Eleanor kept quiet under the covers of the bed in her dorm room, listening intently for any sound. For a good while she heard only the normal sounds of the night: the creaking of the building, the wind rustling through the trees outside, the pitter-patter of one of the mice the school somehow never managed to get rid of. Then – finally- a few gentle knocks came from the door.

Eleanor quickly got out of bed, trying to make as little noise as possible. She opened the door and a girl with messy brown hair and a night-shirt like her own quickly rushed into the room. Eleanor peeked into the dark hallway, concerned.

“Did miss Stevenson see you?”

The other girl, Edith, shook her head.

“I don’t think so, she seemed caught up with grading and I didn’t make a noise.”

Eleanor sighed in relief. They had gotten caught once before sneaking into each other’s rooms and the thrashing from that time still hadn’t left her mind. She wasn’t eager for a do-over.

After closing the door she turned around, her next question dying in her throat when soft lips met hers while Edith pulled her closer. Eleanor certainly wasn’t about to complain, so she hugged the other girl close and kissed her back. It was only when they both had to breathe that they separated again.

Edith grinned mischievously. Despite the dark of the room hiding it, Eleanor knew from past experience the other girl was blushing. Eleanor herself was too.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since lunch.”

Despite her flushed face, Eleanor grinned cockily as she walked over to the bed.

“Oh? If only miss Bailey knew, her best pupil distracted by such thoughts!”

Eleanor could practically feel Edith rolling her eyes as the girl sat down next to her on the bed.

“Just be quiet and kiss me, or maybe I’ll have to tell her about everything you think about in class, hm?”

Eleanor obliged happily, pulling Edith down on the bed with her.

Neither of the girls were usually very talkative during their late-night meetings. Between lunch and dinner, the allotted recreation times and a lot of notes in class they had plenty of opportunities to talk with each other during the day. That was in fact how their friendship had started. When they had been seated together in class on their first day at the academy, Eleanor had whispered a joke to Edith about their teacher’s glasses and soon enough Edith had been laughing so loud the entire class had noticed. The teachers knew better than to ever put them on the same bench again, but the girls had still become best friends.

But opportunities for affection where something else. Relationships between the girls at the academy were common, and the teachers turned a blind eye to them as long as the couples limited it to hand holding and hugs. But anything more than that, well…. The janitor’s closet was often occupied and the hallways at night saw their fair share of stealthy traffic.

So when Edith came to her room, or Eleanor went to Edith’s, little was said. Instead they spent their time exchanging kisses, sweet words and gentle touches. Neither of the fifteen year olds had done anything more than that, although they’d both overheard the older girls talking about much more intimate meetings. Eleanor had sometimes thought about doing such things with Edith but, well, it wasn’t exactly something that was easy to bring up, was it? And they had plenty of time anyway.

But this time, after their initial excitement had faded and they were just cuddling on the bed, Edith spoke up.

“Did you hear the rumour about miss Stevenson and miss Bailey?”

Eleanora hummed inquisitively.

“I haven’t. Why, what happened?”

“Apparently Susannah saw them kissing in one of the classrooms, while she was sneaking around at night.”

“That’s not really a surprise. Have you heard how they talk with each other? And they do live together in that house further down the road.”

Edith nodded against Eleanor’s neck.

“I heard reverend Marley call them sapphists under his breath last Sunday.”

Eleanor cocked an eyebrow, leaning back slightly.

“Sapphists? What’s that?”

Edith shrugged.

“I don’t know, really. I asked the librarian once but she just glared at me and told me to not ask such things. So it can’t have been a good thing.”

Eleanor nodded. The librarian always liked being asked questions, so for her to not want to answer it must have been bad. Or at least dirty.

For a while all was quiet again, until a thougt came to Eleanor.

“Do you think we can be like them?”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, living together? We wouldn’t have to worry about sneaking around like this, we could just do everything we wanted together. Just like miss Stevenson and miss Bailey. Or like they do in Siam.”

Edith sat up a bit, squinting.

“What does Siam have to do with it?”

“I heard uncle Francis talk about it once, when he came back from a trip there. Apparently it’s really normal for women there to kiss. He was going to talk about other things they did there, but mother changed the subject.”

Edith hummed as she thought about it.

“I suppose it would be nice. But where would we get money to live without a husband? It’s not like I can inherit the estate, or you can inherit your father’s business. And there aren’t that many jobs for girls.”

“We could just start teaching like miss Stevenson and miss Bailey, right? That gets you an income. And you’re very good with embroidery, you could sell that.”

Edith was quiet, thinking about it for a while longer. But then she smiled and snuggled a bit further into the blonde’s neck.

“It certainly sounds nice. Though,” she sat up again, her voice serious, “we’re not going to Siam , and we’re certainly not getting a cat.”

Eleanor sat up too, pouting.

“What? Cats are delightful, how could we not get one!”

Edith huffed, her arms crossed.

“They eat birds and leave hairs everywhere. They’re pests.”

Eleanor glared back at her, before she suddenly reached out to start tickling Edith’s sides.

“Take that back right this instant!”

Letting out a loud giggle, Edith quickly moved her own hands to Eleanor’s arms to retaliate.

“No! I only speak the truth.”

The play fight went on for a while longer, eventually devolving into fits of giggles and desperate attempts to quiet the other so miss Stevenson wouldn’t overhear and come to investigate. Luckily for the girls, the teacher had herself already fallen asleep. There was no thrashing the next morning.

----

Massachusetts, 1855

As soon as the front door closed Eleanor pushed Edith against it, pressing heated kisses to her neck. Edith’s parents were away for a few nights, and the servants had been given the night off to attend a servants’ ball, so Eleanor had thought it the perfect time to visit. The two women rarely had as much time together as in their school days now so she was eager for any chance she could get to be alone with Edith.

Edith however had other ideas, quickly pushing Eleanor away and starting to smooth out the dress that had gotten ruffled thanks to the other woman.

“I told you already, we can’t do that anymore.”

Eleanor crossed her arms, a pout coming on her face that Edith, despite herself, couldn’t help but find endearing. The blonde-haired woman asked the question that she’d heard the answer to many times before.

“And why is that then?”

As much as a part of her told Edith to kiss the pout away from Eleanor’s lips, she didn’t budge, crossing her arms too and looking back defiantly.

“Like I told you, I’m engaged. I can’t do such things now.”

Eleanor rolled her eyes. They’d had this conversation before, ever since Edith had accepted the proposal of Alfred Dickinson that summer. He irritated Eleanor to no end. It was clear that her family’s estate was the only reason he’d proposed to Edith, he didn’t love her. Not like Eleanor did, certainly. But for some reason Edith didn’t realise that, or if she did her friend didn’t seem to care.

“He doesn’t need to know. Men never care what happens when women are in private anyway.”

Edith shook her head, walking away into the other room with Eleanor following her.

“It doesn’t work like that. By accepting his proposal I promised to be faithful to him and I don’t intend to break that promise. You should know how important that is, you always git the best grades for scripture knowledge between the two of us.”

Eleanor made a dismissive sound but didn’t respond, instead sitting in one of the chairs with a gloomy expression. Edith picked up the embroidery she had on the table, so she could look at something that wasn’t Eleanor.

After a while, Eleanor spoke up again, her voice quieter and sadder than Edith had expected.

“And what about being faithful to me? Is that not important anymore?”

Edith blinked, not having expected that question. They’d quarrelled before of course, but that had never gone farther than Eleanor saying some nasty things about Edith’s fiancée, and Edith being rather cross with her about it. They’d then usually sit in tense silence until one of them either gave in and started a more normal conversation or left. But Eleanor had never voiced that particular sentiment. And Edith, frankly, didn’t know how to respond.

“I have no idea what you mean.”

Eleanor glared at her.

“You know very well what I mean. We’ve loved each other for years Edith, certainly longer than you have been with that twat. We had dreams of living together remember? What happened to all that? Is that not an important promise to keep?”

Edith felt a slight feeling of guilt. It’s true she’d wanted that all those years ago, they both had. A part of her still did, truth be told. But they’d been silly promises and fantasies, made when they were children.

“Don’t be childish Eleanor.”

The woman stood up, angry.

“There is nothing childish in expecting some measure of consideration from your lover!”

Edith shrank back for a moment, before standing up herself, keeping her voice calm.

“It is very childish, a bright woman like yourself should know that.”

Eleanor glared at her, a grimace coming onto her face.

“Oh? Do enlighten me then, about how childish my feelings are.”

Edith huffed, starting to talk loudly, hoping that the volume could help convince Eleanor. And on some level, herself.

“That sort of thing is just not true love! It's merely a... asilly fancy for young girls!" She sighed, going on in a more steady tone. "A woman is supposed to be with a man, the bible says so. I even talked with doctor Merrimac about it and medical science confirms it. Things like we did, they’re supposed to stay in adolescence. They’re merely practice. To keep them into adulthood is simply unhealthy.”

Eleanor still scowled at her but didn’t respond. Edith sighed slightly, seeing the traces of hurt in the other woman’s gaze. It hadn’t been easy for her to accept either, that her continuing passion was a sickness. But she’d had to, it was vital to her wellbeing. If only she could make Eleanor realise the same thing.

She approached Eleanor, reaching out her hand to stroke the blonde’s cheek like she had so many times before. She could see Eleanor’s gaze soften under the familiar affection, and she spoke with a gentle voice:

“Eleanor, it’s not like we can’t be friends any longer. Friendship is normal, and I never want to lose yours. But this is the natural way of things. Love like this is supposed to be between a man and a wife, not between two women. I know how deeply you love, I know you could make a man very happy with it someday. If you want we can talk to doctor Merrimac, I’m sure he’ll know of some way to help with this. I know that one way or another, you can recover from this condition, just like I did."

Eleanor opened her mouth to say something, but Edith quickly cut her off, trying to make sure she got her point across.

“I’m worried you know? After you turned down Robert Smith’s proposal people have been talking. About how you’re mannish, and stuck-up and, well… a sapphist. I know you’re not a monster like they say, but the only way to make that clear is for you to marry. And for us to not act like we did anymore.”

Edith had hoped her words could calm Eleanor down. She just had to make Eleanor see reason and then they could try to figure out a way to help the woman. Like that they’d both be able to live happy, healthy lives.

Instead of quieting down however Eleanor moved back from her. The look on her face was the foulest Edith had ever seen her with, filled with pain and hurt.

“And what if I am one, huh? Have you considered that?!”

Edith sighed.

“Eleanor, don’t be silly, of cou-“

“I am not being silly!”

Eleanor huffed, speaking in a voice that made it clear interrupting would not be a good idea.

“I’ve had plenty of time to do some thinking, and some reading, while you were off with your precious Alfred. A lot's been written about this, you know! For a long time too! If I am a sapphist, like people say, I would certainly not be the first one! The name had to come from somewhere after all! And I reckon there’s nothing you, doctors and much less a husband could do about it!”
Edith’s mouth gaped open slightly. Both women stared at each other in shock for a while at the outburst, even Eleanor looking surprised she’d let all of that out.

After a while, the blonde scraped her throat.

“I don’t think we have anything more to discuss then. I’ll be going.”

A small part of Edith wanted to reach out to take Eleanor’s hand as she turned. Tell her that she was right, that Edith had been foolish. To apologise for what she’d said about her and their relationship. But a much larger part of Edith told her that she herself had been in the right. That Eleanor was unfortunately mistaken, and that there was nothing Edith could do to help her when she was that set in her ways.

So when Eleanor paused at the edge of the room and looked back at her, Edith simply sat down and went back to her embroidering.