April 12th

So uh, hi, I guess. My therapist told me I should start keeping a personal journal, but I’m terrible at writing with pen and paper. So I’m just making a blog instead. First things first, I suppose I should introduce myself. Name’s Ruby Rose, I’m 26 years old. Might sound a little silly, but I chose the name for myself. I’m a transgender woman, pretty much known since I was 5. I’ve been on HRT for just over a year now and it feels incredible! I’m finally becoming more like myself.

However, with that said, something’s still not right. I feel like I’m missing a piece of the puzzle. I don’t know what that piece is though and it confuses me. That’s why my therapist said I should write all this down. She said that it was a good outlet and could help me figure things out. I dunno, maybe she’s right. I guess time will tell.

I suppose I should explain stuff a bit more. See, I’m totally happy with my transition so far. Growing boobs, softer skin, more feminine face, all of that! Yet, despite my joy, I still feel like something’s not quite right. Like there’s something else I should be doing on top of it, but what? I’m not non-binary or anything, I know for a fact that I’m a woman. But, maybe there’s something else in there too? Something I just can’t see yet? Gah this is too confusing!

Suppose that’ll do it for this post, hopefully someone will read this and give me suggestions as to what to do next. Until then, later.

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April 26th

So ADHD struck and I forgot about this place for a couple weeks, whoops. Still, I saw a few comments on my previous post that seemed pretty cool. I’ll try to respond to what I can for now, and I’m sorry about the super late replies.

Let’s see, first up we have Loverboy69420 who says: “Are you single? Trans women are so hot!”

Um, eww. Fuck off you stupid chaser! Blocked. For the record, I have a girlfriend and she’s amazing! She’s been supporting me through my whole journey. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her! Love you Becca! <3

Up next, we have two more blocks! I am not reading your stupid transphobic comments you assholes! Sheesh, is everyone on this site a jackass? Ugh, let’s just move on.

PrincessMichelle90 writes: “Have you considered non-binary options? I know you said you’re not, but it could be you’re possibly a bit fluid and that missing feeling could be your masculine side. Even if not, I hope you find a good answer!”

Thank you for being the only respectful comment so far. As for your question, I have considered it. I’ve been over this kind of stuff with my therapist and the answer I’ve arrived at is no, I’m very much binary. I’m sure I’ll figure something out, but thanks again for being kind!

Alright, the last comment for now is from Therian2588 who says: “I had this problem myself after I transitioned to being a guy. There was something that was missing and I could never put my finger on it. Not until I tried on a fursuit for the first time. Suddenly, seeing myself like that, everything felt right. I was a colorful wolf and it felt amazing! So from there, I went to do some research and found the term “otherkin”. It means someone who identifies as something other than human. It sounds to me like this could be the case for you as well, though the specifics are up to you. Good luck!”

Huh, that seems really well thought out. I’ve never considered otherkin, though what would I even be? I’ll take this under consideration, maybe I am a furry? I need some time to think about it. In the meantime, I’ll wrap things up here for today, but I appreciate the comments that were kind! For future reference, chasers and transphobes will be blocked on sight. Keep that in mind for future comments. Until next time!

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May 13th

Wow, ok I have a lot to talk about. So much has happened since my last post, I need to get my thoughts in order, cause I think I may finally have an answer to my problem! Alright, guess I should start at the beginning. After my last post, I decided to look around for a furry meetup or something so I could get to know the community better and maybe try out a fursuit. Turns out, I hit the jackpot! There was a Furry Con just a couple weeks away! So I put together a cute Sylveon cosplay, bought my ticket and waited until this past weekend when it was time to go.

Friday I pulled up to the hotel and could immediately tell I was in the right place. There were a bunch of people all around, either in full fursuits or at least costumes. I adjusted my Sylveon ears and made my way inside to see what this was all about. Once I was out on the floor, there was so much to see. From people, to vendors, to artists and more! There were so many colorful characters around me, it was hard to pick a favorite.

As the day went on, I went to various panels and checked out the dealers room. A handful of people even stopped me to ask for pictures! It felt nice that, even among this kind of group, I could stick out in a good way. There were a couple other Pokemon cosplayers around, even a handful of actual fursuits! The coolest one had to be a Mega Lucario fursuit, I got to take his picture and give him a high five. It was a very fun experience.

That’s when it happened, the event that I think has changed my entire life going forward. As I was headed to a random panel, I happened to run into a guy who looked to have a really cool Pikachu cosplay. It was odd though, it wasn’t a full on fursuit, nor did it look like a regular costume. It was like he had somehow put real fur onto his actual body, with a thick head of black hair on top. He was also wearing a t-shirt and jeans, with space for his tail to come out. Either this dude put a ton of effort into this cosplay, or something weird was going on. I had to know which, so I approached him.

“Excuse me, I just wanted to compliment you on your amazing Pikachu cosplay! Probably the most impressive one I’ve seen all day! Really well done.” I said.

The cosplayer turned to look at me and just chuckled. “Oh this? It’s not a costume, this is just me. This is how I look all the time.”

My brain froze up for a moment. Surely this dude was joking, right? I shook my head, of course it was a joke. No way that could be in any way remotely possible. “Haha, that’s a good one pal. Seriously, it’s an amazing costume!”

“It’s not a joke, I’m being serious. I've been on Pikachu HRT for two years now, it’s really changed my life for the better,” he said without a single hint of a joke or sarcasm in his voice.

“Wait, you’re serious? Pikachu HRT, that’s a thing? But, how? What? There’s no way that could be possible, right?” I managed to sputter out.

“Heh, why don’t you come with me and we can sit down and discuss it further? Say, over lunch?” He asked.

“Alright, fine. But only cause you got me curious now. I’m taken, so don’t get any funny ideas!”

“Hey, it’s no problem. I already got a girlfriend anyways, I’m not looking to do anything that’ll make her mad. Trust me, I don’t wanna piss off a ground type like her…”

“Right, if you say so.”

And with that, we went down to the main lobby where a lunch buffet was set up. I grabbed a burger and some fries and we sat down. I still had my reservations on all of this, but I was willing to hear him out.

“So, Pikachu HRT. This is for real? Like, you’re not just yanking my chain here?” I asked.

“No, it’s not a joke. Like I said, I’ve been on it for two years now and I’m pretty happy with how far I’ve come. I’m finally feeling like the real me!” He replied, as he munched on a fry.

“But, how? This doesn’t seem possible. I mean, I can hardly believe my own eyes with you sitting here in front of me!”

“Well, between you and me, Pokemon HRT is a real thing. It’s like the hormone treatments trans people get, but slowly turns you into a Pokemon instead of a man or a woman. From what I understand, it works faster at least. By the end of the first year, I had the ears, tail, fur and everything. These days it’s more about maintaining it than any new changes. Though I can use electricity now, so I gotta be careful with my phone and stuff.”

“So it’s really like taking HRT? But where would someone even get this? Does it come from a doctor or some shady person in a back alley?”

He laughed. “It’s a doctor, there’s only a small handful across the world that even know about this though. There’s one locally, about an hour’s drive from here. He’s definitely kinda shady, but he’ll get you the goods. You just gotta know how to bypass the bureaucracy of it all. Why? Are you interested?”

I shrugged. “Maybe? Not sure yet. I mean, what would I even be? I can handle bureaucracy at least, I had to jump through a ton of hoops just to get my regular HRT. If it’s just one guy, I can handle it.”

“Ah, so you’re a trans girl. That does make sense. Sylveon is pretty special to the trans community from what I understand, so your costume is pretty fitting at least. Do you have a girl's name then?”

Ack! I’d gotten so caught up in everything, I hadn’t even introduced myself! “Oh, right, sorry. I’m Ruby, and you are?”

“I’m Randy, pleased to meet you Ruby!” He said, extending his hand and I shook it.

“So I gotta ask, why Pikachu? Heck, why go through this at all? Regular HRT was a trip and a half, so why go through something that’ll completely change your species?”

“Honestly? I’ve loved Pokemon since I was little. Watching Ash and his Pikachu going on adventures all around their world? Incredible! And Pikachu was always so powerful, despite its small size. I envied that, a lot. I was never the biggest or toughest guy around, so seeing Pikachu being able to win the day no matter what, it felt good. That envy turned to yearning, I didn’t just want to be like Pikachu, I wanted to BE Pikachu! So, I started doing some research and found Pokemon HRT. I moved out here to be closer to the doctor and that was that.”

“Huh, guess that’s a pretty good reason. And what you said before about Sylveon? It makes sense. I’ve always loved the design, it’s so pink and cute. With the tips of blue on the ribbons, it fits the trans flag. To be honest, there’s this itch I’ve been feeling in the back of my head ever since I started transitioning, like there was something more I needed to do. Dressing like a Sylveon for this event has actually been helping a little. The ears are totally the best part, like it feels so good to have them. Does any of this make sense?”

“Honestly? Yeah, it makes a ton of sense. I definitely feel you on that itch, even if I’m not trans. Always felt like there was something more to me, and now I have it. Becoming a Pikachu has finally made me feel whole. I’m not saying this is definitely your answer, but it’s food for thought. Do you want to be a Sylveon? Cause if you do, I can hook you up.”

I thought about it, did I want to be a Sylveon? Could certainly be interesting. Especially looking at Randy, he seemed so happy to be a Pokemon. Was this really the answer I was looking for? It was hard to tell, I needed more evidence.

“I’m not really sure yet, but this is a very interesting opportunity. Definitely not something I ever considered before. Is there some way for me to give this a test run?” I asked.

He thought for a minute. “You know, they’re selling kigurumis in the dealers’ hall. It’s sort of a onesie costume, meant to resemble an animal or other creature. I bet they got a Sylveon one. So if you can try that out, maybe you’ll find out if you like being a Sylveon!”

“Huh, I’ve never heard of those before. But if you think it’ll help, I’ll give it a shot. Thank you Randy.” I said.

“Hey, anything for a new friend!” He smiled. I supposed he was right, we were friends now. It was nice.

After lunch, the two of us made our way to the dealers’ hall. There was a lot of merch there from various sellers, but I only had my eye on one thing right now. After scanning the area, I found it. A rack full of kigurumis. We made our way over and started looking through it. After a minute, I pulled it out. A Sylveon kigurumi! Perfect! I pulled up the price tag, $100! Yeesh, very expensive. But hopefully, worth it. I paid the dealer and went to the ladies room to change.

As much as I loved my cosplay, this was a chance to try something new. I was actually excited for this as I stepped into the kigurumi! Once I had it zipped up, and my shoes back on, I pulled up the hood and it was time to see the new me! Luckily the bathroom had a full length mirror on the door. What I saw there, changed my life forever.

While to the casual observer, I would have just looked like a regular girl in a silly onesie, to me everything was different. I was a Sylveon! Granted one on two legs, but that wasn’t important. What was important was that I loved everything I saw! From the face on the hood with the ears on top, to the ribbons on the body, all the way down to the tail! I blushed as I swished that around a bit. Most importantly, the itch was gone! I finally felt like the real me! This was almost better than wearing a dress for the first time! It was hard to deny these new feelings. Could it be, I really was a Sylveon? Was this the answer I was looking for all along?

I left the bathroom and saw Randy waiting for me. “So, how did it go?” He asked.

“Well, um, I really like it. I can’t say for certain this is the answer, at least not yet. But it seems pretty likely, the itch in my head is nearly gone! This feels right somehow. I dunno, I can’t really explain it,” I said.

He chuckled. “Sounds a lot like me when I tried a Pikachu costume for the first time. I even painted my face yellow with red circles on my cheeks! Fun times honestly. But I felt the same thing you’re describing here. That feeling in the back of my head that something was missing was finally gone. At that point, I knew I had to be a Pikachu one way or another. With a bit of research, I found the doctor and went to him about it. He tried to feed me some BS about ‘living as my chosen species for 48 months’, so I bribed him to shut him up. That way, I got my Pikachu HRT and haven’t looked back since!”

“Huh, yeah I can see how stupid that is,” I said. “I mean, that’s 4 full years! How the heck are you supposed to keep it up that long? I thought waiting a full year for my HRT was bad, holy shit!”

“That’s what I said, my girlfriend didn’t even have to wait for hers. She used informed consent, which got her HRT immediately. So waiting 4 years, just so I could be a Pikachu? Hell no! I bribed the doc with some cash and he said I could start in two days. That was the amount of time he needed to get it. So when I returned to get the stuff, he made sure I still wanted to go through with it. I snatched the meds out of his hand and left.”

“Wait, your girlfriend is trans too? Small world I guess. I have one more question for you, and you don’t have to answer if you’re not comfortable. What did it feel like to go through this? You said it’s been two years and clearly you’ve gone through a huge transformation! So what was it like going through all of that? Did it hurt? Was it just instant? How does it work? Ok, that’s more than one but you get the idea!” I said, trying to get a grasp on all of this.

“Alright, alright, easy there. One thing at a time. No, it wasn’t instant. Yes, it hurt like hell! Some of the worst pain I’ve ever been through, especially growing the tail. But it was worth it. It works like how you’d expect for HRT, only instead of growing boobs, I grew fur and a tail. And these cool electric sacks in my cheeks too! It’s amazing!” He smiled.

“Wow, ok I was not expecting that. Thank you for sharing all of that with me. I’ll have to keep that in mind if I ever wanna go through with it. Right now though, I should get my costume over into my car. It’s been a real pleasure meeting you Randy!”

“You too Ruby, thanks for listening! No one else here has believed me, they all think I’m joking when I say it’s not a costume!”

“I can see why though, it’s hard to believe. But rest assured, you got me convinced it’s all real. I’m gonna think about all of this and if I do decide I wanna go through with it, I’ll let you know so you can tell me where to go to see this doctor.”

With that, we exchanged phone numbers and I went to my car. I ended up hanging with Randy for the rest of the day, we had a lot of fun! Since then, I’ve been wearing my kigurumi a lot. It’s super comfy and feels good to wear. I’m not completely convinced about this Pokemon HRT stuff just yet, but it’s certainly front and center in my mind. I’ll let all of you know if I decide to go through with it. Until next time!

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May 28th

So I did a lot of thinking and soul searching over the past couple weeks. The conclusion I came to at that moment was, maybe? Sylveon HRT seemed pretty cool in concept, but I was uncertain about taking it. So I decided that I needed to hear this straight from the horse’s mouth (or in this case, the doctor’s). I talked to Randy and got the number and address for this doctor’s office and made an appointment. With that, and some extra cash in my purse just in case, I made my way down to the office yesterday.

For the sake of privacy, I won’t be sharing the name of the doctor here. So from here on, I’ll just refer to him as “Dr. Smith”. Honestly pretty fitting, considering how shady the guy is.

So yesterday, after an hour-long drive, I pulled up to the office. I was wearing a Sylveon shirt and a cute skirt. It was a pretty small place inside a business park, so it seems he got it on the cheap. There was a small sign and writing on the door, “Dr. Smith’s Transition Clinic”. A vague ass name if I’ve ever heard one. Just what was I getting myself into? Still, I had come all this way. I wasn’t gonna stop now! I walked inside and talked to a very bored looking receptionist.

“Name please,” she said, in a monotone voice.

“Uh, Ruby Rose?” I replied.

“Right, the 2 o’clock appointment. I’ll let the doc know you’re here. Take these forms and have a seat.”

I sat down and looked at the forms. Pretty typical medical stuff for the most part, until the section that asked for the type of transition you wanted. No checkboxes, just a blank line where you were supposed to write it in. I gulped and wrote in “Sylveon”, hoping I wasn’t gonna look insane. Even if I did, I supposed I could just leave and never come back, though they did have my contact info. Still, I was committed at this point. One way or another, I was gonna see this through.

A short time later, a middle aged balding man with gray hair, mustache, and glasses, wearing a white lab coat, came out from the back. 

“Ruby?” He asked.

“Um, yeah, that’s me,” I responded, sheepishly.

“Good. Follow me,” he turned and walked back without another word. I quickly followed him to a small exam room. It seemed pretty typical of any doctor’s office. Various medical posters on the walls, a skeleton, all that. It did put me a bit at ease as I sat down in a chair.

“So, what brings you here today?” He asked in a professional tone.

“Well, um, this is probably gonna sound crazy but, I wanna be a Sylveon!” I blurted out.

To my surprise, he didn’t even raise an eyebrow at my statement. “Ah yes, a Sylveon. Not a bad choice. Tell me, why do you wish to be a Pokemon?”

I was shocked. He was so calm about it, like this was something he heard every day! Yet, I’d only ever seen Randy. Were there really others out there? I had to remain calm, make it seem like I knew what I was doing with all of this.

“Well um, ever since I started feminizing HRT, I’ve felt like there was something missing. Every part of this transition has been great, but somehow it hasn’t been enough. I wanted something more, but I wasn’t sure what. Until I met someone a few weeks ago who had become a Pikachu. So I tried some Sylveon stuff and it just felt right! But I’m kinda on the fence about this right now. Could you explain how this would all work?”

“Certainly. Pokemon HRT works just like regular HRT. It sends a new set of hormones through your body, which triggers a chemical reaction that slowly changes you into your desired species. This process is faster than traditional HRT, and should be mostly complete within two-to-three years. 

However, after that time, there is an opportunity to do more. You can push the changes even further, but it carries a lot of risk.You could lose your sense of self entirely and end up running on pure instinct. Simply put, there’s a chance you wouldn’t be you anymore, but a full blown Pokemon. Let me show you an example.”

He pulled out a chart. On it, was a person changing into a fox. Each picture was labeled 1-5 and the higher the number went, the more fox-like the person became.

“At step one, you’d have a few features that resemble your chosen species, such as ears and a tail. However, you’d still be mostly human. Step 2 goes a bit further, gaining more pieces of the Pokemon like fur and paws. Each step moves further and further down the line until you end up as a full Pokemon. Now, under normal circumstances, most people will end up between a 2 and a 3. After that, you start taking on more risks. I’ve seen more than one person lose themselves entirely at step 5. So it’s up to you if you wish to proceed that far. Any questions?”

“Uhh, yeah. Several actually.” I said. “First, how is any of this possible? Pokemon are fictional creatures. Second, is this even legal? Third, does this mean that if I stop at some point, all the changes will revert? Or is it permanent like regular HRT? I’m just really confused here.”

“Ah, yes. These are some very frequent questions, I should really make an FAQ sheet at some point. Yes, this is legal. It’s classified the same as regular HRT under the government, legislation doesn’t tend to keep up with modern technology. The changes you undergo will be permanent, and once you hit a certain milestone, we’ll put you on a lower dose just to keep things stable. Unless you wish to go further, which is a different case entirely.

As for how this is possible, well that is certainly a long story. There’s a lot of information that I’m not at liberty to share. But this is basically a byproduct of a much larger piece of research. Certain doctors across the world were entrusted with this special HRT, for those who would volunteer to take it. However, there are certain requirements that have to be met in order to receive it. You need to prove you have what it takes to go through with it. Which is why you need to live as your chosen species for 48 months.”

“You know, I thought you might say something like that,” I said with a smirk, as I went into my purse. “That’s why I brought some extra incentive for you. 48 months seems like an awfully long time. Perhaps my friend Mr. Benjamin Franklin could help time go by faster?”

I pulled out a stack of hundred dollar bills and placed them on the counter. This would deal a pretty decent blow to my savings, but it was worth it. I watched his eyes behind his thick glasses as they examined the cash. He walked over, picked up the bills and counted them. A thousand dollars, all in legitimate bills I had gotten from the bank that morning. He cleared his throat as he slipped the cash into his coat pocket.

“Ahem, I’m sorry, did I say 48 months? I meant 48 hours. Come back then and you’ll have your new HRT pills. But during that time, you must present as a Sylveon if that’s what you truly want. I don’t care how, just do it,” he said sternly.

I rolled my eyes but accepted it. I was fully invested at this point, no need to push things further. However, a thought did cross my mind. What did he mean by a byproduct? Did that mean I was just a lab rat, bribing my way into being experimented on? This certainly was an abnormal situation, to say the least. But my mind was made up, I was gonna be a Sylveon no matter what! Hopefully that would make it worth it in the end.

So that’s it. Right now, I’m sitting here in my Sylveon kigurumi and waiting for my appointment to go back tomorrow. My girlfriend Becca is sitting here next to me, patting my head and saying I’ll make a great Sylveon! I hope she’s right. For now though, I think I’m gonna sign off and get some rest. Until next time!

Part One End