Chpater 20 – Guilt
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“I-it’s good to s-see you, Harry” said Pettigrew with as much servility as he could muster through his pain.

“Cut the crap, do you think I don’t know how your mind works?” asked Harry, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

Pettigrew shut up immediately and then he surveyed the situation. His eyes first darted towards Harry’s hands, checking if he was armed and then it quickly moved to the side of his pillow. Though a look of despair appeared on his face the moment he did that.

“I made sure you can’t escape, so don’t even bother” said Harry with a sneer.

“Wh-why wo-would I tr-try to es-escape?” asked Pettigrew, his teeth clattering in fear.

“Now, I have some things I want to ask you” said Harry, approaching Pettigrew’s bed. “Answer them honestly and you won’t go through as much pain”

“Hate to le-leave you Harry, but I re-really am busy” said Pettigrew, trying to sound tough as he screwed up his face. A few moments later, he looked back at Harry who continued to watch him with a smirk.

“I said that I made sure you can’t escape didn’t I?” asked Harry, “Now you earned yourself a punishment”

Harry reached out and broke another one of Pettigrew’s fingers.

“Arghhhh!” screamed Pettigrew, holding his hand and rolling around on the bed. “I’m so-sorry! I’m sorry! Pl-please don’t h-hurt me!” he wailed.

“That really depends on you” said Harry calmly. “If you do something that displeases me, then I hurt you. If you’re good, then I won’t”

“I’ll be good! I pr-promise!”

“Good, now tell me. Where is Voldemort?” Harry asked, making sure to use Legilimency this time around.

“I do-don’t know!” replied Pettigrew, looking scared. “He has his own h-hideout and he hasn’t to-told me anything about it y-yet”

‘He really doesn’t know. Interesting’ thought Harry.

“Where is his snake?” he asked.

“Us-usually with the da-dark lord. Unless he sends her out o-on some mission” replied Pettigrew.

‘Well that was pointless, I already knew that’ thought Harry.

“Why were you in this shack?” asked Harry.

“Th-the dark lo-lord said that he would have a ta-task for me to do and I sh-should wait here till it’s re-ready” replied Pettigrew but he seemed to be becoming calmer by the minute.

“What plans is Voldemort working on right now?” asked Harry.

“The only ones I know is that he’s tr-trying to recruit dark creatures to his side a-and he’s tr-trying to get the pro-prophecy from the Department of Mysteries” said Pettigrew a little hesitantly. “Macnair was supposed to go talk to the giants but he died. Fenrir Grayback is going to recruit the werewolves. The Dementor’s are almost ready to join the dark lord.”

‘I already knew about the prophecy and the dark creatures for that matter’ thought Harry.

“I see” said Harry. “What about spies in the Ministry?”

“Th-the ones I know are Lucius Malfoy, though he’s not really part of the Ministry and in lower posts like Rupert Hastings and Wilfred Otto” replied Pettigrew.

‘I’m surprised he didn’t lie to me a single time. He really is spineless’ thought Harry distastefully. ‘Well, it’s not my job to hurt him, that’s for Sirius to do. I’ll make sure to torture him int he future but that will have to wait’

“Alright Peter, you did well. Now we’re out of here” said Harry cheerfully.

“Wh-where are w-we go-going?” asked Pettigrew, his nervousness back in full swing.

“A place you will absolutely love!” said Harry with a clap. He then reached towards Pettigrew, who flinched the moment Harry’s hand was near him.

Harry grabbed him by his collar and with a loud crack he apparated back to the headquarters and directly into Buckbeak’s room.

The loud crack with which Harry appeared in the room seemed to have woken Buckbeak and Sirius up. The two looked towards Harry, the former reproachfully and the latter, with concern.

“I’ve got a surprise for you Sirius” said Harry with a smirk as he tossed Pettigrew towards him.

Sirius looked visibly excited. Looking at the shivering Pettigrew, he looked like a wolf ready to pounce on its prey.

“Long time no see, Wormtail” said Sirius with a maniacal grin on his face. “You really should visit more often”

Harry laughed and then he tossed some ropes and chains towards Sirius who swiftly caught them. “Make sure to keep him tied up, we’ll try to get this situation sorted out as soon as possible”

“Should we tell the other order members?” asked Sirius. “They might end up walking into the room and seeing him by accident”

“You can decide on that, Sirius, you probably know better.” said Harry and then continued with a grimace “ Just make sure not to leak anything about me thinking about removing Fudge from office. I can’t even imagine how Mrs Weasley would react to that”

“Haha, can’t argue with that” laughed Sirius. “I’ll get to work then, have a lot of frustrations I need to get out”

Harry nodded and then leaned in and quietly told Sirius about the earring he had enchanted to ensure the rat wouldn’t get away.

“Got it, I’ll be careful” said Sirius and started to walk towards Pettigrew who had shrunk into a corner of the room in fright.

“N-no, st-stay away!” he yelled. “Do-don’t com-come ne-near m-me!”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it” said Harry and walked out the door, making sure to cast a quietening charm on the room, so the sound wouldn’t get out easily.

He slowly made his way to the empty room he used and sat down in a corner, deep in thought.

‘I finally have a moment to think about things’ thought Harry ‘I really messed up with Macnair’

‘Well, I got some information from Pettigrew but it’s really not much. I need a lot more if I want to make serious plans against Voldemort’

He took the dagger he had nicked from Pettigrew out and started playing with it.

‘That healing was pretty insane as well, not to mention the incendio spell’ thought Harry. ‘I wonder if it’s just incendio which was that insane or are all spells much more powerful now?’

Harry wondered about this for a while before he finally decided to test it out.

‘I need some place I can test spells without worrying about damage’ thought Harry, ‘Maybe the shack where I found Pettigrew?’

Harry quickly shook his head, ‘That wouldn’t work, Voldemort and his cronies know exactly where that is. Wouldn’t want them walking in on me practicing magic’

He started thinking about every possible location he might be able to choose from, he spent what felt like hours, though it might have just been a few minutes and finally, it hit him.

‘That’s right! I can use the shack Uncle Vernon took us to before I found out that I’m a wizard’ thought Harry excitedly, ‘I could just put some charms around the shack, in the sea so no muggles approach. That way, I can practice as much as I want and even if I end up doing something really loud, it wouldn’t bother anyone’

The more he thought, the better the idea of the shack became. ‘I’ll have to fix it up a little though’

He looked at his watch and noticed that it was already past three in the morning.

‘Though I’m not really tired but I really should go sleep a little. Today was a rather mentally exhausting day’ thought Harry, as he got up and quietly made his way to his bedroom.

When he opened it and walked in, he saw Ron sprawled on his bed, snoring loudly.

‘He’s rather carefree’ thought Harry with a wry smile.

Harry changed into his pyjamas and rolled into bed, moments after he got in, he was already asleep.

Harry felt like his body was floating in water but when he tried to swim, he couldn’t really move much. He opened his eyes and saw a strange scene. It was similar to the time he had watched Voldemort’s memories but instead of the dark fog with a tinge of green, it was a much lighter golden fog with a reddish-orange glow.

Harry could see flashes of flame running through the fog and much like last time, he couldn’t really move much other than his arms and legs.

Some of the flames flashing through the fog seemed to gather in front of him. It slowly grew in size until it was at least as big as Harry at which point it started to morph its shape.

The ball of flames quickly took on a rather familiar shape to Harry. Something that had practically changed his life recently. The flames looked eerily familiar to Fawkes the phoenix, though it might have been the manifestation of any phoenix but Harry felt a very strong bond to that figure in front of him.

“Fawkes?” asked Harry tentatively.

The phoenix just stared at Harry for several moments before it slowly nodded its head. Harry felt a wave of joy emanate from him, he wanted to go hug that flame, any burns be damned.

However, he couldn’t move. Just as he was about to vocalise his joy, he felt some emotions from the phoenix. Emotions that started out small but slowly grew until it had enveloped him.

He could feel a strong affection, happiness, playfulness and…disappointment.

Harry was rather taken aback when he felt that last emotion. He felt panicked, a sense of crises arose from his heart. ‘How did I end up disappointing Fawkes?’ he screamed internally, ‘How!?’

Even he couldn’t understand why he was reacting this strongly from Fawkes feeling disappointment in him. Though he couldn’t understand it, the one feeling he did understand is that he did not want to ever disappoint the phoenix.

“Wh-what did I do wrong Fawkes?” asked Harry in a trembling voice. All the bravado and confidence from the day evaporating like steam.

Fawkes continued to stare at him for a while, not replying at all. Harry’s mind raced, trying to think about what he had done wrong.

Soon, the phoenix opened its mouth and shot some more fire out of it. The flames spewing outside came together, much like how Fawkes himself had formed just minutes ago and turned into a figure he could easily recognise.

“Fawkes…that man would have ruined the Ministry. You can’t seriously be upset because I killed Scrimgeor could you!?” Harry asked, indignant at what Fawkes seemed to be suggesting.

“I know it was wrong but if I didn’t do it then it would have led to too many problems!” said Harry, trying to justify his actions.

Fawkes continued to stare at Harry, the figure of Scrimgeor still floating next to it.

“I mean, I know I could have handled it better. Maybe killing him was too much but he was too dangerous to leave alive! He would have ruined everything” said Harry, starting to sound a little desperate.

The phoenix did nothing at all, it just continued to look at him with the same gaze, however that emotion of disappointment started to intensify.

“I…I…”Harry tried to say something, continue with his excuses, continue with his justification but he couldn’t get the words out. That feeling of disappointment he felt from Fawkes hit him hard, much too hard.

“I’m sorry…” said Harry, almost breaking down. “I knew it was wrong. I knew killing him was too much but I just wanted to get rid of every bad thing that happened in my past…in my future”

Harry felt a single tear run down his face, “I’m sorry Fawkes…I’m so sorry”

Harry couldn’t bear looking at the Phoenix so he looked down, trying hard to control his emotions and failing.

Moments after Harry finished apologising, that disappointment emanating from Fawkes started to diminish, finally it completely vanished, only to be replaced with a much stronger feeling of affection and happiness.

Harry felt even more guilty when he felt this. He knew Fawkes had forgiven him but he felt like he needed to do something to atone for that crime. ‘I can’t just play god just because I got some new powers and know a little about the future’

“Thanks Fawkes” Harry murmured. ‘I wonder how many innocent people would have died if I had continued’

==============

I know what you guys are thinking. "Didn't you do this just because people said you shouldn't have killed Scrimgeor?"

The answer to that would be, NO...well partly no. :P

So, just a short explanation on how I got to this point. I don't regret killing Scrimgeor, I never liked him as a character and given the choice, I'd probably do it again. However, I don't think he deserves to die.

In my opinion, Harry is like a kid with a gun. No idea how to act with prudence and absolutely no one to get reign him in. So, him trying to go down the path "For The Greater Good" sounded rather logical to me, even if it included sacrificing innocent people. Mainly because his personality would be rather warped, considering it would be influenced by his original personality, Voldemort's personality and whatever changed Fawkes brought in.

I had always planned on having someone be sacrificed so Harry can learn prudence and a slew of other things, mainly that it's not okay to play god essentially.

At first, I planned on having Scrimgeor's death as a passing event. It happens, Harry moves on etc. But after a back and forth with a few people in comments and messages, I realised how shallow my thoughts were regarding him. He could be used to teach Harry what I wanted him to learn. Not to mention, I wanted to re-introduce Fawkes into the story so it helped for that as well :3

So, tell me what you think about it.

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