“And…. Phew! That was the last one.”
The policewoman found herself carrying the dead bodies of Van, Sato, and Fune on on her own home. It was a 2-story high modern house all for herself. She, with the help of Yukii, placed them on her bedroom.
“Gosh! Won’t this stink after decaying?!”
“It would be weird if I didn’t show up at the department for a while. You will guard them here while I show up for work, understand! ”
“Y-yes!”
To avoid the problem of a rotting smell, the air conditioner was set to be fully running at the coldest possible temperature. There was also a place she was planning to visit. The death of the salary man was fairly recent, so he must still be in a casket somewhere. They can’t take the risk of reviving the salary man and just dying again due to suffocation from his own casket. She fully pinned her whole life to the mission. Because she saw the light, she was sure that they will wake up someday!
“Miss Officer, stop staring at Van’s corpse!”
“But… it’s peculiar. I never knew dying can cause something like this. Look, his thing is… hard... and big.”
She touches the pants of Van’s corpse and felt something really solid. It made Yukii regret his initial admiration of Rori.
“PERVERT! NECROPHILE! *shiver* *shiver* *shiver*” Yukii pushesh Rori away from the chosen corpse.
“N-NO! HE’S NOT REALLY DEAD!”
“SHUT UP! CREEP!”
The person in front of them was just like every elf girl from the novels. Tall, blonde, pointy-eared curvy beauty with that ranger outfit. The elf had her bow charged right at Sato’s right chest.
“You, on the other hand, is a vampire. Distant relatives of us elves but corrupted by the taste of demon blood.”
“But, I never even drank bloo-”
*stab*
Sato’s stomach bleeds after being pierced by another elf behind him with a secret dagger. He desperately moves his lips near the chosen one and says his final words.
“I-I’m strangely turned on by these babes…” Sato says as he feels something pointing out from his stomach AND in his pants.
“This is not the time for that!”
“Mr. Sato!!!”
*poof*
A pink mist fills their sights and after it faded, the schoolgirl suddenly disappeared from their visions. Sato was continuously coughing up blood until a weird green light radiates from his wounds, which made it recover rapidly. Sato sadly fainted from the pain.
“That was fairy magic! Amazing, I guess you really never drank blood.” The elf ranger noted that Sato was a Pure Vampire, vampires who never sucked blood from other races.
Van looked closely at Sato’s stomach and saw Fune! She became as large as a fingernail, having butterfly-like wings at her.
“Fune! Amazing! You know how to heal now?! And you're a fairy?!”
“…….”
He can see her mouth kind of flapping but can’t hear a single thing she was saying.
“……”
“What??? I can’t hear you.”
Her frustration was visible too, stomping her little feet at the fine suit of Sato.
“Ooooh! An elf, a vampire, and a fairy walk together in a forest. Isn’t this the start of a joke? Hahahaha!”
The male elf who stabbed Sato laughed loudly was promptly smacked by Van, making him fall to the ground.
“Ouch! I’m sorry! Strange elf mage!”
“Weird.” The female elf finally draws back her bow and proceeded to interrogate the group. “What are you three doing together? Especially with that weird outfit. I taught for a second that that vampire kidnapped you both, but no vampire is stupid to enter Alfheim.”
“We aren’t from this world! Do you believe us?”
“…I heard this before. That outfit looks familar. Do you know The Hero of the Light?”
“I think someone mentioned it back at that Newmachi town. That was the place where we got transported to.”
“Newmachi used to be the starting point for new adventurers to train, but ever since the Demon King attacked, it became the evil infested place it is now. Come to our city, the Wise Ones will be interested in hearing your story. Tassarion! Carry the vampire!”
The male elf carried Sato while Van, with the tiny Fune on his shoulder, followed the female elf into the forest.
“I’m Cillia, daughter of Lord Ceres. That guy is Tassarion, my brother.”
“I’m Van, the vampire is Sato, and the fairy is Fune.”
“You have a similar names to The Hero of the Light. I think his name was… Hiro.”
It was at that time that Van felt intense stinging at his right cheek. It was Fune pulling his skin!
“Fune! That hurts! Go in my ears or something to I can hear you!”
She proceeded to do just that, making Van feel quite icky as it was almost as if a cockroach was crawling at his face. The fairy school girl was now on the entrance of the hole of his ears, refusing to enter further in because some of the downright-disgusting yellowish earwax felt like slime on her legs. She shouted as loud as she could.
“… is the-”
“What?”
“Hiro…name-”
“I can barely hear you! Enter my ears and find my eardrums!”
The schoolgirl mustered up her courage and proceeded to enter the cave of doom.
“EEEEEEEEEKKKK!!! BLEHHHH?!?! WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?”
The things she saw are too horrible to be written for this kind of story, and the author decided to let it be up to the reader’s imaginations.
“Huh? What is this thing blocking my way?”
“That’s it, Fune! That’s my eardrums! I can hear you!”
Fune inhaled deeply and shouted as loud as she could once again.
“HIRO IS THE NAME OF THE MAN WHO SAVED ME!”
“Cool! It’s like you’re right beside me! Thanks, Fune!”
He felt really amazed by that! His face was filled with genuine happiness from the wacky things that are happening, until he saw the Cillia’s expression. She looked at him as if she was watching an isekai anime that was good for the first 3 episodes but completely sucked for 21 more, but forced to watch because of a sunken cost fallacy.
“You could’ve used Voice Amplification since you’re a mage but I won’t judge your sick fetishes…”
Fune tore down Van’s eardrums and healed it and repeated it over and over again.
“SADIST PERVERT!”
Cillia proceeded to offer Van water. Van, in extreme pain, wondered what it’s for and the woman made gestures around her ears.
"Ahh... like after going for a swim..."
He put the water in his ears and then he covered his ears with his thumb and quickly removed it, making the air inside move because of pressure.
*pop*
Fune pops out and looked like a dead fly.
