Money. Value. My eternal nemesis and antithesis. Thus far, one could generously describe my existence in the wizard society as that of a slowly starving leech. AI could do what I did and do a better job at it. Canned wish could do more magic than I ever did.

Last time I had seen or held actual vals was uh… I think three months ago? Something like that.

Prior to finding this transformation suit, my life plan had been to die and hope I didn’t have enough debt to be turned undead. 

But no more!

Nay!

I was all new Nol, sexy, strong, and high on ten different flavors of self delusion. Just look at that reflection, that mysterious smile, that starlit wink. How would money be a problem to that gal?

It wasn’t.

“Money is an illusion,” I said with a voice almost like mine, but with a sultry purr. “Wow. Gods, I might accidentally kill people with this voice.”

Okay, so let’s think. If money is an illusion, how does one obtain a [System]?

Five minutes later, the floor of the academy hallway leading to the store clicked beneath my demonic heels. I let the strutting steps sway and my hair flutter. And no, people did not swoon and gasp at my beauty, nor whisper and gossip like ‘oh my gods who’s that?’ Nor did they ask for my number or beg to be stepped on.

Non.

Jaded students on their way to a learn a dead-end magic tradition, war hardened janitors who’d lost their battle brothers in time wars, professors on their way to fuck their assistants, random parents bringing their starry eyed wizard kiddo to the best academy in this side of Abovebelow. They froze in my presence. All cowered before me. 

All. Without exception.

A strange thrill ran through my core, through the stomach, up the spine, and straight into my head. My breaths felt light. My heart thundered in my chest, drunk on adrenaline. Lighter even than they’d been thanks to whatever this suit did to enhance strength. I felt drunk.

Was this real?

Couldn’t be, no.

But what a wonderful illusion it was. No wonder the wizard overlords liked bullying the contestants in System Apocalypses. This was ecstacy. 

My gaze swept over the people trying to make themselves small against the wall. They shrank back, hiding from my attention. 

I was about to enter the magitech kiosk, when a young woman with a fiery green gaze and a riotous bundle of red hair sprang up and stood to block my path. Tight black and yellow sportswear brought out her wonderfully toned legs and a well cared figure.

“You…” she panted heavily.

I hummed, tapping my lip as I contemplated her breasts and tan skin.

The woman raised the gleaming silver badge of Imperial law in a shivering hand and held it towards me. A silver light blazed her eyes into flames as she tapped into the foci’s magic. Law magic? 

“I suppose you intend on arresting me,” I mused, glancing around. “For public disturbance?”

People around us jolted with a tremble of fear.

Many of them clutched magical foci. Some muttered prayers. A young parent was crying and shielding the eyes of her youngling.

The woman gathered herself. She wiped sweat from her forehead and started stuttering something.

“F-f-first law of–”

“Sit down you fool!” shouted a wizened old wizard with a beard that would’ve tickled the floor even if he wasn’t currently kowtowing to me. 

“I can’t let it walk free!”

“Don’t do it!” shouted another person.

“It’s not worth it girl.”

“Please have mercy on her! Please, go strange god, show mercy!”

“Mercy, goddess!”

“Mercy!”

Their teary eyes pleaded at me. For me to show mercy to this mage who was about to arrest my ass for wearing a totally kick ass magical artifact party outfit? Huh. What was that feeling in my chest? Happiness? Pride? I genuinely had no idea people could feel this good. Like wow. What the heck was this?

While pondering the emotion, I mumbled to myself, amused, “Mercy?”

The pleading went silent.

Faces turned white.

Metal clanged onto the floor. The woman before me dropped the badge foci she’d been holding as well as her magical resonance. Her eyes returned to green. Shock and fear dominated her face. Slowly, she raised her arms.

“Please. I know I wronged you, but…” She licked her lips and closed her eyes. Nice lips. Thick and kissy. “Smite me down, but please spare the others. Please.”

“Hmm… Smite you down?”

She flinched. Poor thing. Really weird that they were all so scared, but whatever. All part of the illusion, I guess.

And goddess? Strange goddess? I knew I looked divine, but that good? Maybe it was a self confidence thing and I was underestimating my new assets. Or maybe they really thought I was a class-G entity who’d somehow breached through multiple layers of security and risked being slain by a tactical strike team just so I could have a casual stroll through a mage academy living habitat block’s market?

Laughter bubbled from my chest. High, lilting, beautiful laughter. 

Someone sobbed.

The woman before me shivered.

I wiped a starlight pearl tear from the corner of my eye and smiled at the woman. They called me goddess, so what the heck, I guess we’re a goddess in this delusion. I’d best speak like a goddess then.

“You blocked a goddess from reaching the kiosk. Would smiting you be appropriate for such a sin?”

Her eyelids pinched shut tight. “N-no?”

A girl gasped. “She’ll take her soul.”

“Damnation. Eternal damnation,” whispered one of the old wizards.

“Sush.”

The hall quieted.

“I’ll have your eternal worship as compensation.”

The woman’s lips pursed into a pained expression. Her fists balled and shivered. “Thank you for your mercy…”

“You’re welcome. Now move, you’re blocking me.”

She stood aside and lowered herself into a bow.

I approached the kiosk counter and perused the digital list displayed on the glass. I found the item I wanted and clicked it.

“Hrm. Five hundred fifty val?” I asked, frowning.

“Freeforyoupleasedon’tsmiteme,” said the muscular clerk and placed a plastic wrapped system injector on the counter.

I picked it up and spun to leave. “Thank you~”

“To what name shall I pray?” asked the redhead.

Good question. I paused to ponder it. This disguise was an ego stroking marathon and free stuff, so I’d definitely be wearing it again. And if people would continue to mistake me for a goddess, I needed a name to fit the role.

Something powerful.

Something memorable.

Something creative.

Unfortunately, the suit didn’t give me extra brain cells, so I worked with what I had. Lon? Would Lon be good? It was the opposite of my name. Maybe I could go with Nol? No, never. Someone I knew might recognize me and I would die of cringe from pretending to be this cool goddess I wasn’t. How about Null? Nah, not great. Nah? Would Nah do?

I let out a sound of frustration. Maybe if I’d actually finished a single class of nameology or truenaming, I might’ve had a chance to come up with something, but nah.

But I couldn’t not say something!

Ugh.

Quickly. Cook up something goddess sounding! Brain maximum bullshit mode engaged.

“Your kind has no name that is safe for you to speak, little mortal. Be glad I do not force you to pronounce it.”

Older wizards stiffened visibly. Sweat dribbled on many foreheads.

“Thank you. Thank you.”

Shit, that took a lot out of me. I doubted I’d be able to write another analysis on System Apocalypse season 54 anymore.

“You may continue your day now,” I said to the people.

They continued bowing.

Whatever. I’d gotten what I wanted, so I returned to my room and took the artifact off and screamed in panic.