With my first interaction with the locals here being a somewhat, poor? Experience, I decided to hold off on my journey of resolution to instead get a better hand on myself and my situation. I also happened to accidently sleep for a couple of days at one point. I was just cozy as hell in my coffin. I know it sounds creepy, but it’s great, sue me.

Even after a week of practicing I wasn’t much for using my powers, but spells were easy enough and it turns out that fighting with a sword has a huge muscle memory score because once I unsheathe that blade, the movements come naturally. With essentially limitless stamina, I never really broke a sweat or got tired, but going to sleep was super satisfying.

“Today we are going to go to that town you mentioned before. Bearpaw was it?”

The familiar look of conflict spread across Dog’s face. His insatiable desire to be a dick and his fearsome fealty collided on his face, but his true personality won out in the end.

“Betrapall.”

“What is?”

“The name of the city. Should you write it down so you don’t forget?”

“Do you think I should?”

“Oh, n-n-not at all master, I was just wondering since you can’t remember something as basic as a city name. It’s BEH-TRUH-PAAAAUUUUULuLuLuLuLu.”

Dog was so caught up in his antagonization of me that his tongue flapped as he emphasized his “L” sound panting. The little bastard was so self-satisfied at his belittlement of me, it almost got under my skin. I decided to file it away under a grievances folder to bring up later or just threaten him with. I still shot a look of pure hate at him, but that’s not the point.

“Betrapall.”

The word a slow whisper from my lips, the look of anger on my face obvious.

“…….”

The smell of urine washes over the area as Ron tries to cower to such effect that he might actually disappear, or at the very least faint from trying to bury himself in a rock wall. He stops suddenly as his eyes begin that weird sweating thing.

“We aren’t actually going all t-t-the way to Betrapaul just yet, merely close….”

He trails off again as a look of realized horror takes him. He isn’t conflicted at all. He’s dead serious that he is seriously dead or at least looked the part. I wasn’t going to correct him.

“That’s right, I must have forgotten.”

Ron somehow managed to turn into an even grosser shade of white. At this point I kind of felt bad for him, since I genuinely did forget, but he did get caught up in his instant karma. I figured I would let him off the hook.

“What’s the name of the town we are going to? Relax.”

My voice layered with the Mesmer.

“The town is called Lumberton. It’s a little larger than the last village and even has a local liege lord.”

Dog lies down and starts snoozing. The size of the snot bubble that inflated and deflated as he breathed made him look like a cartoon character. My earlier command a bit too powerful and he took the suggestion a little too seriously. I nudged him with my boot to wake him.

“Let’s go. What do you know about this liege lord?

“The local lord is a man named Veil Croshutes.”

“Velcro Shoes?”

“Veil Croshutes…”

He looked immediately uncomfortable. I reached down and gave him a scratch between the ears, resulting in a grinning Dog and a small puddle of “excited piddle”. Luckily the pee seemed to evaporate after a few minutes, so I assumed it was just part of the demon dog repertoire.

“What kind of guy is he? Is he an overzealous church type or a luchador barbarian type who would rather arm wrestle or kill something to make a decision?”

“What’s a luchador?”

“Don’t worry about it, tell me about Lord Croshutes.”

Ron looking entirely too confused as he continues. His story lasted quite a while considering he was just a local liege lord, but in all reality that was hardly the case. This lord was a bit of an oddity, he openly interacted with all other races and even had a demi human wife of some kind. That didn’t strike me as particularly odd, but something else Dog told me confused me.

“What do you mean war crimes against inhumanity.”

“W-w-well during the great war he was especially brutal to all non-human races, and while the war was against non-humans, it was still ruled that he was too cruel in his actions.”

“But he is married to one now?”

Something didn’t sit right about that situation, but I figured I could find out a bit more before I figure how I want to feel about it. Why would someone famous for brutality against demi-human races all of a sudden marry one? I guess it was possible, people change right?

“We leave at sunset.”

Lumberton was a lot further away than the little village of Gerkin, at least in relative terms. It was about two and a half more steps to me. I tried to read in my notebook about anything that would help me manage my powers and there is no mention of them so far.

The notebook was really only helpful sometimes when I’m suspecting it wanted to be. Otherwise it’s as full of random nonsense as my memories are full of holes. Somewhere between my own memories and those of Vampir’s are everything I actually need to know. I’m hoping that subsides over time.

I wasn’t going to let the same mistakes keep me from advancing and getting some information. I threatened Ron’s life and strode right into the local tavern. My brave charge came to an immediate halt. Plastered all over the inside wall of the tavern was the worst drawing of myself I had ever seen. I know that it is probably vain of me to know it is a poor rendition of myself, but I do have striking features…

The caption below was probably the worst part of it though. This was a vicious and personal attack against my person.

I want to sue for defamation!

Bloodthirsty, Hideous Vampire Assaults Town Guard!

Reward 5 gold pieces

Reported and drawn by Guard Captain, Village of Gerkin

That asshole!

The guard captain had struck again! Not only did he hurt my feelings by calling me “hideous”, but this representation of me was so skewed it had to delight him to draw it.

Wait. A hand comes to rest on my shoulder.

“Ooohhh look out for this one here mister. He seems like a much worse type than you. Damn, maybe I shouldn’t be traveling alone at night with this creep out there.”

The picture was so skewed that it was unrecognizable! The guard captain’s petty hatred led him to draw me so distorted that it looked nothing like me. This turned out in my favor, haha! I shooed the drunk along and went to the bar and had a seat after waving at the barkeep.

A group of 5 or so people were surrounding something in the corner. None of the other customers seemed to be alarmed so I assumed it was normal.  There were several long tables set up in the room with bench style seating and along the edges of the room were small circular tables with chairs. This must have been a fairly popular spot as a lot of the seats in the room were occupied.

“2 piece for the night, 2 pence for a beer, 2 piece and a pence for both.”

“I’ll take 2 beers, no need for the stay.”

“Hadn’t planned on letting your kind stay overnight anyways, seeing as how you don’t leave in the morning like the rest.”

Hard ass old man out of left field!

“Convenient… For a piece can I get some reliable information about the current state of the kingdom?”

The room had gone eerily silent during our exchange. The old man’s face had begun to turn bright shades of red. Everyone one in the room was looking over at us. The silence descending over us like a blanket. Ron shuffles awkwardly before letting out a not as quiet as you thought fart.

The room erupts into laughter. I thought it was funny but I didn’t think fart jokes would go so far with the people. A wave of smoke and stale, scented oil hits me all at once. I turn to see what could only be described as a fairy, but other than being a tiny blonde in a green dress, the familiarity was lost. The cigarette hanging out of her mouth in what was clearly regular behavior, she scratched her rear and to my horror smelled it afterwards. She was giving dog a good scratch down when she looked up at me.

“You ain't from round here are you? Only “piece” you’re gonna find round here is an ass whooping. I know you’re a big scary vampire, but that a’int the way to get it done.”

My eyes widen momentarily in surprise as I take in the full force of this woman.

“What do you mean? I am just asking the bartender for some information.”

“Right, ole Lou here is dumb as a box of rocks and mostly deaf. He ain’t heard nothing to share in the first place. Bwahha -hugh-hgh.”

Her laughter ended in a fit of coughing befitting the cigarette she lit while coughing.

“Whew, that’s much better. Can’t breathe a lick without ‘em ya know? I’m Effie and I can certainly give you a piece.”

That last part sounded kind of off, but it turns out that Effie really was a fairy, but not in the same way you would expect. She was more of a tree spirit than anything else and other than the ability fly, she had no significant magic that I could tell other than a pack of cigarettes that never seemed to run out.

Her parents died in the Great War as couriers. Her brother was a famous thief of some kind but was dead now in some horrible manner based on the terrible look that came over Effie’s face.

“Wow, that’s really terrible, I hope you find who that person is and they come to justice!”

I realize how awkward that sounds coming out of a vampire’s mouth with a reputation like I have, but I got really caught up in the moment. Effie really told me what she could which was surprising little except that she knew how to “twist up like a bramble” whatever that was. She would only ever describe it by moving her body, so I thought best to let that one lie.  Cultural differences, right?

The guy swinging the chair at Effie really caught me by surprise. My reaction times were great, but this guy came out of nowhere. I pushed quickly past Effie who was floating in front of me, and did the first thing that came to mind. I punched the guy in the face. 

Once again, killing has to get easier with each time. I realized my mistake as I connected with his face. I didn’t throttle my power at all. I punched through the guy’s face and the shockwave of the force of my punch caused everything in a small radius around my fist to…I don’t know, vaporize? Here I was defending an old lady’s honor and instead I punched someone’s torso off. His legs standing there as he was a moment ago unsure of where to go.

They eventually fell over causing the room to spring into action again. The other people in the bar scrambled for the exit, the ones covered in their drinking buddy really had a traumatic look in their eyes. I felt for them, but what kind of person hits people in the back with chairs?

“Shit, he must have found my stash.”

“Wha’?”

“Lenny there. Half the man he used to be before he started playing cards. Bless his heart, he always was bad at them. Especially when I was playing.”

You cheated!

This guy was only mad because he caught her cheating. She was so unaffected by this guy’s death it was driving me nuts. The guy’s friends were beginning to swap shock for anger and were advancing.

“It’s time to get going Dog!”

“Yes, Master!”

“I’m coming too!”

I grabbed both of them and left for the cave. I would have to try Lumberton again another time.  I tried to drop Effie somewhere she might want to go, but Effie kind of just followed us home like a stray cat. For now, we would have to deal with the cave smelling like old cigarettes and the sickly-sweet perfume she wore.

What is happening to this life now!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Name: Vampir Darknaciel

Age: 3015

Race: Vampire (Human)

Hair: Black

Eyes: Red (Glow)

Current Value: 239.9 million Gold Coins

Magic Pocket: Pretty much one of everything (unverified), Journal of a Madman

Powers: Voice Mesmer, Animal Transmutation, Strength of 1000 men, Speed = PDQ, Immunity, Kinesis(Psycho), vaporizes people in a hissy fit, Derbegun (Cleaning Spell), Hemiowgun (Healing Spell)

Weaknesses: The Sun, Holy Water, Dog, literally takes home anyone who asks

Strengths: Barfights