Chapter 55:
"Juvia, now that the water supply is automatic, would you mind being our fireman? The Emergency Headquarters has lots more duties now that the city has grown in size." When Lucy had petitioned for a reassignment I realized my mistake and decided to go ahead and re-evaluate some other positions as well.
"Juvia is your eternal slave, Christopher-sama." Juvia responded while hugging my arm to her breasts.
"I'm sorry we haven't talked much, my schedule is just so busy." I patted her head, returning her overwhelming feelings.
"Not at all. Christopher-sama has always ignored me, neglected me, and avoided me. Compared to the times you nearly killed me in battle, tossed my hand-woven scarf onto the ground and abandoned me to join an evil cult, this is nothing!" Juvia said with hearts in her eyes.
Thank you, Gray, for lowering the bar so far that even I look great in comparison. . .
* * *
"Nadeko, being a kami yourself, perhaps you'd like to work at the shrine?" I offered. Though right now she wasn't in her divine form but sporting pleasant normal middle school brown hair.
"I became a great many different things over a short period of time." Nadeko admitted. "A shy girl in love, a scared cursed girl, a brokenhearted girl still in love, a berserk snake God, a manga-ka in training, then a specialist in training, and finally a successful manga-ka and specialist. And because you wished for me to be able to change freely between all those periods of my life, I can choose to be whichever Nadeko suits me at the moment, here in this new world, where I became yet another Nadeko, the Nadeko whose heart was never broken but instead fulfilled."
"It was stupid of me to choose anyone but you, so I went ahead and corrected that decision. How could anyone turn down a beautiful, devoted, intrepid, intelligent, impassioned girl like you?" I explained. I had deserved every single snakebite she had given me in retribution and more for favoring that crazy abusive crab over her.
Nadeko smiled happily to hear acceptance from the lips that had rejected her so many times. "I have no reason to become an evil deity here, in this world you answered my pleas, except that you enjoy all my different forms, so I do like to flirt with you as the full variety. With my drawing talent I could even flirt with you as all the Nadeko's at once, though they might be a little one dimensional -- or should I say two dimensional -- though of course they are three dimensional."
"That sounds like the best date plan ever." I vociferously endorsed her offer. "I only thought of people changing ages to change their looks, but does it really change your minds too?"
"I'm an anomaly, my unique situation led to unique results, you could call it my superpower." Nadeko reassured me.
"Are there other anomalies roaming about requiring your attention?" I thought back to Shana's insistence that she was still fighting on the frontlines with a smile.
"We were all transported here with our powers intact, not our problems." Nadeko mocked my concern.
"Good. Heiwa ga ichiban." I squeezed her hands between mine in relief. If anyone deserved peace after all the turmoil she'd had to go through, it was Nadeko.
Nadeko beamed at my loving gesture. "I was right to want this. Everyone belittled me for caring about love so much, but if they actually experienced a love like ours, they wouldn't have. This is the most amazing life I could have ever led, the best I could ever feel, literal eternal bliss! It's not wrong to be desperate for treasures like this. The real sin is to let a dream like that pass you by, to let a guy you know really is that good slip through your fingers. Knowing what I have now, I'm so proud of who I was then. I'm so proud I was loving enough to finally get your attention, that I was desperate enough to earn my ticket to Paradise, as one of your favorite 100. If I hadn't valued love as I had then, I never would have experienced it as I have now." Nadeko bragged.
"Besides, more people read my manga here than they ever did back there, so love doesn't interfere with my career, it empowers it. I can write better romances because I've experienced a romance myself. Shoujo manga are romances for a reason. I'm a shoujo manga-ka for a reason. Romances really are the best experiences, the most interesting, the most compelling moments in life. My instincts were right -- even if I only ever wanted to be the best manga-ka I could be, I still should have aimed for you as my first step down that path of creation. All stories, in the end, are autobiographical."
"After all these years you still have new romances you can write about based on the small amount of attention I can spare you?" I raised my eyebrows, impressed.
"No, but thanks to our love I also have access to the lives of my nine children and their children and their children -- so it never really ends. I get to know people a lot better when they live in the same apartment as me, and you keep providing person after person to live with, so the inspiration never runs out." Nadeko gave a mercenary grin of appreciation for motherhood.
Obviously this was one girl who didn't need a job change.
* * *
"Mavis, originally you were a war commander, not a scientist, so would you like to be reassigned to the military? Now that I've created all these rival planets we might need you." I inquired.
"If you're so certain we're going to end up at war with them, why did you choose such nearby star systems? MOMO could have used spacetime folds to put them on the other side of the universe." Mavis interrogated me in return.
"I guess there's a naive reason and a cynical reason." I replied.
"How very Zeref of you, always of two minds." Mavis giggled.
"The cynical reason is I can't rely on MOMO's powers forever, sooner or later we'll all die of old age, but there will always be more people we need to exile, so their communities have to be within arm's reach. But I like the naive reason more: Someday I hope the people of those planets will apologize and admit we were right, and on that day I want to be near enough to hear their honest pleas and bring all my lost children back into the Galactic Empire, as proud colonies no different from the others." I explained.
"I miss August too." Mavis looked at her bare feet despondently. "I'm sorry I let you down, I never noticed anything the entire time he was growing up."
"People change. The man you loved turned into a world menace, the son you gave birth to tried to kill you, it doesn't always turn out the way one hopes, and it's nobody's fault but the people who changed themselves. Everyone ultimately chooses their own course in life. Look at our eight other children, they're nothing like August chose to be, so how can it be our fault?" I reached out to hold her hand and stroked my finger back and forth over her wedding ring.
"If people can change, they can always change again." Mavis let her green eyes meet mine with a hopeful quiet smile. "So let's bet on your naive reason. However long it takes, however long a history of failure they need, to learn life's lessons the hard way, since we couldn't impart it to them the easy way, we'll always be here waiting for them. We're immortals, before and now, so waiting is nothing new for us."
"If we're going with naivety, I guess you don't want to prepare for war." I smiled back at her.
"I consider this our afterlife. After we died in each other's arms, we showed up here together out of the blue, celebrating the wedding we never got to share, starting the life we should have started long ago. God put us through a lot our first time together so she felt sorry and reunited us in heaven. Every day we've spent together on this aptly named planet, in this aptly named town, has reaffirmed my initial premise. This is heaven, and there are no wars in heaven." Mavis squeezed my hand confidently.
Like usual my suggestion went unheeded.
* * *
"Sae, now that Siri can make all our clothes automatically, are you still making do as a tailor?" I asked.
Sae smiled and looked down at her hands in her lap. "Hai, okage-sama."
"Due to me?" I repeated, perplexed.
"Because God wore my personally tailored wedding dress in front of everyone in Paradise, with her inner light shining through the filmy white, now every girl in the world wants to look like that on their wedding day, so the orders for Sae Nakata brand dresses never stop." Sae looked embarrassed at her own success.
"So you deal exclusively in bridal gowns now?" I asked.
"That would get too dull, so I make dresses for all sorts of occasions, like Prom, funerals or Christmas. Anything I make flies off the shelves." Sae smiled self-consciously while looking gingerly up into my eyes to gauge my reaction.
When we first arrived I had no interest in celebrating Christmas, since I viewed Christianity with contempt. But when Nozomi had become mayor for a week, the first thing she had done is reinstate it with a concise "Christmas is back on, kettei!", later telling me Christmas for Japanese had never been about Christ anyway. Thinking back, I was thankful for her intervention. Christmas was the anniversary of when Sae and I became a couple. Now every year I got to hold her hand while lighting up City Hall's enormous Christmas tree.
"If bourgeoisie strivers want to enrich my wife, they're more than welcome!" I declared encouragingly. "But no matter how beautiful you make their dresses, we'll always be 'best couple.'"
Sae's face lit up into a heartfelt smile. "Hai!" She nodded in vehement agreement.
* * *
"Nekone, given your magical healing powers that could easily fit in at the hospital, do you really want to keep the despised role of tax collector?" As the head of the entire State's finances, which was the organic outgrowth of her role as the head of the household's finances, Nekone was both the procurer of funds and the paymaster of them to all the beneficiaries of the citizen's dividend as well as State employees like the military, the mansion's staff, city hall, park rangers, the research institute, emergency responders and police. She also had to order everything necessary to keep the mansion supplied, as well as track the inflow and outflow of money and set the tax rates to make sure everything stayed in the black. The money had to come from somewhere. An entire Commandment out of the ten was dedicated to people paying their taxes so that the citizen's dividend could exist. It was truly my imposition on the people, but as Nekone was the face of that Commandment she received all the hostility for it.
"It's true that I'm a great healer, but the hospital is already overstocked with miracle workers. I served during Anii-sama's regency of Anju's restoration to the throne, so I'm uniquely suited for this. I like that you entrusted me with such an important role. Isn't it reassuring for the finances to be handled by an incorruptible, intelligent, hardworking and responsible waifu like me?" Nekone smiled confidently across the Mayor's oaken desk from me in the guest of honor's chair.
Indeed, Nekone had been the youngest person to ever pass the Imperial Exams necessary to join the government, and had been taking care of her brother's estate, one of the highest nobility in the land, even before then. It's like she had skipped childhood entirely and been born full grown like Athena. My own personal goddess of wisdom -- complete with kemonomimi, a tail, a mole under one of her eyes, the most beautiful voice imaginable, and a tsundere personality. You couldn't custom order a model with more moe points per cubic centimeter to fit inside her adorably cute small frame.
The only thing more beautiful than Nekone's body was her heart. Even at her tender age, she'd been brave enough to support me through every trying day, on the battlefield or off, and only cry herself to sleep alone at night over the loss of her brother.
"My regency has stretched on rather long this time, huh?" I smiled nostalgically.
"Mattaku-desu." Nekone agreed tartly. "Anii-sama asked me to support you as his dying wish, but isn't it a little unfair to rope me in for eternity?"
"You're the government's heart and lungs. I couldn't rule without you. It's a thankless task, but if you're willing to keep at it, let me thank you in everyone else's stead." I bowed solemnly.
"The day you died, leaving me forlorn twice over, was the worst day of my life. For us to be reunited here as husband and wife is a miracle I'll gladly repay forever." Nekone responded, wrapping both of her small hands around one of mine while looking into my eyes as a sign of her not-often-exposed sincerity.
* * *
"Rin, I'd like you to become the baseball coach. With Siri trawling the oceans for food you don't have to fish anymore." I told Rin Natsume.
"Unnya?" Rin responded, her cat ears showing now that something interesting had been said. "Isn't Chiwa already the baseball coach?"
"I'm reassigning her to be our kendo instructor, since she's more skilled in that field anyway." I mentally kicked myself for not realizing this a century ago.
"Baseball, huh. . ?" Rin Natsume looked wistfully out the window. She couldn't see the school grounds from here, but it was clear she could still see the past.
"I can't feed my cats fresh caught fish anymore. Yosh! I'll teach all the kids my specialty rising nyaat ball instead!" Rin Natsume slapped her cheeks to rev herself up. I didn't worry about Rin Natsume getting lonely. Between her ten cats and the resilience Komari and Kyousuke had taught her I was practically a third wheel.
* * *
"Shana, aside from your gallant work protecting us from the Guze no Tomogare, is there anything you'd like to do?" I asked with a carefully kept straight face. While Kotori and Deedlit had happily enough joined the national park ranger service when Siri came online, Shana had been left completely out to hang.
"I've been training my children with the sword, so I guess I could turn that into a full blown dojo." Shana thought out loud, wearing a black shirt with a diagonal slash of embers that only began well beneath her collar bones except for a small hook of cloth around her neck in order to hold it up. The sentient gem Alastor she wore as a necklace shimmered with eternal flame against her bared cleavage.
"Excellent. I'd love to see swordsmen wandering around everywhere. Unlike guns, swordsmen have to engage in fair fights, which means they can't turn into spree killers. Actually, the type of training that goes into swordsmanship probably calms people down and makes them less likely to murder overall. Plus I bet people would speak a lot more politely around each other if they all had swords at their hips." I fully endorsed her plan.
* * *
"Mumei, you've worked at Police Headquarters for a long time now without solving a single crime. Would you prefer to be reassigned, for instance to the studio as a dancer?" I offered my condolences.
"Police are foremost deterrents to crime, only secondarily punishers of it." Hozumi defended her honor. "And it's not like I'm doing nothing at all. I patrol the streets, mediate arguments, fetch kittens from trees, return lost items to their owners and lost children to their parents, and put in a lot of training to stay in top condition."
I loved Mumei so much. She was graceful either in battle or while dancing with twintails in a completely peaceful setting, totally in love and totally embarrassed about it, ready to do anything for her friends and ready to rain judgment down upon her enemies. A perfect blend of masculinity and femininity, she was capable of crying and killing in the same day. Combined with her insane beauty of face and form. . .how could anyone ever get enough of her? But if she was content where I'd stationed her, I guess getting to see her regularly as a Yosakoi performer was an idle dream.
"When you were cured of your negative status effects, did it also weaken your physical abilities?" I asked with a different concern. If she wasn't superhuman anymore, she was just a little girl who should be the last person on patrol.
Mumei let the red leylines of energy emerge across her face and picked up my prided oaken desk with one hand. "This really isn't my forte, I have more stats in agility than strength, but your office is too small to really show that off." She grumbled through labored breath.
My desk! My poor desk! My closest companion for over 100 years was in a pinch! "Point taken!" I yelped in a high voice.
"Orihime's power can reject anything. It doesn't have to revert me to my original human state, it can reject only the bad side effects and leave the good ones. Aizen said it, didn't he?: 'Orihime's power is the power of God.'" Mumei carefully set the desk back down with a triumphant grin.
Some girls were so critical to Paradise's functioning that I worried what we would do without them, like Orihime, Usagi and Sakura Kinomoto. I didn't want to pressure them into unending servitude, but I prayed to Cute-sama they'd stay happy for as long as possible. They were irreplaceable existences.
"Well if you're ideal for policing, at least let me offer you a promotion. As one of the original policemen, you should lord it over the latecomers like Lafiel." I enticed.
"Are you trying to create friction between your waifus?" Mumei glared death at me.
"Okay, final offer, can I buy you a scoop of ice cream?" I surrendered entirely.
Hozumi's youjo face lit up excitedly as she ran over to embrace my arm and pull me out of my chair. "Finally something sensible!"
* * *
"Yui, you once debated between a musical career and a teaching career, so why not become a music teacher?" I proffered. If she couldn't do any more, why not teach? As the proverbial phrase went.
"Does my experience with the guitar really help me conduct a school band?" Yui questioned her credentials.
"With perfect memories, anyone can become skilled with an instrument quickly, even me. What you can impart is something more important, your musical sense. Or maybe even your ability to pull people together and perform as one. Playing well is one thing, but children will need your leadership to go beyond that, to making music and friends they'll remember forever." I pitched.
"A vision of my very own. . ." Yui repeated my advice to herself. "Getting children excited and happy with music, generation after generation, so that they can write the songs I can't anymore. . ."
"Maybe this is what you've been waiting for." I encouraged.
"Maybe." Yui echoed breathlessly in agreement, looking out upon a whole new vista of possibilities.
* * *
"Suguha, you were the only girl without magical healing powers I assigned to the Hospital. How have you fared?" I asked solicitously.
"Actually, all the others were relieved I was there. It meant while they could focus on healing, I handled the paperwork, payment processing, reception at the front desk, and all the other nuts and bolts that kept things running. Plus, a lot of patient care is staying by their bedside and giving them someone to talk to. Even without magic, a good nurse can heal hearts." Suguha defended her career.
"I assigned you to patient care because I remembered how well you looked after me and Asuna while we were hospitalized. I guess my hunch was right. So you're fine staying on?" I asked.
"By now I've practically forgotten any other skill, if Onii-chan fires me my only remaining resort will be to beg on the street." Suguha put on a sad face.
"It feels like I've given you the short end of the stick a lot of times, but you didn't sign that petition or ask me for anything. If you have any complaints, anything at all, I'll try my best to fix them." I encouraged.
"You already gave me the happiest moment in my life, on our wedding day, when I realized I got to share you with Asuna and Keiko. Compared to the spurning that was originally slated for me, how could I ever complain?" Suguha retorted.
"Let me at least do something for you to show my love." I exhorted.
After a few moments of silent contemplation on this impossible challenge, a blush crept up her face. "Well, there is one thing I'd like."
"Anything!" I promised.
"Could you call me 'Sugu' again?" She begged almost inaudibly while looking down at her lap.
* * *
"Louise, it's come to my attention that the Earth exploded, which left you without a job. How would you like to open portals and, together with Sakura Kinomoto, who will use the Record and Illusion spells, discover the present and past of the other 1,000 realms instead? Maybe there's some knowledge or wisdom we could glean from them." I offered.
Louise looked at me with astonished eyes. "I'd never thought of that. I could use my portals to get to Earth because I summoned you from there, so my magic was able to pinpoint your starting location from then on. But I would need the coordinates for the other 1,000."
I brandished a computer file on my Kindle that I then emailed over to her account. "When I asked Cute-sama for permission to invade her other gardens she predicted you would need them so she wrote them all down for you."
"She said it was okay?" Louise went from astonished to bedazzled.
"She even agreed to unfreeze time all across the multiverse so you'd have people to talk to. It increases her workload as she has to start monitoring and judging all their activities again, but apparently omniscient beings can multitask pretty well. She only asked you two to stay safe." I continued breezily.
"I would love to. I mean, not to invade Cute's other creations. Just to get to know them. It sounds like a neverending journey." Louise's eyes sparkled.
"You'll beat Ibn Batuta's record for sure." I agreed, happy to see her happier than I'd seen her in a long time. I could do it if I tried.
* * *
"Aisia, do you have any complaints or concerns?" I interviewed her over my Mayor's desk.
"I always thought Master should love everyone equally and make everyone happy, and now you have. I knew it from the beginning, you're the greatest magician in the world. What could I possibly complain about?" Aisia looked up at me with worshipful puppy eyes. She too had lived a double life, once as Aisia from Da Capo S.S. and once as Mysterious Girl from Da Capo II, but it seemed like her memories from S.S. predominated.
"So you don't mind staying a cafeteria lady? Maybe your magic could do more." I wasn't sure what, but that's why I was asking her for advice. I didn't want more girls to waste away doing something they didn't enjoy like Lucy had simply because I'd forgotten about them.
"I've always enjoyed the school life. The smiles on the kids' faces energize me. I still put on the fireworks show every midsummer festival with my magic, so it's not like my skills are losing their edge." Aisia reported confidently.
"Well, the Mayor's office is always open. Don't feel intimidated and talk to me whenever you need." I surrendered to her cheerful optimism.
"The same for you, Master. If you're ever feeling down, come see me and I'll use my magic to cheer you up again. I'm a mage just like Sakura Yoshino, so I've been trained in how to keep the right state of mind to match my immortality. I'll never tire and never fade. I'll stick with you to the very end." Aisia puffed out her chest reassuringly.
I knew there would come a time when I could no longer be with everyone. I had already arranged with Cute-sama what to do at a time like that. It hurt to think that I couldn't make everyone happy forever, that life wasn't truly infinitely enjoyable, but I had to make my peace with it. That just made it all the more important that we enjoyed the time we did have together as much as we could while we still could. While there were still 101 of us.
"I will definitely hold you to that promise." I gave an infinitely tender look to my apprentice.
* * *
"I never thought the day would come." Lisanna leaned her head onto my shoulder as we watched the sun set over the beach.
"Hmm?" I said, my arm wrapped gently around her bare waist as she rocked a bodacious albino tiger striped bikini in our shared hammock, complete with all eight of the anniversary bracelets I'd gifted her sparkling halfway up both her arms.
"When I asked if we could start a family together, you were too young and shy, so you just blushed and looked away. Then the next time we met, some blonde bimbo was hanging all over you, so I was sure my unexpected trip to Edolas had been a dealbreaker. I buried my love for you as deep as I could and resolved to live on with my family and friends in graceful resignation. I thought my childhood dream, my first love, was lost forever. Until I warped into a flowery meadow with a wedding dress on and you were hugging and kissing me." Lisanna recounted joyously.
"I hadn't forgotten your proposal, or your feelings. I returned them the first chance I could. We even had Happy together." I smiled back at her.
"Yes, this time out of my womb instead of an egg. I thought that was a nice improvement." Lisanna snuggled against me approvingly. "I even get to see you every day at work, albeit I'm stuck with the pre-schoolers while you're with the grade schoolers. Breakfast together, working together, dinner together, date nights together, sleeping together, sex together, sex together with Mira-nee. . ." Lisanna blushed a bit and trailed off.
"You're saying I got one waifu right?" I helpfully prodded her onwards.
"You even said I was hotter than Mira-nee. Than Mirajane! Earthland's idol! The model on the cover of Sorcerer Weekly. That Mirajane!" Lisanna's smile could no longer be contained.
"If only Sorcerer Weekly could see you in this getup, they'd be begging you to be their next model." I promised her. Her gemstones were shining with all the sunset's captured brilliance.
"Flattery will get you nowhere. I'm already head over heels for you. I'm already eternally grateful to you. I'll already do anything for you. The gap between what I thought my future had in store -- death on some distant battlefield a forgotten childless virgin -- and what you gave me here instead, is the widest gap in the universe. For that, I'm yours forever." Lisanna swore.
* * *
Tifa watched over her children approvingly as they practiced her path of the monk. Cloud and Zack had been swordsmen, so she had left them be. Eiko and Tina were summoners, so she had left them be. Barret had been, well, Barret, so she had left him be. Sabin, Yang, Galuf and Snow were martial artists, so she had drilled them, and drilled them, and drilled them, to an inch of their lives, down the path of the monk.
I watched quietly as she put her sons through their paces. She would do her punch or kick, and they were all required to do the same, in synchrony, two seconds after her, as she observed their forms.
"Beat rush!" Tifa called out.
"Somersault!" Tifa continued.
"Waterkick!" Tifa's combo effortlessly flowed onwards.
"Meteodive!" Tifa called out.
"Dolphin Blow!" Crouching from the floor she did a rising kick with water elemental magic pouring up around her.
Wait, wait, wait, this was bad. If all four of her sons did their full combo. . .
"Meteor Strike!" Tifa jumped nearly to the ceiling and came crashing back down.
"Wait, this isn't virtual reality, if you do this here-!" I tried to stop Tifa desperately.
"FINAL HEAVEN!" A brilliant shining light surrounded Tifa's fist, and then all four of her sons started shining like suns of their own.
"FINAL HEAVEN!" The stupid muscle bound freaks all shouted in unison, and I gave up my last prayer to Cute-sama for forgiveness at the stupid way I died. Why oh why didn't I go with the obvious Ferris wheel date plan instead?
"Papa!" Yushis warped to my location at the last moment and wrapped my body with her angel wings. Then an ungodly explosion ripped through the dojo room and blasted up into the air. The only things left standing were the overpowered bodies of my children which could withstand solar system destroying meteors and a Tifa who gave me an apologetic look, stuck her tongue out and bapped her head. Rubble fell all around us as suddenly the sun shone down upon our location.
"I got a little excited because you were watching, so I wanted to show off the results of all our hard work and training. Teehee!" Tifa winked.
"Tifa!" Yushis remonstrated with her step-mother in an exasperated tone, trying to be respectful and angry simultaneously. "It's fine when it's around people like you, but Papa is a completely ordinary human who will die from a feather!"
"Suman, suman. I keep forgetting because he's totally Cloud in my mind." Tifa bowed to Yushis apologetically.
"If I weren't clairvoyant, indestructible and capable of instantaneous motion--!" Yushis tried desperately to stress the gravity of the situation.
"You're right. You're pretty tough! How about we give it a go? I've taken down a God before with the help of two others, so a demigod is probably the perfect rival!" Tifa started punching the air back and forth excitedly.
I decided to leave the rest of the date to Yushis and escape with my life while I still could.
* * *
Sora sang me a lullaby as I lay my head on her lap trembling uncontrollably.
"Don't let the bad men near me. Don't let the shining fists. . .I don't want to go back to heaven for the final time. . .not the final heaven. . .not the final heaven. . .death was scary enough the first time. . ." I whimpered.
"shhh. Hush little baby don't you cry, Mama's gonna bake you an apple pie." Sora sang to me until my whimpers quieted. Then she patted my head soothingly until I closed my eyes. She petted me for a minute in silence before taking in another deep breath:
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are! Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are." Sora's choir-trained voice sang the song most precious to us in the entire world.
I cried into her lap for a different reason.
