Kaiden Rai

Getting older, growing up, It's pretty funny if you ask me. You see, when you're younger, you see everything. All the fights, all the crying,all the missed dinners and birthdays... You hear everything; the yelling, cursing and screaming, the calls of friends complaining, and the propaganda preached to you about how bad the latter is. But regardless of all that you never truly understand any of it until you get older. Looking back, everything that had happened then makes so much sense to me now. It's funny to me just how ignorant I was as a child. I guess I still am... because even today I still don't understand exactly what I felt. Rather, What I feel. 

All of my mom, and dad's feelings in the heat of the moment I could feel. The anger, the confusion, the distress. From what I remember, I could always sympathize with my father more than I ever could with my mother. And being older now, I can realize why. I remember all the times my father tucked me in and kissed me goodnight... but the memories that stick with me most about my mother was having her tell me how much she loved me with scotch on her breath In the middle of the night, or the morning before I went to school. 

I also remember the night she walked out on us. The mixed feelings of defeat, anger, and disgust filled the air as my father brooded about what he'd done wrong... What he could have done better. My younger innocent self felt these feelings as I soaked them up like a sponge. Children being as impressionable as they are, it was to be expected. But my anger quickly turned to confusion as I watched my father break down into tears. That was the first time I'd seen him cry. Not to say, of course, that he never cried before that night, But It was the first time I'd seen him cry. 

Walking over and wrapping my small arms around him was all that I could do. Even as I felt his warm tears drop into my hair, I didn't know how to feel, what to feel. When I realized this, it led to me feeling lost, which only led to feeling anxious and scared. My body began to shake in my father's arms as I started to cry, too. Not even understanding why I was crying, why I was so crushed, I just bawled with my father as my body shivered as if I were left out In the cold. 

And because of all the emotions which converged into that moment, making It so memorable, I will never forget the words my father whispered to me. "Mommy's gone, but I'll always be here for you." I believe that night I gained some special kind of bond with my father... one that I don't believe most get to have unfortunately It was at the cost of my relationship with my mother. 

With that said, however, I still had a relationship with my mom. Just not a very satisfying one. I couldn't get past what I felt like she had "done" to my father. After all, my father had to learn that mom was having an affair from a bartender... Not to mention that the bartender had been serving him and, on occasion, with his wife, at times when they went on dates and such. He felt like she had stripped him of his dignity. He'd been carelessly calling this woman his wife for three months, all the while she was with another man. He felt like nothing more than a joke.

She even had the nerve to ask for forgiveness, for a "second chance" as she put it. But by then her father wanted nothing to do with her, and rightfully so, of course. Along with the divorce came a long and dirty battle for custody over me. If it were up to me, I would have chosen to live with my dad and have forgotten all about my mother the first chance I had. If it wasn't for his past petty larceny charges, He probably would have gotten full custody. Unfortunately, my wicked mother used his record to discredit him. 

What we all ended up with was a really rare and ineffective custody system that the judge proposed. To my parents, the arrangement sounded good enough. I would spend January through June, with my father, and then July through December, with my mother. The Judge decided that this system would be best due to My mother having moved out to Washington DC after the divorce where she and Gaben got married... The moment I realized that he was the one that put the final nail In my parent's marriage I couldn't help but hate him. 

It started at the beginning of 2007, the system would start with me staying In Seattle with my father. He made sure that he spent every possible moment with me. He focused on building memories, trust, and respect. Even though this was the first of the six months he taught me a lot. All he's done for me has stuck with me. Though it wasn't without its bumps, or its twists and turns. Though that’s to be expected, seeing as how he never had to be a single father before.

In July I was put onto a plane for the first time and shipped out to DC. A part of me was looking forward to seeing my mother, but then the rest of me still held a lot of resentment. Despite being so young, and not understanding the situation totally, I knew that the way things were wasn't fair. It was like being out on timeout for doing something bad. The way I saw it, was that this jerk was taking me away from my dad for the rest of the year. Seeing her though after I got off of the plane my feelings changed a bit. It was something about her that was different and it confused me at first. 

As we rode in the car it kept my interest piqued the whole way back to her house, an apartment building. Which was much nicer than I'd imagined. It was something that was out of one of those, Modern home magazines. The interior design was elegant and contemporary. My youngful energy and mind immediately made me take off to explore this newfound territory. It was huge for being a city apartment. Thinking back now, the place must've cost a fortune, it was a two story apartment in the middle of Washington, DC. 

I probably went into every room at least twice before I was ready to head up the stairs to the second floor. The stairs were made of stained light-colored wood, and were trimmed with black steel. In between the steps were these tinted glass panels. The sides of the stairs were covered with this strange mesh. I was left even more confused as I reached the top of the stairs, finding that It was blocked off by some kind of gate.

I struggled to open it at first, being so scrawny and incompetent. But eventually, I got it open. As I did so I could hear My mom and Gaben whispering and giggling. For some reason, it made me mad, but I didn't understand why. As I ran around I found that the second floor had two bathrooms, one at the left of the stairs, and then another in what I assumed was my mothers and... her husband's room.

The next room I found was painted This minty green with dark trim and filled with kids' toys and a white crib. standing in the doorway I looked in confused. I'd already found my mother's room... I knew I couldn't be my room, this was a baby's room. Things weren't making sense. After all, I hadn't seen any babies. I could feel My mom and that man standing behind me. so turning around, I'd just ask flat out, "Whose room is this." 

Gaben and Mom gave each other a funny look and then chuckle as my mom rubbed her stomach. Even then... I still didn't understand. "It's going to be your brother's room, Kaid." she'd say with a soft smile. Gaben crouched down and put a hand on my shoulder. "Me and your mom... are having a baby." He say with glistening eyes like he were about to cry. "Well, your mom is. I'm just helping her out." He chuckled, and mom did as well.

At this point, my head was spinning not being able to grasp this, grasp the concept of birth yet. "So he's inside your belly?" I asked, could that be the reason she seemed so different to me. "Well kinda." she again answered with a light giggle.

 "How?" My curious mind would press for more information. Thirsting for such knowledge. 

"That's something you'll learn about when you get older buddy." Gaben said standing back up as he took his hand off my shoulder. 

At the time, I couldn't figure out if they were messing with me or not. It didn't make sense to me that my "brother" could be inside my mother's belly. Maybe that was why they kept laughing at me. It wasn't until my mother told me to put my ear against her belly that I believe her. It took a while, In fact, I even lifted my head after waiting so long. "with patience you create, and discover great things. If you want to hear you have to be patient." My mother whisper.

So after a little while longer waiting. I finally felt it. It was like a little foot kicked me in the face. For some reason afterward, I couldn't stop giggling. I think mostly because It had caught me so off guard. My childish laugh spread like a virus to my mother and Gaben as we all stood in my baby brother's room laughing like idiots. That laughter was just one of the many things that made me drop my guard. A mistake I'll never forget as long as I live. 

The other moment that got me to drop my guard was the day my baby brother was born. September 16th, 2007 was the first time I got to see him. Even though I was so ecstatic to have a little brother, Gaben was near heartbroken. The first time he held Kora Gabriel Simmons, I think he realized he was Kora Gabriel Rai. They had it confirmed by cross-checking my brother's DNA with my own.

Instead of being happy for his wife, however, he just felt like he'd been lied to. He complained about all of the money he'd spent on "somebody else's kid". Just like my mother, he was the type of person who coped with things not going his way by downing himself in booze. Within a month, he and my mother had started smoking. They would later claim in court that it helped "calm their nerves." Gaben truly was the one who started my mother's spiraling downfall. Any stress he felt he'd project onto her, leaving her to try to cope with spirits and cigarettes as well. 

As It happens, the DC family courts didn't believe raising a newborn in such living conditions was healthy or even a good idea. This led to my father gaining full custody over Kora. My mother even tried to appeal the decision by showing up to court with smoke-stained clothes. The judge immediately threw out her appeal and wasn't having any of her nonsense. While at the time it seemed like a good thing, which it was a good thing, It still left me all alone with two drunks and smokers. For six months, every year...