As the room above disappeared in little to no time at all, I slowly became aware of the fact that an unpleasant tingling sensation. The intensity was almost nil, but as I fell through the void, it sharpened. Rather than tingling, it soon became needles. Every inch of my body felt as though I was being stabbed by needles.

Despite that, I didn’t scream because this was far from the worst pain I had felt. I became acutely aware of every part of my body as the pain slowly began to build. It felt as wrong as ever, but as the intensity spiked rapidly, I found myself unable to process anything.

Pure pain, as though my very being was stripped away with each passing second. Seconds became milliseconds. Milliseconds became microseconds. Needles, knives, swords, each cut through me with ease as though I was a lump of butter before them. My body begged for release for what felt like eons, and then, nothing. The pain was completely. Utterly. Gone. And that was when I felt something once again. The feeling of cold stone beneath me, polished to perfection. I felt every muscle in my body relax instantly.

I let out a heavy sigh of purely relief, the air from my longs far warmer than the stone beneath me. As I struggled to sit up, I shook like a newborn fawn. I had survived a hell in itself if I hadn’t just died. And then, as I slowly opened my eyes, the vibrant light of my surroundings sent spikes of pain through my eyes as I subconsciously squinted. I could hear the sounds of breathing, and as my eyes rapidly adjusted, the scene before me became much clearer.

On a floating light green and seemingly half present screen, was an image of what I can only describe as one of the ugliest hunks of junk I had ever seen, sent against the dark expanse of a night sky. Before I could contain myself, the words shot out of my mouth of their own volition.

“That’s just horrendous, I’ve seen better aesthetics in actual dog shit,” I quickly covered my mouth, shocked at the mental quip I had just uttered, and especially at the newfound melodic tone to my own voice. It was airy, light, and… delicate. Yet, before the panic could set in, the room practically boomed with the sound of a boisterous heavy laugh, deep and baritone, but… oddly soothing? And another laugh, more dog-like and less dense.

My head whipped around before I could stop it, and I winced in pain before my thoughts ground nearly to a halt. I was sitting atop an ornate table, delicate ornate gold leaves, vines, and circles scattered across it. The room was tall, unnecessarily so, and white marble stretched upwards, framed by pillars and what seemed to be simply more gold plating.

Ever more important, however, was the fact that I was quite literally surrounded by some of the most gorgeous, handsome, and rough looking people I had ever seen in my life. Supermodels don’t even feel like they compare. At the head of the table were three men of different makes. The two to the side were the ones laughing, while the one at the head, an older man with a single black eyepatch and gray hair, was smiling.

The darker haired of the three spoke first through his laughter, “That is by far an entrance I don’t think I could ever match. From outside the realms, wearing that, and saying that?” The man snorted this time, trying to catch himself.

The man with dark blonde hair and vibrant blue eyes slammed his hand on the table, seemingly in an effort to calm himself, “Oh no brother, you could, but we’d be expecting it!”

An older blonde woman, her skin barely wrinkled yet still as fair as I can only imagine it has always been, gave a dazzling smile. “Boys, boys, as amusing as this girl’s sharp wit is, the poor child looks utterly lost.”

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, one of these comments had to be off because I absolutely did not look feminine in any way. I mean, sure I wasn’t the most muscular or athletic guy out there, but there’s no way I looked like a girl, a woman, at all. I frowned quizzically at her. The aforementioned mistake could be corrected later. “Where… Where is this?”

The two men had quieted down to stifled sniggering as the woman faced me. “Where do you think it is?”

Now, that was one way to answer a question. Definitely not a method I agreed with currently though. I just felt though what I can only assume was some sort of wormhole and landed where what could feasibly be anywhere. Seriously, that was a stupid answer thank you. I squinted at the one, and then looked at the three men. Mostly white, okay, that rules out several places. The… decoration rules out more… Still no clue, yet.

I bit my lip, now that question was starting to hurt my head for some reason. I really just want to get home for crying out loud. My eyes scanned the room and fell on the man at the head of the table. His one visible eye was just a blue as the dark blonde man’s. His hair was braided, though not like anything like dreads. The clothing was as outlandishly ornate as the room itself, though without hurting my eyes. It was actually quite beautiful.

Clearly the father here. In fact, he looked older than any of the faces at the table. So, perhaps the father of all… of… them… Wait.

My eyes widened in disbelief, all that reading and I could recognize that face. But, there’s no way someone couldn’t have aged in literal millenia. Especially at such an already advanced age. The answer touched my lips and I spoke…

“As…gard?”

The women’s smile brightened, “I see you’re aware then, that’s quite good. Not many fall though gaps such as the one you did and come out as unscathed as this.”

“That’s impossible, Asgard is a myth! I mean sure, we have demons and all sorts of thing back home, but actual gods? No no no. I’m obviously hallucinating. Or I’m dead,” I shook my head violently, become acutely aware that something besides my voice was different. Shimmering black locks swung in front of my face. I tilted my eyes down south and froze.

Boobs.

Boobs?

BOOBS!?

And then promptly everything went black.