September 6, 2017
2 am, Cancun, Mexico
Moist darkness permeates the dungeon. The hanging lightbulbs cast shadows onto the sleeping face of Wave. Her eyelids struggle then open slowly.
“That’s almost as bad as getting roofied,” Wave says groggily, trying to find her bearings.
“We are underground,” Shade says. Her hood and equipment have been taken revealing her brown left eye and light blue right eye.
“I’m fine, thanks for asking,” Wave retorts as she attempts to stand, finally noticing the handcuffs on her wrists but she persists and rises up. Her vision adjusts to the dim lighting in the dungeon.
Wave and Shade have been tossed into a communal holding cell with prison bars as doors. Sharing the snug jail are 5 other inmates, all women. 2 faces look identical, standing apart from the rest. Mariah and Serena Ali, the President’s granddaughters. Shade looks beyond the bars.
“The guards said you are Americans.” Mariah says.
“Have you come to rescue us?” Serena asks.
“More or less.” Wave responds, “Call me Wave.”
The girls collectively sigh in relief.
"Thank God!" Mariah says.
"She hasn't answered any of our questions." Serena says, pointing at Shade.
"She tends to do that." Wave says.
"4 guards." Shade says.
“With guns and knives!” Mariah states.
“And we have to save these people too.” Serena advocates.
Wave looks at the other 3 women in the group. Well, 2 women and 1 young girl that looked no older than 16. Their clothes are in disarray, as if burdened by a journey of over a 1000 miles. Their eyes hold dried tears and hopelessness.
“You save us too?” One of them asks.
“Of course we will, Maria.” Mariah comforts.
“We aren’t leaving anyone behind.” Serena says.
Wave sighs as she studies them and the wider situation.
“We can’t promise anything.” Wave says waving her handcuffs, “We’re currently captured too you know.”
“But more help is on the way, right?” Mariah asks.
“I hope they make it in time because the guards said they are moving us soon.” Serena adds.
The other migrant woman speaks in fast-paced Spanish.
“She says that the guards said that you and the other lady have been cursed by the Mad Scientist.” Mariah says, “Marked for death within 6 hours.”
Wave turns to the other woman saying, “Tell her that we’ve escaped far worse before.”
The woman responds in more Spanish.
“Vanessa says that the guards had told her that her husband was also cursed by the Mad Scientist and…” Mariah pauses, “Ever since she heard his screams, she hasn’t heard from him.”
Wave studies Vanessa, seeing the horror in her eyes.
“What exactly is going on here?” Wave asks.
“I try explain.” Maria says, “Sorry, English not good. I learn from American movies.”
Wave nods.
Maria begins narrating her story with a thick Latina accent, “We migrants. I 40 years. I from El Salvador. I escape with my son, Alejandro, because husband killed by gangs.”
Maria points to Vanessa, “She 30 years from Venezuela. She escape with husband for better life in America because gangs threaten them.”
“I am Isabela. I am 15. I am from Honduras. I learned English through school and movies.” Isabela says while holding back tears, “I escaped with my parents but they were killed during the ambush.”
“Ambush?” Wave asks.
“Yes. We join caravan going to America but gangs surround us.” Maria continues while quivering, “Use big guns to kill who try escape. Bring us here.”
“I’m so sorry.” Wave says.
“After we got here, they split us into men and women.” Isabela continues, “Everyday the guards took one of us randomly. All we heard afterward were screams.”
Vanessa speaks very quickly in Spanish which is translated by Mariah, “She said one of the guards attempted to rape her but he got killed off instead by another type of guard who said no touching the merchandise.”
“That’s why you have to save everyone here.” Serena says.
“How many people are here?” Wave asks.
“About 24 women.” Serena responds, “The men should be about the same, maybe more.”
“Alright… Does anyone have the time?” Wave asks.
“It’s about 5 minutes after 2.” Mariah responds, looking down at her watch.
“Perfect time for a prison break.” Wave says.
So. Interesting concept, but I'm gradually losing interest. There is a lot of "perspective" switching, and it's making this story feel very convoluted. On top of that, it's hard to feel attached to the characters as we hardly know their motivations. We were just kind of thrown into the story without any information. A lot of the details have to be made up through inferences and the likes, as well. I assume many things will get explained in the future, but it'd be nice to have a more straightforward exposition.
I'll keep reading for now, though.
Thanks for the story, by the way. As I've said before, it's interesting, and take my critique as you will: I'm by no means an expert. It's been enjoyable so far, so I don't see why I shouldn't read up to the current chapter, but it has been getting more confusing without having a solid foundation of what's going on. As you have replied on one of my previous comments concerning the confusing aspect of the story, saying that it will get better, that's even more of a reason to read on. :)
Thank you for all the feedback. I will definitely be combing through this for more edits.
One of the problems of writing 6 MCs at once and doing them proper justice is perspective switching. I can guarantee that the perspective switching stabilizes quickly.
I wrote the time as a reading tool because some scenes happen at the same time in different locations. On another platform, I even wrote out the time differences. In any case, I recommend using the time to understand what's happening.
@Literally_Seething Without spoiling much, the story starts fast paced as a military thriller, progresses to a super power story (as hinted in the prologues), and is currently trying to "align" these realities in the current story arc.
@tonyswag0 Alright. Thanks for the replies! Looking forward to what's coming up. :)