Chad was busy preparing nice hot shower for himself. It had been half an hour or so since he and Krockman came back from Idaho, only for the insane lost soul to run off and leave him for another job or something. Chelsea and Lana had both left for their own jobs, leaving him with the apartment to himself. Turning the shower faucet on, Chad began to disrobe when he felt a strange sensation, as if someone was watching him. Sure enough, standing in the threshold was Krockman and a short, young woman. 

She was an odd looking woman, witch-like in appearance with her hooked nose, stringy black hair, sharp pointed teeth and claw-like fingers. Her crooked witches hat was tipped, exposing her glowing pink eyes. Krockman and the mystery woman kept staring at Chad, only for the woman to break the silence by saying, “Oh please, don’t stop on our account.” Chad only stared back with a bored expression on his face, saying, “I don’t know whether it’s more disturbing or sad that this kind of stuff doesn’t bother me anymore.” 

“Now you’re probably wondering why here right now,” Krockman said, undeterred by Chad’s new found indifference. Chad only shrugged, saying, “If I had to guess, I’d say you’re going to pop in at the most opportune time, whisk me of to god knows where, inflict some sort of reality warping voodoo onto some clueless schlub, and do it all for shits and giggles. Trust me, I’m familiar with the process. What I am wondering is who the heck witchypoo here is.” The two lost souls stared at Chad in disbelief and amazement. Finally, the woman said, “Hm, look at that Krockman. Seems to me he’s not as clueless as you made him out to be.” “Yeah, well even a pigeon can figure out simply problems,” Krockman retorted condescendingly. 

“Okay seriously, who the hell is this?” Chad snapped, growing tired of the mystery. “Fine, if you must know, this is Adelaide,” Krockman answered. “She’s a friend of mine and one of the Seven New Gods.” “And I take it this is Chad,” Adelaide said with a smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” “It’s a pleasure to meet you too,” Chad said in reply, feeling a bit awkward. “Um, do you mind? I’m kind of in the middle of disrobing here.” Adelaide only held up her hands apologetically, saying, “Like I said, it’s no imposition.” “Right, so why is she here?” Chad asked, growing a little impatient. Krockman only raised an eyebrow, replying, “She’s going to be accompanying us on our newest job, which is happening in about... five minutes. Come on, Terry’s waiting for us in Manhattan.” “Five minutes?” Chad asked in confusion (although, not surprised by the fact that they could go all the way to the other side of the country in less than five minutes). “Could you at least let me get dressed first?” “Oh trust us, considering the nature of the client, you don’t have to worry about how your dressed,” Adelaide replied with a sly grin. Before Chad could protest, Krockman grabbed him by the neck and, following after Adelaide, dragged him into the medicine cabinet. 
————— 

In a dog park in Manhattan, a self absorbed twenty-something year old skank named Melissa was walking her boyfriend’s dog, Mitzy. As she walked, Melissa noticed that Mitzy was not going as fast she wanted her to. Growing impatient, she yanked on the poor terrier’s leash, shouting, “Come on you stupid dog! Hurry the hell up! Gawd, I don’t understand why John even keeps you, you’re so stupid.” Mitzy only looked up at her walker pitifully. Walking up to a park bench, Melissa sat down, took Mitzy off her leash, and said, “Well, go do whatever you do. I have to make a call.” With that, Mitzy walked off to romp and play while Melissa made a phone call. As she walked off, Mitzy could here Melissa say, “Hey Louis, are still on for tomorrow night.” 

Hearing this, Mitzy huffed a bit. “So that’s who I’ve been smelling on her lately,” she thought to herself. “It’s not fair. Why would she do this to John. He deserves so much better.” This was a thought that crossed her mind ever since he met that horrible woman. Mitzy actually tried to tell John this hundreds of times, but no matter how often she barked and howled, he never seemed to get the message. He would always just pat her on the head and went on his way. “I wish there was some way I could tell him about Melissa?” Mitzy said to herself as she kept walking. 

Suddenly, Mitzy accidentally bumped into another dog. “Oh, sorry about that, I wasn’t looking where I was go...” Mitzy began, only to stop when she saw the other dog. It was a large pit bull, black and grey in color, staring down at the smaller dog with a cold emotionless look in its eyes. He did not seem to have a collar, but he did have what appeared to be a necktie. The larger dog stared at the terrier for minutes before finally breaking the silence, saying in an emotionless voice, “You wish to speak with your owner, yes?” “Uh, y-yes,” Mitzy answered, feeling wary of the larger dog. “I’m Mitzy, and I...” “I am Terry,” the pit bull interjected. “My master sensed your distress about your owner’s paramour, and wishes to help you.” “Really?” Mitzy said suspiciously. “How?” The pit bull said nothing, only getting up and motioning for the smaller dog to follow. Curious about what was happening, Mitzy did as she was told. 

After walking a few feet, Mitzy found herself near a large trash can surrounded by two other and a short, witch-like woman with glowing pink eyes. One was a beagle who seemed confused by his own presence and the other... oh lord, the other. It was a large, shaggy mutt that was busily rooting through the trash can, his legs and body seeming far too long for any normal dog. “Mr. Krockman,” Terry stated. “I have returned with the distressed one.” Hearing this, the long dog slowly turned to face Mitzy, revealing his glowing green eyes and jaws crammed pack with too many sharp fangs. “Excellent work, Terry,” the mutt, Krockman, said as he got off the trash can. “So this is the dog whose sadness I had sensed. You must be carrying a lot of sorrow for such a little dog.” “Um, I suppose you’re right?” Mitzy said uncomfortably before noticing the confused Beagle examining his own paws. “What’s wrong with this guy? It’s like this is his first tI’ve being a dog before.” Smiling a bit, Krockman replied, “Well, that’s mainly because this is his first time being a dog. He’s actually a human.” 

Hearing this, Mitzy’s eyes grew wide in surprise. “Wait, he used to be a human?” Mitzy asked, pointing her snout towards the beagle. “Like my John and that woman she’s dating (sort of)?” “Yeah I’m a human!” the beagle protested as he stumbled over his own feet. “The name’s Chad, by the way. Now Krockman, is there a reason you turned me into a dog as well? Why not make Adelaide a dog?” “Oh trust me, my looks do not translate well in dog form,” the witchy woman, Adelaide, interjected. “And besides,” Krockman said as golden drool began to drip from the corners of his mouth. “She’s a natural shapeshifter. It wouldn’t be genuine when I do this!!!” With that, Krockman belched out a bank of golden mist onto Chad. 

Mitzy watched in awe as Chad’s body bend and warped and twisted as his fur fell out and his limbs stretched and reshaped themselves. When the mist cleared, in place of the beagle was a nervous looking, blonde human man dressed in jeans and a white button up shirt. “Voila! One human with extra embarrassment, hold the dignity,” Krockman joked. “And of course, he was already human to start with. You should see what I can do with an actual dog. Right Terry?” Before Mitzy could even say anything, Terry got up on his hind legs and transformed into a black human with dog ears and a tail, dressed in a suit and tie (he almost looked like a security guard). “Wow Terry,” Mitzy said as she looked up at the former dog. “You’re actually a human too?” “Technically, I am a cu sith. I am neither human nor dog. This is technically not even my true self. That is much more monstrous. I keep it under control through rigorous bouts of emotional restraint.” Slightly disturbed by this, Mitzy only replied, “Um, okay.” “Right, anyway, I can gladly give you the same treatment, just without all the weird, emotional constraints,” Krockman said as golden drool formed at the corners of his mouth. “Normally, I’d charge a price for my services, but for now, this one’s on me... free of charge.” Before Mitzy could say thank you, Krockman blew out a massive gale of golden mist onto the hapless pup. 

What followed for Mitzy was a strange sensation of stretching and growing, her fur falling out in places, while her bones rearranged themselves with an audible crunch. The fur on her torso floated overhead, merging into a t-shirt and shorts that slid onto her person. When the mist cleared, Mitzy was crouching on the grass, no longer a dog, but a young woman with dog ears and a tail, her hair solid white with blotches of brown. She held up her hands, wiggling her new fingers while brushing a strand of her white and brown speckled hair from her eyes. “Well, there you go,” Krockman said as he cocked his head. “Now go back home and tell your owner how you feel (provided he doesn’t have a heart attack).” ”Wow! Thanks Krockman!” Mitzy said as she got up on her back legs and took her first, staggering steps as a human. As she walked, getting progressively better, Mitzy passed by Melissa, shouting, “See ya Melissa! I’ll meet ya back at John’s place (if he’s still willing to let you back into the apartment that is)!” Melissa only waved the stranger off, only to realize two things: 1. John’s dog was missing, and 2. the random chick that just talked to her looked exactly like his dog in human form. 

“What the hell?” Melissa muttered as she got up from her bench. “Was that Mitzy? How the hell did that happen?” As she was wandering this, she felt something hot and wet hit her leg. Looking down, Melissa was horrified to see a large, scrawny mutt taking a leak on her leg. “Oh my gawd! What the hell are you doing?!” she screamed as she tried to kick the dog away. “Go piss on a tree like a normal dog you stupid piece of crap. Why am I even talking to you like you understand me!? Your brain’s the size of a walnut. It’s not like you can even...” As Melissa was ranting, the mutt slowly turned to face her, revealing the face of some scruffy faced man with glowing green eyes and a fang filled mouth. “Do you mind?” the dog said as he got up on his hind legs and stared Melissa in the eyes. “I’d like to be alone.” Naturally, Melissa jumped back in fear as the man-faced dog transformed all the way into a trench coat clad man. 

As she was stumbling backwards, Melissa felt herself being caught by a pair of large, strong hands. Looking behind her, she saw that it was a large black man dressed like a bodyguard, only with dog ears and a tail. The man glowered down at Melissa before saying in a monotone voice, “So, I heard you do not like dogs. As a former dog myself, I am deeply offended. I am seething with rage in fact.” “Oh, really?” Melissa asked nervously. “You don’t seem that angry.” “Oh believe me, I am furious,” the strange man said in reply. “I am merely using a fair amount of self control to repress the full extent of my emotions. I can express them, provided it is alright with Mr. Krockman.” The trench coated man, Krockman, simply smiled and said, “Be my guest Terry. Make the dog hating bitch cry.” “Very well then,” the dog man, Terry, said. “Fair warning woman, you will learn to fear my emotions.” When he said this, Terry hunched over, clutching his head as his muscles flexed against his will. 

Melissa watched in horror as Terry underwent a horrific transformation. His skin tightened up until it began tearing open, revealing not muscles, but short, grayish black fur. Thick claws burst through his fingers and his muscles grew, tearing through his clothes. His human face sloughed off as the square snout of a pit bull pushed through, exposing a glistening set of sharp fangs. When the transformation was complete, Terry had become a hulking, werewolf-like pit bull monstrosity. As Melissa stared up in horror, Krockman leaned in real close and whispered into her ear, “Say hello to Brutal Terry: over eight hundred pounds of raw, savage muscle. If I were you, I’d start running.” And that was exactly what Melissa did, run straight back to John’s apartment as Brutal Terry chased after, her screams and his roars intertwined to form a raucous duet. 

As Melissa ran for her life, Brutal Terry smashed through everything in his path: cars, streetlights, stop signs, everything was reduced to rubble. He was no longer the quiet, emotionally restrained individual he was before, but a savage monster fueled by his own wrath. By some chance miracle of muscle memory, Melissa managed to make her way back to the apartment and into the building, while Terry simply stood outside of the apartment, as if he was waiting for something. Looking back at the hulking cu sith, Melissa smiled a smug grin as she held up a defiant middle finger towards her assailant. Satisfied with her petty vengeance, she made her way to the elevator, back up to the floor of John’s apartment, and back to his apartment. When she entered the room, Melissa was in for the shock of her life. Sitting on the couch was John and the transformed Mitzy. 

“Oh hey Melissa!” Mitzy shouted, waving at the woman. “Look John! Melissa’s home!” “Hey Melissa,” John said as he brushed brown hair out of his line of sight. “Mitzy said you were running late. Is everything alright?” Melissa only looked on nervously as she replied, “Um, yeah everything’s okay.” “Well that’s good. We were getting worried,” John said as he got up from the couch. “Hey listen, what say we grab some Thai food later today? You still like Thai right?” “Um, sure, whatever you want,” Melissa said as she eyed Mitzy, sitting on the couch and grinning a shit eating grin. “Great, I’ll go see if I have any coupons lying around,” John said as he gave Melissa a peck on the cheek. “I can usually get a good price at the right restaurant.” With that, John left the living room and went to the kitchen to look for coupons (the frugal soul that he was), leaving Melissa and Mitzy alone in the same room. 

Looking over at the former dog, Melissa asked nervously, “So, you’re really Mitzy? You’re really a human now? I’m not just dreaming this?” “Yep, it really is me,” Mitzy answered. Blinking a bit, Melissa added, “Okay, but how exactly did John react to some random stranger coming into his home and claiming to be his dog?” “Oh Krockman took care of that,” Mitzy explained. “He changed the world so that I’m still his pet, but everyone else is okay with it.” “So basically you’re a pet human?” Melissa asked, feeling slightly disgusted. “That’s... so sick.” Hearing this, Mitzy’s face grew deadly serious as she said, “You know what’s real sick? Knowing that someone would actually cheat on someone as nice as John. Yeah, that’s right. I know what you’ve been up to, and I am not happy about it. In fact, I have half a mind to tell him about you.” At that moment, Mitzy leaned in real close to Melissa’s ear and whispered, “But, I don’t have to tell him about Louis so long as promise to stay faithful to him. If you don’t, I’ll tell John everything and it’ll be your ass on the curb, got it?” Melissa only nodded in agreement, fearful of what might happen to her. “Good,” Mitzy said cheerfully. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to help John find that coupon. Don’t you go anywhere.” With that, the former dog skipped off into the kitchen, leaving Melissa all alone. 

Looking at the kitchen, Melissa mind was racked with thought. “It’s so wrong,” she thought to herself, grimacing a bit. “It’s like he has his own live in mistress.” “Well there are two things with that,” a young man’s voice said. “First, they’re not having sex, that’d be considered beastiality. Second, weren’t you the one who was cheating on John in the first place?” Surprised by the voice, Melissa turned around to see a young, blonde man dressed in business casual, a nervous look on his face. “Who the hell are you?” Melissa asked. “Uh, my name is Chad,” the man replied. “And trust me, I didn’t break in here. I was just dragged along by... oh good god, what is that?” Before Melissa could ask what the man was talking about, she noticed something disturbing in the mirror on the wall. Standing right behind her, towering above like some fairytale giant, was an enormous, moth-like witch, her wings and antennae draped over her body like some organic cloak. Licking her face, crooked teeth and long, pointed nose with an inhumanly long tongue, the moth hag slowly reached out with long, gnarled, almost wood-like hands and grabbed the young woman by the shoulders. The witch then leaned in slowly and whispered into Melissa’s ear, saying in a hoarse voice, “You’re jealous of her, aren’t you?” Finally scared out of her wits, Melissa turned around to see the witch, only to see a short, young woman in a witch’s suit with glowing pink eyes, the gnarled hands nothing more than a pair of ornate wands decorated with various carvings and engravings of moths. Seeing the look of terror on Melissa’s face, the young witchy woman burst into cackling laughter, holding her wands aloft like a pair of batons. 

“Oh my god!” the woman said in between fits of laughter. “You look just like squirrel when you’re frightened.” Confused by this, Melissa looked down at her hands and noticed that they were indeed held out in front of her in a squirrel-like manner. Quickly bringing her hands to her side, Melissa turned to face the cackling woman and demanded, “Who the hell are you and why are you in my apartment?” “I’m quite sorry,” the woman said, having regained her composure. “My name is Adelaide, and I’m here to help you out.” “Help me out? How?” Melissa asked, confused by what was going on. “I’m glad you ask,” Adelaide said with a mischievous grin. “First thing’s first though, let me make something perfectly clear. I think you’re a terrible person. In fact, if I had it my way, I’d arrange things so that you’d end up going out the way I did: crushed under a statue of your so called best friend at a charity auction (don’t ask about the details, I don’t want to talk about it). But here I am, getting ready to grant you your deepest, darkest wish.” Looking skeptically at the witchy woman, Melissa asked, “And just what might that be?” Hearing this, Adelaide’s grin only grew wider as she said, “Why to make you just like Mitzy of course.” 

When she heard this, Melissa was shocked. “Wait, you really think I want to be a... whatever the hell John’s dog is now?” she asked disdainfully. “That’s so ridiculous.” “Oh come now. Don’t pretend you’re any deeper than you really are,” Adelaide teased in a condescending manner. “All you ever really want in life is to be pampered and cared for, never having to worry about anything at all. That’s not how a human being lives. That’s not even how a child lives. That’s more like a pet if anything. All I’m saying is that with a little help from me, I can make your dreams come true.” Hearing all this, Melissa could not help but feel uncomfortable, mainly because everything Adelaide said was right. “Suppose you’re right, you can actually make it happen?” she asked as she rubbed her arm. Adelaide only smiled, saying, “Just say the word and we’ll be good to go.” Melissa thought it over, staring down at her before finally saying, “In that case, do it.” Adelaide smiled a wide, toothy grin as she held up the wands, crackling with golden energy as she said, “Your wish is my command.” With that, the lost soul blasted the young woman with arcane energy, changing her life forever (along with the lives of John and Mitzy when they discovered the new pet human in the house). 

After the deed was done, Adelaide and Chad met up with Krockman and Terry outside of the apartment, with Terry having returned to his human form. “I take it she chose to become a pet human then,” Krockman said with a wicked grin on his face. “Oh she didn’t just choose it,” Adelaide said with a hint of pride. “She outright demanded it.” “Excellent,” Krockman said, seeming very pleased. “Now then, let’s head back before any of the property damage Terry caused gets traced back to us.” “Yeah, about that,” Chad said nervously. “While Adelaide and I were breaking into the apartment, I saw this giant dog man... thing waiting outside. Was that Terry?” “Yes, that was my true form,” Terry answered nonchalantly. “I usually hold it back through intense emotional restraint. It is that way with all of Krockman’s acolytes.” “Acolytes?” Chad asked, confused by the phrase. “Wait, you’re all like this?” “Oh yeah, they all are,” Krockman interjected. “Tom, Foxy K, Tanooka Joe... oh god, Tanooka Joe (or should I say ‘Seppuku Joe’).” 
——————— 

In Limbo, there was a small fort known as Fort Abraxas: home of the enlightened scraps. This was where Calibur and the other new recruits, Milbert and Jimmy, were living; and currently, they were waiting in the bottommost floor of the fort. Jimmy was busily strumming the strings on his chest as he adjusted his pegs, while Calibur and Milbert were patiently waiting next to a large vault. “You think he’ll come?” Milbert asked Calibur. Calibur only smiled as he answered, “I’m sure he will. He did promise.” “Yeah, well he better come,” Jimmy interjected in a cross tone. “I shoved my hand into a bucket of neon yellow spit just to get here.” 

As they were talking, they heard the door leading to the floor upstairs open, revealing Shinkin. “Hello new friends,” the fungus scrap said as he made his way downstairs. “Shinkin is pleased. He takes it you are ready to experience the ultimate secret of the enlightened.” “Well, you did promise to tell us when you offered us a chance at enlightenment,” Calibur said in reply as he swept back his red hair. “Considering how big of a secret you’re making it out to be, it must be something serious.” “Yes, Shinkin did promise this, and he is a scrap of his word,” Shinkin said as he made his way to the vault. “It’s only fair that Shinkin keeps his promises. Such is the way of the enlightened.” Looking at the enlightened scrap suspiciously, Jimmy asked, “So what exactly is this secret anyway? Why is it so important to hide it away?” “Ooh! Is it treasure?!” Milbert interjected excitedly. “Oh, this is something far greater than mere treasure, strange pig-headed friend,” Shinkin said as he opened up the vault. “Now... behold!!!” As Shinkin said this, the vault opened up, revealing the treasure within. 

Inside the vault was a single object. It was a large, orange orb the size of a basketball, sitting on a purple velvet pillow. The orb shimmered with a golden light as the scraps stared on in awe. “Ooh, ominously glowy,” Milbert said as he looked on in wonder. “What is that thing?” Jimmy asked as he stared at the orb. “That is the Eye of the Demiurge,” Shinkin answered. “It is the greatest treasure of all. It is the source of all enlightenment. We guard it with our lives.” Scratching his chin, Calibur asked, “Where exactly did it come from?” “Shinkin is not sure,” Shinkin answered flatly. “All he knows is that when Kama, Kamen, and Kasa first gained enlightenment, Krockman entrusted them with the Eye, and told them that it was crucial to enlightenment. That is what they told Shinkin.” At that moment, the pitter pat of cat feet echoed down from the upper floor, revealing an exhausted Poe at the bottom of the steps. “Guys! You gotta go upstairs!” Poe shouted excitedly. “Kama’s about to get into a huge fight!”  With a bored look on his face, Shinkin said, “He’s always getting into huge fights. How is this any different?” “That’s the thing. He’s not just fighting anyone,” Poe explained. “He’s fighting Seppuku Joe!” Surprised by this, Shinkin scrambled his way up the stairs, waving the others to follow after him. With that, they all made their way up the stairs to the rooftop. 

Meanwhile, near the rooftop, Kama was busily climbing the stairs, mentally steeling himself for what’s to come. It had only been a few minutes ago when he was simply enjoying a cup of coffee, reaching for a pack of sugar only to find a hastily scribbled note that read: