By weight, the human brain is the most valuable resource on Earth. But only if you use it. You can’t just keep a pile of them in the basement. Doesn’t work.
- Mr. Brightside
2 Weeks Later - Candy - The Sugar Lab
I wake up, check my phone. People are mad at Captain Industry. Not unusually. I go back to sleep.
I wake up again, head to the shower, turn on the hypno-clone. I’m sleepy. I close my eyes and soak. Rather than perusing profiles, I just put mine up. I hear breathing, sense a presence. Open my eyes.
A massive creature is in the shower with me. She has the head of a bull, big arms, huge saggy breasts, and her lower body is a giant spider. My suspension of disbelief is taking a beating. How is she fitting in my shower?
“What the fuck dude?”
She hangs her head. “Arachnotaurs need loving too.” she whispers.
I erase the walls of my shower. That’s a bit better. Seriously tho. Aww, what the hell. I tell her I’m down for whatever this is. Wait! What am I supposed to rub? That little nubby thing? I go fucking crazy on the little nubby thing.
We chat a bit as I wash my hair. She’s really nice. I friend her.
I head to my kitchen. A drone delivers a slice of pizza. Dammit! It smells delicious. I check the mushrooms. They appear store bought. I eat it.
I take a more serious look at the news. It’s all about Captain Industry and Mr. Brightside. Captain Industry is our handsome, charming, President. Mr. Brightside is the thorn in his side. Apparently, they’ve had another polarizing debate.
I ignore the commentary, and download their debate. This could be important, best get it first hand.
As I’m settling in to watch, my doorbell rings. I wave my hand, and my hypno-clone edits out my front door. I see a stranger in a suit. He’s handsome.
“Come in.” I say.
He walks in. I flicker my VR contacts. He disappears for a second. He’s not really here. I don’t care. Not sure why I checked.
“Hi.” I say.
“Hello.” he says. “Are you Candy?”
“Yes.”
He hands me a card. Bond, Hughes, 3000. Attorneys at law.
“Do you know the whereabouts of The Darkness?” he asks.
“What? Why?” I’m shocked.
He waves some papers. “I need to give her these. You are the last person who saw her. That is alive.”
Jesus. He wants to serve The Darkness. Fuckin’ bonkers. “Would you be Mr. Bond, Mr. Hughes, or Mr. 3000?”
“Please, Mr. 3000 was my father. Call me Lawbot.” He smiles.
I smile too. “No, I don’t know where The Darkness is. We’re not friends.”
He nods. “Understood. Can you tell me about these people?” He hands me a list.
I look at it. I feel heavy. It’s the enemies of The Darkness. The victims of The Darkness. My friends.
“I don’t know most of these people. Leviathan is dead. Deadman fucked off. Doc-Danger is MIA. Megacles and Lodestone went looking for him.” God Machine isn’t on the list.
“Hmm, yes.” he says. “I’m sorry, I have miscommunicated. I’m not looking for these people, this is a list of victims. Are you not aware that they are dead?”
I shrug. “I stand by my earlier remarks.”
He smiles. “Of course. Are you interested in joining the lawsuit? You certainly have cause.”
“I don’t know.” I say. As Guardian of Humanity, I really should find and deal with The Darkness. “I don’t know.”
“Understood.” He gestures to his card. “Please contact me when you do know.”
Lawbot leaves. I should watch the Captain Industry clip. It could be important. I go back to bed.
Ok, but wtf happened to Mr. President?
Also, the Arachnotaur is wonderful.
Hi! I originally planned for "Very Yummy Poison" and "Super Science and Fast Romance" to be separate books. I thought it would be cool if either book could be read first, and it wouldn't spoil the surprises (and enjoyment) of the other book. For reasons to boring to get into, I scrapped that idea. But, I kind of forgot I ever had that plan (I have lots of plans, and no beta readers). I guess I left the first couple chapters of VYP unnecessarily vague (no spoilers though, eh?).
Thanks for pointing a few of the issues out. I will fix them. In the meantime, here's a few cheatnotes to clear things up:
1. The panic inducing giant teleporting space rocks in VYP are the planet Damocles from SSFR. Damocles is still there in VYP. There wasn't a second planaportation when Megacles attempted to teleport.
2. Mr. President is MIA. He has not been seen since his feed turned off. It is generally assumed that Old Money had him killed. There was another election, and Old Money candidates swept into power. The Darkness is also MIA. She is generally assumed to be executing a slow revenge that is both subtle and terrible.
3. "Very Yummy Poison" is the story of how Candy tries to keep the human race from self destructing during super-intelligent arms race. If this was a traditional book, that's what would be written on the back cover.
4. The last story arc is "Space Gods and Party Monsters". It's the Doc-Danger story.
Nice. I hope the missing people are all at least somewhat OK. I like all the characters, they're very compelling. I was a little confused by the whole new president thing, I actually thought that Megacles had changed the past to make Captain Old Money the current president instead of Mr. President. I love the commentary on modern politics and the future of the world. I hope we get more information on the death of Leviathan.
I guess I never get into how Leviathan dies. For the record, The Darkness assumes he erases old spyware, and can learn to identify new spyware, but doesn't really understand code. So, she slowly releases new spyware that looks more and more like key code that Leviathan relies on. Eventually, she trains him to delete his own code. I say "eventually", but this happens very fast on a human timescale. She got this attack ready to go as soon as Leviathan was released, and pulled the trigger after Mr. President was attacked.
Oh, that's smart! Thanks for the info!