LUCA

Several weeks later
(After Kash's death from Prologue chapter titled "To")

Kash is dead.

In all honesty, if you'd have told me that a few months ago, I likely wouldn't have believed you. However, I have to admit, it's nice to be able to finally say so.

Kash tormented my life from the moment he entered it. From that second he gave me some evil grin when I first met him, to the moment I put a bullet into his brain, his sole purpose has been to drive me mad. To test my patience until I snap.

To torment Raven until she caves into his advances. To get under Raven's skin until he's able to climb the ranks. To make her so uncomfortable that she's scared in her own home.

It's relieving to know his reign of terror is finally over. To know that there's nothing else he can do to either of us. He'll never lay a hand on Raven again.

Something about it doesn't seem real.

I still remember the jobs that Adiv and I were sent out on with Kash. Where, during the first job, he snorted some coke in the car and proceeded to kill the guys we were there to deal with. We weren't supposed to kill them, but Kash went fucking psycho and created an even bigger problem.

And then the desert job. Fucking Kash was always so Goddamned reckless and it nearly killed me more than once. To this day, I still don't understand why Cain kept him employed. It didn't make sense from any angle. Why he ever wanted someone so unpredictable is nonsensical.

Sometimes I like to imagine how life would've turned out had Kermit not been a part of this entire thing. Would I have still risen to don? Would Raven have gotten married off? Would I have even ended up with Raven? I mean, part of the reason why I was appointed to be Raven's bodyguard—and in the closeness fell in love with her—was because Kash kept fucking up.

Obviously it isn't the whole reason though, so I likely would've still ended up with Raven. I like to think our fates were intwined. That there's nothing we could've done to stop it.

What if Kash wasn't a fuck up and was the one to be promoted to being her bodyguard? Jesus Christ, I don't even want to ponder what that would've been like.

Diablo's been really good about everything. The few things I've requested, he's managed to work out and allow. I think by murdering Cain and Kash, I've helped Diablo secure control, which is one of the main reasons the cops want to help us so much. We've inadvertently done them a favour or two.

In all honesty, he didn't even seem that hesitant about granting us permission to kill Kermit. I don't think I would've cared. Either way I was killing that fucking piece of shit. Ignore the shit he did to me, I simply couldn't let him live after the shit he put Raven through.

So whether Diablo would've okayed it or not, I would've done it. If he would've said no, then I guess he would've been hunting us down because there was no alternative.

The day when Diablo came to the house and asked to speak with us, I didn't think much about it. I figured he'd come to check on Raven because he's always been rather good with shit like that. He's always seemed to have a soft spot for me that I never understood until that night.

It all makes sense now. I understand why he treated me differently.

The first thing I thought of when he informed me that he's a cop is the fact that I killed his supposed adopted son, Marco. I wasn't sure what to expect when it came to that.

He explained to me that Marco was his partner and that, once upon a time, he looked at him like he was a son. However, as time went on with them being undercover, it tainted who Marco once was. He became addicted to many things—the violence, the money, the women, and the seemingly endless supply of cocaine.

It changed who he was as a person and over time, Diablo told me that he grew to realize that Marco's death was inevitable. He did everything he could to try and help Marco, but it was of no use. He was too far gone. To the point that Diablo didn't recognize him anymore.

Diablo had explained that—in moments of intoxication and in rare moments of soberness—that Marco had even shown violence towards him. It was something that caused Diablo to keep Marco at arm's length. He didn't fully trust him anymore, but the strong fatherly instincts he felt towards Marco were hard to overcome.

He knew that Marco blinded him to some of the more nefarious and sinister aspects of this world. He'd even briefly spoken of knowing of Marco having attempted an attack on Diablo's life at some point. Diablo had managed to stop Marco before he could properly go through with it.

He had sneaking suspicions that it was me behind the attack. He told me that Marco had plans to kill me, simply for being in the way, which only further proves to me that I did what was necessary. He was a menace, even according to the man who treated him like a son.

He admitted that it stung to learn my guilt in the matter, but he also understood. He told me—despite everything I've done over the months—he sees a goodness in me that he's never seen maintained in anyone who's survived in this world as long as I have.

I'm not sure I agree with him, but I appreciate his help more than he could ever know. Of all the people I've met during this entire thing, Diablo is the one person I've felt inexplicably drawn to. I never understood why, but I think I sensed something different in him.

He's always had this reputation of being evil. Diablo—the devil. And then I met him and he was kind to me, gave an outwardly appearance of being normal, yet I could tell that he didn't play around if you crossed him.

I do wonder though, was the dead wife a real thing? He couldn't have told that story to garner sympathy. That trick doesn't work in this world. Not with this type of people. So was it a way to ensure that no one would fuck with him? Give him the appearance of having no weak spots? Or was it some stupid part of his story that the cops decided would be his undercover plot?

I don't think I'll ever know. Ever since that night, it's created the desire to ask Diablo so many fucking questions. It's produced so much interest in who the real Diablo is. I wonder how long he's been undercover and why he's still doing it because I get the impression it's been over a decade and that can't be easy.

How did he survive all this time? Was there ever a time he wanted to quit? Like I did?

There are so many things I'd like answers to. Shit that I'll never get the answers to. And I have to live with that.

Although I'm alright with it. I've made my peace with it. If these are the terms for Raven and I's freedom, then that's perfectly fine. I can accept that.

I have zero qualms about leaving this life. I've been thinking about it for a while, however, I've had difficulty in finding a safe option out of it. It became so difficult that I truly thought my only exit was in a body bag.

I never gave up hope though. I simply began exploring new avenues.

If it came down to it, I would've died if it ensured Raven got away safely. It's always been her life over mine and I would've followed through with that.

She's never had the opportunity to have a free life. She more than deserves it. I would do anything to ensure she gets it.

I think that—even though I've made enemies—we'll be safe. I have minimal worries about anyone coming after us. Our main enemies have died by our hands. The remainder of people that could seek us out, don't exactly have much reason or resources to do so.

That is, unless Kash or Shaye's families plan to seek revenge.

I wish desperately that this option was given to Adiv. Before he died, he was setting up an out for him and Dove. He knew about the baby and was doing whatever he could to get them to safety.

We all know it's not that simple. Not in this world.

In another life, he was successful. He got the three of them to a safe place, got married, and is surrounded by children. He's smiling and laughing and happy.

I miss him everyday. He was like a brother to me and I'll hold the trauma of that day with me for the rest of my life. But I also hold positive memories of him—so many of them—that I'll cherish until they bury me beneath the surface of the earth.

I'm so incredibly grateful for the time I got to spend with Adiv as a friend. I'm proud of the fact that he was so influential in my life. I hold the lessons he taught me close to the heart and I always will. I feel blessed to have known such a beautiful spirit.

Sometimes I wonder what Adiv would think about my becoming don. About how we ended Cain's life. If it were the other way around—if it was me that was dead by Cain's hand—I'm not sure that Adiv would've done what I did. He was always more level-headed than me in that way. High on the morality scale. Even the darkness of the mafia world didn't taint that.

Of course, it wasn't the same story with me.

Over the time I was don, I managed to squirrel away millions. Hidden it in such a way that no one will ever even notice it's missing.

Another part of my stipulations with Diablo—or Chris—involved the delegating a life insurance payout to my family. Obviously, I'm not actually dead so it makes it a bit more difficult. I did, however, have a life insurance policy due to being a cop.

It would have paid out two million had I died because of work. Something typical, like a shootout. I argued to Diablo that this is the same thing. I've died because of work. I've died because all that time ago—back when I attempted to back out of working undercover—Loralei told me suck it up and do my job.

I died because of their negligence in believing and taking serious the fact that I was suffering mentally from the traumas I was facing. If they'd have pulled me out then, I wouldn't have had to do the things I did.

At least, that's how I sold it to Diablo. He agreed. Therefore, upon my death, my family will receive the two million as they should.

Of the millions I managed to save, I kept some aside and Raven and I gifted it to Dove. It'll allow her to safely and comfortably care for AJ.

I'm not sure when —if ever—we'll be able to see them again. I hope we can. After some time has passed and people have forgotten who we are.

We decided to tell Dove that we were faking our deaths and going into a sort of witness protection. Raven promised to send coded letters, but it won't happen for at least a year, if not more. We need to completely disappear off the map for long enough that people begin to believe in our deaths.

I will do whatever it takes to keep Raven safe. To give her the life she deserves, away from the danger and trauma that she grew accustomed to.

Diablo also agreed that Adiv's body would be found and given a proper burial. I told him of everything that happened that night. Of how I was helpless in aiding him.

Of how I buried him in a storm of my own tears near the pond, where a lotus garden has since bloomed from the seeds of his body.

His body—his spirit—will find some peace in being where it should be.

I ache for Dove and AJ. For them not being able to be there and give him the proper goodbye that they deserve. It's terrible that's become their reality and I wish so badly I could do something about it, but that's unfortunately not possible.

I'm not able to do it either. That night when I laid him in that darkened spot in the ground, it felt so heartless. If I close my eyes, I can still vividly see the cut on his neck, the lifeless look in his eyes. I can see it all like it happened yesterday. I think that's how it'll always be.

The memories will haunt me forever. I know that.

Perhaps it's what I deserve for all the evil I've doled out.

The insidiousness of this life latched its hooks into my skin and didn't let go. It wasn't until I nearly lost the most important thing to me that I realized that this isn't my fight. Not anymore. It stopped being my fight a long fucking time ago.

It's funny because the saying is that survival is beautiful. That you can find beauty in moments of survival. Whoever said that clearly wasn't writing an biography of my life. My life has been nothing but blood, heartbreak, and destruction. It's been consumed by trauma and loss.

Beauty didn't exist in those moments. Beauty didn't exist when I held Adiv's lifeless body in my hands and cried until my lungs ached. Beauty didn't exist when I watched as Raven strangled her own father. There was no beauty in Marco getting repeatedly stabbed to death in the middle of the street, as disgusting a human as he was.

People do bad shit when they're trying to survive, I know this. However, at what point, did everything I've done cross that line?

At what point did the bloodied crown thrust upon my head begin dripping crimson down past my temples and into the crevices of my eyes, blurring my vision to the depravity?

I honestly don't know. I have no clue how to answer that question anymore. The Luca of before all this would have a completely different answer than the Luca of today.

When I glance back at who I once was, I see the naivety. The innocence. I had such high hopes and look at what happened.

I never expected this. Didn't expect a single moment. I couldn't have even anticipated being at the hand of killing Cain Brooks. When I went into this, I had this grandiose idea that we were going to accumulate enough evidence to put him away for good.

How mad was I? That never would've happened. But I also didn't know that he had so many cops in his pocket. How could I have? I'd grown up in a world—in an environment—where the police had helped my family in times of desperation and need.

How stupid that belief was. How corrupt I didn't realize the police are. The people I looked up to and respected. The people I'd grown up wanting to be like. They'd turned the other cheek when I'd asked for help in my darkest moment.

There remains a part of me that isn't entirely sure of this deal with Diablo. How do I know they won't come back later? Asking for something from either Raven or I? How do I know that someone won't rat us out?

The answer: I don't.

Which is exactly why I'm not leaving my full trust in them. I have my own fucking plans because if there's one thing this entire experience has taught me, it's that you can't trust anyone. Especially not in these types of environments where fucking someone else over gives you an up.

The moment Raven and I have some sense of freedom, we'll truly be gone. I just have to make sure that the money is given to my family and that Adiv's burial is handled. And then we're fucking gone.

Perhaps I'll change my mind in time. We'll have to see how things play out.

Once everything is in place, Raven and I head to the driveway of the mansion. The smell of accelerant clouds the air and the only thing I continually repeat in my head is that I pray this works. I fucking pray that everything will go smoothly.

There are two bodies inside the house. I can't be certain who they are. Diablo set it up. He says that they'll clear false dental records and any blood samples to make it look as though it's Raven and I.

I've followed every one of Diablo's instructions to the letter. The last thing we have to do is light the accelerant that's been spread throughout the house. We left everything as it was—taking no valuables to keep up the story—and now we must light it ablaze.

"Are you ready, my love?"

I can't be certain what Raven's feeling at this moment. We're about to light her childhood house on fire. Though I imagine the mansion doesn't hold a ton of positive memories, they're still memories. Of things past and once loved. Of traumas and horrors we'd both like to forget.

I explained everything to her about the deal with Diablo and she agreed wholeheartedly. She wants this too. We've discussed it in depth. We've talked it out so much that it's exhaustive, really.

But I needed to be certain that she's okay. This is a lot and I want her to fully understand that I support her in everything.

She was initially worried about the club she was running. She didn't want the girls to fall into the wrong hands. However, Diablo promised that he'd try to take over the club in our deaths.

I gather her in my arms, cradling her face in my hand to force her eyes to mine. I need to stare into to them to ensure she's good.

"Yes, I've been ready for this for a long time." She leans up on her tippy toes to press her lips to mine. "Let's not waste any more time."

She moves to pull away, but I pull her back to me to give her another, deeper kiss.

And then, I hand her the matchbook.

In doing so, the diamond on her left hand sparkles in the brightness of the full moon.

I proposed shortly after Kash's death. I couldn't wait any longer. She's always been destined to be mine forever, and now I have a ring and a promise to prove it.

She takes a moment before striking the match and then she tosses it at the accelerant. The flames are immediate, trailing closer to the house with each second.

I grab her hand in mine and tug her further down the driveway, towards safety. With the amount of petrol inside, there's a fairly good chance it'll blow.

I glance at her, watching as the flames dance beautifully in her ocean eyes. I would do it all again for her. All of it. I once said that Raven is the kind of woman wars are fought over and that's exactly what I've done. I've never loved anyone quite like I love her. She means more to me than she'll ever possibly know. She's a part of my every breath and heartbeat and I wouldn't have it any other way.

When I look at Raven, I see peace. Despite my blood-stained hands, despite the war that rages on around us—despite everything—she's given me peace.

Without her, life is simply existing without any sort of rhyme or reason.

There's some metaphor there—the way her tranquilly blue eyes are reflecting the angry flames of violent red and orange. The flames dance with the colours of her eyes, making them do that thing where I see the turbulent ocean crashing against the shore.

As Raven and I stand there, fingers interlocked, we observe as our past goes up in flames.

It feels cleansing, in a way. Like it's allowing me to burn away all the wrong I've done.

The memories of the first job we went on, of having to kill someone to save Adiv's life. Of removing Kash's fingers and observing Cain torture men. The sight of blood staining Marco as he gasped for breath while the life drained from his eyes. Of Cain slicing a knife along Adiv's throat, his eyes begging and pleading for me to save him.

This is for every bad thing I've done to survive. This is for the things that crossed the line of being necessary. It's for all the times my anger got out of control. For the innocents that have been lost along the way. For Adiv. For my Moonlight and our future.

I'd burn down the world to keep her safe and I guess that's exactly what I'm doing in a way. I'm willingly taking the flame of a match to the past versions of Luca Moreno that once existed. I've given her the control to turn them to nothing more than a pile of embers.

Eventually, an explosion radiates from the center of the mansion, echoing around us. That signals the moment we need to leave. There's a good chance someone nearby heard it.

I take a final glance at the mansion, recalling every memory I've accumulated ever since the moment I walked into the front doors and first saw my now fiancée.

With Raven's hand in mine, we turn and begin walking to the waiting car as the mansion burns to nothing.

Leaving ourselves in the ashes.