In the northern hemisphere, in Iceland, in a city called Akureyri, there stood man 7ft tall, covered in muscles from head to toe, with a hunky face and a jawline that would make anyone swoo, a red mane flowing in the wind coming from the harbour. Many a passerby-er stared at this piece of peak masculinity in awe of his sheer awesomeness. This specimen of peak human cultivation, is of course, me.

You may be wondering what i'm doing in a city in Iceland, well... its just cause I want to be here, why else would I be here duh.

I am done with this world, I have fulfilled all of my desires, I've beaten up the strongest men, I've outsmarted the smartest men, I've become the dictator of small countries, I've become the President of the United States, I've solved world hunger, cured all diseases, reversed global warming, destroyed the fundamental societal issues and have become the god king praised by all of Earth. Oh yeah I also started colonisation of Mars and the Moon. I'm just that amazing. 

Now I am done with Earth, I am going to leave this world behind a pursue a free life in the next world, 'What next world?' you might ask. Well its not death if that's what your thinking, its a generic fantasy world, y'know the one were gods send losers to fulfil a power trip fantasy and gather a huge harem of 50 girls that have less personality or uniqueness then a dogs shit. You might think 'oh but your not a loser so why do you want to a fantasy world and escape reality?' and so I'll reply with 'To commit crime'.

But the problem is I don't know any gods to send me to one. So I figured I just have to bring one into reality, bully it/beat it up and make it send me to a generic fantasy world. That's why I'm in Iceland, to have a fight with a god I made up, there should be a lot collateral damage, probably, but no one cares about Iceland so its fine.

'Ok here goes nothing I guess', "I, JESUS THE 2ND CHALLENGE THE GOD GOM" I shout out towards the sky.

Nothing happens. Of course nothing happens god aren't real.

"OKKKK, IF THAT'S HOW YOU WANNA PLAY, HOW ABOUT I BLOW UP EARTH.... GONNA ACT NOW?"

Nothing happens.

"IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP, I'LL REALLY DO IT"

Still nothing happens, and now the people around me are sending me glares and stares of confusion or annoyance. But I've got to persevere if I wanna live a life of crime.

"IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP I'LL ASCEND TO GODHOOD AND BULLY YOU ALL FOR ETERNITY"

The clear sky darkens and clouds gather, thunder rings out around the city "BTSHHHH" lightning starts striking the water by the harbour.

'ah that seems to have done it'

The clouds part and a silhouette of a figure bathing in the sunlight comes out, he descends and descends till eventually it lands on the water.

The figure claps and the thunder and lightning stop on command. 

"Who dares challenge the god GOM" The figure whispers yet its voice is all clear to me, and by the look of it the people around heard it as as well as confused faces stare at it.

"I do" I reply with a smug look, The figure teleport's in front me, 'no, no that wasn't teleportation he was just fast, Hmm.. nice, I should have guessed the god they chose would be pretty strong' 

GOM had a slender build and was covered in a white veil, like a ghost Halloween costume, except it had halo above its head, it looked like a saint dressing up for Halloween as a ghost.

"Look GOM, I am going to beat you up, ok?"

'GOM' stared at me dazedly me with a question mark appearing above its head.

'cuuhh can it not understand me? wtf, it should understand human languages"

"Ok? Imma punch you really hard and your going to cry and send me to another world, preferably a fantasy world, got it?" GOM just stares at me even more confused,

"Oh yeah, almost forget, when I'm gone, look after this world or else."

"Right here I go" and with that I use a simple jab. 

A couple seconds before an endless torture begins, GOM was thinking 'wtf is this guy on'

BAM! GOM goes flying, he flies over the mountains and just keeps going. 'He should be over Europe by now' I thought. At this time GOM was having a free sightseeing trip over Europe via flight.

GOM's mind was in blunder at what just happened, he was just cussing at a foolish human in his mind but suddenly he's in the air flying over Scandinavia 'WTF' was repeated in his mind non-stop.

"Should I play that game were you hit the ball back and forth? What's it called again?" I spoke out loud voicing my thoughts to the stunned people around me, "Hey, you" I point to a kid, "What's that game called?" The kid, shaking, replies "ertu Guð?"

"HAHAHAHA, YES, YES I AM KID AND DON'T FORGET IT... but seriously what was the game 
called?"

"Tether ball?"

"YES YES YES That was it... tether ball, good job kid. You can be my disciple if I come back, probably, maybe, maybe not actually, never mind" and a awkward silence ensues.

"Welp GOM should be coming back round" I had hit GOM so hard that he would be able fly around the world, I had aimed him to the West so he should be coming from the East now." 

A couple seconds had passed since he had sent GOM flying to the West and already on the Eastern horizon a humanoid figure was heading toward him and with the figure came a loud screech of rage targeted towards the self proclaimed 'Jesus 2.0'.

"Ohp better get prepared to shoot him back" and with that I pull my fist back and get ready in a
relaxed stance, 'Ehhh lets speed it up a bit'.

"YOU MORTAL DARE HUMILIATE ME 'GOM'" at this point GOM was preparing to strike him down with lightning but couldn't stop his flight momentum and was heading straight to the monster.

"I'LL SMITE YOU MORTAL INTO SMITHEREENS AND I'LL SPREAD YOUR ASH---" BAMMMM!!!! "GUGHHHH" And he was sent back East faster than West. And thus started the first torture of a god of Earth. 

After a couple of days I finally managed to get GOM to submit.

"HAIL GOD KING, ALL HAIL THE GOD KING" bloodied tears spewed its eyes, snot covered the lower half of its face, oh yeah the veil had come off and it had revealed feminine face, (I'm not good at describing faces) it would have been incredibly beautiful, men and women alike would fall head over heals for him if they saw his face, basically god tier 
beauty. But right now that face was battered and bruised, the snot and blood contrasted with the black and purple bruises which just looked revolting.

"Ok ok, calm down buddy, you already know what I want, right?"

"Y-yesss yESsss, an-other worrrlddd, yESSs YessS"

"Good, do it then"

"W--elllll PleSA FoerGive mE ME"

"C'mon hurry up" and with that GOM hurriedly starts reciting hymns and sutras as words start appearing around me some look like calligraphy while others look like runes, there are even some Latin words. 

GOM finishes his casting and shouts "rachaibh air falbh bhuam" with that, my vision blurs.