Liu Suya barely made it to her class on time the next day. She wondered if there was any point in showing up anymore. At any rate, she wasn’t all that passionate about Communication and Online media anyways. 

It left a little bit of emptiness inside her knowing that all the major decisions she made regarding her own life for the sake of her engagement were all meaningless now. Even choosing a fairly useful degree course for integration into the Zhou family, but not too useful of course. Definitely, not enough to be threatening to her own family or receive the ire of her grandmother or that woman. 

Thoughts about the pageant she had signed up to all those weeks ago were plaguing her mind. It was so strange to think about back then when she had yet to lose to Cui Ting so miserably. Or maybe at that time she had already lost. Maybe she just hadn’t wanted to admit it. It was a bitter reality that Liu Suya had been more than just unwilling to accept. She had long been thrown away. 

She left her car and went to her department building and up to the main administrative office and tentatively knocked on the door. 

“Come in!”

The woman at the front-most desk was surprised to see her but ushered her into the room and pointed to a chair in front of her. Liu Suya quickly sat down. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Yes, actually. I’d like to drop out of the Miss University beauty pageant.” The lady raised a brow at her request before asking. “Is there any particular reason for this?” 

Liu Suya lied on the spot, “Yeah, I won’t be available on the day of the pageant.”

“Are you aware that there won’t be classes on that day?” Liu Suya assumed it was some sort of perfunctory question she had to ask and nodded to affirm that she knew. The lady asked for her student ID number and then - thankfully - promised to take her name off the list. 

She tried to leave the office as quickly as she came in but was stopped by a voice calling out her name. Liu Suya turned to see Luo Heng, the same student representative she had approached about entering the pageant in the first place and about Cui Ting entering as well. His handsome face held furrowed brows as he bent over to hold his knees to catch his breath.

“Sh*t, I…need to…work out more.” Suya raised a brow at that but decided to stay to listen to what he needed to say to her. 

“Anywho, Liu Suya…why did you drop out of the pageant?” He finally straightened his back out and looked down at her, not surprising as she was sure that he was over 180cm tall. That allowed him to tower over her measly 161cm in comparison. 

“No reason. I just didn’t feel like doing it anymore.”

Luo Heng’s face clearly displayed his confusion. “You do know that Zhou Wei’s gonna be there, right? As the alumnus judge. Isn’t this a great opportunity for you…?” She did a once over his face. He was the textbook definition of a pretty boy and it had made him fairly popular on campus. It was too bad that in her mind his handsome face was marred by his obvious excitement at the possible scoop waiting to happen at an event with her, Zhou Wei and Cui Ting involved. He wanted her to embarrass herself in front of a large crowd, so he could post it on the University forum. 

Liu Suya sighed, their interaction had already garnered the attention of some of the students around them. Some of which had already heard the contents of their conversation. Most were surprised that she was dropping out. She didn’t want to go on stage and embarrass herself for their entertainment. 

Liu Suya wanted to leave. “Listen, I’m just going to be busy on the day of the pageant so I can’t go. Bye.” 

She knew for a fact that her lack of entry would be blown up into something it wasn’t, but she had much more important things to think about right now. 

***

A few hours later, Liu Suya found herself in a bar. Her throat burned as she downed another shot, she’d long lost count on how many she had up to now. While she had never abstained from alcohol consumption in the past, she probably wouldn’t have been caught dead going to a bar with the sole purpose of drinking. It was laughably funny how much things could change in a year. She just kept going and going hoping to reach a point where her thoughts would stop, where the wicked voice in her head telling her how useless she is for losing to a common girl would simply drown and how she deserved it. Her fingers traced around the rim of the cup in front of her as she vaguely detected a presence beside her. 

She looked over to see a middle-aged man, in a suit looking as worse for wear as she felt. He gave her a wry smile and returned to brooding over whatever had brought him here in the first place. She remembers saying something to him and him answering, slightly surprised that she would talk to him. 

“So, what brought you here?” he questioned her. 

“There’s this b*tch who can’t seem to keep her hands off my- well now ex-fiancé.” Any traces of sobriety had long left as she down another glass in anger.

“Oh, that’s tough.”

“Yeah. It’s just not fair you know?! I try my hardest for so long and he just leaves for some…some vixen!” She was now standing unable to contain the pent anger from inside her.

“And then they look surprised! When I no longer want to get on a stage and compete with her anymore. As if I’m the foolish one! Like I'm after other people’s fiancés! Like..like…” She plopped back onto her stool in defeat. “Like I did something so wrong…or committed some unspeakable crime by getting angry at a girl who was threatening everything I had.”

The two lapsed into silence.

“You know, my wife left me.” Liu Suya whipped her head to face him at the proclamation. 

“O-oh, I’m sorry to hear…”

“Don’t be.” He smiled at her. “You know what she told me before she left?” Liu Suya didn’t answer.

“She said ‘I wish I didn’t waste part of my life with a man without ambition like you.’” He bitterly chuckled. “I still remember it so clearly, like it was yesterday even though it’s already been 23 years.”

Liu Suya didn’t know what to say to that. She didn’t want to say anything, she knew what it felt like to not be enough. She knew he didn’t want pity.

The man’s smile widened slightly. “Did you love him?”

“No.” The answer was quick, automatic even. Liu Suya didn’t love Zhou Wei. But that didn’t make him any less hers. He was her fiancé; they would have learned to love each other. It would have worked out. It should have worked out. 

“Oh, well. I loved her. A lot. We didn’t have much, but I was happy. I thought we both were. I used to come to this very bar and drink away my sorrows, hoping to drown out and kill the voice in me that blamed myself for everything that happened.” He chuckled at her response. “It didn’t happen.”

He turned to look at the bartender. “Excuse me, I’ll get the cheque please for me and this young lady right here, I believe she’s had enough for the night.”

“A-are you sure? I can pay for myself.”

“No, no. It’s fine, trust me.” She didn’t argue with him. But her pale green eyes grew slightly in size as watched him pull out a black credit card to pay. 

“But one day, a young lady gave me some very -for the lack of a better word- ‘sh*tty’ advice that she’d gotten once.”

“What…what was it? The advice I mean.”

“She said that people will always be assholes. What’s crucial is that you don’t let them treat you like toilet paper. Now I don’t fully understand your situation young lady and I’m not sure whether this advice truly relates to what it you’re going through. But what I want you to know to know is that everyone’s worth more than toilet paper no matter what we lose or how much.”

Liu Suya was silent. 

“That is sh*tty advice.”

“I know.” 

Liu Suya recalls the man helping her call a taxi to her apartment. His words still resounding in her mind, until her head hit her pillow.

***

It was already past 11 am when she woke up the next day, which was fine seeing she only had a class that afternoon anyways. She was still a little hungover from the night before,r76 but forced herself out of bed. An Meiyu had texted her asking her to go out to a restaurant she’d heard about in Wudaoku. She promised to be there at 5, before going hopping into the shower.

The restaurant had western-inspired décor and served a mixture of western and traditional dishes. She went up to the hostess who directed her towards the private room that An Meiyu had booked. As soon as she came was engulfed in a warm hug. She was startled before hugging her best friend back. She was a fairly tall woman at 172cm and was actually interested in modelling, fully intending to use her height to her advantage. She had a loose silk camisole over a white tee tucked into a pair of high waisted pleated shorts, both fashionable and May weather friendly. 

An Meiyu pulled back from the hug and gave Liu Suya a once over. She gave Liu Suya a sweet smile. “Are you good?”

“Could be better.”

“Is that it? Really?” She raised a brow at Liu Suya’s answer.

Liu Suya felt let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “I-it’s fine. Really.” She smiled at her friend hoping to reassure her. After all, she really didn’t have time to worry about him.

“Su, you’re far too good to that guy.”

“I know, I just want to forget. You know, move on I guess.”

Mei pursed her lips before deciding to change the topic after seeing how visibly uncomfortable she was becoming. They sat down and ordered their meal using the tablet provided rather than a waiter. They talked about all sorts of things, including school, Chanel’s new summer collection and even about a toner An Meiyu swore contained water from the fountain of youth. Liu Suya made a note of the last one to try it whenever she got the chance. 

She’d had some time to think and she’d realised that perhaps there had been no possibility for Zhou Wei and her working out. After all, she was an evil woman who only wanted to selfishly marry him for her own benefit. And now he wasn’t her fiancé; she didn’t have the right nor the obligation to bother him anymore. She didn’t want to be the bad guy anymore. Unfortunately for Liu Suya life was well – a b*tch. 

An Meiyu offered to pay and agreed with Liu Suya, promising to get the next one. It was almost 7 pm when they decided to finally leave as An Meiyu had only rented the room for 2 hours. Liu Suya left the room first and was waiting as Meiyu answered a phone call. It was then that the door opposite theirs opened up.

Su Laquan walked out of the room and into the corridor. He hadn’t seen her yet and she was about to take the opportunity to leave and just text Mei that she was waiting outside. She had only taken about two steps before a piercing yet feminine voice sounded through the now open door.

“Liu Suya…?” Cui Ting had a surprised look on her face. Soon 9 pairs of eyes could be felt on her person. Liu Suya cursed internally at her bad luck, initially trying to play it off as not having heard the girl and continued to walk away.

“Oy, Tingting just called you right now. Is your hearing impaired?” The sharp voice came from her former friend Que Yanshao, her pretty face contorted into a sneer. 

The door to her side opened. “Sorry, for the wait. It was my mum. Apparently…” An Meiyu paused in confusion before a blank look formed on her face. She looked back at Liu Suya.

Liu Suya shook her head. An Meiyu pursed her lips, obviously not happy but sighed. “Alright, let‘s go.”

She smiled. “Sure, how about-” The small exchange was seen by Cui Ting’s group of friends and Rong Yaoyao was particularly unhappy about Liu Suya’s dismissive stance.

“Sister Liu, there’s no need to leave so soon. Shouldn’t you greet your fiancé-”

“No Yaoyao, my cousin and brother Zhou are no longer…” Liu Shan answered, a wide smirk on her face. Liu Shan had always hated this cousin of hers. So, when she lost her engagement to Zhou Wei, Liu Suya had always known that this girl would be one of those who would take advantage of the opportunity to throw it back in her face.

“Oh wait. That’s right. You’re no longer engaged to Brother Zhou. My mistake.” Rong Yaoyao laughed.

“Yaoyao, don’t antagonise her, it’s not her fault that…” God, there she goes again. 

“You can’t keep being so nice to her Cui Ting, she’s not worth it.” Qian Jing felt the need to stand up for Cui Ting like she was the one being bullied here. It’s times like this that Liu Suya is so thankful that she has An Meiyu as her friend.

“Not worth it! Not worth it!? What exactly are you trying to say, Qian Jing?” An Meiyu had had enough. “And who do you think you are talking to Suya like that?! She was nothing but good to you and you leave her for this green tea b*tch that goes around stealing people’s fiancés.”

By this time Zhou Wei had also heard quite enough, he wanted nothing to do with Liu Suya nor her little friend but wasn’t going to stand for them insulting his lover. “I’ve told you before Liu Suya not to test my patience, this is the same for your little friend.”

Was he hearing himself?

She couldn’t believe it. She watched as he turned his attention back to Cui Ting, dismissing her as if she were some mosquito buzzing around him like a nuisance. Like she wasn’t just trying to live her own life. Like all this time she had had no place to even look at him or be in his presence. Liu Suya shook her head in resignation and let a bitter chuckle. She thanks whatever deity that was out that had brought Cui Ting into her life and prevented her from marrying this asshole. She really dodged that bullet.

Her laughter had garnered the attention of those around her. She blankly looked at them before looping her arm around An Meiyu’s she gave them a perfunctory nod. “Don't worry we were just leaving.” Nevertheless, it seems that Liu Suya just can’t have the last word.

“Sister Suya.” The cold words came from her other cousin Liu Xiang who sat at the table who’d been silent the whole time. “Aunty is coming over tomorrow night for dinner, you’d best be there.” 

Sh*t. 

3risu

I decided to change the length of Cui Tings’s hair and made it slightly longer. Just kinda felt like it, I guess. Also not entirely sure about how often I should update. I think I’m gonna start with every 4-5 days or so for now though.