Azadi awoke the next day to light on her face and aches in her bones. The previous day’s exertions left her stiff as stone. Rubbing her eyes, she briefly thanked Aria. This night had been without the nightmares that had rocked her subconscious the previous two. Yet, even as she formed the thought, the dead men’s faces rose in her mind’s eye. Suppressing the urge to vomit she pulled herself out of bed.

How am I going to live like this?, she thought, dragging herself towards the baths. I can’t tell anyone, even Hana. They’ll all think I’m some sort of freak. I’m not sure they would be wrong about that either. She paused her train of thought as she slid into the pool, attempting to let her mind go blank.

The water soothed her aching muscles, and gave her a brief moment to relax. Several other healers were in the various pools as they soaked off yesterday’s grit and grime, but Azadi kept to herself, preferring the solitude.

Arriving- in the main hall, most of the apprentices, as well as several masters were already preparing themselves for the day. “Adi, where were you yesterday? I missed you in our ward duty!” She looked down to see her ever enthusiastic friend poking at her arm.

“Oh, uh, Master Farzan had something for me to do instead,” Azadi responded. She felt heat rise in her cheeks, uncomfortable having to skirt the truth around her friend. While technically true, there was a lot of omission there. Luckily, Hana didn’t seem to care, already off engaging some other apprentices about an unrelated topic.

The masters began to recount the apprentices assignments, and Azadi discovered that she would be paired with Hana, helping Master Farzan research healing alchemy in the college’s own, smaller, library. As they walked up the stairs to the study room, Farzan inquired “How are you two doing today?”

“Well, I think. Yesterday was very tiring.” Where her earlier statement had been a lie of omission, this one was patently false. Azadi couldn’t think about anything other than the gnawing guilt eating at her gut. Still, she didn’t want to get into too much detail with Hana there. Farzan acknowledged her with a gentle smile, showing he knew of her reticence. Hana was much more upbeat, almost skipping along as they walked through the halls.

“It’s going quite well Master! It’s hard work but I love it!,” Hana crowed, a wide smile on her face.

“Intensive training sessions can leave one exhausted, but they can also bring great insight to the practitioner.” His response was cryptic, which relieved her. He obviously didn't want to give Hana any idea of where Azadi had been. They spent several hours pouring through the various manuals and tomes in the healer’s library, attempting to find the remedy Farzan was seeking. As usual, she found herself genuinely enjoying the scholarly work. The discovery, the little tidbits of information gleaned on the search. Eventually, Farzan indicated a stop.

“I think a break is in order. Hana, will you please fetch some lunch for us?” The woman nodded enthusiastically and made for the stairs. Once she had disappeared from view, Farzan turned to Azadi. “So Azadi, how do you find your training at the library?”

Azadi let her thoughts roll around in her head for a moment before answering. “I’m not sure Master. I… feel as though it may not be the right thing to do.” Truly, she felt almost as uncomfortable talking about it as she did actually in the training.

Ever keen, Farzan caught the nervousness she had attempted to hide. “Do not fear it little one. It may not be comfortable and it may be difficult, but the training will help you learn discipline. I have talked to Master Sa’id and he thinks that your first day went quite well. As the Priestesses teach, through adversity, we may achieve growth.”

The room fell silent for a time until Hana returned. Azadi could not meet Farzan’s eye after the conversation, and merely focused on keeping her mind off the training.

While the other two talked about what they had found in the books, Azadi could not help but turn her thoughts back to her current situation. Through adversity we achieve growth. But growth to what? I don’t see how training death magic is going to help anyone. It just causes harm to everyone around me. I guess if I just focus on controlling it… This thought was cut off by a question from one of her companions. She blinked a couple times then asked no one in particular “I’m sorry, but could you repeat that?”

“Master Farzan was just asking what you had found so far,” Hana replied sweetly.

“Apologies Master, I was lost in thought.” Azadi described the various findings she had uncovered in her search. Although she hadn’t found the exact remedy they had been searching for, several of her findings were useful in other ways.

After a brief break, the three returned to their search. Not too long after, Hana gave an excited chirp. “Master! I think I found it!” They quickly crowded around the text, which did indeed contain the antidote remedy they had been searching for.

Farzan leaned back with a smile on his face. “Excellent work you two. Let us each transcribe this so we have additional copies, then I think you can spend the rest of the day in relaxation.”

Azadi found herself in high spirits, a welcome diversion. Such early success in finding the remedy was rare. As she went to follow Hana out of the room, Farzan called her back in. “Now that we are alone, if you have any more questions, please, ask.”

Azadi thought for some time, trying to ignore Farzan’s inquisitive gaze. “Well,” she finally began. “How am I going to keep this from everyone else? Someone will ask questions. In fact, Hana already did.” The elder healer sighed, and leaned against the shelf behind him.

“I abhor dishonesty as much as anyone, but I am afraid you are going to have to lie.”

The blunt response drove home the severity of the situation. “If anyone asks what you are doing, simply reply that you are working on a special project for me. In a way, that is not even a lie, merely an omission of truth.” He shook his head. “I am sorry little one, it is a great responsibility to be thrust upon you.”

Now it was his turn to ask the questions. “How are you feeling about the events on your trip?” Azadi knew that his method of phrasing was an attempt to avoid upsetting her. However, even as he mentioned it, the images of the dead men blossomed their foul flower in her mind once more. Grimacing, she tried to push it aside, but not before Farzan noticed. “I should not have asked,” began the master.

“No, it’s fine,” she blurted out. “I need to face what I have done, what I am capable of. It’s no use hiding behind a facade.”

Farzan’s eyes twinkled. “Truly Azadi, you make an old man proud.” Proud? How could he be proud of a killing machine like me. Noting her ugly expression, he continued. “You are mature and wise, ready to be a full member of the college. Not many have the mental fortitude to go through what you have. The road ahead will be challenging, but it eases my mind knowing the strength you have grown into.”

Azadi’s eyes watered a little. This was the most effusive praise he - or anyone other Master for that matter - had ever given her. “Thank you Master,” she choked out. A gentle smile spread across his face.

“Go enjoy some rest little one. You’ve earned it.”

Looking out her window from her room, she realized that it was just barely past midday. Maybe I’ll go read some more in the library. The images of her recent past had ruined her good mood, and the library was a place to get it back. Making her slow way to the great building, she tried to keep her mind off her burgeoning power with only mild success.

By the time she reached her destination, she was sweating, and not from the heat of the day. Wiping sweat from her brow, she shook her head and began to browse through scrolls to distract herself. Before long, she ran into a familiar sounding name: Asha’s Catalog of the Gifted. I suppose I should read this. Maybe it will help me understand what I am.

Unraveling the first scroll, she began to read. The gifted, called Aria’s Chosen among other names, are those endowed with Magical gifts. There are a number of different disciplines that can manifest. Web Weavers usually find themselves in the role of Priestesses or Heralds. They can create protections against magical and physical harm, as well as conceal themselves and others from detection. The text continued on describing other types of gifted, including healers. The last entry was about death wielders, a category she supposed she now fell into. Reluctantly, she plunged in.

Death wielders are a rare manifestation of the gifted. They are perhaps the most highly valued by rulers, as well as the most dangerous and volatile. Generally employed as elite troops, bodyguards or assassins, they have gained a reputation for evil. However, a number do not use their gifts, and attempt to live normal lives. Some others even use their talent in defense of innocents.

This passage reassured Azadi. Maybe she wasn’t just some killing machine. The next line however, undid most of that progress. Thankfully, the powers of death wielders are typically meager compared to most other gifted. A powerful death wielder can slay a healthy opponent with their magic, but most use it to steal strength or incapacitate their opponents. Few can claim to have enough energy to kill multiple men and still be able to fight.

A shudder passed down her spine. There were four, five of them in the desert. And their horses… For the second time since her encounter, she raised her hands in front of her face, as if they could answer her questions. What kind of monster am I? Flicking quickly through the other scrolls, she looked for anything mentioning Chimera. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of frantic search, she found that which she sought.

Chimera, the passage was titled. Chimera are the rare few who are gifted in not one, but two or more disciplines. Through my travels throughout the greater realms, I have managed to encounter a full three awakened Chimera. Very little is known about them, but most rumors contend that their gifts are fortified by each other. Only one Chimera I met with was willing to display her power - Oliviae, Governor of the Ilassan Islands. Gifted as both a web-weaver and windshaper, she demonstrated her ability by accelerating our boat to speeds like that of a swift horse, against otherwise calm seas.

This display is certainly evidence towards that point. As for the frequency of occurrence of Chimerism, where perhaps one in a hundred and fifty members of the general population are gifted, perhaps one in ten thousand of those gifted are Chimera. This means that there could be only one or two Chimera alive at any given time.

Azadi rubbed her eyes and read this passage several times to understand the enormity of its text. If Asha was correct, that meant she was in fact, alone. There most likely be no one she would ever meet that would understand her. Suddenly, the cozy corner of the library felt very isolated from the rest of the world. There would forever be a barrier between her and anyone she met. She shivered, despite the heat. Forcing herself back to the text, she continued reading.

Chimera make for difficult subjects to study. Rare to begin with. most are naturally secretive of their powers for obvious reasons. For those same reasons, they are usually found in positions of great power and responsibility. Some even worship them as aspects of divine entities. The Oracle of Omicli for examples, retained an almost cult-like following for some time.

Worship? She thought. Who would want to worship someone else, regardless of their abilities? The rest of the text contained nothing of value, and she leaned back against the wall, trying to digest everything she had just read. It had answered some questions about her ability, but raised more difficult ones about her future.

Am I destined to be some figurehead in the Consul’s court? Or maybe even be a ruler myself? The thought scared her. How could she be trusted to lead anyone? Being able to use different kinds of magic didn’t make her a leader or general. It certainly didn’t make her any more fit for high society life either. Why couldn’t I just be regular gifted? Being a healer isn’t a bad life.

Pulling herself out of self pity, she returned the scrolls to their place in the aisle and wandered home to the college. For once, she didn’t mind the crowds, even when the occasional careless merchant bumped into her. It made her feel like she belonged, a little lie she could tell herself.

Back in the college, she decided to watch the sunset from her room instead of the roof. Open spaces seemed like a negative at the time. Entering the main hall, she noticed Shahin and another apprentice talking in the hall. Swerving to avoid them, she couldn’t help but notice their stares. Choosing to ignore them, she swept through the tight corridors to her room.

As she watched the granite streets of the city turn from orange to red to dusky maroon, Azadi pondered her lot in life. Maybe I can keep anyone from ever finding out, and just live a normal life. The prospect was appealing. Only a few knew of her destructive potential, and if she could keep it that way, none would be the wiser. The real challenge was keeping it secret. She had no doubts in her own ability, but the fact was, it was somewhat out of her control. With a heavy sigh, she flopped into her bed, hoping that tomorrow would be easier than the last training session.