even fucking matter anymore. I just want her back here safely.

I couldn't tear my eyes from the CCTV footage as she tossed the rubbish into the big bin outside. I noticed a shadowed figure on the far side just outside view, but she hadn't noticed it immediately.

I've watched the footage so many times that I can see it in her face when she realizes that something's wrong. Part of me wonders if she walked outside without thinking. That she made an honest mistake doing something habitual for her.

On my seventh watch, I realized that there's an extremely faint noise. Like a heavily released breath. As if someone was building up courage.

And then he steps forward and smacks her across the back of the head with something and she immediately drops to her knees. Blood stained the concrete instantly.

Blood that I haven't been able to scrub successfully. Blood that haunts me in my sleep.

The man struggled to lift her. He was thin, wasn't too muscular. I heard a few rough, sharp sniffs.

If that wasn't enough of a hint as to who it was, I then noticed the small piece of purple hair peeking out of his balaclava and I knew it was Kash.

The moment I had confirmation that it was him, I drove my fist into the nearby wall and nearly broke my damn knuckles. Rage strangled the air from my lungs like I've never experienced before.

Kash and Shaye, surely. It explains why we ran into them outside the club shortly before this damning envelope arrives exposing me, followed by a disturbance outside, and Raven going missing.

In the time I've had to think everything over, it's occurred to me that it's entirely possible that the two drunks fighting outside were paid for or ordered by Kash to distract me. To pull me away from Raven for long enough that it would provide him the access he needed to her.

I should've fucking known better. It's the most classic thing. The most simplistic plan and I should've seen right through it.

I think with the tiny argument that Raven and I had had, that it'd distracted me. I wasn't fully focused, nor was I thinking straight. Even though Raven wasn't mad at me—and seemed to be understanding of everything and absorbing it well—it still threw me off. I wasn't anticipating my past life being exposed. Not this far into the game. It didn't seem to matter anymore. All those papers represent is the person I once was, not who I am now.

I have no way to prove whether the drunken regulars were part of Kash's plan or not. I'd interrogated them, but they didn't give anything away. Either they hold intense loyalty to Kash, they were paid so well they won't crack, or they honestly are drunks who were a convenient distraction for Kash that night.

However, I knew that Kasimir had sent the paperwork. I have no fucking clue how he succeeded in getting access to papers that are classified and locked tightly away, but it doesn't matter. He likely knows someone who's a cop and paid him off.

In fact, I have my own connections and I had the paperwork fingerprinted to confirm that Kash's prints were on the sheets. His prior arrests for public indecency, possession, and petty burglary helped prove he was the one who delivered the envelope.

Not as if that provided me with any peace of mind. Raven being in his hands is dangerous. He's unpredictable, especially considering his love of coke. Add to that the fact that he's attempted sexually assaulting her before, and I'm terrified for her.

Deep down, I recognize that Raven can take care of herself. That, if she was lost in the darkened woods with a starving wolf, the wolf would run. However, that doesn't matter to me in this moment because she's locked up somewhere with Kash and/or Shaye and I don't have the faintest clue what they'll do to her.

I worry Kash will kill her. Slowly. Torturously. Painfully.

I'm petrified he'll think of me removing his fingers and inflict pain on her in retaliation. I mean, that's why he's taken her, right? It's to get back at me. He knows the one thing that'd hurt me most is if he injured her.

I couldn't fathom burying her like I did with Adiv. That'd break me. And I reckon that's precisely what Kash wants to do.

Why did I ever give him a second fucking chance? I should've killed him months ago.

She doesn't deserve any of this. I do, but she doesn't.

Unlike me, she was brought into this life as an unwilling and ignorant participant. She was alone, torn from her parents when Cain had them murdered, and taken in by the family she thought would love her like a daughter and protect her from evil.

I chose this. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I asked to be put on this assignment. I knew that if I played with monsters long enough—if I fucking slayed enough of them—that I'd become one myself.

I am aware of the fact that I've become the very thing I originally sought out to destroy. I'm terrified of exactly what that means for me, for my life, for Raven, for our future. I pray that, in time, the darkness will recede.

I reckon that dealing with Kash and Shaye might set me a few steps further into the darkness.

My men managed to find Shaye a day ago. To put it simply, his life has been hell ever since. When he was first thrust into the basement, I shot out his kneecaps and made him crawl to the area in the center of the room, where I proceeded to hang him by his wrists from cuffs dangling from the ceiling.

Since then, he's been forced to stay awake, kept under blinding lights, only been offered salt water to drink when he's dehydrated which has caused him to vomit, and he's had a shock collar wrapped around his neck as he's been interrogated. The latter is fairly obvious—each time I don't like what I hear, he gets a maximum shock.

It took nearly thirty-six hours of torturing the guy, but he finally relented and gave us the address to Kash's house. Told us to search it. After he told me that little tidbit, I cut his arms and legs—deep enough to continually bleed and not scab over too quickly, but shallow enough that he doesn't bleed out fast—and left him hanging there.

He'll die like that. I'm done with him. He's never going to give any more information so he'll hang there and slowly bleed out until he dies.

Perhaps I went a bit harsh on Shaye, I can admit that. Of the duo of Kash and Shaye, Kash has always been far more of a pain in the ass than Shaye ever was.

However, I noticed that Shaye had two fresh wounds on him. The first was that his knuckles were baring some new bruises. They hadn't had the chance to even yellow yet, so they hadn't been around for long.

Second, was that he had a fairly substantial cut up the outside length of his arm. It was a straight cut—not jagged—so I figured it was a blade. It had barely scabbed over.

Simply looking at them, I knew they were from Raven. She cut him in retaliation, which meant she was fighting. Which meant she was alive. But unless he punched a wall, he likely also punched her and that was enough to send me careening over the edge of a very dangerous and dark cliff.

I'd like to cauterize the memory of his bruised knuckles from my memory, even if it fucking kills me. I don't want to imagine what he did to her. What Kash continues doing to her.

It's my life over hers. It always was and it always will be.

Within this sea of depravity that my life has become, she's the lone life vest that's been thrown to me. The only time I can fucking breathe anymore is when I'm around her.

I wish Adiv were still here with me. To help calm me. To rationalize these insane thoughts I'm having and to stop me from taking that step into the depths of no return.

I'll burn this entire motherfucking world to the ground to find her.

However, I'm navigating a field of mines here. If I move too fast, or take the wrong step, the consequences can be devastating. They can be lethal. Especially considering Kash's love of cocaine and chaos.

I don't have a single doubt in my head that Kash would kill Raven. I think if he heard that we were onto his ass, or if she was talking back—as my girl does—to him, or even if he was coked up and wanted some fun that he'd drive a bullet into her brain.

Although, to be honest, I can't see him giving it to her easy. I can see him doing unspeakable things to her. He hates her for rejecting him. He hates her for choosing me. He hates her because he couldn't use her to climb the ranks like he wanted. He even hates her for who her father was—because he didn't take Kash seriously.

I honestly don't know where Kash's brain is right now. It's difficult to anticipate what an addict will do. I'm not sure that he thinks things through. He's always been impulsive.

It reminds me of our time in the desert. He did the dumbest fucking thing he could've done. He shot at those men, resulting in us being stranded out in the middle of the desert. It didn't seem to bother him. Not even when, by the time we'd gotten back, he'd had serious burns. Nothing ever seemed to phase him because he did shit simply for kicks and giggles.

But it's not your regular entertainment. He does sick, twisted, sadistic things for fun. He's a Goddamned sociopath.

If only he'd realize that his life is destined for serial killer-dom. He isn't meant to be don of anything. He doesn't have the personality for it. He isn't able to be level-headed and that's his fucking downfall. I've said it before and I'll say it again—hungry dogs are never loyal.

Not that he'll ever recognize that. He'll continue blaming everyone else for his problems instead of owning up to his own chaos.

I wonder if Kermit has realized that he's lost Shaye. Has he noticed his absence? Does he think that we've caught him? Does it occur to him that Shaye is slowly dying out in the secured basement of the Brooks mansion?

I know for a fact that Kash won't try to come and get him. Firstly, it's far too dangerous. Kash has been in the basement, he knows how secure it is. Secondly, I've added extra security measures that Kash isn't aware of since I became the boss. Thirdly—and likely most indicatively—Kash doesn't care about anyone but himself. He's not going to risk his plan and his ass to save a dying man. He wouldn't fucking try to save him if he knew he was alive.

All that being said, I hope that Kash realizes what he's gotten himself into. This scheme has officially sealed his fate. He will die in the upcoming days. There's this saying about revenge, it's about how whenever you dole out revenge, it's as if you're swallowing poison, but hoping and praying that the other person is the one who dies. I hope Kash remembers that.

I gave him a fucking second chance. I could've killed him all those months ago. Cain gave me free rein to do whatever I pleased with Kash after he assaulted Raven. I chose to remove two fingers when I easily could've shot him and ended all of this bullshit then.

I don't know why he took that second chance and tossed it away. I don't know why he feels like he can continually take me on. He's lost every time. Why would this time be any different?

I guess that's how his brain works, though. I can't quite figure it out because the man is fucking delusional. He doesn't think clearly.

I glance out the window as we pull in front of an apartment building. This must be where Kash supposedly calls home. It's a single story building, stretching maybe a dozen flats wide. It's in a nicer end of town, but it's still intriguing that Kash chooses to live in a flat. Does he not have the money for a detached house? Because even when I was working for Cain, I was getting paid more than enough to purchase a decent home.

Nero and I don't linger in the car. With Raven in danger, there's no time to waste. Every moment is another she's not safe. It's another where Kash has the opportunity to hurt, or even kill, her.

When we get to the door, we don't bother knocking or picking the lock. I lift my leg and kick the surface as hard as possible, sending it crashing open. It swings open so hard that it lodges the door handle into the drywall behind it.

This apartment is different from the one we visited before. The one that was eerily clean and had Spongebob figurines sitting in the living room. Instead, this one looks actually lived in. There are wrappers on the coffee table, bills on the table, dirty pots and pans in the kitchen, and rubbish that needs to be taken out.

The other flat that we'd been sent to seemed like a trap. Things were too perfect. Nobody's personal space is completely immaculate. Not unless they don't live there full time, have cleaning staff, or a disorder that causes them to obsess over perfection.

Which, Kash doesn't have either of the latter two. The man barely has enough money to fund his coke habit, never mind to hire people to vacuum his floors and scrub his toilets.

I head straight for his bedroom. In my opinion, it's where he'd keep his most intimate things. If he's going to hide something, it'll likely be in the security of his bedroom. People hide stashes of money in sock and underwear drawers, important paperwork confined in safes in their master closets, and guns under their pillows. It's human behaviour.

Unlike the last time I visited one of Kash's places, I don't have to be meticulous. Last time, I had to be careful so that he didn't know we were here—even though I lowkey fucked with his things. But this time? I don't give a fuck. In fact, I'd prefer to destroy anything and everything. Then he'll fully understand how angry I am with him.

The first thing I do is yank his comforter from the bed. I give it a good tug until it falls to the flooring, exposing a stain on the sheet covering the mattress that has me gagging.

Ignoring the urge to vomit—and avoiding the stain at all costs—I pat down each pillow to ensure nothing has been stuffed inside, checking beneath them with no luck.

I could leave it at that, but I don't. I grab my knife in my pocket and slice both pillows to release the feathers inside. I shake them in the air, ensuring the feathers spread everywhere within the confines of the space.

Next, I head straight for the nearby dresser. I'm not gentle as I pull each drawer out. Instead, I give each one a harsh tug and then tip them upside down on the floor at my feet. I quickly rifle through the items that fall, but the only thing I find are clothing, condoms, and two sex toys that do not look clean which I revolt at the sight of.

I do the same with his bedside tables, finding nothing. Although, there is some coke in the one top drawer, along with other drug paraphernalia. That was to be expected.

The last area is the closet. After tipping the dresser and side tables over simply to make more mess, I step into the closet and flick the light on. It's a miniature walk-in, with only a bit of clothing and tons of shoes. No safe in sight.

Granted, I reckon Kasimir isn't smart or aware enough to have something like a will, so in hindsight, I'm not sure what I was expecting.

Not that I wanted to find a will of all things. We're here to find anything that may lead us in the direction of where he's holding Raven. That, or anything that will give us some leverage.

To be certain that I'm checking every area—and to be fucking petty as hell—I begin taking each hanger and using the grip on it to toss every article of clothing out of the small space. Then I collect each pair of shoes and inspect that he hasn't hidden anything in the toes of them. Those all follow the clothing, including the ones where I find more cocaine inside.

When the closet has been emptied and I'm satisfied that there's nothing in here, I move to step out. I have to carefully traverse the mountain of clothing and other things I've created but I finally manage to leave the room.

I head into the nearby bathroom. I know I'm not going to find anything here, but I'd like to make some chaos.

I rifle through the drawers and cabinets, tossing anything and everything out. I even find a tube of red hair dye and I pop the lid, squeezing it out all over the walls.

I hope it fucking stains.

When I'm done, I check the rubbish bin beside the vanity, noticing more dye.

As I glance at the discarded box of purple hair dye, I can't help but think about how utterly stupid he looks with his violet-coloured locks. I'd once compared him to that fuzzy thing from the second Monsters, Inc. movie.

I was wrong. I've changed my mind. Kermit's fucking Randall from the first movie. He's a slimy, sneaky, conniving piece of shit.

I should jam the toilet and leave it running, just for that extra fuck you.

Not yet though. I'll wait until we're about to leave so I don't get toilet water on my shoes.

I find Nero sitting at the kitchen island, a laptop open before him as he focuses on its screen.

"Find anything?"

He's so consumed with whatever he's reading that it takes him a moment, but he eventually nods, "Yeah, yeah, I think so."

I approach, just as he twists the device so I can see. He's been digging through Kash's emails and he's managed to find a bill for electricity, at a building outside the far side of town. I faintly recognize the address, it's maybe two or three hours away.

I wonder why he's getting these bills. Why does he own a second place? Is this the building he's been planning on starting his own syndicate out of?

"We need to go there. Check it out."

"That's what I was thinking," Nero answers. "He might be holding her there."

"Gather up some men, we'll head out right away."

I'm not wasting a single moment. I don't want her to be there any longer than she has to be.

As it is, there's a part of me that's terrified that once he realizes we're coming, he'll kill her.

And that thought makes me pause, "We need to distract him before we storm the building. If he's there, of course."

Nero seems to get what I'm hinting at. It's not a far fetched idea, I'd probably do the same if I was holding a hostage that no longer had any use to me. I'd off the hostage and get the fuck out of there.

However, if we can get Kash away from her long enough to wreak havoc, it might give her a fighting chance.

I will not risk her safety.

"I know exactly what to do," Nero states.

Without another word, Nero snaps a photo of the email and rips the laptop in half.

And then we're out the door.

But not before I go back to plug the toilet with paper.

Unless I get my Moonlight back, I'll be the world's most ruthless villain. The man they've carved me into will bare his fangs and destroy anyone who steps in my way.

There is no life without her.