Chapter 9: Nerds of a feather flock together.

Rigal Phenex
Happy Harbor, RI, USA

I couldn’t help myself; they were just too fun to tease. Now that we’d revealed ourselves to Artemis and Miss Martian, the two of us headed back inside.

Artemis was feeling a little paranoid about her big sister paying her a visit so she opted to continue keeping watch. Miss Martian, being the empathetic sweetheart she was, remained outside with her.

“Holy crap, that really is Superboy,” was the first thing out of Wally’s mouth when he saw Max.

“Max,” my little brother grunted. “I go by Max. And I’m not Super-anything.”

“Please explain, Rigal. How did this happen? How could there have been a second kryptonian clone?” Aqualad asked, far more composed than his teammate.

This was Max’s story to tell. Had he wanted to claim that he was Superman’s time traveling son here to make sure Superman fucked Lois’ brains out so he could be born, I would have nodded and played along. Actually, that would have been hilarious.

Fortunately for the League, Max didn’t have the flexible relationship with the truth that I did. He’d opted for honesty, if only because he decided it’d save him some headaches later.

I shrugged nonchalantly. “Project Kr, the project that created the boy you call Connor now, was not Cadmus’ first attempt at cloning a kryptonian. They first attempted to clone Superman directly, without adding in human DNA. That project was called Project Match, as in, they wanted to make Superman’s equal and opposite.”

“That doesn’t sound likely. If they succeeded, they would have no reason to make Superboy with human DNA and dampen his kryptonian powers.”

“You’re right. They didn’t succeed. Project Match was a failure. As it turns out, there is no technology advanced enough to clone kryptonian DNA perfectly. Their best attempt to do so did make a functioning clone, but said genetic imperfections would have translated to rapid degradation. That was what led to Project Kr, with the goal of supplementing kryptonian DNA with those of a human’s for better stability and, for lack of a better word, shelf life.”

“Yes, that’s what we gleaned from Robin’s research as well. But that leaves the question: How is Max here?”

Max unfurled his black, bat-like wings. They were quite small and would never have sustained flight without magic, but they were still tangible proof that Max was no longer a pure kryptonian.

“I’m a devil,” I repeated. No one ever took that statement seriously around here. It wasn’t like I’d ever lied about what I was. “I have the power to reincarnate others into devils via magic artifacts called evil pieces. I did so with Max, making him a kryptonian-devil hybrid and using said reincarnation process to stabilize his body. After that, I adopted him. He’s my little brother now.”

Kid Flash snorted derisively. “Pull the other one, Tweety. Magic doesn’t exist.”

“Then what am I?”

“You’re some kind of alien. Maybe your species has been around for a while, and might have even inspired a few myths about devils, but you’re not magic.”

“Oh? How do you explain Max’s wings?” I asked with a bemused smile. 

“Gene splicer. You must have some super-advanced stuff if you can stabilize kryptonian DNA. Still not magic. Magic doesn’t exist,” he repeated himself.

“Are you sure? I could say the same about your love life. One of us would be right.” I chuckled, choosing not to take offense. I was pretty sure Wally’s over-reliance on “hard science” was his way of coping with the unknown. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t give him shit for it.

“Oh, fuck off, Tweety.”

“You can keep denying magic, but your denial doesn’t make anything I do possible under the normal laws of physics you keep harping on about.”

“Just because we don’t fully understand your abilities doesn’t mean you’re magic. It means our understanding of physics needs to be revised. That’s how science works. We observe, experiment, draw conclusions, and then change our perspective.”

“That might be the smartest thing he’s said all night,” Roquette said. She’d been so quiet that I’d almost forgotten about her. Even her furious typing faded into the background. “Does it really matter right now though? Pipe down so I can keep working.”

“Apologies, doctor,” Aqualad said, ever the polite one. I noticed he made no mention of his magic water-bearers. “Twee-Rigal, you claim you are not a hero. Then why are you here? And why come with Max?”

I pointed at the blonde woman. “For her, believe it or not. I’m here to make her a job offer. You know, because you guys are… temporary. Basic stuff, really. She works for me. I provide her protection.”

“I won’t say no to a kryptonian watching my back,” she said, not even looking up from her computer.

“Exactly. I figured that’d be rather appealing to you, doc. See, Kal, you’re heroes. And sure, you’ll save the day now, but you’ll move on to punching some other villains in the face somewhere else. You can’t hover around her forever.”

“We do not need to,” he replied. “We are simply here to neutralize the Fog. Afterwords, the doctor will be free to live her life. Perhaps you should make the job offer at another time, unless you intend to advertise your abilities here?”

“I mean, right now, sure, you’re just here to take the Fog offline, but it’s not as though there’s anything keeping the doc from getting kidnapped again. The Fog is tech. If it’s been built once before, it stands to reason that she can build it from scratch again. And that makes her a target. Next time, they might keep her somewhere Speedy can’t find her.”

“You do raise a good point. I’m sure Batman and the others have a plan to keep her safe.”

“They might, but they might not. Which is why I’m making her an offer right now. How ‘bout it, doc? After this mess, come work for me and you’ll get a budget in the millions and full freedom to research and build what you want. Protection. Money. Freedom. I can offer it all.”

The light from the monitor glinted off her glasses as she rolled her eyes. “Cute, but no. That’s too good to be true. I refuse to believe there are no strings attached, especially when it’s a self-professed devil giving me the offer.”

“The catch? The catch is that you’ll also be responsible for my organization’s network security. For someone like you though, that’s probably just the work of an afternoon, if that.”

“Afternoon? Try two hours. Sure, I’ll need to run diagnostics and keep it up to date, but I have most of what I need on a flash drive. I can set up the network and largely forget about it. Still sounds too good to be true.”

“I mean, you’ll be in Gotham. I guess that’s a pretty big catch.”

“Is the city as bad as people say it is?”

“Worse. It’s a shithole. It’s such a shithole that there’s a tangible miasma of corruption and negativity around the place,” I said honestly. “In fact, we devils are measurably stronger in Gotham than we are outside the city limits. Not by a lot, but it’s noticeable. It practically feels like home. You know, the Underworld.”

“You’re doing such a great job at selling the place,” she snarked. “No.”

“Pretty please? I’ll even throw in phoenix tears, a magical medicine that can literally fix anything. Cancer. Malaria. AIDs. Getting sawed in half. All of it at once. So long as your soul hasn’t left your body, it can heal anything and everything.”

“Like Kid Flash said: There’s no such thing as magic. Really, aren’t devils supposed to be good at negotiating? Now’s hardly the time to approach me.”

“I beg to differ. Now’s the perfect time to approach you. Aqualad and Kid Flash know me from the Cadmus Incident, which both confirms that I’m not helpless and that I’m not someone the heroes consider an enemy. At the same time, I’m not a hero, so I actually have the bandwidth to protect you.”

“Wait, you mean you had reasons for coming here now?” Max blinked in surprise. “I thought you just wanted to fuck with the brat brigade.”

I shrugged. “Both those things can be true at the same time, little brother. So, how ‘bout it, doc?”

“If I say I’ll think about it, will you leave?” the doctor said.

“That’s not a yes, so n–Watch out!” I yelled, diving to throw my body over the doctor.

I knocked her out of the swivel chair. As we fell, I cradled her head in my arms; it wouldn’t do to damage her oh so useful noggin. I felt a knife slip into my back. The jellyfish poison she was using tingled and made me want to giggle.

Then lots of things happened at once.

As I’d suspected, Cheshire had no problems sneaking past Miss Martian and Artemis. She’d stealth-ninja’d her way through the school to launch a surprise attack against Roquette.

Aqualad and Kid Flash realized we weren’t alone and leapt into action. They were a hair too slow. They quickly moved to corner her, but Kid Flash was forced to engage the discount Black Spider. The two began a game of tag and the Spider-Man wannabe shot orange webbing everywhere.

At the same time, the wall burst open to reveal Hook, possibly the worst assassin employed by the League of Shadows. Really, how subtle was a Captain Hook knockoff anyway? The guy called himself “Hook” because… he had a mechanized hook he used as his murder weapon of choice…

There was no way this moron got hired regularly. I felt my brain cells dying just thinking about his nonsense.

Regardless, he was big and present, forcing Aqualad to engage him. Aqualad would win of course, Hook was nowhere near skilled enough to overcome the physical difference between a regular human and an Atlantean, but he’d distracted Aqualad for the moment.

That left Cheshire free to take another shot at the good doctor. Or, it would have, had she not been picked up like a naughty kitten by the scruff of the neck. Max hovered behind her, holding her by her kimono with a “Now what?” look on his face. To no one’s surprise, he didn’t exactly register her as a threat.

She kicked and yowled like a pissed off cougar. She immediately tried to stab her captor in the throat with her sai, but balked when the point bent against kryptonian skin.

Then, like the consummate professional she was, she dropped the now useless weapons in favor of reaching for a pair of throwing knives so she could at least kill Roquette and accomplish the mission. As long as she did that, she could expect rescue from the Shadows, or likely escape on her own amidst the chaos.

Except, she was dealing with a kryptonian. Max’s other hand blurred, picking her knives out of the air. Then, more annoyed than actually troubled, he wrapped her up in his arms in a, what was for him, gentle hug, trapping her arms against her side. He looked like he was cradling a kitten.

Roquette looked around with wild eyes. She watched as Miss Martian phased through the wall, in time to lock Black Spider down with telekinesis. With her help, Kid Flash made short work of him, wrapping him up in his own webbing.

Two arrows came through the hole Hook made earlier. They landed with pinpoint precision on Hook’s prosthetic arm before bursting into foam, gunking up the joints. After that, Aqualad had no problem knocking him out with his electric eel impression.

“So… Now what?” Max asked, his new pet cat still squirming futilely.

“Holy shit, Tweety!” Kid Flash exclaimed, rushing over to me.

I let out a weak croak and spat some blood from my mouth. The knife in my back had gone through my left lung. Slowly, with trembling hands, I reached out for the doctor.

She took my hand in hers. Her hands were so small and soft, hands that had never held a weapon in her life. Tears welled in her eyes as she realized that a man she’d only met a few minutes prior had willingly taken a knife for her.

“D-Doctor…” I gasped weakly, a trickle of blood welling up from my throat.

“Don’t talk. We can get you help,” she said. She managed to keep her voice steady. Then again, she’d also already been shot at while Speedy extracted her from the Shadows. She had remarkable composure for a civvie.

“I… I feel so cold… Is… Is this the end?”

“No, don’t say that.”

“Almost definitely,” Cheshire said with a shrug. She’d given up struggling against the kryptonian. “My knives are laced with box jellyfish venom. You know, one of the most dangerous substances known to man.”

“You bitch,” Roquette snarled. 

“Eh, it’s just business, doc.”

“The antidote. You have to have an antidote.”

“I might know where I stashed it…” Cheshire trailed off coyly. “How about a trade, hmm?”

“No, don’t,” I rasped weakly, coughing up a bit more blood for good measure. “It was… my pleasure… Serling…”

“Turn him over. We need to take the knife out,” Kid Flash tried.

“No!” the doctor yelled, slapping his hand away. “You’ll just make the bleeding worse! First aid kit! The school has to have one somewhere. Now!”

“R-Right! On it!”

“S-Serling… come closer,” I whispered.

“I’m here.”

“Stay with Max… H-He can… protect you.”

“I-I will,” she promised, tears running down her face now.

“Yes!” I yelled, fist pumping, bolting upright. I looked at the shocked teenagers, then at the crying doctor, and slumped back down in my best opossum impression. “Oh, I mean… Blegh…”

“I… I am confused,” Miss Martian said. “Is box jelly venom invigorating for humans?”

“No, Rigal’s just being a shitheel. Again,” my little brother filled them in. “Get up, you moron. You’ve had your fun.”

So I did. I sat up, pulled the knife from my back, and patted the good doctor on her shoulder. A burst of phoenix fire healed me right up. “Remember, you promised, Serling. I’m going to want that in writing, okay?”

The doctor was going through emotional whiplash. The man she thought died for her was now talking with her like it was any other Tuesday. “I… How?”

“My name is Rigal Phenex. I would have thought the connection was obvious,” I said with an exaggerated pout.

Twirling the throwing knife in my hand, I stabbed it into my own throat before wrenching my head off with superhuman strength. It fell on the ground with a wet, squelching noise, only to burn up into ashes.

Simultaneously, the ragged stump that was my neck burned with orange flames. Before long, I had my head again.

“See? Immortal. And, I can make a potion that temporarily bestows my family’s immortality on the drinker to heal any wound or disease. I did promise great healthcare, didn’t I, doc?”

“That’s… That’s impossible.”

I rolled my eyes. “Believe in magic, you muggle.”

She stared at me, shellshocked. The heroes weren’t much better. Just then, Kid Flash dashed back with the first aid kit.

“I’m back,” he said, only to stumble into one of the desks when he saw me hale and healthy. “Wait, how are you–”

“Someone else bring him up to speed, please. Now, Dr. Roquette, let’s talk about your new career opportunities.”

“Oh, that’s so not fair,” Cheshire whined. “You’re supposed to die when you’re killed.”

“I would if you actually could kill me, you know. Everything has a weakness.”

“And yours?”

“Chocolate. Cookies. Oh, and strippers. Send them to the Phoenix Roost in Gotham, please. I’m sure that’ll show me.”

“Perhaps we should finish dismantling the Fog,” Aqualad pointed out, quite reasonably. As the doctor began to upload her virus, he secured Hook and turned to Cheshire. “What will you do with her?”

“Whatever Max wants,” I replied. “She’s a peerage candidate, but I’m not that invested in her wellbeing or anything.”

“A peerage candidate? I do not understand.”

“Devil nobility, like me, have up to fifteen members in our peerage because our society is modeled after a game of chess. You know, I’m the king and there is a queen, two rooks, and so on. When we turn someone else into a devil, they’re considered part of our peerage. Max here is my rook. Adopted brother sure, but also my subordinate. Cheshire’s someone I’ve been interested in for a while now.”

“I see. You wish to recruit her?” he asked, simply accepting that this was part of my society. Then again, perhaps it wasn’t so strange to him considering he came from an underwater monarchy that ruled two-thirds of the world. “I admit that would take her away from the Shadows, but you would have no way of guaranteeing her loyalty to you. Not to mention, if you intend to employ the doctor after tonight, there will undoubtedly be friction between them.”

“Friction? That bitch tried to kill me!” Roquette growled.

“It’s just business,” Cheshire replied nonchalantly. “Not that I’d join of course. His ‘peerage’ sounds like slavery with extra steps.”

“Meh, that’s fine, but it’s not slavery. You get a retainer, healthcare, significant increase to your physical abilities, functional immortality, and the potential to learn magic,” I shrugged, “but if that’s how you feel, do what you want.”

“Wait, go back to the immortality.”

“Max? What do you want to do with her?”

He grunted and shoved her into Aqualad’s arms with about as much care put into a sack of potatoes. The Atlantean then restrained her with one of his water-bearers until she looked like a cocoon. “Not my problem anymore.”

“Fair enough. Are you done, doc? Because I’d really like to get going and you did say you’d stick with us now.”

She glared indignantly at that. “You tricked me!”

“A-Are you going back on your word? Would you really lie to a man who took a knife for you?” I asked, lips quivering. My eyes were wide, glistening with unshed tears. Phenex style golden retriever impression was a go. “Whatever happened to academic integrity?”

“That has nothing to do with this!”

“Neither does my regeneration. A woman of upright character such as yourself ought to abide by her word, especially seeing how the fact that I took a knife for you doesn’t change.”

“I-You-Gah! Is he always this annoying?”

“No,” Max said, like the absolute bro he was, only to immediately shoot down my hopes. “He’s actually a lot worse. This is him being polite.”

“Ugh, whatever. Fine. I’m done. You better be telling the truth about the millions you promised me.”

“Yay!” I cheered. “Nerdy minion getto!”

“I regret this so much already…”

X

Kaldur’ahm

Rigal left with Max and the doctor soon after. Whatever Wally said, that was most definitely a teleportation circle. I was no sorcerer, but some of the characters that surrounded his circle looked startlingly familiar. Did Atlantis have dealings with the Underworld in the distant past?

I let out a sigh of frustration. It seemed Rigal lived to make life difficult for others, and unfortunately for me and the team, he excelled at doing so. As before, speaking with him left me with more questions, not less.

“Aqualad, come in,” I heard Robin call.

“Yes, Robin? How are things on your end?”

“The Fog is offline. And just in time, too. They were so close to getting confidential data from Wayne Tech.”

“Good. Return quickly, my friend. There is much to talk about.”

“What’s going on? Is the doctor alright?”

“She’s fine. Rigal was here, and he brought a new kryptonian with him.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Hurry back. We’ll fill you in then.”

“Alright.”

The line cut out. I looked around for my other water-bearer. One was being used to restrain Cheshire. The other, I’d… I couldn’t find it. I groaned. I’d never lost one of them before.

My king would be disappointed in me, and rightly so. They weren’t just my favored weapons; they’d been gifts from my friends in Atlantis. 

“Aqualad? What’s wrong?” Miss Martian asked.

“My water-bearers. I cannot find one of them,” I admitted sourly. “I used one to restrain Cheshire and set the other down for a moment right… there…”

There, where I’d left my water-bearer, I found a small box and two slips of paper. One was a charcoal-gray bookmark with a familiar, orange crest embossed on the center. I had a sneaking suspicion I knew what happened to my water-bearer.

“Dude, did Tweety steal your water-thingie?” Kid Flash came to the same conclusion I did.

I felt my brow twitch with irritation. “It seems so.”

“Huh. ‘Ye whose heart yearns for more…’ Wow, dude’s really leaning into the magic stuff. Hey, there’s a note beneath it.”

“Let me see.”

Dear Kaldur’ahm,

Yes, I have your water-bearer.

I like magic. I especially like magical artifacts. The chance to study a blend of Atlantean sorcery and science was irresistible to me. Given my own affinity for fire, I don’t think I’ll benefit too much from this, but I can’t help being a little curious.

No, I am not a thief. I am Rigal Phenex, of the House of Phenex. I do not steal. This is… renting… without permission…

Anyway, to compensate you, I’ve left behind six vials of phoenix tears, one for each of your team. As I said before, they temporarily grant the user my family’s regeneration. They may well save your life, or give you that extra push to keep fighting. Use them well.

Cheerio,

Tweety

Sure enough, the box contained six glass vials of an indeterminate liquid. Rigal didn’t strike me as a liar, at least when it came to something like this, but I’d be sending them in for analysis anyway.

Author’s Note

I kind of imagine Serling Roquette as the unfortunate butt of Rigal’s nonsense. She’s still not sure she believes in magic, but she’s quickly coming around. Until then, he’s never going to stop fucking with her.

Will she join his peerage proper? Ehh, probably. It won’t be immediate, but she’s got a lot of potential. And wasn’t there that guy in Type Moon who has a metal slime familiar? She could do something similar with a magitech Fog.

Animal Fact: The longest-lived insect is the termite queen, who can live for 50 years. That’s much better than most human monarchs.

For reference, the average reign of a British monarch since the 1700s is ~25 years, even with that average being skewed by two massive outliers. Queen Victoria reigned for 63 years and Queen Elizabeth II reigned for 70 years. When you take those two off the board, the average reign of a British monarch is closer to ~17 years.

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