Dom was a guy of simple pleasures. Give him food, sleep, and anime, and he wanted nothing more in life.

He didn't care if he had to study a little extra hard for his mom to keep paying for his internet so he could watch it. He also didn't care he was seventeen and some of his schoolmates were going to college parties.

For Dom knew the true pleasures of life. Nothing was better than seeing a hero followed by a small boobed fox girl beat the bad guy. Or an evil villain made of bones with a big boobed succubus companion beat the hero. Or any other combinations of protagonists and beautiful women.

Dom considered himself a true gentleman of refined taste. He didn't care about the woman's size at all, as long as they had that... something. Something only found in anime girls.

 

Initiating Fun System... 88%

 

So, it was with great concern that he saw text appear in his eyes. Text that foretold of having to work. He had seen enough anime to know systems meant adventure and he just wanted to watch other people's adventure, not have one of his own!

That was true glory, get all the emotion from the comfort of his bed!

He walked slowly, waiting for it to initiate. He prayed to all kami that he could just ignore it after it was done. Or that it could help him watch more anime. Yes, that would be great.

 

Initiating Fun System... 100%

 

"Fun, fun, fun! Are you ready for some fun?!" an irritating thin voice said on his mind.

Dom ignored it. Maybe if he didn't look at it, it would go away.

"Do you know what's fun?" the system's voice insisted. "Crossing streets when the pedestrian traffic light is blinking orange!"

That didn't even make any sense, so Dom ignored it again.

Then, a text window appeared floating in front of him.

 

Fun Quest! Cross the Street!

The Fun System knows how to have fun better than anyone or anything. It has deemed you worthy and came to help you!

Your first Fun Quest! (trademark pending) is to cross the street when the pedestrian traffic light is blinking orange!

Don't think too much about it, do it the very next time you see it!

Don't forget, adrenaline is fun! Risking getting hit by a car is a fun experience everyone should have at least a few hundred times in their lifetimes!

Reward: FUN!

Failure penalty: Pain. A lot of pain. Don't do it, Dom. It's not worth it.

 

How the hell was that dangerous at all? This was a civilized country! People didn't start their engines until the pedestrian traffic light had stopped blinking for a few seconds and the cars light turned green.

But what worried him was that the Fun System might agree with him after he did it. That the next quest would be a truly dangerous one.

Moreover, he refused to be threatened by some random system.

Ignore it. He would ignore it.

He saw a blinking light and kept walking on this side of the street. No crossing at all. The pedestrian traffic light stopped blinking.

Nothing happened.

Dom let out a smug smile and-

'OH MY GOD IT HURTS!' he thought, grabbing his chest above his heart.

What was that pain?!

How could such pain exist?!

"Fun, fun, fun! I see you're a gentleman of refined taste! Risking getting hit by a car is not enough for you! You want to have a painful heart attack! Who knows if you'll wake up again? What an absolute mad lad! Let's have fun together, my dear host! Even if it might be the very last time!"

The pain kept increasing. He couldn't breathe. He fell on his knees and then oblivion came to him.

 

---

 

Dom woke up at a hospital bed. His chest hurt as if he had been hit by a car. Looking to his side, he saw a hot big boobed female nurse talking to his crying mom.

"It's my fault," his mom said. "I should've known all that much internet was bad for him. Did you know he keeps three toilet paper rolls on his drawer just in case? That one morning he asked me for two more because he had spent all of his on what he called a 'wild night'?"

Oh, yes. Dom remembered that. He had watched Your Lie in April, a terribly sad anime. He cried just too much. Those were good times.

"That can't be healthy," his mom continued. "A young man doing all that... exercise."

Dom's eyes widened.

No, his mom didn't think he was asking for toilet paper for THAT.

"Don't worry, Miss Thompson," said the nurse. "This is normal for young men. He just had a small little tiny heart attack. All this exercise might even help his heart get used to extreme situations. Maybe you should give him more toilet paper and encourage him to do it more."

What?! No! He wasn't using toilet paper for that! But if he had been, that nurse had just given his mom terrible advice! He had just had a heart attack! He should let his heart rest, not look for more emotion! Even he knew that!

"Do you think?" his mom asked unsurely.

"Of course! I'm a nurse, I know all about it! By the way, did you know I also sell some special magazine subscriptions? What a coincidence! Come, let's talk about it at the alley behind the hospital, beside the toxic waste garbage bins, the air is much cleaner there."

"I- If you say so," Dom's mom said weakly.

'No, mom! It's a scam! A scam!' Dom thought.

He couldn't allow that. It would be shameful to intrude to such a conversation, but he had to protect his mom.

"Mom..." he said.

Her head turned so fast her neck snapped. "Oh, my boy is awake!" She ran to his side. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Are you hungry?"

"Oh, he is fine," the nurse said, grabbing his mom's arm. "Don't worry about him. He needs to rest. Come, let's go grab that subscription! For his health!"

Dom brought his own hand to his mom's other hand. "Mom, this is a scam," he said.

His mom's eyes widened, and she turned to the nurse, whose face twisted.

"Tsk. I'll get you another time!" the nurse shouted and left the room.

"That's her!" Someone yelled outside. "The fake nurse selling porn in the hospital! Grab her!"

"You'll never get me!" she yelled back.

There was the sound of people running and then silence.

'WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS HOSPITAL?!' Dom screamed in his mind.

"Fun, fun, fun! The Fun System is happy you survived! Are you ready for more?" an unwanted voice said, also in his mind.

"How are you feeling?" his mom asked.

"Do you know what's fun? Making fun of your mother! Tell her you're feeling like you're dying and that you need money to go to a brothel, to experience that for the first time!"

Dom couldn't take any more of that. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" he yelled. "This is my mom! I'll not say that! Kill me if you must!"

"Son?" she asked with clear worry. "Are... Are you okay?" He saw her press the button to get help.

"Fu fu fu..." The system laughed in his mind. "Just kidding! Isn't this fun?! But wait for a Fun Quest! before shouting at someone next time!"

'Son of a dingus!' Dom thought.

"Did you call?" a nurse asked after entering the room.

"I think he is hallucinating..." his mom said weakly.

"I'll call Doctor Williams. Do you want to accompany me outside?" the nurse said with a voice full of hidden meaning. She wanted to talk to his mom where he couldn't hear.

"Yes... Yes, of course..."

They left.

"Fun, fun, fun! Guess what time it is? Time for the Weekly Fun Theme Spin!"

A big spinning wheel full of drawings and flashing lights appeared floating in front of him.

"Aaaaand, spin!" the system said.

"What is going on?!" Dom asked, confused.

"Doing random things is fun, but it's even more fun when there's a theme! All your Fun Quests! in the next seven days will follow the theme in the wheel!"

"Wait, you're answering me. What are you? Why are you doing this to me? Where did you come from?"

"Fu fu fu... Telling is no fun! Maybe one day you'll get an Answer Voucher! Keep hoping, keep having fun, and you might just get it!"

"I don't want any of that! I just want you gone! Just... go away."

The wheel stopped spinning, finishing on the drawing of a couple of drinks touching in a toast.

"Do you know what's fun? PARTYING!"

 

Weakly Fun Theme: PARTY HARD!

This week's theme is Partying! All quests will be related to it!

But do you know what's not fun?

Having to worry about studying while partying! Or while having fun in general!

» Multitasking Quantum Existence: Studying Nerd received

 

"Wait, what? What is this multitasking whatever?" Dom asked.

"You're expected to pass school tests to progress in life! Failing in life is no fun! So, the Fun System has decided to help you! From now on, you'll be receiving knowledge as if there was a nerd copy of you focusing only on studying!"

"Wait, you can do that?"

"Of course! The Fun System can do anything to give you extra fun!"

"Maybe... Maybe you aren't so bad after all..." Dom started. "No! What am I talking about?! You almost killed me!"

"And wasn't it fun?! Yes, it was!"

"No! No, it wasn't!"

"Do you know what else is fun?"

"No. Not again. Please, no."

"PARTYING HARD!" the system yelled in his mind. And it came with women screaming whohoes in the background. "But you can't do that in a hospital bed, can you?"

 

Fun Quest! Escape the Hospital!

Boring! You can't have fun in a hospital!

You have 1 minute to get out.

Reward: FUN!

Failure penalty: Death. Dying is not fun. Believe me.

 

"You can't kill me!" Dom yelled.

"Fu fu fu... Do you really have the time to argue with me? Tick tock, time's ticking away!"

"Goddamit!" Dom said, standing up. He had IV on his arm and he took a deep breath before yanking it fast and pressing his arm to avoid bleeding too much.

'My clothes, where are my clothes?' he thought, looking around.

"Fifty seconds," said the system.

"Already?!"

"Forty-five seconds."

"It hasn't been five seconds since you last told me the remaining time!" he complained.

"Thirty seconds."

"Shit! I hate you! I hate you so much!" he yelled and stopped caring about his clothes. He ran to the door, opened it, and stepped outside.

Only to see an endless corridor to both sides and his mom talking to the nurse from before. Right next to them, there were two male nurses the size of wardrobes that all but screamed "psychiatric ward."

His mom thought he was going crazy!

The four of them looked at him when he stepped out. One of the men started walking his way.

"Shit!" he stepped back into the room and closed the door. Then, he pushed the bed to the door to make it harder for anyone to enter.

But the door opened to the outside. The male nurse appeared, looking at Dom from the other side of the bed.

"Five seconds," the system said.

Dom quickly looked around.

He saw an open window.

He ran at it and jumped.

And then, he was falling down from the twentieth floor.

"Fun, fun, fun!" The system shouted in his mind.

But he couldn't hear it over his own screams of terror.