For a very long time, Renee felt like she was dancing through an endless dark void. And then all of a sudden, she entered a bright light. It was then she realized she was experiencing several dreams- of her family, her kingdom, her life.
----
“Don’t cry!”
SMACK!
“Just this much and you’re already spilling tears?”
SMACK!
Renee’s baby teeth were biting her lips so hard that she was surprised it hasn’t fallen out yet. The warm metallic taste spread through her tongue. It was the familiar taste of blood.
The tutor’s nose turned up with disdain, her left hand holding on to the bamboo cane while smacking the back of Renee’s calf. The servants that were walking by to and from their tasks turned their eyes away from the scene in the courtyard but, Renee wasn’t bitter at all at their lack of sympathetic gazes. They couldn’t do anything about it even if they wanted to anyway.
Every royal child had to undergo training to control their emotions and Renee was no different. If she couldn’t handle this much pain, she’ll be disposed of by the guards who are watching her with their hawklike eyes.
So, she sucked it up.
This much is nothing.
----
“How is your training coming along?” King Eiran asked. His eyes were devoid of emotions as usual. His regal red robe reminded Renee of the color of intimidation and bloodshed. It wasn’t elegant at all.
“It’s going well, father. I’ve completed my pain endurance training” Renee bowed.
A few years had passed since she first started her emotional control training and she was progressing far quicker than her older siblings. She pushed herself much further than anyone else but, it didn’t matter anyway. Her father will never produce a single amount of warmth in his tone.
“I hope you don’t forget your place just because you’ve completed your training faster than your brothers”
“….. Yes, father“
“Why did you have to be born a female? Females are so much more emotional than males. You’re destined to fail, just like that woman” King Eiran sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
‘That woman was your mother’
She held back her tongue. She couldn’t say anything back if she wanted to survive.
“It’s time to change your belongings again. Go and meet the head maid about it,” her father dismissed her with a wave of his hand.
Renee pursed her lips. She wasn’t even allowed to keep personal belongings in fear that she would get attached to them and become emotional if it were suddenly taken away.
“ … Yes, father”
The words she said to her father felt like the repeated words of a doll whose strings are pulled over and over again.
----
“Don’t touch me!” Renee struggled.
It was the day of her coming-of-age ceremony and there was quite a number of nobilities present at the ball. She was starting to feel a little overwhelmed as she had greeted so many people in one night, so she decided to step out to catch her breath.
Unfortunately for her, someone else was already on the balcony.
“Pardon me, sir,” she apologized politely. She didn't see the dark shadow of a man moving in front of her.
“Where are you going pretty girl?“ the man slurred. His disgusting hands grabbed onto her wrist. The stench of alcohol from his breath made her nauseous.
Renee felt goosebumps rising from her skin. She hated his touch. It felt like he will permanently stain her if he kept being near her.
She tried her best to get him to release his grip but, he was strong. Much stronger than she was. She felt her emotions starting to bubble out of her chest.
‘No! Stop! Don’t come out’ her heart cried. Isn't it pretty pathetic that she was more concerned about her emotions than the situation she was in right now?
“What are you doing?”
Renee and the man paused in their struggle, looking at the other man who had appeared at the doorway. His black hair and silver-grey eyes bore a striking similarity to Renee. A frown slowly spreading across his face.
“Elder brother!” she called out. Surely he would-
“Why aren’t you controlling your emotions? I could feel the aura of your anger from inside the hall,” he glowered. He turned around without so much as a glance towards the other man.
Renee was stunned into silence. Was controlling her anger more important to him than his sister's safety?
Luckily, this caused the man to release his grip on her wrist. His feet staggered backwards until he fell down into a drunken stupor. Renee’s own knees felt weak. Under the cover of the night, no one else saw the single glimmer of a tear falling from her eye.
----
“A proposal had come in for you from the Calendula Kingdom”
“A… proposal?” she asked her father.
“Yes. The king wants you to marry his eldest son” he nodded.
“..…“
Truthfully, she didn’t know how to respond to this situation. She had never met this prince before, so it wasn’t like she held any feelings towards him. And because of her training, she also had doubts that she will ever fall in love with him anyway. It would be a loveless marriage, just like her father and mother’s marriage.
But, it was weird.
Her father had never allowed her out of the palace walls before. So, why would he let her marry someone outside the kingdom? As if he was reading her mind, he continued.
“You know about our family’s curse right?”
“Yes, father”
How could she not? It’s the reason why her life had turned out this way.
“We’ve tried to find information outside of the kingdom, however, we’ve always failed to produce a result. It doesn’t matter how far we’ve sent them, there is no such knowledge about our dragon curse”
“Yes, I know“
“Well, according to our informants, there’s a possibility that a clue might exist within the Calendulian royal palace. They’re one of the wealthiest countries in the world so they’re said to hold a vast number of books in their royal library, including forbidden and ancient books. But, only the Calendulian royal family is allowed to enter- anyone else would be beheaded. Do you understand what this means?”
“… So, you want me to become a spy for you?” her eyes hardened. Of course, it was never for her the sake of his daughter’s happiness. It had to be about something that benefits her father.
“IMPERTINENT CHILD! Watch your mouth!” King Eiran shouted, banging his fist on the table.
Renee gritted her teeth. She hated the thought of being used by her father but on the other hand, this dragon-curse also concerns herself.
“I will follow your orders, royal father” she finally accepted.
“Good. Now, the marriage will not be permanent. It’s too dangerous to let an Epidotian royal member out of the country”
“…..”
“All you need to do is get married, gain access to the kingdom’s secret library and then pass along the information to the guards that I will assign to you”
“By guards, do you mean the Dragon Reapers?”
“Yes. They’re there for your protection”
‘Liar. They’re there to slay me if I ever transform’
“And remember, you CANNOT become attached to anyone there. Especially the prince you’re marrying”
“I wouldn’t dare to, father”
poor girl