I felt an odd sense of happiness after I found the secret room of my mother. I would always be sneaking off when I had spare time to her secret room and clean it up a bit. I didn’t ask anyone in the house if this used to be the home of my mother since it would bring up questions about me knowing that.
Mae also had been a bit more affectionate with me after I told her I loved her. I found it embarrassing but I enjoyed this close relationship between us. It felt like me and Mae were a family. I told Sybil that and when I mentioned that I sort of saw him as an older brother he got upset for a while and was mumbling to himself for a few days. I didn’t bother to ask him what was wrong since it wasn’t getting in the way of his work.
During a quiet day in my home where I was looking through my black book, Mae knocked on my door before coming in with a letter in her hand. Taking the letter from her I saw it was from my ‘father’. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just call me through the phone that was in my house but could only let out a frustrated sigh as I went to read the letter.
Aurelia,
There will be a magic competition in three days. I have already signed you up for it so I assume you will be prepared for it. Don’t disappoint me, your brother will also compete so don’t drag him down.
-Myles Giliam
I read through the letter many times before I crumpled it up and threw it on the ground. I was rubbing at my head when I felt a painful headache appear. I could feel an arm go around me as I was squeezed gently. Mae had a concerned look in her eyes but she was giving me a comforting smile.
“I’m fine Mae. Just feeling tired. It seems like I have to do a competition in three days. It would have been nice if I was told sooner but it doesn’t matter.” I spoke indifferently but I could feel a flash of pain go through my hands as I dug my nails into my palms. The pain had helped me get my emotions back under my control.
“You know it is fine to be not fine. No one will blame you for that. You are a child and children don’t always have to be fine.” Mae was rubbing at my shoulder and saying comforting words to me but it didn’t feel like that. I got out of Mae hold and ignored the hurt look that went through her face for a second.
“I am fine Mae. I will always be fine and nothing will change that. I have to be fine and not being fine means I am showing my weakness.” I could feel an itchy feeling appearing in my heart as I said this. It was so irritating but I forced myself to ignore it.
“I want to be alone for today. Send my food up to my room and only call me if something urgent needs my attention.” I wasn’t looking at Mae as I said this to her. I felt hollow as I spoke coldly to Mae like this but I didn’t like how she saw me as someone who needed to be comforted. I don’t need that. I am fine. I. Am. Fine.
“...I understand.” Mae's voice sounded upset as she left my room. I didn’t know how her expression was and I didn’t allow myself to imagine it either.
I went back to looking through my black book, more determined with my reading. I am not allowed to lose in this competition. I am going to be the winner no matter what. That's all that matters….
During the three days, I was forcing myself to combine the magic that I learned in different ways. I had to be perfect in both my defense and offensive so that no one will be able to defeat. I wasn’t able to look at Mae during these three days but once I win everything will be better for me. It will be fine. I am fine.
During the day of the competition, I went to the stadium where the competition was happening. Since I couldn’t bring all my servants from my home I only had Mae and Sybil with me. Eli was there too, he wanted to support me during the magic competition and I didn’t think much of it. I was only focused on the competition.
“Aurelia! I am so excited to see you show off in this competition but I am also so nervous… What if you get hurt or get a scar?” Eli was looking at me nervously from my side and the hand that was holding mine slowly increased the grip on it. I tried not to flinch at the pain I felt from his hold.
Eli was wearing a medium-length dress that had a layered skirt with a gathered waist and strap sleeves. There was a huge bow behind his dress that gave him the look of a cute doll. He had his hair in twin buns that were held together by some more bows.
“Don’t say such things. I will be fine and I will be the winner of this competition.” I struggled for a second to take my hand out of his and when it was finally freed I gave his head a light tap. That seemed to pleased him since a huge smile broke out on his face.
“I don’t know, Lady Aurelia… What if you do get hurt? I won’t be able to sleep at all if anything happens to you. I would slam my head into the ground until I am bleeding as punishment.” Sybil came up to my other side and told me this with a serious look in his eyes.
“I rather you did not do that.” I could feel a headache appearing as I dealt with these irreverent concerns. Why are they so concerned? Do they think I am that weak? I am not weak. I will be fine. I am fine.
“Just be careful… I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Mae was looking at me with worried eyes and I couldn’t look her directly in her eyes, still feeling guilty about how I treated her before.
I didn’t respond to Mae and left to the area where I would change into clothes that would be suited for the magic competition. I could feel that I was being stared at by countless people as I headed to the area and I forced the anxiety I was feeling down. I gave the people who were looking at me sharp looks and they all turned away with an ashamed look on their face.
Even though they were no longer looking at me I still felt like there were eyes on my body that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried. It felt like they were under my skin and wouldn’t leave even if I took a knife to dig them out.
When I finally got to my changing area I went into the room and locked the door behind me. I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. I could feel my heart beating against my ears and I forced it to calm down. When I felt I was under control I went to change my clothes.
I had a black crop top that was suited for fighting with a white undershirt that seemed like it added extra protection for me. I had breathable pants that didn’t feel too tight or too loose on my body which was perfect for fighting. I had on flats that had a firm grip on the bottom on it so I didn’t have to worry about accidentally slipping on anything. I finally put my hair up into a firm ponytail that wouldn’t be able to come out during the fighting.
After I was finished changing I was doing a breathing exercise to get ready for what was going to happen soon. I was going to be fine. I am not going to lose. I am going to win. I am fine. Feeling that I was fully calm I felt a bit more at peace with myself. I still had my magic stone choker around my neck and I could feel a pulse go through it. It felt like it was encouraging me…
My eyes hardened as I went out of the room and went to go against the first person that I was assigned to in the competition. I am not going to lose against anyone and I will be the winner. It will be fine. Everything is fine.
As I went through the rounds fighting different opponents I realize that I am not good at close range fighting seeing as I was only focusing on getting better with my magic. This seems to be a weakness that I need to overcome. How can I be strong if I can't simply be able to fight people up close and personal?
Even though I was struggling with this problem of mine I was able to get through my many opponents with my magic and manage not to get hurt that badly. But, unfortunately, my stamina is not that great either. As I was fighting I could sometimes see Mae worried expression in the crowd and that push me not to lose any of my fights. I can't speak to her if I end up losing. I can't disappoint her...
I was back in the room where I changed my clothes. I was relaxing my sore body after finally getting through my last match with my opponent. I was waiting to hear an announcement to call me back to the fighting stage to go against my final opponent. I realize that I haven’t heard or saw my ‘brother’ in this place.
Before I could think more about that I heard a ring that was telling me it was time for my final match. Putting a hand over my magic stone once again, I calmed myself and left the room. For some reason, it felt like people were staring at me as I went to the fighting stage.
It felt like a mixture of pity and mockery. I couldn’t understand why this was happening until I finally arrived at the fighting stage. The person standing on it was my ‘brother’. He had the same outfit as me but his outfit was blue instead of black.
He didn’t have his glasses on as he looked at me with cold green eyes. I could feel the air get tense as we both just stared each other down. Even though I was looking back with cold eyes as well I felt my heart was twisting painfully in my chest.
“Huh, I am surprised you actually made it this far, little sister. I thought you would be out in the first round but you actually surprised me.” Erik broke the silence with a cold tone. He gave me a snarl as he gave me a disgusted look.
I could only bite my tongue as he spoke coldly to me. I could taste blood appear in my mouth as I did this but I knew I couldn’t say anything even if I tried. It felt like there was something in my throat that prevented me from speaking back to him.
“Can’t even say anything to me… No matter. I will make sure you won’t be saying anything for a while when I am done with you.” Erik gave me a cold smirk and before I could do anything I was hit with a spell.
“Gutta pluvia! (Rain drop!)” Many shots of water attacked me quickly and I was sent flying across the fighting stage. I let out a gasp when I violently hit the ground. I could see that Erik was going to attack me again so I quickly cast a spell.
“Palmam umbra! (Palm shade!)” A huge wall of shadow in the shape of a hand appeared in front of me. It slapped back the water that was coming towards me and aimed it back at Erik at full force. This was a new spell of mine where I could have a huge hand slap back any spells to the caster.
Erik quickly slapped away the water that was coming toward him and started to mumble something quietly to himself. The air grew cold and I could see my breath appearing in front of me. I realized that something bad was going to happen soon so I got up from the ground quickly.
“Ice tela nequissimi! (Ice darts!)” Erik threw frozen water that was shaped like needles towards me. I ran across the stage trying to avoid the attack but I still managed to get hit in my right shoulder and left leg.
For some reason, it felt like something bad was happening to my body once that happened. It felt like a burning sensation was going through the area that was just hit by those frozen needles.
“Just something you should know. Those needles can cause frostbite. I would be worried if I was you, Aurelia.” Erik had a cold smile on his face as he threw more frozen needles at me. I quickly cast my Palmam umbra (Palm shade) again but the frozen needles thrown at Erik were just destroyed by him.
I was going to summon a shadow servant behind him but I felt myself step into a puddle of water. Looking down I was surprised to see a huge circle of water under me. Looking at Erik he gave me an empty smile before casting a spell.
“Aqua carcerem! (Water jail!)” The water that was under my feet quickly surrounded me and I was lifted in the air in a sphere of water. I quickly gather air when I realize this was happening but looking at Erik I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold my breath forever.
I could feel a panic go through me once I realize I may drown to death. I could see a few staff of the competition looking concerned and shouting something to each other that I couldn’t make out. People were in the seat of the stadium realizing something was going on and they were giving each other concerned looks and saying something together.
I couldn’t see where Mae, Sybil, or Eli were located but my eyes locked onto someone familiar. It was my ‘father’... He was looking right at me as this was happening. There was no look of concern in his eyes as this happened. He simply looked indifferent to my situation…
For some reason, I could feel something in my chest break and everything went numb. I let out a breath in this sphere of water but I didn’t feel myself drown… I felt too hurt at the moment to feel anything.
In the end, her family abandoned her and she died alone with no one to mourn her death… She died alone with no one to mourn her death… She died alone and no one mourned her death… She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She died alone. She. Died. Alone.
I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE! I AM ALONE!
Aah... Who am I kidding? I was always alone.
I felt something dark completely consume me but I was too numb to care. I could no longer feel the water surrounding me. I didn’t understand why Erik was looking at me with such wide and scared eyes. Wasn’t he going to drown me? For some reason, I could only hear the sound of my calm heartbeat that was slowly decreasing in speed.
For some reason, my feet weren’t on the ground… Why is that? Aah… I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
I just want to make Erik feel the same pain I was feeling. Raising my hand towards him I decided to use a spell that was just on the tip of my tongue. It really wanted to come out.
“Dolor est hic. (The pain is here.)” A small ball of dark energy floated over to Erik and he looked confused as it slowly approached him. When it finally touched him the expression on his face changed quickly. He let out a scream of pain and he curled up into a ball on the ground.
I could feel myself heading over to the place where he was. When I was finally there my feet finally made contact with the ground again and I looked down at the crying Erik with an empty feeling. I lifted my foot with no emotion and started to stomp on him. I didn’t stop even when I heard him beg me to stop. I didn’t stop when I heard the voice of the staff calling out to me.
I only stopped when I heard a familiar voice call out to me.
“Aurelia… This isn’t you. Please stop.” I could hear Mae's voice. It sounded so sad and worried. I stopped what I was doing and looked behind me. I could see Mae had tears on her face and she was trembling. The numb feeling I had disappeared and I was only left with a feeling of wanting to run away.
I didn’t care about how everyone else I was looking at me. All I could see was the look in Mae's eyes. She looked so scared… Why is she scared… I want her to stop looking at me… Please stop looking at me…
“S...Stop looking at me… Why are you looking at me…” I was backing away from Mae as I felt a coldness cover me. I didn’t want her to look at me with scared eyes. What did I do wrong?
“Aurelia…” Mae went to come closer to me but I only backed away farther from her. I didn’t want her to touch me at all. She can’t touch me. Please don’t touch me.
“Go away… Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. GO AWAY!” I scream at Mae and turn away to run away from her. I could hear her crying out for me but I didn’t stop running. I kept on running even though my leg hurt so badly. I had to get somewhere dark and go into the shadow.
When I finally found a dark area to use my spell in, I was brought back to my home. I was near the kitchen door and I heard a servant of mine let out a surprised yell when I came out of the dark area.
I didn’t say anything to them as I ran to my room. As soon as I reached my room I quickly locked the door. I was pacing in my room as I could feel everything getting out of my control. What did I do? Why was Mae looking at me like that? Why did I mess it up!
I could feel my breathing quicken and I quickly went to the hiding space in my room where I put the box with my mother's message to me. My hands were shaking as I opened the box and didn’t stop even when I heard her gentle voice.
“W-Why is this not working?! WHY?!” I could feel tears coming out my eyes as I got to my knees and put my head in my crossed arms. I was biting my lips hard as I forced myself not to let out a sob.
I am fine so why is this happening to me. There is nothing wrong so why is everything going bad for me. This hurts so much… Please make it stop… I am begging you...
"I messed up again, didn't I? Why does this always happen to me... It not fair! Why does everyone hate me so much! I just want things to go well for me just this once! Does my death mean so little to my own family...?' For some reason, the voice that was usually just in my head came from next to me and when I looked over to where the voice was coming from I was surprised to see me but my skin was deadly pale and my eyes completely black as black tears come from my eyes.
"Why should we even try anymore ▇▇▇▇▇? The more we keep trying the more we keep failing. It a rather sad cycle we are stuck in. It happens whenever we have a bit of hope in our hearts. Now the only person who cares about us is scared of us. What a fucked up situation we are in ▇▇▇▇▇! WE REALLY HAVE NO ONE BUT OURSELVES IN THIS FUCKED UP WORLD!" I was grabbed by my shoulder roughly and in front of me was another me but my eyes were completely black and hollow and where my heart was just a gaping black hole.
I was pushed to the ground by the gaping hole Aurelia and I was forced to look up at the two different versions of me. I felt so little as I was being stared down by the two versions of me who had different expressions on their face. I wanted to run away from both of them but I couldn't force my body to get off the ground.
"We truly have nothing in this world so why do we even try ▇▇▇▇▇? The more we try the more disappointed we feel when it doesn't go our way. What the point anymore ▇▇▇▇▇? It too much for us to keep trying. We just want to close our eyes and never wake up again." Both Aurelia covers their eyes as they speak as one with each other. I felt like I was slowly being cover in darkness and everything felt so empty at the moment. I didn't care about the tears that were still coming out of my eyes. I just felt nothing. As the darkness slowly consume me I could see a third person appear over me.
"So it seems like we are going to die again. We really aren't good at staying alive, are we ▇▇▇▇▇?" I couldn't make out what this new person looked like since they look like just a mess of scribble black lines in the shape of a human body. I could tell that they were an older woman by their voice and that they had rather black eyes.
I couldn't help but feel like they were familiar...
They were the last thing I saw before I disappear into the darkness and I was alone once more... I am always alone... Why am I always alone?
That was crazy
“I am fine Mae. I will always be fine and nothing will change that. I have to be fine and not being fine" repetitive
“I am fine Mae, I have to be"