My body feels horrible.

I don't know how long I was out cold, but it was enough time for me to finally be able to see again. Or should I say that it’s the first time in my life, in this life?

Ten to twenty days should have passed by now since the moment I was born. I don't know the exact number of days since I was blind. Furthermore I have absolutely no fucking idea except for counting how many times I fell asleep and the times I got fed by mum. 

Where was I again?

Ah, yeah. My body hurts and feels weak, I taste blood and I am hungry, if not outright starving.

Let’s cry for help. *Meoww*  

I just hope that mum is somewhere near.

*Meeeeeeeeeeeow*

… 

*Meeeooo-*Cough*auw* 

*Cough Cough* 

Fuck.

*Cough* 

That just made everything hurt even more. Maybeee~ let’s just wait and hope that mum comes soon… 

… 

*Rustle*

*Rustle rustle*

My eyes aren’t that good yet, everything is a bit blurry and they hurt just by looking but I can hear and see what’s going on around me. 

*Rustle*

One of those things is Mama Tiger just coming out of some bushes which hide our little cozy shelter from view. Most of the shelter is cushioned with leaves and other bits of flora here and there on the ground around us. She moves towards my little cute self and starts licking after she stops right next to me. Getting licked or cleaned… whatever one would call this. I don’t care how weird this sounds. It just feels so nice.

 

…

Another day has passed. I only feel a tiny bit better since yesterday where I fell asleep after mum fed and cleaned me. It should hopefully only take a couple of days until I am at full health again.

It’s probably morning by now, if the light coming through the bushes is any indication for that and my siblings are still here with me, tumbling around our little shelter and trying to walk around on their four little paws. ...and they look absolutely fucking adorable. 

Wait.

I should look the same as my siblings.

Why didn’t I realise this earlier?

I am a cute, little, sweet, fucking BABY CAT! Almost EVERYONE’S favourite pet! Well, if I am still on earth, at least… Still. FUCK YEAH!

A little kitten which is gonna grow into a murder machine as it slowly becomes an adult… 

EVEN BETTER!

… I should maybe calm down a bit, though. This isn't all easy peasy lemon squeezy. 

I am in the wild. No rules to bind me but no rules to bind anyone else either. This is going to be survival of the fittest in the future for me. Now though? It's going to be the best time of my live ever. Just lazing around, chilling, enjoying life and having as much time as I want to for myself.

I think I always wanted to be an animal. Like a panda or something for example. Just chilling, living comfortably in some kind of zoo. No stress, no danger and you will prolly get cared for by some animal-loving human caretakers. 

But… well, this isn't going to be that easy. At least later on. Now though? I am gonna find some mental rest and inner peace in these next few weeks. Until mama tiger leaves us and I finally need to care for my own life and wellbeing.

 

… 

It has been a week now, maybe two. I felt fully healed after a handful of days. The rest has seriously been the best time ever, just as I thought. Learning to walk, shambling around in this little shelter of ours, cuddling with my little kitty siblings, getting fed and most of the time just lazing around some more.

I don't really remember many details about my former life, just some information, like, for example names and faces with their respective feelings attached. Some more general knowledge here and there, common sense et cetera et cetera. Furthermore I think that that's the only reason why my sense of self and personality even held up. Sense of self? Is that even right? I can't even correct my retarded language skills with the all knowing internet or other people anymore. 

Anyways, one of the reasons why my personality(and more) held up is probably because of my feelings from most of my experiences, which I have accumulated in my former life and kept till now, even after death. I'd guess most of my morals, no matter how fucked up or tolerant they are, are still the same, too…?

Well…  

Anyways, for the time being all of that shouldn't matter at all. Let the past be the past. Don't fall back into it, it's just going to be pain and suffering for myself.

Just enjoy life to the fullest.

 

… 

A few more weeks passed. Our mother started feeding us wildlife, which she has killed on her hunts and then dragged over to our little shelter, dropping each carcass outside of it. Probably so as to not dirty the whole shelter and have it reek of blood and decay. Furthermore, I think that she tries to keep us and herself clean and healthy with that specific act. It is actually pretty interesting and even a bit funny how the hygiene of some animals is better than some humans out there. Hehe. It's good that I don't need to call myself as such, as a human, anymore, too. Since I am such a cute little baby tiger now, lmao.

Oh, yeah, almost forgot that part. The shitting and pissing is done outside of the shelter, too.

Thoughts aside, I am slowly growing up and already since ages accustomed to my new body. Hell, I don't even remember, if I was not used to my new body at the start of all this reincarnation hocus pocus.

I myself am definitely not hunting alone yet or in groups with my siblings for that matter. A fucking wild boar could prolly single handedly fuck my siblings and me to death.

My siblings and I don't stray far from the shelter either, only right outside of it, usually just to rip some raw meat off of the dead animals.

Nothing else really happened in those last few weeks. 

Well... except some weird dreams I had. Nothing special or much, really. I at least think so. Some things I can remember are just… sometimes a feeling of sinking again and some feelings and weird moments of clumsiness, where it feels like I accidentally hit myself or moved against something, which then leads to a warm feeling in those places of my body or whatever for that matter. I don't even know or remember what kind of body I had or if I even had one at all.

 

… 

One of my siblings died. I am not sure why or how. It was just dead one morning. 

Mum was out on a hunt, she came back a day after with fresh food.

Maybe it didn't get enough food because our mother wasn't always completely successful on her hunts, some rare times even away for almost a week straight, leaving us alone in the shelter. Maybe my sibling got infected or maybe something different altogether. I have no clue at all to be honest. 

It's… weird. One day everything looked fine and well. On the next someone or something died. Just like that. We are 5 now, not counting Big Mama.

What's making me think even more is my own reaction and feelings towards the death of my sibling. I am sad about it but don't really care that much… I don't think that's normal? 

I can hardly remember it but I think that I never saw the dead body from someone close to me, in my former life. I still know that my mum was devastated as her mother, who was living in another country, died. I mean that my father booked a flight pretty fast for her so she could at least be there on time for the funeral and have the chance to see her mother's body for the last time in ever. 

Here and there died a relative of my grandparents, people I saw less than classmates at school… How old was I again? 19? 20? Maybe 21, perhaps even 22? I… no, stop. Bad thought direction...

...where was I again? 

Ah, yeah. 

I guess that the only dead person, which I was close to seeing in real life, excluding the internet and all that, was my great grandmother. How old was I at the time? 5, 6 or maybe 7 years old? Doesn't matter anyways. 

The point is, she was living next to us and died peacefully in her sleep. I believe that my parents and other family members talked about how she is blue, green and cold. I can't quite remember, but I was asked if I wanted to see her. 

I was scared or maybe something different, I don't know to be honest. I know that I didn't go into her bedroom, though. I never saw her again, not there and neither on the funeral. That's all I can remember.

I don't remember any other feelings. Only that I was scared to see her dead body.

A thought abruptly hits me. How come I can suddenly remember some more specific details? Do unusual, special or specific situations, like, for example the death of my sibling, trigger or bring out old, maybe even lost memories and details? Making them surface again? Even though I thought that they were forgotten? Forever lost through the reincarnation? How often will this happen? What will make it happen? Ugh, so much new and uncertain information… do I even want to remember some things…? 

Fuck, I sigh, or at least I try to with my non-human body.