'H-Hey, wait! Wait for me!' I cried in vain, but nobody came for me…

I was left alone in the street while my friends laughed away into the dark corners after our bachelor party while I stood in the bright doorway, holding bags of supplies—snacks, alcohol and . We were going to go on a trip to Hawaii. The job of booking the tickets was left on me, or rather burdened on me. I honestly did not think of gaining anything from any of them and simply did my job.

When it came to fulfilling my duties, I did without wanting anything and without hesitation. I didn’t ask for anything. My parents said I was a good child. Hell if I cared even a pinch. I just did my job like everyone asked me to. Thinking that, I looked down my feet, trying to hold back the unnecessary tears that filled up my eyes. I sniffed out of nowhere. With a sudden whoosh of my own right hand, I smashed those five fingers on my right cheek, telling myself that was not the case. But it was of no help…

In the end, tears rolled down my cheeks like from any tap and collected under my chin until heavy enough to fall on the hard pavement. Ha, it’s been a while since I cried. It seemed that I had forgotten how to weep during those past few years of my life. Quite rough don’t you agree? And for the best part, I never smiled, stayed alone at home. And it was all after my mother’s death. Then, just after a few months, father went out with another woman. It broke my heart, but we didn’t demolish our contacts. He would still send me my monthly allowance by the end of every month. I wasn’t grateful or anything but it somehow helped me.

I stared into the distance to wave off the corrupt mood on the other side of the street. There were none streetlights that would glow. Well, I guess you call that a dark path, huh? It was perfect for me—nobody watching, me walking along the side-grass of a plain wide field. Wind parted them like hairs on a person’s head. Quite the magnificent view it was, if I say so myself. Walking by every day through the same dark route, I feared nothing. Ah, what was it again…? Fear. Fear is the peak-point of non-understandable logic. It makes a person go berserk sometimes… and sometimes, it makes a person stronger. It has always amazed me.

Bending my head down, I strode my feet, or rather, dragged my feet to the other side of the road. The neighbourhood was vacant as I watched that not a single leaf moved. My so called ‘friends’ left me to go home by myself. I don’t blame them… I don’t. But someone has to be blamed, right? Oh, I guess it is me. The sound of my footsteps echoed through every corner and alley of that particular street.

As I started walking through that same route which neither had people’s attractions nor any self-glory to make a person walk on it by himself. It always remained dark… and quiet. Walking alongside the plain field, I looked up to find no stars but one, shining to its fullest as it can be. Comparing this street to my life, I guess I’m stuck in the middle road, neither way to go. If it were my life supposedly, and there would be two ways to travel by, I would go by neither. I guess I’m stuck what you call a no-man’s land where there is nothing to do but to go forward. And both sides are the decisions of my life—one where lay a never ending plain of emptiness, forcing me to wander around blindfolded; and the other would be a path of prickling needles that sure would sting but doesn’t hurt.

Walking by, the path seemed to go on forever, like I would never reach my home. I was living alone of course… the house remained almost vacant since I was off the whole day. I stared forward to happen to see a lady walking towards me, holding an umbrella. She wore a black, old-fashioned dress, almost aristocratic to bear with my own eyes. I shook my head and let her pass. Again looking down, I came to an intersection. Just a few blocks ahead, I could see my house, rigid and cold, without lights.

The traffic was low that night, allowing me to avoid strangers’ faces or even to see them. The light above the pedestrian walk-by lane turned green and I dragged my foot towards the other lane. But who would have thought what was going to happen to me in the next few moments. Oh, I almost forgot that I was the only one… stupid. Walking by the crossing lane, I saw two bright lights that flashed before me all of a sudden, just from nowhere. It was too late to presume it to be a car, none of that mattered anyways. The honking of the vehicle feebly ringed in my ears as I felt a huge bolt of a two-hundred pound weight straight on my ribs and lower abdomen. Fragments of flashes to consider of the accident, I suppose, I felt my body fly in mid-air, swirling like a tender leaf, flashes of that woman who walked past me just moments ago, before my face. I do not truly remember her distorted face since I was thrown off my feet. Well, I guess I didn’t dislike it, I was too gloomy to remember anything anyways.

With a loud thud, I felt my body jolted against the hard grey pavement, breaking a rib or two more. I rolled a few times to crash against the railing, standing against the plain field beyond, not letting me cross. It was the perfect example to say, that I was back again in the same route which I subconsciously called my no-man’s land. No matter which route I took, I always ended up in the same place, no matter how you see it…

I caught my breath to get up on my elbows, slowly raising my body. The world around me went spinning and everything seemed blurry. I blinked once, twice, nothing happened. Lowly grunting with pain, I pulled myself up and sat down, my back against the iron bars of the railing, panting slightly for air. Huh, I was alive? Maybe it was much better if I didn’t live. My life has been nothing but full of miseries.

The tapping of heels sounded in my ear, making my head lift itself up to see the person. Whether he or she was coming to me out of sympathy or something else. Through my half-shut eyes, I witnessed the same figure, the black old dress, a black umbrella and an elegant figure. Ah, it was the same lady whom I saw back then. But, it was when I finally saw her face, even though troubling to die any second.

She leaned forward, gazing at me. I looked up to see a pretty face, quite the pale look, as if cursed by a white pearl. Mixed with the smell of delicate white roses, there was a scent of a flower I didn’t know. She had long flowing hair, the colour as if cursed by the darkness of a night. She graced my cheek, rubbing off the blood from my forehead, stroking my long hairs sideways, emerging my face up. The last thing I remember was her smile. It had a gentle touch to it.

I finally lost consciousness and gave in.

A force lit up in my body and I opened my eyes with all the energy I had left in me. I was alive, maybe? I couldn’t see anything… there was darkness everywhere the eye followed. I couldn’t move because my body was tired with my mind. I felt something gripping on my chest and hands. I was tied? Looking down, my hands behind my back, I was sitting on my desk at home. But where was this place? This was clearly not my room. Besides me tied up in my desk, a light flicked upon me, there was darkness everywhere else. I somehow glanced around, seeing nothing.

'Where…?' I began, trying to untie myself. But it was in vain. “Hey, somebody there?” my voice was too weak to reach anyone. Suddenly, the tapping sound of someone’s feet advanced towards me. I couldn’t see the person’s face.

'Well, what do we have here?' it was a woman, in a plain white dress, a single one-piece outfit from top to the feet. She was unusual for a woman. Her hair was silver to her right and a golden black shade towards the left. Her eyes contrasted to the colour of her hair. A pure black pupil was her right eye and a striking silver on her left. She had a slender figure, followed by her tall height. A small face, pale as the moon, beautiful as no one had ever seen. Having an unusual human form, she had dreamy eyes even with different complexion. She had an almost irresistible aura to her valour.

I was still bleeding from my forehead. My head bent down, losing the energy to keep up. It was pointless to struggle. She neared her face to mine.

'Having two choices, are we? Please select either of them. Live, or die.' she distanced from me and gestured towards the desk. My eyes widened as I saw the horrific sight before me. The two choices—a new-born baby’s head, cut off, kept vertical on the table; and a chopping knife. I shivered, but couldn’t scream. I could only panic. No, no, no! No! What is the meaning of this?! I cursed rashly in my mind.

'Now, please hurry up before time runs out, okay?' she smiled and leaned against the back of the chair, gripping the top with her arms, facing backwards. I… I cannot! I don’t want this! Please let me go… I begged in my mind. She did not move… I could tell. I was helpless, only forced to choose… again! I feared that I would end up in the same place, nowhere to go. I haven’t been very lucky on making decisions…

****

I suddenly remembered… mom. Do I even remember her face? I’ll pass on that for now.

I think, it was me in that hospital room during spring. The weather was beautiful and sunny. I sat continuously beside mom, the monitor beeping steadily. Sitting and looking out the window, she was wearing a faded-blue hospital gown, an injected tube of glucose from the top on her right hand. Dad had been to office and often returned late during night to see mom. I was there the whole day…

'Say mom, can I become a doctor when I grow up? I can cure your illness, like, in an instant!' I remembered myself, a six-year old boy, trying to cheer up his bed-ridden mother. I saw myself, my old self in the opposite corner of the dark room, light barely coming through. I was in my dream, or rather, memory that I cherished still haunted me.

'Little sir, it’s time for you to go to school… your teachers are worried.' A nurse walked in, holding some papers and documents, wearing a white suit and a cap on top. The little me struggled and cried, begging not to leave mom alone. The nurse forcibly dragged me out of the room, me unwantedly tagging along, tears flooding out of my eyes. She smiled at my little self as I saw myself go out of the room, shutting the door behind. My cries were still audible from the hallway.

She turned her face… towards me, my old self who was constantly watching the scenes unfold.

'You can come out now, Connor.' She spoke in a weak voice, calling out to me, as if she knew my presence from the beginning. I stepped forward, coming into the dim light and slowly brightening up. Footsteps echoed through the small room as I walked towards her bed until I was beside her. I stood there, speaking nothing.

'Come on now, show your mother that cute little face of yours.' She said, smiling.

'How have you been, mom?' I began.

'Well, you know, just about to sleep. But I’m taking my pills, don’t worry.' Her smile widened. 'Oh… look at you. You’ve grown to be quite the young man, huh? Made your mother proud!' she giggled so lightly that only I could barely hear.

'Long time no see…' I forced out. I couldn’t find the words to speak. Almost like overthrown by an emotion I had lost long ago. It seemed to be coming back to me.

She looked down on her hands, her fingers gripping on each other. There was a water droplet that fell on the bed-sheet she was resting under.

'Hey mom…! What happened?!' I panicked, trying to calm her down.

'Oh… you speak to me as if feeling a delicate thing… I guess you really have become a doctor, huh?' she sniffed, her hands covered her face. 'Oh no, mom shouldn’t show you her weak face, right?' the tears were the proof of her, not calm. She wept, more tear droplets fell from her jawline. I kept my palm on her lap and she looked at me. There in her eyes, I saw a very weak person, pretending to be brave in front of her child but deeply scared from inside. I gently held her cheek and then sat down beside her.

'Say mom, what would I do if I were stuck in a situation that is difficult to get out from? And if I were given two choices… what should I do?' I asked hesitantly, looking down and drawing my hand back from her face and she wiped the drops of tears.

'Well, that’s a thing you should decide for yourself.' She smiled again. Yeah, I guess mom was right… I was too scared to decide, thinking hard over the consequences or the aftermath. I didn’t want to get hurt. 'You shouldn’t be scared, okay? Be a brave boy and make mom proud!' she cheered me up. I nodded in affirmation.

'Yes…' I was at a lack of words again.

'Your decisions make you the person you don’t even expect. But having a will to persevere will always get you there, without any injuries. And that starts with making great decisions. And you said if you were in a bind, then make your way out of it by deciding yourself. Don’t let others decide what you do. I’m sure that you’ll be fine! Have your guts okay? Good luck!'

She pulled my face closer to hers. Her grip was weak so I let myself be taken and she kissed my forehead. The room began fading away, turning to dust. I began to float in the air as I glanced at my mother’s face one last time. She tilted her head as she smiled me off. A drop of water collected in the corner of my eye and I smiled from relief.

****

'What, haven’t decided yet?' she peeked her face from behind, catching me surprised.

'Yes.'

'Well then… make your choice.' She walked towards the desk and leaned sideways, gazing at me.

Mom, thank you… I am ready.

'I choose…!'