I don't even know how many times I called her, and each time my state got worst, I'm sure that it became obvious because soon Alex came to me and asked me about what was happening,

"I.. I don't know, Sam's not..." As I was still answering her, the phone call finally passed, I forgot what I was saying to Alex straight away and shouted into the phone: 

"Sam, Sam! Are you alright? Did anything happen to you..."

~~~

Change of P.O.V: Sam:

Seeing Judy leave while taking a look back every few steps, I forced a smile on my face till she disappeared.

After that, I set on my own and waited for the bus.

As time passed I started regretting getting Judy to leave more and more, the bus was late, and the more I waited the more my thoughts started wandering on their own, going down paths I didn't want them to go through.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try not to think about something you will end up doing just that, and even overthinking, the worst is that the clearer you know you're doing that, the more you want to stop, the harder and the more those thoughts jump and make themselves apparent.

I found myself thinking about my family, how they would react to seeing on their door? What faces they would show? Will.. Will they even accept me?

What if they won't? What.. What if I really get thrown away?

I didn't know how to face them myself, I wasn't the best daughter or friend all these past years... I was going to just knock on their door, smiling as if nothing happened... As if I didn't run away... Threw their goodwill out of the window and not calling or asking about them for such a long time...

I did think about all of this yesterday before deciding to go home... Yet going along with it was becoming harder and harder as time passed...

I was lost in my thoughts and fears when the announcement was finally made that the bus was there.

As soon as I heard it my heart started beating fast, I had no control over it at all, it beat faster and my breathing got heavier and shorter as I stood up and made my way towards the bus.

I didn't have much luggage with me, I only had a handbag which Judy made me take no matter what.

I clutched it between my hands as I got on the bus, with each step I took, my heartbeats got faster and faster, and my breaths became shorter and shorter.

Everything around me seemed as if it was getting blurry and hard to make out.

I don't know how I reached my seat, I just somehow did and set there shaking while trying my best to control myself.

Yet it didn't help... The idea that after just a few other minutes I'll be on my way home couldn't leave my mind at all...

While still in that state and lost in my world and fear, someone patted my shoulder, I jumped up from that as I lifted my head.

"Mam, are you alright?" It was a young woman around my age who asked me.

"Y.. Yeah.. I.. I just need a bit of air.." I said as I stood up and left my seat.

The young woman tried to stop me and called after me but I didn't turn around, I just got down and went to the station's bathroom, entered a cubicle and closed myself inside.

I set on the toilet and started crying, I don't even know why I did that, I don't even know why I felt that way and all those feelings inside, I just cried and cried and cried... 

I don't know how long that went for, I just know that when I finally returned to my self I was setting in the bathroom, with tears all over my face and me being in a horrible state.

My mind was a mess, my thoughts were all over the place, and I knew that I messed up...

With shaking hands, I took out my phone and took a look... It was way past the time of the bus's department.

Understanding that, I exploded into tears again, I felt as if I let down everyone, Judy, my family, my friends and... Myself.

That I failed them all, as I always do... All these thoughts and more filled my mind.

After a long time, I stood up with shaky legs and left the cubicle, seeing the face that greeted me in the mirror I wanted to cry again, but I stopped myself.

I took my handbag and took out some tissues and a simple makeup kit that Judy put there, I think she guessed somehow that I would cry and make a mess out of myself.

With those thoughts in my mind, and with quivering lips and tears on the edge of my eyes, I fixed myself a bit and left the bathroom.

I didn't even look at where the bus was before, and I didn't even think about trying to get on another bus... I just knew that I will have the same reaction... That I will just run away again.

A while after leaving the station and walking aimlessly for a while I suddenly stopped and looked around me...

I didn't know where to go or what to do then, I just found myself so lost and so empty...

After staying like that for a while stopped a taxi, told the driver an address and fall into silence and the same state which I was in again.

When we reached the address I paid for the taxi and stepped out, looking at the familiar door I didn't know what I was doing there...

The pain, self-loathing and guilt I was feeling just by being there was unbearable... Yet I couldn't stop myself from returning to that place. 

Even without thinking it through, even without knowing what I was going to say or how she was going to react, this was the first place that appeared in my mind.

I took a deep breath before heading towards that door...