None of us had spoken a word the whole way to the department store after my 'incident' and I simply wanted to finish my smoothie, find the train station, and end myself just in the way I got here.

Extreme? Yes. Reasonable? Absolutely.

When we finally reached the department store Okita had mentioned, I had already stress sucked the very soul from my drink and found myself chewing on the plastic straw to distract from the awkward situation I had put myself into. It wasn't my fault that the smoothie was so delicious! They both probably think that I'm such a weirdo!

But isn't that for the best? The best way to stray from the plot of the story is to stay away from the main characters, removing a main character works too. I am, after all, a character in a story that has essentially gained life and sentience. But I've already let so much happen...

Screw this. I want another smoothie. Is it too late for me to turn around and escape to get another smoothie and go home? I don't think anyone would protest if I just left. Okita and Uehara might fight though. I don't want that.

Actually, I don't know if Uehara is actually a member of the plot like Okita and I. My brother never mentioned her to me, so if she was she must've been a side character rather than a main harem member. Knowing this author, a pretty girl could not exist in this world unless she ended up having some association with the protagonist.

From the characters that my brother told me about that I can properly remember, there are six main members of Ichikawa's harem. It's okay for me to mull over this because I'm probably going to be ostracized from this excursion now anyways.

The first member was, of course, Okita Natsuko. The constant victim of the harem who, instead of breaking off her relationship with her trash boyfriend and friends, always allowed herself to be used as a doormat and stepping stone for other girls. I personally don't think my heart would be able to take the cheerful and innocent Okita having to go through that. So, romantic relationship with Ichikawa is a definite no.

Next would be the original Saito Azami, which I was definitely not letting happen even if my second life depended on it. Fuck that. This is a gift that I give to the previous Saito Azami, as apology for just taking her body.

Then there would be the Student Council President, Fujimoto Hiroko, a student in the Traditonal Department who did ikebana, flower arrangements. She was the older sister or mature woman character for the harem from what I can recall. Apparently she was quite popular among the reader base due to her... suggestive nature? I didn't exactly know what my brother meant by that, but I'd rather not ask. I believe that I saw her during the entrance ceremony, the girl with long ebony hair and sapphire eyes.

The Student Council Treasurer, who I also saw during the entrance ceremony was next. Adachi Mai, who was a part of the Dance Department, embodied the idea of the yamato nadeshiko. The epitome of pure, feminine beauty as many would call it. She came from an extremely wealthy family, was polite and charitable, honest, graceful. In other words, completely out of Ichikawa's lead but he still got her in the harem! Apparently in later volumes he also seduced her mother so... ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Kazawa Usagi was the character I refused to allow into Ichikawa's harem. Not even over my rotting corpse. You see, Kazawa was a child prodigy. A CHILD prodigy. She's fucking 12. She's a minor member of the Student Council and works in the Culinary Department, specializing in making sweets. While there was apparently never anything sexual in her relationship with Ichikawa, once again according to my brother, the thought of that little girl being surrounded by debauchery just made me so uncomfortable.

The final member of the harem was one of the more mysterious ladies. Matsushita Reika was part of the Film Department as an actress, one so good at her job that no one really knew what her true personality was. Everyday she seemed to come to school as a different person. Which according to my brother and the pervert author who wrote this cursed series made her perfect for roleplaying sex.

God, I really want to go beat the shit out of my brother now. And the author of this accursed series. What was their pen name again? I can't seem to remember it...

"Saito-chan? Saito-chan? Are you listening to us?" Okita's worried voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" I let out a stupid noise before coughing to cover it up. "I was listening. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Then what do you say?"

... What do I say to what? Did I really just tune out an entire conversation during this entire time? I should probably ask what they're talking about but I don't want to embarrass myself any more. I doubt they'd be trying to do anything terrible to me, so it'd be fine if I said sure, right?

Right?

"Um, sure. I guess."

I felt like I made a grave mistake when I saw the smiles on both Okita and Uehara's faces. When had we walked to the clothing section? Weren't we supposed to be looking at jewelry? What did I just agree to? Oh god...

I was given no comfort as I was dragged around the women's clothing by Okita and Uehara, only getting more and more distressed as I listened to their conversations.

"Uehara-san, do you think Saito-chan would look better in red or pink?"

"Saito-sama doesn't seem to like skirts, so shorts or capris pants would be better."

"Do you think she'd be in need of a sunhat?"

"A hairband would look better."

Hey. Why, even though this conversation is very much about me, does it feel like I have no business coming into it? This is the most powerless I've felt since I was a baby. Possibly. I don't remember what it was like to be a baby.

As I was dragged around by the two girls, I noticed they were picking up clothes here and there. They looked to be around my size. Wait, my size? I think I know what I ended up agreeing to now.

I believe that I've agreed to allow Okita and Uehara to dress me up without knowing it. I fear that it is too late to stop them at their current levels of power and resigned to my fate as a dress up doll for the afternoon. How did they even figure out my clothes sizes anyway? Did they peak at my tags while I wasn't paying attention? They have quite a few outfits now. Will I have to try them all on?

But I just came here to fake shop for earrings...

I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief when we finally reached the dressing rooms. Both girls had two outfits each, an extra one they had collaborated on. Which I found surprising as they can never see eye to eye on much. Before Okita could do anything, one of Uehara's outfits were shoved into my arms and I was pushed into a dressing room stall.

"Come out whenever you're ready, Saito-sama." Uehara closed the door behind me, leaving me to be somewhat able to hear their hushed arguing.

I looked down at the outfit in my arms and sighed.

It was going to be a long afternoon, wasn't it?